I'm thinking of leaving my spouse, who has Parkinson's.

If he was an sob when he was healthy, he surely will be worse as his condition worsens. I would place him in nursing home, try to get as much help from SS. even if you did not work you are entitled a social security check however small it may be. also hopefully your home is paid for . You must be proactive in ensuring the rest of your life. In my opinion you have one person to worry about and that is YOU. He obviously did not give a hoot about you for years. Let them handle him in a nursing home. Guilt is something you should be least worried about. He is the one that will have all the time in the world as he sits in his wheelchair and can't abuse you anymore except with his mouth and that will end someday too because his speech will go. so get out now. sorry for sounding bitter. been there, done it, got the tee-shirt for it.

I feeling like somebody just wrote my life story. I too am 65yrs. old, married 37 years. In 1991 everything changed after we found his older brother dead from a heart attack. He became depressed and abusive. Stopped being intimate and now he has Parkinsons and is more abusive and a slop. My home looks like a pig sty. I don't even want to go home after work. When I clean up he just brings in more junk from the basement and puts it in the clean spot. He is not yet completely incapacitated but he is getting their. I've reached a point where I want a divorce. I too am scared and worry about money since I wouldn't be able to afford to take care of myself. When I come home unexpectly he is on the computer looking at porno. I feel dirty and embarrass, but it doesn't seem to affect him. He stopped caring. I think the advice you have given is wonderful and look forward to more comments and advice. I hope this page is still available. Thanks a million.

You have received a wonderful answer. Take care of yourself first. Start looking for a part time job, you will find one. Move to another bedroom. It is time to tell him that his past and present behaviour is not acceptable. That he can no longer speak to you in this manner. Find community resources which can assist with care for your husband during your (new/future) working hours if you decide to remain in the residence. Ask your adult children for assistance with their father. Set up a schedule which allows you several hours of freedom/peace every day. Make sure you are familiar with the health aids which he might need from wheelchairs, potty chairs, adult protective underwear, whatever. Get a home health care assesment. If you decide to remain for financial reasons, make sure that you are protected in terms of ownership of the residence (survivorship or transfer upon death deed at the least). Make sure that you are the primary beneficiary of any life insurance policies. Since he didn't protect you emotionally during your long marriage, protecting you financially should be a priority. You can always contest a will which ignores you. Many states have allow for the wife to be entitled to 50% of the estate. Do an online check of the legal requirements in your state. You do not have to be a victim any longer. You also need the medical releases so that you can discuss his care with his doctors. If you don't want to do this, speak to your children. . Whether you leave or stay, please understand that the most important thing is to love yourself. You have so much abuse to overcome that it is important that you address and begin to resolve those feelings. When he speaks to you in a cold and unfeeling way, address that. Tell him that PD or not, this is unacceptable. Do that every time he verbally abuses you. You don't need to yell. Just calmly explain to him that he needs to address you with respect. When you allow yourself this dignity, you will be another step closer to loving yourself. Please get involved with other activities. Invite people to the house or go to a museum, a movie, a park, whatever. Find what makes you smile. Do what makes you the person you intend to be. You are not alone, There are many people who overstayed their marriages for their children and/or financial security. Don't give up the opportunity to take back your life. Try it in the house first. It might just work for you.

Sounds like it's time to arrange placement for him in a supervised care facility -- it's appropriate, and would be best for you both. He will get the care he needs, with you to still oversee it, and you will get the freedom you need, without the worry about how you left him. All you have to do is explain to hisdoctor that you are no longer physically or emotionally able to care for him in your home.