The Mother's Day Gift That Keeps on Giving
By Connie Matthiessen, Caring.com senior editor
In honor of Mother's Day, I asked several close friends what they missed most about their mothers. Their mothers all died within the last few years, and the loss is fresh and very raw.
My friends all had very different relationships with their mothers, but their answers to the question of what they missed most were remarkably similar. Most of all, they missed the fact of having a mother, someone whose love was a simple, all encompassing part of life.
- "I miss having my mother in the world," one said.
- "She was always watching over me," said another. "I miss that."
- Said a third, "We all feel this in my family: When my mother died, we lost our greatest fan."
A psychotherapist once told me that a child's mother is his or her first "ecosystem." Like the air we breathe and the ground we walk on, our mother sustains us -- even if we aren't aware of it much of the time. As Joni Mitchell sang in the "Big Yellow Taxi," as much as we love our mothers, we may not know what we've got until it's gone.
That's something to consider as you think about a Mothers Day gift for your mom. My friends all expressed a deep longing to simply sit and talk with their mothers again. So don't worry about sending flowers or buying a fancy bracelet for your mother. Instead, think about taking her out for a picnic or having a long chat on the phone if she lives far away. Sit with her if she's in a nursing home and give her a foot rub if she's confined to bed. Even if your mother is hard to get along with, call a truce for the day, and give it another try. Connect with your mother, while you still have the chance.
Image by Flickr user Old Shoe Woman used under the Creative Commons licencing agreement.
How I wish I had listened more intently when my Mother talked about her family and friends. She is gone now, so is my father, and I am trying to leave some information for my daughters and grandchildren on our familys past. Where they came from, who they married, where they lived while bringing up there families. My father died in 1079 and Mother in 1983 and how I miss both of them. I used to go and sit with my father who had heart problems and remember the things we did as I was growing up. Mother lived with me for 9 years and I miss her more everyday. Soon I will see both of them in heaven I hope, and have so much to tell them. Listen hard to what your folks have to say about thei past, it will mean a lot to you, when you explain where we came from as a family. Give them a kiss or hug when you leave for you will never know when they won't be around to love on.
Thanks for your note, Yvonne -- and your reminder to make the most of the time with our mothers and other loved ones while we can...
Thank you for having this article! I lost my mom when I was 28 after she fought a 15 year battle with Parkinson's Disease. It's been nearly a decade now and only very recently has the pain lessened. I'm at an age and stage in my life now where I need my mom again. I need her advice, her wisdom, and I want to get to know her woman to woman, wife to wife, friend to friend rather than just mother to daughter. Sadly, that will never be. She will never know my kids and vice versa. She will never know who I am and how I turned out. I really encourage everyone, particularly young people, to stop your hurried life and self-focus for a day or two and for moms to stop your own focus as well so you can take time out with your adult children. You might learn a few things--and you may have fewer regrets before it's too late.
Thanks for your comments, littlebit, lissyrox and Anonymous. It's wonderful to hear from all of you!
I never forget how lucky I am to have my mother still with us. Thank you for your ideas on how we can show our mothers how much they mean to us!
I am the only child and my mother and I are extremly close. She is my best friend and she has supported me in all aspects of my life. She recently turned 62 and I am watching her age, gracefully I might add. It is something to watch this process and I find myself becoming more aware of the fact that I could loose my mother at any time. I make it a point to show special love to her. I am married now but we do lunch once a week and I go to her house to help her clean and hang out with her. We talk for hours on the phone and she loves that I still need her, which I always will. There is nothing like a mothers love.
Thanks for thinking of moms that are gone. I miss my mom so much and she's been gone for 7 years now but it still feels just like yesterday. I think of her all the time and wish she was here. She only went through the 8th grade but she had so much wisdom and raised 7 children. She always did for her family and never thought about her own needs. I think Mothers Day is the hardest day of the year for me even though I have a child of my own and 2 grandchildren. She's buried in a cute little cemetery just down the street from me and I say hi everyday I go by. There's no oneelse in the world like a mother.