How to Get Siblings to Help Pay for a Parent's Care

lifesaver

5 months ago

my life took a turn for the worse when my husband was found dead at work ...blunt forced injuries to the head .... shortly after that my mom got sick seeing i was alone my family thought it would be good for me to move in with mom and i also agreed . My mother had copd and was under doctors care for that well one nite she was having pains in chest er is where we went and was asked by er doctor how long my mom had cancer we looked at each other in awe....well she did have stage 4 sm cell lung cancer i did all i could do and then some cognitive thinking good diet water and detox and some herbs before chemo /radiation,she survived that but then had tia. Now mind you we were getting by well with monies i had my job and she sm. cleaning biz we never asked my other siblings for help . things got worse for her had to stop working and went to work for her money was getting thin . yrs passed and we now hit rock bottom and do you know that not a one of them even pays for a bill nor do they come see her. they have me as the bad guy. they refuse to help in any way the oldest said the only way she will help is to send my mom back east to live with her....oh come on they all have awesome paying jobs and there is no reason why they should be so greedy . they think they would be paying my way ..... thats not what i am asking i am just needing them to help their momshe does have five kids not one..... well we lost our car repo we are now facing eviction and i am up against a brick wall . did i tell you that i suffer from ptsd bipolar and personality disorder.... i am under close eye of my doctors and support team ....but i need my family to step up and pitch in....god bless them

CA-Claire

5 months ago

As the family's designated caregiver, I guess that I am pretty lucky. The two oldest children live 5 or 6 hours drive away, #3 child lives 45 minutes away, and I am 15 minutes away. Most of the time, things work very well. When it comes to family get-togethers is where we have our diagreements, so I consider us very lucky. Plus our parent's have enough resources to take care of themselves until they pass (they're 90 and both have AD, Dad is in congestive heart failure and more than half his stomach is in his chest cavity - 14+cm hiatal hernia). I feel for those that are struggling for resources, or that are fighting about 'things' that their loved ones have. For those that are the caregivers, at least we understand that it's the person that's important, not the 'things'.

cyberdeck

5 months ago

What do you do when your siblings, all fairly successful in their careers, don't care? I came back to the state my family lives in, to discover that our mother had major memory issues and was neglecting her well being. I thoughtlessly went to my siblings and asked for help getting her to a doctor to find out what was happening to her. My siblings literally laughed in my face and acknowledged that they were aware of her state and were waiting for her to die. They made jokes about how she would die. That was the start of a year and a half battle to get help for my mother. Things I learned, the police, fire, paramedics and health care workers, among others, are legally required to report abuse and neglect even self abuse and self neglect. They are not subject to any kind of prosecution if they are mistaken, so there is absolutely no risk to them to do so. My mother lives in a town where I asked almost every policeman and paramedic for help for my mother and they all played dumb. (My mother had taken to calling 911 and wasting the towns time). The police and firemen had no problem denigrating and demeaning me, but help was not something they would provide. The way I ended up getting help was that the town got sick of my mother irritating them and sent out their elder abuse officer. Her solution was that she was going to condemn my mothers house and have her kicked out of the town. A real threat that did nothing to move my siblings. They were fine with it. After a few months, the officer came up with her next idea and that was that she threatened to prosecute all of my mothers children for abuse and neglect. That actually worked. The threat of publicizing their abuse was too much for my siblings and the day after getting this news, two of my siblings showed up and escorted my mother to the hospital. From there started the infighting over my mothers fairly small amount of liquid assets and cash on hand. In the hospital, on the day they took her in, while awaiting the psych evaluation, they were fighting in the halls about the cash in her wallet. Ironic when you consider that none of them are really short on cash. Thankfully because I was the object of their wrath for not leaving our mother to die, I stayed out of that one. So, how is it that I am to get these animals to contribute anything???

Betsy Evatt,­ CMC

over 2 years ago

When convening a family meeting to discuss distribution of responsibilities to care for a parent, a Geriatric Care Manager can be very helpful to provide objectivity, mediation, and insight into available resources. If you are looking for a Care Manager, members of the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers can be found by name and by zip code at www.caremanager.org.

Rev_Kerry

over 2 years ago

We moved here almost 10 years ago to help my wifes mom take care of her sister. Her sister died almost 6 years ago and Mom quickly went downhill until now she care barely get out of bed to transfer to her potty chair. My wife suddenly became a 24/7 care provider for her mom while the rest of her family won't even visit because they know we will ask them to help out with mom. I have no relationship with my wife and I took a meaningless job just so I would be close in case Mom fell or ...worse. I hope I can find suggestions on getting through this but I'm not sure.

Blue Topaz

over 2 years ago

oops. I mean "these articles" are definitely useful. My bad on grammar.

Blue Topaz

over 2 years ago

Thanks. This are definitely useful.

Angel A

over 2 years ago

All of the suggestions here can be discussed and implimented with the use of a FREE service offered on www.Lotsahelpinghands.com You can create a free-of-charge, private, web-based community to organize family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues – a family’s ‘circles of community’ — during times of need. This site makes it easy to coordinate activities and manage volunteers with their intuitive group calendar. Communicate and share information using announcements, messages boards, and photos too! Using this type of 'service' makes everyone in your circle aware of "what" is needed and "when" and reduces the amount of followup required to make sure all events are covered. I am not affliated with this service, but I have created a website/center for my mother to eliminate misunderstandings, or 'dates' of events for our mother!