Sex and Alzheimer's: Love Stories, Sad Stories, and Lots of Questions

Emily M.

10 months ago

Hi anonymous, Thanks for your comment. I'm sorry to hear you've been having difficulty with your husband lately, that must be tough for you. If you are interested, you may find some useful information in our "Sex and Relationships" section, here: ( http://www.caring.com/sex ). You can also post a question in our Ask & Answer section, located here: ( http://www.caring.com/ask ). I hope that helps. Take care -- Emily | Community Manager

I have lost all desire for sex in the last year. Caregiving is so stressfull and draining somedays and my husband's approach is so differrent than it was before the disease. I feel guilty at times for not feeling the same desire that he apparently does. If I don't respond to him he accuses me of seeing someone else and saving it all for the other man and not loving him. That is so untrue. He was my first love/lover I can't even imagine being with anyone else. Do I just need to give myself to him and not think of myself?

gilwayw

over 1 year ago

It is very helpful to know that my feelings are shared by others. Sometimes the situation can be a bit overwelming, but I always manage to bounce back. Piled onto the situation with my husband's Alzheimer's are other family issues - oldest son (USAF) is in Afghanistan, third son involved in motorcycle accident, and youngest granddaughter (2 1/2) is battling leukemia. You know how that goes. Some weeks are better than others. I've learned that many times when I get overwelmed at not being able to help others more, I just have to give it up to God and remind myself that I'm not really in charge. I'm so glad I stumbled onto this website last week. How nice to have a life line!..........Gillian

Paula Spence­r Scott

over 2 years ago

WellSpouse thanks for adding your perspective -- coincidentally I just mentioned your organization in a newer post about why spousal caregivers often miss out on resources for help.

Wellspouse

over 2 years ago

A very perceptive entry. I am the President of the Well Spouse Association, http://wellspouse.org, a non-profit group offering peer support to husbands, wives or partners of persons with chronic illness and/or disability. We have members whose spouses have Alzheimer's or other illnesses involving dementia. That apart, very often in the case of any chronic illness/disability, intimacy gets disrupted, due to fatigue and other symptoms that make it less interesting or possible for the ill spouse, and less appealing or attractive for the well spouse. The situation described by pollytnjc certainly can occur. Usually it's the family who takes exception to the "abuse" of a new spouse/caregiver. The WSA concentrates on helping the well spouse regain balance in his/her life in order to help them look after their ill spouse. This principle applies no matter what the situation. So in the case of dementia and Alzheimer's, I would say we would encourage the well spouse so that the emotional well-being of both partners is paramount.

lmartin

over 2 years ago

My father's sexual needs grew so much that he wanted sex all the time. My mom as his care giver gave in for a long time but after he proceeded to the next stages and became very aggressive he had to be moved to an Alzheimer's Facility. It was not condusive to sex and privacy so the sexual activity stopped. My father, of course didn't understand so he would become angry and accuse my mother of having a boyfriend. It became very ugly at times. We didn't want to put my mother in danger and we didn't know how to handle the whole situation. What do you do when the Alzheimer's "victim" is so angry and aggressive? Unfortunatly we lost my dad in 2008, but maybe someone else could benefit from some insight.

No, but I have seen love affairs start up in assisted living homes between residents married to others, very sexual conversations by a man to visitors and staff alike, and strong sexual approaches to caregivers, causing them to quit. These are probably more prevelant.

pollytnjc

over 2 years ago

Further, what about a situation where a person with sexual desires and slight dementia is perceived to have a good deal of money, and a caretaker is able to use sexual favors to gain control of this person's resources? Has anyone had experience within their family situations where a caregiver has abused their position like this? Or similar situation where an elderly person has been manipulated this way?