When a Call to Hospice Is a Gift to the Caregiver

Hospice care if the west was forced upon us by the hospital. Neither I or the patient wanted it. They totally disregarded the patient's wishes on pain control. the some if the nurses were rude and arrogant. the patient was alert, was quickly drugged to a stupor with a dose higher then was ordered. Pt out for day and 1/2. came out if it demanding not to be given pain medicine. They denied her further care. Her care needs were physical. Jr was like pulling teeth to get wound care supplies. They returned only to drugged the patient to death. I wish I had never had then step foot in the house.

to Anonymous: thank you for your sense of humor! I can sure use it now, as I am, one of those 24/7 spousal caregivers. My husband of almost 57 years has COPD and it is in last stage now. The doctors have said that, but 2 years ago! It is a very slow, excruciating disease because, as American Lung Assoc. says "If you can't breathe, nothing else matters!" I have been inquiring into Hospice and have encouraging reports, but my husband is a fighter. He will not ever want to agree to it, until he is nearly gone. I hope this doesn't sound like I am trying to rush things (no one can anyway). I love him dearly and have a dread of what is ahead. But I don't want him to suffer more, and Hospice might be able to help.

Interesting! I'd spent years with my late husband's failing heart and prostate cancer and all of the resulting symptoms, appointments and adaptation in foods, use of time, etc. I also needed to take care of myself.....but, that's hard for a life-long "take care of" person who has already gotten on the "treadmill" of spousal care 24/7. By the time I knew I needed self-care it was too late. And,by the time we got my late husband into hospice he had less than 3 weeks to live. We [primary care physician and I] knew he needed that type of care but he was still mentally "in charge of his own ship" [decision-making] and felt it wasn't yet time. We'd paid into long-term care insurance for years and didn't even get to use it! One of the grief work books I've read since his death quoted a young widow who said (this is paraphrased, since I don't have the book here to check exact wording) "If/whem I remarry, I'm going to have a clause in a pre-nup saying that I get to die first!" How I can relate to that! But I'll go one better: I have no intention of remarrying! I only marry every 30 years, and I figure that there are 6 years left on this marriage. Even without my partner being alive I'll use those years to heal and move on! Surely, by the age of 83 I'll know better than to take on another! My late brother's widow notes "By that age most men are looking for a nurse or a purse" and I'm not going to risk either!!