What Every Caregiver Knows: Love Is a Verb

Nice post, thanks for sharing this wonderful and usefull information with us. Green Tea

Actually, I think you should say it--if the person you're caring for likes or needs to hear it--even if you DON'T mean it in the moment. I am going through one of those bitter, resentful, fatiguing times that many caregivers need to endure periodically. Remembering to say "I love you" helps me remember a better time and a better self--and that I need to do things to make things better.

I like all this varied feedback, which goes to show that "everybody's different" -- To your question, Anonymous, my 2 brothers and 2 sisters all say it all the time. That's their style (and they probably *do* mean it, even at the end of a phone call); it's just not mine.

I say it often to my husband of 54 years who is in hospice, but I do mean it. However, having said that I would like to remind everyone that LOVE IS AN ACTION, and we all carry it out in many different ways.

I completely disagree. I think it's important to say it - and mean it - often. Just because I say it at the end of every phone call doesn't mean that I mean it any less. I mean it every time. I also think older people who are in need of care need to hear you say it. You were very lucky that you got that chance. And out of curiosity - how often did your brother and sister in law say it to your dad? My guess is a lot more than you did (not that yours meant any less). I do agree that it shouldn't be said if it's not meant.

Thank you so much for writing this post. My parents are very difficult people and my relationship with them has never been close; yet when my mother's Alzheimer's became worst, I realized it would be unethical to stand by and watch them struggle until they ended up hospitalized or worst. I moved in with them this year and began looking after them, and it has been both awful and rewarding. Some days I want to scream and tell my parents what horrible people they are; other days it's apparent they do appreciate what I do for them. I can't say "I love you" to them, not yet, anyway. But I am thankful that I have had this opportunity to heal our relationship and make it into something less bitter and angry. And I hope they understand my work is my way of saying I still care about them, no matter what our past was like.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This is exactly how I feel; you said it so well. My family is a "loveyoubye" family and I cannot reciprocate so nonchalantly. I do not think they understand, I am so glad you do.