Dad abandoned us years ago, so why should we be his caregivers now?

Wow! The advisor's remarks are simply wonderful. I believe that many people facing death do have a change of heart, and I would assume that your father is experiencing sincere remorse for the way he led his life. Lying in bed day after day, and no doubt in fear, he has had time to 'be still and listen'. Perhaps he is finally hearing the gentle nudges of his spirit, and yes, wants to make peace with himself, but I think it's a real blessing that he also wants to make peace with those whom he knows he's mistreated. What a grand gift it would be for him to be able to pass over in the knowledge that he has been forgiven - may he rest in peace. I also don't believe your wounds will ever heal without you allowing yourself, too, to vent the destructive anger and pain that you still, understandably, hold within you. Such negative feelings can cause physical illness, and certainly justifyable bitterness and anger. To have the opportunity to say what you've felt all these years - if you do so in a spirit of love for yourself (and with the yearning you surely will have desperately wanted to have felt in being loved by, and for, your own father) - would be a positive action. Love is the most powerful positive vibration, and if you look up "Universal Laws" on an internet search, you may understand that universal law cannot NOT work...that in all philosophies - e.g. in Christianity, it is realised that 'you reap what you sow'...in Buddhism 'Karma' states that 'what goes around comes around'. They are simply based on the universal law that Like Attracts Like...give out positive vibrations and you'll get them back in other positive vibrations...be it good health, love, prosperity... But the same applies to the negative. You have cared for your mother with such love - perhaps this is your universal reward, to reap the love that you have for so long shared and yearned? As a child who was molested by my own father, I do understand how you feel - but I am comfortable with myself having taken the opportunity on my own father's death bed to ensure that I did everything I could to see he had as peaceful a transition as I could provide to another human being. I too can now rest in peace that I did all I could that was humanly possible, considering the circumstances. I later was in a caring role for my beloved mother, and I think of her a great deal...I feel no regret or guilt or pain at having little thought of my father, but nor am I ever in doubt that I did what was necessary for my OWN healing. A lack of respect or even not being missed, is the legacy my dad earned through his own life's choices. You now have a choice. Whatever you do, make your decision in love (as I say, even for yourself), so that you no longer suffer at your father's hand. But the bottom line is, you must follow the gentle nudgings of your OWN spirit - so, be still and listen', and if it doesn't sit well with your spirit...in your HEART...to provide the wishes of your dying father, then you must follow your own heart. Remember, too, please - he has already reaped the negatives of his actions - he lost his family and his family's love for the bulk of his life. It sounds to me like he was a lost soul on Earth - I hope he is not also a lost soul in the next dimension. I hope you are somehow able to experience the love of a father that you missed for so long, but not communicating with him will never provide that opportunity. In life, make every decision based on Love, not Fear - all decisions we make are based on one of those two 'vibrations'. But decisions based on Love will always benefit you. Written with Love.

Did you think of telling your father how you feel? It may make you feel better getting it off your chest. Time to vent and let it all out--or else you will be talking to a gravestone. Take care, DEB

Try to respect the choices that your brothers are making,whether or not you agree with them. Your relationship with them is so important to what is happening now and what will happen in the future. The family ties that you established with them as they grew up,will give them and you the strength you need during this difficult time. God Bless!

I agree with all said so far, you have no obligation to care for an uncaring father. Big question is,, if he weren't sick and needy would he have ever called and tried to get back into your life??? My guess is no! Your brothers can do as they want, but have a very honest disussion with them on why you just can't or won 't be a part of his caretaking at this time. remind them you love them and it is nothing against them and you don't want it to ruin your relationship becasue you have a difference of opinion.

Yes- my exhusband moved to California to live a good life over 16 years ago- lives on disability due to being bipolar and schizo- was diagnose with prostate cancer-very early stage 2 years ago- just being watched- so far he is fine. He makes my oldest daughter really guilty about everything. His family blames my daughters and me for his problems.- I found out after 16 years of marriage- that my ex husband tried to commit suicide 11 times and was diagnose with mental problems before he was married to me- his family believed it was not necessary for me to know- so we found out the hard way- he almost tried to kill me and kill him self. I don't like the idea that my daughter feels guilty because she has done nothing wrong- but I feel if this is what she wants to do and be in touch with him- that is fine- she is over 18. My other daughter has no contact with her father and doesn't care.