Men, Women, Illness, and Caregiving: A Recipe for Divorce?

flewds

over 1 year ago

I am in an unusual situation... I am the husband of 18 years (two teenage kids). My wife had ovarian cancer (IIIC), and I shared caregiving duties with a female family friend who came to stay with us. Our marriage was in difficult straits before the diagnosis, and I did begin an emotional (but not at all physical) relationship with a distant female friend. Leaned on her during the marriage problems and the cancer problems, as well as the post-cancer problems - my wife came out of it trying to shed herself of stressful things (including me, I was told). Anyhow, the emotional relationship was discovered while I was on a business trip (not with the other person), and within 4 days, I was served with divorce papers. It seemed very quick to me, and very extreme as I didn't break the "rules" from a male perspective (no actual, virtual, or imaginary physical relationship of any kind). Just a warm friend who was able to keep my heart whole as my wife was breaking it, both through her illness and her behavior. The visiting friend is still there helping - actually, it feels as if she's taking my place - and I'm looking at a divorce at a very difficult time in our lives. I feel almost like she "smoked me down to the filter" and chucked me out the car window - and that this family is being driven off a cliff rapidly. I am responsible for the emotional relationship, I understand that, and all I can say was that it provided me comfort that was unavailable at home, either before discovery of the illness or for a goodly period of time thereafter. But I also feel that in times like these, families should heal - themselves and each other - as going through the disease and its treatment were beyond hell. It is really heartbreaking to me - but all I get from her is that I'm lying (which I'm not).

pw2766

over 1 year ago

Too much stress on a relationship is not good and while I am no advocate divorce I do feel that sometimes it is inevitable. I tried everything I could to save my marriage and it didn't work. Now I am a single Dad (yes I have full custody) with 3 kids. The divorce was hard on them but they are so much better off now. I got a lot of information and <a href="http://www.dadsdivorce.com/">advice for divorce</a> from http://www.dadsdivorce.com.

Karenmom

about 2 years ago

In 2007 I was diagnosed with tongue cancer (NEVER SMOKED!). Naturally at first my husband of 26 years was devastated but I told him I was not about to give up and die. I had too much to live for(him and our two teenagers) and he needed to help me thru it and did he ever! I had several surgeries,including the removal of most of my tongue, chemo,& radiation. My husband was extremely supportive and was with me through everything-driving to the cancer center(150 miles away), bringing me to every radiation treatment, stopping along the way so I could be sick to my stomach-everything. He took over bill paying, fielding phone calls, total kid duty(school, practices, meals). The cancer now thank God is gone but there are so many left over effects(cant eat, cant speak right, chemo affected hearing....) but my husband is still here and still makes me smile when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I couldn't have made it without his love and support.