Dad Has Dementia
Archive 2010
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Week 36: What Now? What Next?
September 17, 2010
Five weeks after Dad died, Mom moved to New Mexico to be near me. Through serendipity and the kindness of a stranger, we were able to find her a patio home just four blocks from our house. I'm grateful for how things ... Read more
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Week 35: Nothin's Gonna Change My World
September 10, 2010
I'm normally off on Mondays, and so, every weekend after Dad died, I drove north to Mom's house on Saturday – packed, packed, packed her belongings – and then returned home on Monday. ... Read more
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Week 34: Is This Normal?
September 03, 2010
I haven't cried very much since Dad died. Learn about greif and crying after death at Caring.com. I've been grieving Dad since the moment he came to live with us, and that's why I'm not falling apart now that he's gone.... Read more
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Week 33: What Does Grief Look Like?
August 26, 2010
So, today, this is what grief looks like: buffalo grazing near the highway and vast prairie grasslands stretching west to the deep green mountain range. At home, grief looks like this:... Read more
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Week 32: Goodbye and Farewell
August 20, 2010
We stood alone, gazing at Dad's cold body. Neither of us knew what to say. My brother and I have never been close. We told a few stories. It was only when we turned to leave that we began to cry, and then we clung to each other like two small children. After we left the chapel, we headed home to plan the funeral.... Read more
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Week 31: Go Ahead and Grieve, but Make It Snappy
August 13, 2010
My sister and I sat with Dad's body for quite a while after he passed away. We smoothed his hair and kissed his forehead. It bothered me that his nose hairs were sticking out, so the hospice nurse trimmed them for us. I rubbed his bad leg almost continuously, caressing it. My sister shared stories, humorous ones, about him.... Read more
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Week 30: Just Like That, It's Over
August 06, 2010
I thought Dad would live for years with dementia and that our caregiving journey was just beginning. But suddenly, just 10 months after being diagnosed, my dad lies comatose on a hospital bed in my dining room, seemingly near death.... Read more
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Week 29: Hospice Showdown
July 30, 2010
Dying shouldn't be like this. It shouldn't be about battling with the healthcare provider in order to obtain adequate care for the patient. Hospice is supposed to be about palliation, about making sure the patient is comfortable.... Read more
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Week 28: Is This the Way Hospice Is Supposed to Work?
July 23, 2010
Hospice care is performed in the home. Only the 'actively dying' or those with uncontrolled symptoms qualify for in-patient hospice care at a facility. I feel our hospice provider is failing us, but what can we do? ... Read more
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Week 27: Suddenly, Dad Is Dying
July 16, 2010
Dad was admitted to hospice that day. The consummate farmer and outdoorsman has been bed-bound ever since. Within 24 hours of my call to hospice, a hospital bed was delivered, Dad was moved out of his bedroom, a nurse was assigned, and his medications were titrated to maximize comfort.... Read more
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Week 26: Taking Stock
July 09, 2010
When you reach the point of caregiver burnout, caregiving can be incredibly difficult. Stress levels can rise to the point that you cannot continue to care for your parents.... Read more
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Week 25: Disinherited. Sort of.
July 02, 2010
Learn how Alzheimer's alter the personality of your loved one and how to deal with it. I make a lot of allowances for my mother because of her mental illness. ... Read more
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Week 24: What Do We Tell Dad?
June 25, 2010
Mom is delighted to be shed of Dad. So, what do we tell Dad when this happens? Does he need to know? As long as his financial needs are met, does the truth about the home sale matter?... Read more
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Week 23: The Self-Pity Edition
June 18, 2010
How to deal with the rigors of caring for a loved one. hese days, my daily agenda belongs to Dad. If he decides to, say, clean the birdbath, I'd better drop what I'm doing and help. ... Read more
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Week 22: Dad Is Bad for My Waistline
June 11, 2010
I've gained eight pounds since Dad came to live with us. Why? Let me count the ways. 1.Stress. Despite being a nurse, I'm as prone to stress eating as anyone else.... Read more
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Week 21: What About Mom?
June 04, 2010
After Dad's dementia was diagnosed, the situation quickly became too much for Mom to handle. Not only was Dad hostile and aggressive towards her, but Mom also deals with her own challenge: She has schizophrenia.... Read more
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Week 20: Power Struggles
May 28, 2010
As I look back over these past 20 weeks of blogging, one thing becomes clear: I'm having a lot of trouble finding the positives in taking care of Dad at home. So far, I've talked about the... Read more
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Week 19: Pill Problems
May 21, 2010
Pill Problems: Dad and I have a pill routine. Before I leave for work in the morning, I set out his morning pills, and he takes them with cereal when he gets up. Lee sets out his evening pills, and Dad takes them with supper.... Read more
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Week 18: First, We Make a Hole in the Dirt
May 14, 2010
I always thought dementia was a disease of dribs and drabs. That it slowly stole memories synapse by synapse, until one's very sense of self was gone. This certainly hasn't been the case with Dad.... Read more
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Week 17: Cautiously Optimistic
May 07, 2010
A blog about how one individual deals with her Dad's dementia. I often feel haunted about whether I've made the right decisions concerning Dad. Is it wrong to begin locking the medication box whenever Dad's to be left alone? Is he more functional than I think, and I'm being too hasty in hiring a caregiver? ... Read more
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Week 16: Time to Call in the Cavalry
April 30, 2010
When mental health deteriorates, it is tough to know when it is time to call in help. This account discusses how to know when it is time to receive a little extra assistance.... Read more
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Week 15: Big Girls Do Cry
April 23, 2010
Caring for a loved one can be difficult, and can make big girls cry. Today has been rough. Dad has been in severe pain all day, and there's nothing I can do about it. So, reason number one why I often feel like crying: Helplessness. ... Read more
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Week 14: How Can Life in the Slow Lane Be So Hectic?
April 16, 2010
I don't know how it happens, but sometimes life in the slow lane is really hectic. The past Monday was typical. I had two morning appointments, plus I needed to get Dad to the lab for a blood draw, and I figured we'd have lunch out. It doesn't sound like much, does it?... Read more
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Week 13: To Remember Is to Understand
April 09, 2010
I don't usually eat the requisite fortune cookie, but we were having a great time, so I played along. I was stunned when I read the message printed on the little slip of paper: "To remember is to understand." I thought, surely this was written by a dementia caregiver. ... Read more
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Week 12: Thank You, Stranger, for Your Kindness
April 02, 2010
An article illustrating how one stranger's kindness made her father's day. Kindness and patience is something many lack when dealing with seniors in public places.... Read more
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Week 11: Fear and Loathing in La Casa
March 26, 2010
My mom, siblings, and I agree that the focus should be on giving Dad as much *quality* of life as possible; we can't affect the *quantity* of his life very much anymore. And so, I take an attitude of palliation regarding Dad's medical condition. Non-invasive tests? Fine. Medications? Sure. But beyond that? No heroic measures.... Read more
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Week 10: A Single Golden Day to Cherish
March 19, 2010
A personal story about wonderful memories of a loved one from Caring.com. When Dad moved in, I naively thought (as I've said before) that the experience would be, I dunno, like a frat buddy moving in.... Read more
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Week 9: Dad Falls Down and Breaks His Crown
March 12, 2010
A helpful article that takes you through a caregiver's thought process on making a decision on how to deal with her father's fall. What would Dad want if he could decide for himself?... Read more
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Week 8: A Dog for Dad
March 05, 2010
A touching article on getting a dog to provide some companionship to a father with Alzheimer's. Learn how the joy a dog can bring to someone with dementia outweighs the bittersweet feelings that may come with knowing the dog will outlive your parent.... Read more
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Week 7: Bitterness Rising
February 26, 2010
A touching article by a daughter caregiving for her father with Alzheimer's and struggling with the feelings of anger and bitterness from coping with dementia. ... Read more
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Week 6: In Praise of the Dementia Caregiving Team
February 19, 2010
Learn why dementia caregiving requires a caregiving team. No one who cares for a loved one with dementia does so alone. None of us toils in a vacuum as caregivers.... Read more
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Week 5: Go Ahead -- Laugh
February 15, 2010
How much more absurd could things get today? At that moment, we discovered what so many other caregivers know: Grasp every opportunity to laugh at yourself and your situation.... Read more
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Week 4: Feeling Like a Failure as a Caregiver
February 05, 2010
Learn why many caregivers suffer from feelings of failure as a caregiver for someone with dementia. Many people with dementia suffer from various levels of paranoia and become fixated on a specific person, object, phrase, or whatever.... Read more
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Week 3: The Hard Costs of Caregiving
January 29, 2010
Learn more about the hard cost of caregiving for a loved one in your own home. A list of some of the home caregiving expenses incurred can help you determine the real financial ramifications to taking a loved one with dementia into the home for care.... Read more
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Week 2: The Honeymoon Is Over
January 22, 2010
A helpful article from a caregiver going through the adjustment period after moving her father into her home. The honeymoon is over and she is overstimulated.... Read more
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Week 1: Dad Moves In
January 14, 2010
A helpful article about a woman's journey as she discovers her dad has dementia and the start of her becoming a caregiver. Share in the heartbreak and triumphs, the problems and the solutions, even the tough conversations.... Read more
