Caregiving has utterly ruined my relationships with my siblings.

Sometimes, you can try all you wish and your siblings will make their own choices for their own reasons. My adopted mom (I adopted a mom after my mother died to fill the void) asked me: Brenda, would you devote this much time and attention to regaining a relationship with your siblings if they were your friends? "HELL NO!" came my immediate reply. My adopted "mummy" as I refer to her was a wise woman. She remained silent. In that space of time, my tears began to flow. Sadly, my siblings and I have not spoken since 1997 after I moved my father into our California home, sold my father's home, and even after he died in 2001. I have filled the void by forming closer relationships with my cousins and friends. Details are included in the book, "Where's my shoes?" My Father's Walk through Alzheimer's.

Something not mentioned here are the many ways family siblings express huge grief over their mutual loss. It is not always a time when family pulls together, but instead pulls away from another in their solitary experience of the grief. My experience was similar, and I found that taking a "time out" from each other was very helpful. It gave the raw nerves time to calm down and some of the worst memories to fade a little. Pray that the desire to remain a family is stronger than any of your needs to "be right" in a given situation.