Last updated:
22-Sep-2009
Sex and Alzheimer's: Love Stories, Sad Stories, and Lots of Questions
Caring.com is an informational site only. Neither Caring.com nor its partners provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, or legal, financial, or other professional services advice or advice about what service providers to use.
By using our Website, you agree to the
Terms of Use
and
Privacy Policy.
© Copyright 2008-2009 Caring, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
WellSpouse thanks for adding your perspective -- coincidentally I just mentioned your organization in a newer post about why spousal caregivers often miss out on resources for help.
A very perceptive entry. I am the President of the Well Spouse Association, http://wellspouse.org, a non-profit group offering peer support to husbands, wives or partners of persons with chronic illness and/or disability. We have members whose spouses have Alzheimer's or other illnesses involving dementia. That apart, very often in the case of any chronic illness/disability, intimacy gets disrupted, due to fatigue and other symptoms that make it less interesting or possible for the ill spouse, and less appealing or attractive for the well spouse. The situation described by pollytnjc certainly can occur. Usually it's the family who takes exception to the "abuse" of a new spouse/caregiver. The WSA concentrates on helping the well spouse regain balance in his/her life in order to help them look after their ill spouse. This principle applies no matter what the situation. So in the case of dementia and Alzheimer's, I would say we would encourage the well spouse so that the emotional well-being of both partners is paramount.
My father's sexual needs grew so much that he wanted sex all the time. My mom as his care giver gave in for a long time but after he proceeded to the next stages and became very aggressive he had to be moved to an Alzheimer's Facility. It was not condusive to sex and privacy so the sexual activity stopped. My father, of course didn't understand so he would become angry and accuse my mother of having a boyfriend. It became very ugly at times. We didn't want to put my mother in danger and we didn't know how to handle the whole situation. What do you do when the Alzheimer's "victim" is so angry and aggressive? Unfortunatly we lost my dad in 2008, but maybe someone else could benefit from some insight.
No, but I have seen love affairs start up in assisted living homes between residents married to others, very sexual conversations by a man to visitors and staff alike, and strong sexual approaches to caregivers, causing them to quit. These are probably more prevelant.
Further, what about a situation where a person with sexual desires and slight dementia is perceived to have a good deal of money, and a caretaker is able to use sexual favors to gain control of this person's resources? Has anyone had experience within their family situations where a caregiver has abused their position like this? Or similar situation where an elderly person has been manipulated this way?