I'm sick, and my greatest fear is what will happen to my wife, who has dementia, when I die.

Your love and concern for your wife is so touching! My best advice is to seek the help of a good elder law attorney. You will be surprised at what a great resource they can be! They do MUCH more than "just legal documents". I work for an elder law firm in St. Louis, Missouri. I don't know where you live, but if you contact me directly I will put you in touch with a reputable elder law attorney who can help you get "your ducks in a row". Planning for your wife, and making the transition as easy as possible for her AND your son is the best gift you can give anyone! My prayers are with you! Dana Vouga - dvouga@vougaelderlaw.com