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Dear Family Advisor
Archive 2011
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My brother is bent out of shape because he wasn't named executor of our parent's estate -- I was.
January 03, 2012
Siblings can get jealous about the different roles their elderly parents assign them. How to handle a sibling who's angry at your parents' decision.... Read more
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I'm torn between caring for my partner's parents and getting ready for my own new baby.
December 27, 2011
Caring for older parents plus your own family is difficult, especially for younger caregivers. How to handle needy parents versus a new baby.... Read more
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I'm Mom's primary caregiver, but I have to justify every penny I spend on her to my siblings
December 20, 2011
Family members may fail to understand the cost and commitment that goes into being the primary caregiver. How to clarify your worth as a caregiver.... Read more
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Dad's in hospice and I'm afraid this is our last Christmas together -- but my brother isn't even planning to come into town!
December 13, 2011
It's troubling when a family member responds to impending death in a way we don't understand or approve of. How to handle someone who seems callous.... Read more
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Mom is jealous of Dad's care aide!
December 06, 2011
An in-home aide can make all the difference -- but not if anyone becomes jealous or uncomfortable. How to help a spouse who's jealous of a care aide.... Read more
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My dad is in assisted living, and my mom feels so guilty that she's upset all the time.
November 29, 2011
When one person in a marriage is in assisted living and the other isn't, emotions and guilt can run high. How to help a separated couple.... Read more
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Caring for my mother-in-law has taken over our lives and home!
November 22, 2011
Sometimes caregiving begins too early. What to do when an older relative moves in -- and makes life difficult -- before she really needs caregiving.... Read more
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Mom refuses help from home aides, but she and Dad really need assistance!
November 15, 2011
People often resist in-home help, but sometime a home aide is not only necessary but a pleasure. How to ease a parent into the idea of in-home help.... Read more
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My care needs are causing my daughters to fight -- and I hate it!
November 08, 2011
Sometimes someone receiving care feels stuck in the center of a fight among adult children. How to address caregiving children who bicker over you.... Read more
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My mother has become paranoid, and it's really causing problems!
November 01, 2011
Older adults who are paranoid may be facing dementia -- or begging for attention. Learn how to cut down on the drama and pinpoint paranoia's cause.... Read more
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My mom is balking at moving closer to us.
October 25, 2011
Moving your loved one closer is often a good idea. But what about older adults who feel threatened by a move? How to help your loved one relocate.... Read more
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My mom is a pushover -- and my sister is taking advantage of her kind heart!
October 18, 2011
When is it the right time to help family members work out problems, and when is it time to stand back and let them do it on their own?... Read more
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I know Dad's just sitting at his care facility all day, feeling miserable -- and the guilt is eating me alive.
October 11, 2011
Guilt can be a problem when you have a family member in a care facility. Learn to get past the guilt and know you're still a good caregiver.... Read more
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I'm beyond caregiver burnout!
October 04, 2011
The demands of caregiving, especially for someone with Alzheimer's or another dementia, can become too much for anyone. What to do.... Read more
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My mom is making mealtime miserable!
September 27, 2011
Family mealtimes aren't always relaxed and easy. How to help an irritable elder adult enter into family dinners comfortably.... Read more
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My husband has early-onset dementia, and he's refusing to deal with it.
September 20, 2011
If your loved one with dementia refuses to tell others about the disease, what should you do? Get the support every dementia caregiver needs.... Read more
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My mom has suddenly started pitching fits when I can't do something she wants. How do I stop this bad behavior once and for all?
September 13, 2011
An elder who starts losing her temper and making demands needs a particular level of attention and patience. How to respond to incessant demands.... Read more
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My husband balks my care at every turn!
September 06, 2011
When a spouse balks at your caregiving attempts, it may be that there are hidden issues -- for both of you.... Read more
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My mom just died, and I don't know how to be "normal" anymore.
August 30, 2011
After a loved one's death, depression can set in to a debilitating point. How to cope with the overwhelming emptiness former caregivers often feel.... Read more
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I'm wondering if my daughter has any feelings!
August 23, 2011
In the face of sorrow, not everyone can show compassion. What to do when someone who's trying to help you instead makes you feel more grief.... Read more
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Ten years of caring for my mom have worn Dad out. My sisters want him to do more, but I don't.
August 16, 2011
Sometimes family members need convincing that an older adult's care needs exceed what the primary caregiver can manage. How to get past the conflict.... Read more
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How do I convince my dad to get tested for dementia?
August 09, 2011
Seeing signs of dementia in a parent and persuading him to get tested are two different things. How to approach the sensitive issue of dementia.... Read more
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My mother is giving my adult son money behind my back, and I think he's using it to buy pot!
August 02, 2011
When an adult child is taking advantage of a parent's or grandparent's money, look for the emotions behind the finances.... Read more
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Do I keep my parent's secret -- or be the rat?
July 26, 2011
Sometimes elders don't want to tell the family about a serious illness. What to do if you have to "spill the beans" about a loved one's condition.... Read more
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My mom refuses to go to the dentist! Should I make her?
July 19, 2011
Dental care is difficult to keep up and also scary for some elders. How to get your loved one to care for his or her teeth, without a battle.... Read more
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My grandmother is so mean that no one wants to visit her!
July 12, 2011
What can you do when an elderly relative is just plain mean to everyone? How to handle a curmudgeon, without just giving up on him or her.... Read more
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I'm afraid of what my sister will say about my eulogy for our father.
July 05, 2011
Giving a eulogy can be difficult when relatives at the service are at odds with each other. How to express your feelings without offending others.... Read more
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My brother has become totally dependent on me, and I'm feeling claustrophobic!
June 28, 2011
Sometimes the decision to change your life to care for someone else leaves you feeling resentful. How to look at your own decision in a new light.... Read more
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I'm afraid my sister has become a pain-pill addict.
June 21, 2011
When a loved one appears to be suffering from depression or becoming addicted to pain medication -- or both -- it's time to take action.... Read more
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Should I tell my father that Mom is dying?
June 14, 2011
When a beloved person is dying, should family members tell the spouse with Alzheimer's?... Read more
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How do I tell my parents they can't live with us anymore?
June 07, 2011
It doesn't always work to have your parents living with you. What to do when the living arrangements become unbearable.... Read more
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Our adult gay son is very ill, but my husband doesn't want to move closer to help.
May 31, 2011
Our son is almost 60 and has been battling multiple sclerosis for years. His health has taken a turn for the worse and now he's alone -- his latest partner left mainly because of his mounting care needs (he's in a wheelchair).... Read more
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Getting care has turned my sister into a taker!
May 24, 2011
Some people, overwhelmed by grief, become unable to help themselves. What to do when someone in your care expects you to do all the emotional work.... Read more
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My sister is upset with me because I didn't recognize my parents' dementia.
May 17, 2011
My mom had a stroke last week. A neighbor called 911, and my dad started following the ambulance to the hospital -- but on the way he got lost for more than three hours.... Read more
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I think my brother is skimming money off Mom's accounts. How do I handle this without hurting my mom or making myself look like the bad guy?
May 10, 2011
My mother thinks my brother is a doll who can do no wrong. He butters her up like crazy with sweet talk that makes her feel good, but ever since she agreed to let him manage her finances (about a year ago), I noticed her savings and checking accounts dwindling at a rapid rate.... Read more
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How do I keep our children away from my husband's abusive father without making a scene?
May 03, 2011
My husband's father was abusive to his children and has mental problems to this day. Now he's dying of lymphoma, and the family is coming back around after years of barely speaking.... Read more
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My brother got Dad's inheritance, and I feel resentful that he's not sharing.
April 27, 2011
My dad died last year and left my brother 80 percent of his assets (two houses, cars, who knows how much money). Much of this was gained in shady ways: Dad owned several bars and had lots of under-the-table business dealings.... Read more
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How do I stop my mom's sisters from interfering with her care?
April 20, 2011
I'm an only child; it's always just been Mom and me. She's in her 80s now and moved to be near me so I can help her with errands, laundry, and shopping. She has health problems, and I have on-and-off mental health problems, but I believe we can manage her care, especially if we bring in a home health worker for an hour or so per day.... Read more
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I've already lost my mom -- I don't want to lose my brother and sister, too.
April 13, 2011
Mom died of colon cancer six months ago. I'm a nurse and took leave to care for her in the last year of her life. During that time my brother and sister came over often. It was a difficult but special time in all of our lives.... Read more
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My father is making passes at my mother's in-home caregivers!
April 06, 2011
My parents live in an apartment attached to our home. Caregivers are required almost 24/7 for my mother, who has advanced-stage Alzheimer's. My father has Alzheimer's too, but it's not as advanced as my mom's.... Read more
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My neighbor depends more on me for care than on her own family.
March 30, 2011
**My neighbor and I are both widows and have enjoyed several years of going out to dinner, sharing errands, and even taking a few weekend trips. Last fall she got lung cancer, which has spread. Since her daughter lives two hours away, I took it on myself to check on her daily, provide some meals, and even take her to chemotherapy and other appointments.... Read more
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My mom won't stand up to my bossy sister!
March 23, 2011
My mom has severe osteoporosis and vertigo, and she can no longer live alone. My sister, who always thinks she knows best, has already chosen a care facility near her. But she lives 1,200 miles away, while our two other siblings live near my mom's hometown, where she's lived all her life. I know moving isn't what Mom wants, but she's fragile physically and emotionally.... Read more
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My dad is the one who is sick, but it's my mom who's the problem!
March 16, 2011
When one parent is sick but the healthier parent is emotionally difficult, it can seem impossible to give them care. How to help an angry parent.... Read more
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How can I reunite my family?
March 09, 2011
My mom and younger brother had a bad fight right before her dementia began to escalate, and he's trying to make up with her now. But when I told her he wants to visit, she reacted with anger and foul language.... Read more
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My husband is making me choose between him and my dad.
March 02, 2011
Caring for a parent doesn't always work well within a marriage. What to do when a spouse threatens divorce because a parent is moving in.... Read more
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My dad talks about dying all the time -- and it's not good for him or me!
February 23, 2011
My 79-year-old dad has moved in with me while he's recovering from open-heart surgery. Before the surgery we talked about him staying here for three or four months and then looking for a condo nearby.... Read more
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How can I convince my mom to use her cane or walker instead of being embarrassed about them?
February 16, 2011
My mom, who's in her early 70s, has Parkinson's and is starting to have some mobility problems. I've bought her a cane and a walker, but she refuses to use them in public. She's well established and respected in her community -- everybody knows her in the small town where she lives -- and I think she's embarrassed about having to use a walking aid.... Read more
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How do I stop feeling guilty that I killed my sister through neglect?
February 09, 2011
My mom died a year ago, and I became the legal guardian of my mentally and physically challenged sister. My mom was her lifeline, and they were inseparable, but I had to place my sister in adult daycare because I'm single and have to work.... Read more
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My dad has turned into a tyrant since he moved in with me! How do I tell him I'm not going to wait on him hand and foot?
February 02, 2011
When a parent moves in, they can become demanding. Find out how to handle a parent who wants all your time and attention.... Read more
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How can I get my sister to spend more time with Mom?
January 26, 2011
My mom is in my home -- in hospice -- and my sister won't help because she's jealous that Mom came to my house instead of hers. But my family-leave time at work is running out... Read more
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I think my dad's new girlfriend is after his money. What do I do?
January 18, 2011
Dad has terminal leukemia. His girlfriend of nine months is pressing him to get married. My sister thinks it's because they're in love and it's a way for them to stay connected... Read more
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I feel like I'm married to my mom! How do I help her get a life -- and butt out of mine?
January 11, 2011
My mom moved in with me a little over a year ago. She has no outside interests and is always home. I am a single mom with two young children, and she helps with the kids.... Read more
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My disabled mom lives alone, and I'm afraid she's going to burn down the house while cooking.
January 05, 2011
Disable mom lives alone and insists on cooking still. Learn how to react if your parent lives alone but won't give up dangerous cooking habits.... Read more
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