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Dear Family Advisor
Archive 2010
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I want my mom to move in, but my kids can barely stand her.
December 29, 2010
My mom, who has severe asthma, needs to move in with us. But she’s so strict and judgmental that she's pushing her grandchildren away. My mom has always been very religious.... Read more
4 Comments
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I think my grandmother is overdoing her meds.
December 22, 2010
How to help an elder who seems depressed and lonely.... Read more
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My mom's pets are driving me crazy!
December 15, 2010
Mom moved in with us six months ago. She's not bothering me, but her bird and her dog are driving me up the wall! The bird is so loud I can barely think--and he's ten times worse whenever I'm on the phone... Read more
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I don’t want my fiancé to stay with my parents over the holidays.
December 08, 2010
How to deal when you have qualms about bringing someone new to meet aging or ill loved ones. ... Read more
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Should I be the bearer of Mom's bad news?
December 01, 2010
Ideally, encourage your mom to speak directly to your sister -- her daughter-- so you’re not viewed as the bad guy. As family, we often step in, or are asked to step in, only to find that we’re doing someone else's ... Read more
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My dad's in hospice at my home and I’m in no mood to celebrate the holidays.
November 24, 2010
How to mix grieving and the holidays when a loved one is dying. Celebrating the holidays with a loved one in hospice care.... Read more
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My brother is charging stuff on Dad’s credit card.
November 17, 2010
My brother watches my dad two days a week, when I work part-time. I just noticed he's been charging things on Dad's credit card, like a new iPod and parts for his computer.... Read more
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I’m jealous because my sick husband keeps e-mailing his ex!
November 09, 2010
I don’t blame you for feeling jealous. Yes, it was a good idea for him to make peace with his ex. And many people have casual relationships with an ex. They share a history, and many times, children. ... Read more
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My sister indulges Mom's hallucinations; I say she's crazy to do that.
November 02, 2010
Must siblings always agree? Advice for navigating yes-no, black-white disagreements about caregiving. ... Read more
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My husband is choosing his mother over me.
October 26, 2010
When a husband is so distraught over his mother's decline that he ignores his wife for three years, it's a big marriage problem. Learn how to reclaim your marriage.... Read more
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Caregiving has utterly ruined my relationships with my siblings.
October 19, 2010
Within two years, both of my parents died. It was an awful, sad, and stressful time. But what's almost worse is what’s happening now. My siblings and I are still arguing about everything ... Read more
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Everyone’s in denial that our mother is dying -- including her!
October 12, 2010
Mom has lung cancer. It’s spread, and the prognosis is terrible. My family wants to keep exploring new and alternative treatments that take a lot of money and time, including costly trips.... Read more
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My sister is too obese for me to care for her.
October 05, 2010
Obesity makes everyday caregiving harder, but there's something bigger you can do for the person: Help her or him unlock the "why."... Read more
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Mom says caregiving is "women's work" -- which means I can't get any help from Dad.
September 28, 2010
Men make great caregivers too. How to help parents overcome outdated ideas about caregiving.... Read more
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No matter how much I help care for Mom, my hovering sister makes me feel guilty.
September 21, 2010
Bossy caregiving siblings can make us feel guilty only if we let them. Tips on how to deal with guilt and communicate your needs to sibling caregivers.... Read more
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We’re newlyweds. Gram’s 84. Perfect roommates (free housing for free care) or future nightmare?
September 14, 2010
My family has suggested that my husband and I move in with my grandmother -- we're newly married and he's still in college. She 84 and doesn't drive after dark. They're inviting us to live there for free in exchange for doing chores – yard work ... Read more
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I took care of Dad, but he left his money to my brother. Now I’m broke, and my brother won't help me.
September 07, 2010
My brother inherited three-fourths of our father's money and possessions. Dad favored him even though I was the one at his bedside (working full-time and going over there till midnight for months on end)... Read more
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Am I a cold fish because I didn't break down over my dad's death?
August 31, 2010
Am I a cold fish because I didn't cry over my dad's death? Get the facts about death, crying, and grief at Caring.com. Not crying about a loved ones death doesn't mean there's something wrong with you... Read more
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My husband's injury has left me lonely in a sexless, loveless marriage.
August 24, 2010
Advice on having an affair -- with life. My husband's injury has left me lonely in a sexless, loveless marriage. Get the facts about caregiver marriage stress.... Read more
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Is there life after caregiving?
August 17, 2010
How do you find a new path after years of caregiving? The challenge is to know what's good for you- and what makes you happy. Go about it slowly- knowing you'll make mistakes along the way. All you can do is try again and again until you find what fits. ... Read more
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My ex-husband is dying, and my kids want me to play wife again.
August 10, 2010
Does a woman have a caregiving obligation to her dying ex, the father of her children? As much as your children are pressing you to reach out to their dad, they're also asking you to be there for them.... Read more
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My sister wants to pull the plug on Mom.
August 03, 2010
Our mother, who has end-stage Alzheimer's, has been on a feeding tube in a nursing home for six months. Although it's very sad to see my mother this way, I just can't reconcile myself to what my sister wants to do: "Pull the plug.”... Read more
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Dad has given up on Mom since her stroke.
July 27, 2010
Why has Dad Given Up on Mom Since Her Stroke? You have two parents who need you right now, each in their own way. And as much as it seems like your dad doesn't care anymore, I'm guessing he does. Every marriage is different, and there may be more going on "behind the scenes" than you realize. ... Read more
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I'm not sure I'm ready to take care of two parents plus two kids.
July 20, 2010
It doesn't have to be an either-or situation: children versus parents. Caring for two parents is a huge undertaking under the best of circumstances. But our biological instinct tells us that our primary responsibility is to our children.... Read more
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My sister is a caregiving martyr!
July 13, 2010
What you can do to escape the guilt that often comes with caregiving. It's common for siblings to have very different caregiving styles. Continue to be just who you are. Do what feels right.... Read more
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My mother's new husband is so cheap that he won't provide the care she needs.
July 06, 2010
Advice on how much an adult child should interfere with the care choices of a parent's spouse. Paying for senior care can be incredibly difficult, especially when you are trying to save for your own children.... Read more
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I'm a new widow, and everyone thinks they know what's best for my life.
June 29, 2010
New Widow Advice. Making the transition from caregiver to living your own life. I have some pretty major decisions to make -- selling his company and selling our home and land, among other things. I then need to decide where to live and what to do... Read more
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Nobody wants to tell Mom that our sister is dying.
June 22, 2010
How can I tell my mom that my sister is dying? Find advice on breaking news about critical illness to someone with dementia. Sometimes you have to do what you believe in your heart is the right thing to do.... Read more
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My cousin lies to her kids about Mamaw's Alzheimer's
June 15, 2010
How to talk to children about Alzheimer's. Talk to your own children about being respectful of how other families choose to communicate. Since your children have already talked about your grandmother's memory loss to their cousins, then that cat is already out of the bag. ... Read more
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My sister-in-law has an axe for a tongue.
June 08, 2010
How to deal with a rude bully and critic who undermines caregiving efforts. Caregiving can really put your nerves on edge, but it can also give you the guts to deal with things you’ve been tolerating for far too long. ... Read more
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My sister claims I don't help our parents enough, and she's turning them against me.
June 01, 2010
How a long-distance sibling can stay involved in parent care and help a hands-on brother or sister. Many families think of one person as the hero and, which tends to make another “the villain.” It's also common for long-distance family members to get a bad rap. ... Read more
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My sister thinks our mom is faking Alzheimer's and refuses to help!
May 25, 2010
How do I convince my sister that Mom is not faking Alzheimer's -- and that she needs both of us to provide care, not just now but in the future? Sad but true, your mother's Alzheimer's symptoms will increase over time, and your sister will eventually “see” she's not pretending -- although your sister still may not acknowledge it right away.... Read more
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My parents would rather move far away than “be a burden” -- but I want them nearby!
May 18, 2010
Advice on convincing parents bound for a relocation that you want to take care of them. Share your heart with both parents. State how strongly you feel about family and why it's important for them to have someone nearby who can check on them. ... Read more
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Now that Mom might be dying, my absentee brother is suddenly showing an interest -- in her money.
May 11, 2010
What to do if you suspect an absentee relative is trying to take financial advantage of an ill parent's estate. He may have reappeared in your mom's life for less than admirable reasons, so it's your job to remind him that being family means not hurting or taking advantage of those we love. ... Read more
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Dad abandoned us years ago, so why should we be his caregivers now?
May 04, 2010
My father abandoned us year ago, I should forgive him and help out because he has no one. First, no one can make you care for your father. Caregiving is a choice. Your brothers also have the right to make a choice. ... Read more
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Dad's killing himself to take care of Mom.
April 27, 2010
Taking care of loved ones with dementia can be difficult. When it comes to taking care of a spouse, we don't even think of it as caregiving; it's just loving the person who stood with us and vowed "for better or worse." We'll risk our health and our finances to keep our partner with us even when it's not the healthiest or wisest choice. Your dad's devotion is commendable, but it's your job to show him that loving and caring for himself is part of loving his wife. ... Read more
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Mom's a hoarder whose "stuff" is keeping us apart!
April 20, 2010
Advice from the experts about dealing with unorganized family members. Getting our parents help when they need it is part of being an adult child and a caregiver. We have to be their advocate when they can't, or won't, be one for themselves.... Read more
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One year after my wife died, things aren't getting slowly better. I'm worse.
April 13, 2010
One year after my wife died and things aren't getting better. I feel worse! There's no timetable for grief, but you can build momentum toward a different life.... Read more
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My dad's dying, and Mom is ignoring it.
April 06, 2010
Learn how to help a parent who's in denial about the other parent's prognosis. It may seem like they are ignoring death, but the grieving process works differently in everyone.... Read more
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My dad's the care home Casanova!
March 30, 2010
Learn how to cope emotionally when a parent's Alzheimer's or dementia acts out sexually. Being embarrassed by your dad's sudden shift to sex in overdrive is perfectly natural, but it's important to realize that, to a large extent, it's out of his control and a direct result of his Alzheimer's.... Read more
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My mom is so critical that I'm already regretting moving in to be her caregiver.
March 23, 2010
A helpful article on how to cope with caregiving for a mother that is very critical. As a caregiver it is always important to think about what is best for the patient and for yourself.... Read more
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I do all the caregiving work, and my "golden boy" brother gets the glory.
March 10, 2010
Get advice on caregiving relating to fairness when a sibling shirks his share but hogs the glory. Anger, jealousy, and comparisons won't solve this battle. So stop making it a battle.... Read more
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My father-in-law treated his dying wife so badly, he doesn't deserve our help himself.
March 04, 2010
A helpful article on being supportive, while maintaining emotional boundaries, when a spouse decides to be the caregiver for a parent that you may think is underserving.... Read more
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I don't want to visit my mother anymore.
February 24, 2010
You still care but it's so difficult to visit your mom or dad. Is it ever appropriate to stop visiting an elderly parent in a nursing home? ... Read more
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I'm sick, and my greatest fear is what will happen to my wife, who has dementia, when I die.
February 18, 2010
A helpful article for caregivers fearing death and what that will mean to a sick loved one they are caring for. People with dementia often outlive their caregivers; advice on making plans for a future without you.... Read more
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My sister has breast cancer, and I don't feel her husband is giving her adequate care.
February 11, 2010
A helpful article about coping when your sister has breast cancer. As much as you care about your sister, she has to be the one to decide how to live her life.... Read more
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My husband doesn't want anyone caring for him but me, and I resent it.
February 04, 2010
Get helpful advice on caring for your husband and how to avoid feelings of resentment. As a wife and caregiver it is important to do what is right for both him and you.... Read more
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My dad's relatives are like vultures after his stuff now that he's dying.
January 27, 2010
Get advice on helping a dying parent with their will and estate planning. Also, learn how to cope with relatives seeking gifts and honoring your parent's wishes for estate disbursement.... Read more
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My mom is so needy -- I feel like a bad daughter because I can't be there 24/7.
January 21, 2010
Learn how to feel less like a "bad daughter" when you're a long-distance caregiver. Sound advice on replacing guilt with concrete help for your Mom and other loved ones.... Read more
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My sister is jeopardizing her children by having our mom with Alzheimer's live with them.
January 14, 2010
Alzheimer's caregiving affects children, too. Learn what to watch out for and how to help minimize the impact of Alzheimer's to caregivers' kids. Impact of Alzheimer's... Read more
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My mom is taking advantage of my grandparents
January 07, 2010
Learn what to do if you think your parents are taking advantage of your elderly grandparents financially or in other ways. A young caregiver shares her story.... Read more
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