Dear Family Advisor
Archive 2008
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My husband with dementia still has sexual desires for me, and I'm not sure what to do.
December 15, 2008
Get advice about whether and how to satisfy the sexual needs of a spouse with Alzheimer's or dementia. For some people with Alzheimer's, sex is still a real physical and emotional need. ... Read more
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We're not the kind of family that talks about personal issues. But my mother's denial about my father's Parkinson's is keeping him from getting the care he needs.
December 08, 2008
Get advice on figuring out how to provide help to parents in denial. It is one of the biggest challenges of caregiving but slowly and firmly press for more open communication.... Read more
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Since my husband, who has Alzheimer's, moved into a nursing home, I've become very close to a neighbor gentleman. Should I keep it a secret or let my family and friends know?
December 02, 2008
A helpful article for spouses of people with Alzheimer's who are struggling with feelings for someone else. You're married, but in many ways you've already lost your husband to this insidious disease.... Read more
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My nieces constantly prey on their grandmother for her for money.
November 25, 2008
How do I stop family from taking advantage of my mother? his situation can only be resolved by bringing it out in the open, so be prepared for the possibility of rough waters ahead. First, you need to sit down with your mom and show her on paper just how much money she's giving her nieces.... Read more
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My know-it-all sister will be here for ten days at Christmas, and I can already feel my stress level rising.
November 18, 2008
A helpful article for caregivers struggling with sibling conflict during the holidays. Get advice on dealing with a know it all and productive methods of conflict resolution.... Read more
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How can I keep my husband, who has Parkinson's, from burying us in debt?
November 10, 2008
Advice to a woman whose husband has Parkinson's and is confused but still insists on being in charge of the family finances. ... Read more
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My husband and his siblings want me to quit my job and be their mother's caregiver -- and I don't want to!
November 03, 2008
Daughters-in-law often wind up being the "family caregiver." Sometimes this is because there's no daughter in the family, and sometimes it's agreed upon by a son and his wife. And sometimes women are just expected to do it.... Read more
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My sister and her family moved in with my mom, and now they're spending all her retirement money.
October 27, 2008
A helpful article on dealing with a sibling that is spending an elderly parent's retirement money. Find out what you can do to protect your parent's financial needs.... Read more
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How can I get my elderly friend's children and sister to help take care of her?
October 20, 2008
How can I get my friend's kids and sister to help take care of her?.....Get the answer to this and other eldercare related questions at Caring.com ... Read more
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I'm thinking of leaving my spouse, who has Parkinson's.
October 13, 2008
Divorce advice: My husband has Parkinson's but we've had a rough relationship. Am I terrible to leave him when he's in bad shape? I can tell you that either way, you can make real changes and have a life you feel good about.... Read more
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My sister's refusal to communicate with me about our father's care has brought back to mind years of mistreatment by her. What can I do?
October 06, 2008
Get advice on how to get more involved with the care of a loved one with Alzheimer's. Long distance caregiving is difficult and conflict may arise since hands-on caregivers often feel both overwhelmed and reluctant to share responsibility. ... Read more
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My parents, who have dementia, flat-out refuse to move into assisted living. How do I get them to move without making them hate me?
September 29, 2008
When Parents Refuse to Move. Learn how to convince parents with dementia that refuse to move. ... Read more
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I feel guilty about it, but I can barely stand the sight of my mother, who wants to live with me. What do I owe her?
September 22, 2008
Should mom move in? Her suicide attempt is a very real indication that she's suffering from clinical depression. But giving in to her demands isn't the best way to help her. Moving in with you won't solve her problems -- or be healthy for you or your family. ... Read more
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My father is in failing health and financial ruin, living with a woman who is bipolar, and refuses my help. What can I do?
September 15, 2008
My father is 69 years old and in failing health. To make matters worse, he's currently in financial ruin and living with an opinionated woman who is not qualified to take care of him. She's also bipolar and demeaning to my father. She complains that she pays for everything and does everything for him, and he's just a burden. ... Read more
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How can I stop my brother from taking power of attorney for my mother away from me?
September 08, 2008
Get helpful advice for caregivers on dealing with sibling conflict over power of attorney for a loved one. Having power of attorney is difficult, but you are much more to your mother than a legal representative. You're also her daughter and caregiver.... Read more
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My fiance broke off our engagement because he said caring for my mom has taken over my life.
September 01, 2008
Story about a woman whose fiance broke off engagement because of her commitment to caring for her parents. Learn how to balance caregiving with maintaining a personal life.... Read more
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My brother won't share financial information about our dad's assets, and it's tearing the family apart.
August 25, 2008
My brother has durable power of attorney for my dad, who has dementia. There are seven other siblings. My brother has not and will not provide financial information about Dad's assets and resources.... Read more
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I can't stop feeling that I was an inadequate caregiver to my mom.
August 18, 2008
I am a 56-year-old registered nurse. I took time off work to care for my 81-year-old mother when she was dying of lung cancer. I had little support from my husband or my siblings: "You're the nurse" was their attitude. I was very close to my mother and talked with her every day. But I feel my care for her was inadequate and I wish I had done a better job...... Read more
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I took the brunt of my dad's nastiness my whole life. Now I am his caretaker and I resent it.
August 11, 2008
A helpful article explains how a caregiver's long-term resentment towards her father can be an opportunity. Caregiving can bring old feelings crashing back, as if we never grew up. But it also gives us a chance to work through our feelings as adults.... Read more
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I was the beneficiary of my mother's trust deposit until that was changed to her husband's name a couple of months before she died -- and I think it was done illegally.
August 04, 2008
A helpful article providing advice to someone that has concerns over the legality of changes made to an account, of which she was supposed to be the beneficiary.... Read more
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Should I be responsible for my father's funeral bill when he never paid child support for me?
July 28, 2008
Should I be responsible for my father's funeral bill when he never paid child support for me? Learn more about family dynamics and funeral etiquette.... Read more
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How much say do I have in determining who is guardian over me and my affairs?
July 21, 2008
A helpful article for seniors who feel out of the loop when it comes to their own rights, finances, and life planning. If you can't communicate with your guardian about your needs, it's time for a change.... Read more
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I need to rescue my grandmother!
July 14, 2008
Learn what to do if you want to care for an elderly family member at home, but her legal guardian has put her in a nursing home. Family conflict over caregiving issues is common and learning to deal with them is important.... Read more
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I can't get over my resentment at my sister and brother for not being there when my mother was dying of cancer.
July 07, 2008
How to deal with resentment and anger toward siblings who didn't help caregive for a dying parent, but were quick to accept sympathy from family when it was over.... Read more
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What can a hired caregiver do about a woman who threatens her grandmother -- who has Alzheimer's -- that the family will send her away if she doesn't take her medicines?
June 30, 2008
A personal story and advice about a hired caregiver concerned with patient treatment by family from Caring.com. I have been a part-time caregiver to a woman with Alzheimer's for about six weeks. Her granddaughter is also a caregiver to her. ... Read more
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My mother says she's lonely, and it's heartbreaking for me to hear her crying at night. What can I do to help her?
June 23, 2008
Get helpful advice on caring for a loved one suffering from elderly depression and loneliness. Unfortunately, elderly depression is a sad reality and like all depression loneliness is common symptom.... Read more
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My mother gave power of attorney to her new husband, who is putting her life in danger. How can we get it away from him?
June 16, 2008
Get helpful advice on adult guardianship and contesting a power of attorney when you fear a loved one is being abused. An abuse hotline can give you advice and discuss your legal options.... Read more
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My mother, who suffers from dementia and alcoholism, wants my sister and me to be her caregivers, so she keeps sending away the one we've hired.
June 09, 2008
Solving caregiving problems: As difficult as it may be, you must insist that your mother allow the caregiver into her home. Don't budge on this. On some level, she needs to grasp that you and your sister simply can't do her ... Read more
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I constantly feel guilty because no matter how much I do for my parents, I know it's never enough.
June 02, 2008
Guilt is very common in family caregivers -- maybe because guilt is very common in families. But you've got to get off that train if you want to have a life and be an effective caregiver.... Read more
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My mother's caregiver is too controlling and won't take direction from us.
May 26, 2008
A helpful article for families struggling with a controlling caregiver. It is hard it is to find the caregiver who is "just right" for both our parents and us, but if he can't abide by your wishes, he's not the right one.... Read more
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My mother has asked not to be resuscitated if she has a medical crisis, but my siblings disagree on what constitutes a medical crisis.
May 19, 2008
A helpful article with clarification on DNR orders. Many wonder what constitutes a medical crisis, how to respond, and when to honor the do not resuscitate orders.... Read more
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My dad wants to double-date with me!
May 12, 2008
Learn what to do when your elderly parent starts dating. You probably need to give your parent a few pointers on senior dating. It's the ultimate payback for what we put our parents through when we started dating.... Read more
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My mother is gambling away every last penny -- and her financial independence. What should I do?
May 05, 2008
You're not alone -- senior gambling is a touchy issue for many caregivers. And normally I'd encourage you to talk to your mother and try to help her find a way out of her addiction.... Read more
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My mother's growing needs are putting a strain on my marriage, and I find myself wondering which will fall apart first -- her, my marriage, or me. What can I do?
April 28, 2008
Get helpful advice on balancing marriage and caregiving. Caregiving can put a big strain on marriage because it demands that everyone in the family adjust and make sacrifices.... Read more
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I'm not close to my dad's new wife, and that's keeping me from caring for him as much as I'd like to (he has Alzheimer's). How can I step in and help him more?
April 24, 2008
What to do when your elderly father's new wife comes between you and caring for him. Often it has more to do with resentment and awkwardness than your dad's wife keeping you away.... Read more
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My father's racist and inappropriate remarks have gotten so bad, I don't want to take him out in public.
April 14, 2008
How to understand and deal with an elderly parent's racist or offensive remarks. Get helpful tips for dealing with your dad's racism, bigotry or intolerance.... Read more
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My father seems interested in moving in with me -- and I don't want him to.
April 07, 2008
When parents need additional living assistance, deciding what to do can sometimes be difficult. Get the answers about what to do at Caring.com. Although our parents may want us to think that in-home care giving is always best for everyone, it isn't. ... Read more
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My parents are begging me for an occasional drink or cigarette -- even though it's against their doctors' orders.
March 31, 2008
Get advice on caregiving for elderly parents who occasionally beg to smoke or drink. As a caregiver you don't want to be on your parents' case for every little thing but the you must consider how often your parents really indulge.... Read more
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How can I deal with my mom's anger at me for urging her to move my dad to an Alzheimer's residence, where he fell in love with another woman?
March 24, 2008
My mother, who took care of my father through the early and middle stages of Alzheimer's, is brokenhearted because he's fallen in love with a woman at the assisted living facility where he now lives -- and she blames me for the whole mess!... Read more
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Help! My mom's in hospice and my sister and I are arguing about her funeral.
March 15, 2008
My sister and I are arguing while making funeral arrangements. Which is better cremation or an open casket service? Why not ask your mother? If she's able to have a real conversation about this, she's the one who should really make that decision.... Read more
