LindaSD

4 months ago

I am 61 full time worker taking care of my 89 yr old mother-live with her. I have been doing this for 10 years. She is healthier than me now. I am stressed and about to lose my job. She has no worries. I take care of everything. I have no social life and talk to myself a lot. Ask me, the caregiver suffers more. My mother may have thinking problems but is not aware of problems at all. She has me who does her laundry, cooking, shopping, take her to the doctor, get her cleaned up...I do everything for her. Some days after work and then doing for her I'm so tired I can't sleep. There is no one to take care of me and we are running out of money. So now I worry more than her, she doesn't worry at all. Everyone says take care of yourself. Have you tried finding time to do that? I understand the concept and wish I could but how? Now I also worry if I lose my job we both will be in financial trouble. The patient with dementia has no such worries, my mom doesn't think any more.

1care

4 months ago

A caregiver must take care of themselves or someone will be taking care of them. I find myself gradually saying good-bye to the spouse that I love dearly and try to remember each day all of the years that he worked so hard to take care of me and our big family. I'm not saying that it is not hard because it really is. But now I recognize the value of Day Care and the time I have to read, meditate, have a little recreation at times and just have some time for myself. Keeping in contact over the phone with old friends is helpful and also sharing the experiences of the day with other caregivers

kronhead

4 months ago

I understand the point of the article, but I basically disagree - I constantly strive to remember it's not about ME, the caregiver - it is about my WIFE, who is lost. She may not remember it 5 minutes later, but she lives it 24 hours a day. In choosing whether to place her or not, I worry about what is best for HER more than what is best for ME. Maybe its because I have caregivers who provide a lot of help, but I hate the idea that I would place her because it was tough on me, if its not also better for her.

doforanimals

4 months ago

Yes, the dementia patient has their share of problems, but the Caregivers are worse off. The dementia patient may be agitated one minute, but 5 minutes later has forgotten if and what he/she has been agitated about. The Caregiver, on the other hand remembers everything and loses sleep and develops health problems trying to handle and solve all the problems and responsibilities involved with caregiving.

GALOWA

4 months ago

CAREGIVERS (Family Caregivers) - HANDS DOWN!

My problem isn't the cost of care - Medicare and our state program help cover the major expenses. My problem is this: How do you know/recognize when the time has come to put the patient into full-time care? I agree that I need to care for Mom as long as I can; no one else will care for her or about her as I do, including family members who can't be bothered to even call her occasionally. Homes are impersonal and cold no matter how well-run they are. I also know she is going to hate me for it. But I also recognize that I can't do this forever. It's a very stressful life for all of us.

Cndy

4 months ago

Everyone's situation is different... In my case, my mom was diagnosed at age 64 and is 65 now. I have three young children. My mom is divorced and lives alone. The "roadblocks" mentioned in the article do any apply to me. I would be happy to get my mom to day care or have someone else give a hand...fact is she DOES NOT have a rainy day fund nor do we... This is her rainy day and we are still trying to find an umbrella!! My mom's quite content living in her middle stage world right now...she does not realize that her judgment is severly impaired and her memory is rapidly declining nor does she have empathy for the stress she has put on our family by choosing to spend her "rainy day" fund before she needed elder care. Meanwhile, I see the rapid decline far too well and have not yet found the means with which to get her into some kind of assisted living. From where I am right now...she is doing okay and I am on a steady decline both mentally and physically from the stress which this disease causes. She has medications helping her cope...I do not... I know my mom and I know myself and right now she is much better off than me...

I wonder how the person in the middle to later stages of Alzheimer's disease would respond. No doubt those of us who are caregivers feel/live the stress of caring for a family member with Alzheimer's disease. Protecting them, answering the same question a thousand times, cajoling them into bathing, and grieving for the relationship to go on as before, without change or interuption. Meanwhile is it better to live with the stress and grief OR to be the care receiver filled with fear, surrounded by strangers, unable to protect oneself or flee from danger, and perhaps isolated (mentally, socially and spiritually). All suffer . . . neither one more than the other . . . just differently.

The Caregiver suffers the most. They know what is really going on. You can explain the the victim of the disease but they won't remember. You as the caregiver have to "humor" them. Not lying, but dancing around the questions ex: Where is my money? or I want to go home. or when they cry and can't recall the words their brain is trying to say. Being appreciated by the victim is not relevant in this. The truth of the matter is no one will care for your loved one like you would..just as when your children were small, no one loves and raises your children as you do or good enough. At some point, you had to trust someone with your child, just as you have to trust someone with your loved one with Alzheimer's. AND remember things happen and it is usually no particular person's fault.