My father-in-law treated his dying wife so badly, he doesn't deserve our help himself.

What wonderful guidance Carol. My husband has had to accept my decision to provide care for my father (although not in our home) despite the amount of neglect and hurtfulness he observed for many years prior. My husband recognizes that I am doing what I think is right, not because my father did or didn't earn this attention. My husband accommodates what I need to do for my father but helps primarily by pitching in at home to pick up the slack. We each have to live with our own conscience, and our decision is based not only on our values and beliefs but on what our circumstances and families can manage.

Yes, I agree with Oreoo about the godly wisdom shown in the answer. After my mother and only sister died I cared for my father who had molested me for about 18 yrs. BUT GOD who is rich in grace, mercy,and love gave me His love to take care of my dad. In so doing, he repented and asked for my forgiveness which I had already forgiven Him years ago. God's grace and love working through you can go a long way with your husband and your father-in-law. Think about this...Jesus forgave us when He died on the cross for our sins. If you are a child of God, then you, too, can forgive and move on with your life. Be there for your husband; he will need you!

you deserve much respect for what you are giving of yourself. And congradulations for remaining "who you are" regardless of troubles past.

Ditto! Caring for an elderly or sick parent can be both the best and worst time of a grown child's life. Been there - doing that. I didn't know my heart could hurt so badly until my father forced me to make a choice ... him or someone else. What could I do? However I remember holding my mom's hand as she drew her final breaths. I knew I was where I was supposed to be.

What awesome wisdom, I admire the people that write for this site, I too chose to care for my father despite the fact that he was abusive and an alcholic, when I was younger I used to think he was the devil himself, I am his caregiver because of who I am, because of my beliefs, because if I didn't then I would be no better than him. I refuse to let him drag me down to his level, I choose to take the high road. But everybody must decide for themselves, my sister chose not to deal with him at all, and I respect her decision even thou it creates a hardship for me, Good luck, God Bless.