Last updated:
26-Oct-2009
Family Financial Feuds: The Case of the "Borrowing" Sibling
When one sibling repeatedly borrows money from a parent and other siblings resent it
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Mother is 87 in good health. Spends 3 to 4 months a year in each of here (3 out of 8) children. She accumulated some wealth through the years, saving them by-the-penny. All three brothers are very kind to her, but two out of the three are spenders of their own money and not penny-savers... the 3rd one (myself) is a good money manager and she realize I appreciate the value of the money... she decided to write in her will all of her money to me... All 3 good brothers are financially comfortable and love our mother, but her choice to be biased to only one child (myself) caused lots of trouble... pressuring her to be fare to at least the three of us, whom she spends part of the year their houses, makes her very mad and says " I spent my life saving my money very carefully, and now they will spend most of it in few months..." should I ignore her will and (god give her long life) when she completes her life... just distribute the money evenly on 3,,, or even on all 8..... dilemma... None of the three need her money... especially me... we are all doing ok..... as a joke you probably saying in your head.. well send the money to me... several "sheakhs" already suggested that....thanks for your advice joe_zada@yahoo.com
There may be more to the legal picture than has been discussed so far. In some states, the use of one's position ("loving" relative, trusted son, etc.) to gain influence over how an elder uses money for the benefit of the relative may be a crime, too. "Undue influence" is part of financial elder abuse. Sadly, it does happen at the hands of family more often than anyone outside the family. If the level of "borrowing" or taking or persuading an elder who can't say no has reached the point of financial harm to the elder, it's time to consider reporting this to Adult Protective Services, or equivalent in your community. This can tear families apart, but the elder's financial welfare has to take priority over any concern about the freeloader's embarrassment or consequences. Some freeloaders bankrupt their elders. Take the "borrowing" and helping one's self to Mom's funds seriously. It can be a violation of the law and financial elder abuse. See an elder law attorney for advice if this is what is happening in your family. Carolyn Rosenblatt, R.N., Attorney, AgingParents.com
This blog answered a lot of questions for me. You totally described my freeloading sibling. Now I understand his condition I won't stress myself so much. I know what to do now. Thank You..