My grandmother's son has guardianship over her and has placed her in a substandard nursing home in Indiana. He claims he placed her there to teach her a lesson, so that maybe she will do what he says. She’s miserable and wants to go home. My grandmother feeds herself and isn't disabled. Yes, she forgets things sometimes, but who doesn't? I don't want my grandmother there and I'm willing to go and get her to live with me in Las Vegas. Is there anything I can do?
Yes, there are a couple of different approaches you can try. I would recommend doing them in tandem. While you do, stay focused on what's most important: making sure your grandmother receives good care, whether that's achieved by her living with you or living in a better residential facility.
The ideal outcome for you is that her son has a change of heart and agrees to allow you to care for your grandmother. If you haven't tried talking to him about this, you need to. No one should be put in a nursing home to be "taught a lesson," and hopefully this is something he said in a fit of frustration and doesn't really mean. If he's had time to think better of it, he may be open to your suggestion.
There's always the possibility that if money is involved, he may want to hold onto his "vested interest," and he may consider you a threat. You need to reassure him that you simply want to help care for your grandmother's physical and emotional needs. Tell him you believe that, ideally, home care is a better alternative than nursing home care. He may agree with you on that, even if he can't or doesn't want to be a home caregiver himself.
If he's bored or fed up with care giving and doesn't feel threatened by you, he may welcome your help. That's why you need to show him how much you care. Visit your grandmother whenever you can. Document her care. Take pictures. Do some research and see if any charges have been brought against this particular facility.
At the same time, be clear about what you're asking for. Moving your grandmother to Las Vegas and bringing her into your home is a major life change for both of you. Consider the financial and lifestyle ramifications of becoming a caregiver. I'm not trying to discourage you -- I was a family caregiver and I highly recommend it. Although the stresses of care giving at home are great, so are the benefits. But first you should think it through thoroughly.
Are you married and/or do you have children? Talk to the others in your household now. Ask them how they feel about your grandmother moving in. People are more willing to pitch in and help out if they feel that they were part of the decision. Are you working? Will you need to plan for adult daycare? Check on the resources available in your area.
Read as much as you can about the ins and outs of daily care giving, so you'll be prepared both physically and emotionally. For example, moving is stressful for an elderly person, so you should expect to see a decline in her memory at first. Also, your grandmother's health and mental condition will change over time, and your care giving will need to adjust with it. If she's forgetful now, you must consider the possibility that she may eventually have Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia that could make it impossible for you to continue to care for her.
Any change in guardianship requires legal action. If her son doesn't agree to the changes you suggest and you decide to contest his guardianship, expect a substantial time investment. You'll need to prove negligence, substandard care in the nursing home (your research will come in handy), and anything else that substantiates your case. It may be something you can do on your own, and the courts typically appoint an attorney for the ward -- in this case, your grandmother. State laws vary, however, so check those in Indiana.
Your love and concern for your grandmother are clear. If you do become her caregiver and enter care giving prepared, it can be a wonderful experience and a time you'll always hold dear. If your grandmother's son won't let her move in with you or you decide against it, you can still work to get her into a better place, perhaps one near you.
Regarding the son who has guardianship, the answer did not mention the difficulty of trying to overturn the appointment of a guardian. It definitely will require a skilled attorney to help you, as well as substantial evidence that the placement was inappropriate. Since 96% of the nations's nursing homes have been cited by the state and federal government for failing to meet all Medicare and Medicaid standards, you may have difficulty showing that any one is much worse than another, though some are notoriously horrible. Repeated violations, resulting in citations are what you are looking for in "research". It needs to be very specific. The citations are public record and can be found on the Dept. of Health Services in your state in some form referring to Licensing and Certification of nursing homes. Finally, the comments the son made about "teaching grandma a lesson" are tantamount to abuse. I would consult an attorney about that as soon as you can. In the meantime, if you plan to attempt to overturn a guardianship. which can be done if the evidence is sufficient to persuade the court, plan to spend a significant sum. It is a serious undertaking. Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, R.N., Attorney at Law, AgingParents.com.
Manipulating records is common and criminal. I wish the governmend would close these places down!
For the person who wants to rescue your grandmother. Do it! Find and attorney that will take him to court. Force him to reliquish his guardianship!!!!! He is probably like my brothers. Cold, obstinate and incapable of compassion, warmth and love. They are evil in my mind. Please prove to the courts that he will not protect your grandmother! Don't wait too long. Oh, and for those of you wondering if I will ever speak to most of my siblings again, NOOOOOO! I will never forgive them for allowing OUR MOTHER to suffer and die in a facility in Kokomo, Indiana. We are a disgrace as children. Oh, and a ribbon with the precious name Mother was not on the flowers that covered her coffin. I declined to attend the services. No crocodile tears for me. I love and miss you Mom. :(````````````
My mother passed away May 2, 2008 after being dropped by an aide in the nusring home that she had resided in for a little over nine years. After the first one hundred days was an emotional nightmare for me, and, my innocent, helpless mother. Unfortunately, my obstinate brother who was her guardian insisted OUR MOTHER RECEIVED EXCELLENT CARE! Bull. During her nine year stay she had countless urinary tract infections, most would cause her to be hospitilized. Endless bedsores to the bone. One on her left heel resulted in an emergency amputation below the knee. Feces had gotten into her bloodstream. The emergency amputation was required to save her life. I wanted my mother relocated to another facility. Luckily, I found one that would take her after the amputation. Sadly, my obstinate, know-it-all, god like brother decided to relocate OUR MOTHER back to the negligent facility. She's had countless bedsores, urinary tract infections because she had to beg for water. Unbelievable! A bedsore on her left cheek on her behind needed a new flap. A flap is skin to replace the skin that is gone. She died a horrific death. I am furious! I discovered the facility in which our mother resided in, is the POSTER CHILD FOR NEGLECT AND ABUSE IN THE NURSING HOME INDUSTRY. Outrageous! And, they paid their executives one hundred-thirty-seven million dollars in bonuses. I am not joking! My mother and countless other loved ones are dying prematurely for profit. Money is the game! Unfortunately, the laws protect these white collar, educated criminals! A lot of the nursing homes are owned by elected officials, doctors and lawyers. Now I get the picture! I am convinced there is nothing most of us can do. These criminals protect one another. They should be held accountable by law for their crimes in our loved ones premature deaths! But, they won't. I am disgusted with the laws in Indiana. They protect the nursing homes and their criminal owners. Please don't send your loved one to a nursing home. The facility might look clean, but, beware! Understaffing to increase profits is everywhere. The laws need to protect loved ones. Sadly, they don't. I am haunted that my mother died in a facility THAT DID NOTHING BY NEGLECT HER.
This situation also happened to me. I called WASHINGTON DC. ELDER ABUSE. I found out that these nursing homes all had an Ombudsman.The administrators hate to hear from them. They also hate to hear from the state boards.