12 Signs of an Over-Involved Caregiver

I recently retired to stay home and become the caregiver of my husband of 54 years. The comments from all of you helped me to make my decision. My guilt about not being here is gone and what time we do have is now very precious. My energy has increased and we manage to stay busy. I garden and he carries the tools. We walk daily which he loves ( slow but sure) and he seem to be gaining strength in his legs. Mostly we just laugh and he naps a lot. becasue he is more relaxed, not agitated. He still goes to day care one day a week for the social connections. Thanks for all the input I received. It really helped me.

I do feel bogged down at times , but I am so grateful for those friends who call to chat. I always try to take that time off: turn off the stove or whatever: sit and chat for as long as possible...even at night. I regard this as time off and consciously relax during this time. I am the sole caregiver so I am responsible 24 hours a day.For now it is tolerable. Also I retire to my garden as soon as my charge falls asleep and enjoy doing stuff. Then when he awakes I sit him in this garden and continue for as long as he can. Every day I plan a meal which I can also enjoy..even if I have to blend or chop some of it for him. None of these replace a day off completely, and maybe someday I will get one, but meanwhile I can live with these small increments.

In my case, w/ my Mom being the "overinvolved" caregiver for my 99 year old grandmother (w/ Stage 7 Alzheimers); to the detriment of her health and family relationships; the article would have been more helpful if it provided some suggestions/tips on how to cope with someone who is pyschologically/emotionally entwined with her "patient". Personally, I have somewhat distanced myself from the situation, b/c it has been detrimental to my mental/emotional health. MY Mom has been overinvolved; my aunt has been underinvolved and there is no "back=up" plan for when my Mom becomes too ill (and that dat will come) to care for my grandmother. Both siblings refuse to place my grandmother is a nursing home/care facility. Thanks for letting me vent:))

a lot of the things in this article were true for me i moved here to care for my mom although ive been here a year i dont have any friends here i dont go out i dont do anything but cook, clean, handle bills and other matters for my mom and dr. visits ive realized i have no life outside moms house i dont even date anymore im not happy but i know i have to be here to help my mom

Just knowing that there "is" such a thing as doing too much. That's why I feel like I'm losing it. When I'm not doing something for my folks, I'm worrying about one or the other or both.

Realization that some of the things I have done (before Bob went to the rehab/nursing home) were too controlling. It gradually happened; Bob became so dependent on me that he is having major problems adjusting to only seeing me once a week. (with the price of gas and distance I cannot visit except on the weekend). It gradually happened that I just took over scheduling what/when we ate, when we went out in the car, etc. I did not think about taking a trip because it was too awkward (in my opinion) and never discussed.

I own a senior care home and I see so much in the alz. Life. I have so much to offer those who are going through the stages with a loved one.

It's difficult to connect with the idea of giving too much when it's your husband of over 50 years who treated this caregiver like a princess. We suffererd ups and downs like most people but we became closer and always supported each other. My husband always did the dishes but now can barely stand. He did the laundry and shopping. Now he feels lost, sad and frightened. I hold his hand and tell him I love him and cry endlessly. I do have help to the tune of 40 hours per week. I have good friends but no family in sight.

As a healthcare provider, I've seen many spouses or adult children that got either physically injured, or totally stressed out because they felt guilty to have a life for themselves also. I will direct those people to this website. Thanks.

Slow but steady baby steps are often the easiest on everybody but being candid and clear about your needs tends to be a good idea too, where possible...interesting to hear what has worked for others--

The interestng question here is if you're over-involved, how do you take a step back and create a new expectation for the person you're providing care for?