How to Prevent Family Money Conflicts by Reconciling Money Styles

JeanC

over 2 years ago

I see some of the styles you describe in various people, but most people don't seem to exclusively fall into one category or another. Rather they tend to have characteristics of 2 or 3 with one being dominant. For example, my mother was probably a hoarder until she was about 50 or so. By that time her family was nearly raised and they were quite comfortable. She had always had a bit of the binger in her, but she really went into high gear on the binging at that point in her life and has remained there. She is very critical of anyone else spending money on anything, but she can go out and spend several thousand dollars (that she supposedly didn't have a week earlier) on new furniture, diamond rings, or whatever she has decided she needs to maintain her status at the moment. My Dad is pretty much a miser and as long as he has some money in his pocket, he doesn't care what she does most of the time. This is pretty difficult for me because I'm not money motivated, but I take care of it the best I can. One of my brother's is just a spender (so is his wife) and mother has bailed them out over & over. My other brother is a miser like Dad with a little of the spender characteristics, and his wife is a hoarder with spender characteristics. I believe that if it is necessary to spend some money for health care or something like that, then do it. They won't. If two items are nearly the same, but the prices are widely apart, go for the cheaper one (Mom, their wives, & both brothers would buy the brand name if it was for themselves, but a cheaper model for someone else.)They will cheat if they get the chance, but profess to be honest. I will tell the clerk if they undercharged me or gave me too much change. They say I'm too honest. I get totally frustrated with the money wars and try to point out to all of them that you can't take it with you and family is more important than money, so I end up the bad guy most of the time. I'm tired of all of them. To make matters worse, I'm the POA and executor of our parents' estate. They are both elderly and ill. I figure it's going to get real ugly and I don't know how to stop it.