What Every Caregiver Knows: Love Is a Verb

Jemerin

about 2 years ago

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Sopher's Mom­

about 2 years ago

Actually, I think you should say it--if the person you're caring for likes or needs to hear it--even if you DON'T mean it in the moment. I am going through one of those bitter, resentful, fatiguing times that many caregivers need to endure periodically. Remembering to say "I love you" helps me remember a better time and a better self--and that I need to do things to make things better.

Paula Spence­r Scott

about 2 years ago

I like all this varied feedback, which goes to show that "everybody's different" -- To your question, Anonymous, my 2 brothers and 2 sisters all say it all the time. That's their style (and they probably *do* mean it, even at the end of a phone call); it's just not mine.

joyg

over 2 years ago

I say it often to my husband of 54 years who is in hospice, but I do mean it. However, having said that I would like to remind everyone that LOVE IS AN ACTION, and we all carry it out in many different ways.

I completely disagree. I think it's important to say it - and mean it - often. Just because I say it at the end of every phone call doesn't mean that I mean it any less. I mean it every time. I also think older people who are in need of care need to hear you say it. You were very lucky that you got that chance. And out of curiosity - how often did your brother and sister in law say it to your dad? My guess is a lot more than you did (not that yours meant any less). I do agree that it shouldn't be said if it's not meant.

liu_fengxi

over 2 years ago

Thank you so much for writing this post. My parents are very difficult people and my relationship with them has never been close; yet when my mother's Alzheimer's became worst, I realized it would be unethical to stand by and watch them struggle until they ended up hospitalized or worst. I moved in with them this year and began looking after them, and it has been both awful and rewarding. Some days I want to scream and tell my parents what horrible people they are; other days it's apparent they do appreciate what I do for them. I can't say "I love you" to them, not yet, anyway. But I am thankful that I have had this opportunity to heal our relationship and make it into something less bitter and angry. And I hope they understand my work is my way of saying I still care about them, no matter what our past was like.

arlene59

over 2 years ago

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This is exactly how I feel; you said it so well. My family is a "loveyoubye" family and I cannot reciprocate so nonchalantly. I do not think they understand, I am so glad you do.