Sandwich Generation "Massively Stressed"
Sandwich Generation "Massively Stressed"
The National Association of Social Workers had released a study finding that the 42 million "sandwich generation" women in America are "massively stressed" by the pressures of caring for children and aging parents. Three-quarters of those surveyed said they were ill-prepared to deal with the financial cost of elder care, and two-thirds had underestimated the financial, emotional and physical toll of providing care.Nearly half had delayed getting help because of superwoman syndrome -- the feeling we should be able to handle things on our own, no matter how hard it gets. Researchers asked some of the caregivers to keep journals, and the entries on asking for help -- or not -- were among the most poignant:“This is a hard area for me. Usually I do it myself and then get angry. I am trying to learn to ask for help before the boiling point.”The study struck a chord in the blogosphere. Blogger Emily coined the term Open-Faced Sandwich to describe women like herself -- caring for parents but without children of her own, and wondering, along with her husband, "who would be that person to take care of us if we were too frail to take care of one another?"On Mommywarriors.com, the study unleashed a flood of comments from other sandwiched women who poured out their own truths: they are struggling, they do need help, and need to connect to other women facing the same challenges. It made me wonder how many of you are "sandwiched" and could use a moment to connect with each other. Anyone out there keeping a journal--or just jotting down your frustrations on a nursing home napkin--and willing to share a few sentences, in the name of breaking down the "superwoman" myth for another mother/daughter/caregiver nearing the breaking point?
Image by Flickr user Meyshanworld, used under the Creative Commons attribution licence.
When my parents moved in with us 5 years ago, I tied on my cape and proceeded to care for them, deliver my 5th child, work part-time at the church, and deliver my 6th child, while taking on another part-time job from home. Then it all came crashing down on one fateful Friday the 13th. After some good medication and months of therapy, I realized that no one can carry a burden like that alone. So, when my mother-in-law passed away in december and my father-in-law, 86 with early dementia, needed a place to live, he came here. Havine retired my cape before, I resisted the urge to dust it off and wear it again. Instead, I hired a caregiver to come and help me 4 days a week, and she has preserve my sanity. This way, I can enjoy both sides of the bun in the sandwich without feeling like the shrinking meat in the middle.
This is so very true. When will society be a little more understanding that many have aging parents, children and grandchildren issues on a daily basis? What can we do help ourselves? As women we have been taught to juggle it all and when we can't people think we are weak. When we get crabby that is not good either. When will men have to juggle what we do?