The Junk Wars: 8 Ways to Get Rid of Aging Parents' "Stuff" (and Your Resentment Over Having to Deal With It)

When I moved into my mother's house it was even diffulcult for her to let go of half consumed take-out! Now she is confined to bed and it is easier to get things out - I have been amazed at how many items that are still useful that people on 'FreeCycle' want and need. Most of the six partial sets of dishes have gone to the homeless shelter, etc., Now, what to do with the 30yr collection of fossils and minerals!

I'm a little slow in reading posts - but thought I'd add my comments. I moved in with my mom 10 years ago to take care of her. My dad had recently died. Talk about holding on to things. They had saved every, yes every cancelled check they had ever written in their life. They even had federal income tax returns back to 1947 when they were first married and for every year since. I put all special its (paper weights, vases, ornaments) into two glass book cases. So there was still special things showing. My mom to this day will not allow me to get rid of "her" things even though she has no idea she has this junk. I move everthing not used into one unused room. Let it sit there for a while until she doesn't notice it. Then I wait until she goes to bet at night and moved it to my car and take it to a charity that can sell it. Little by little I have cleaned most of the house. Or I lie and say it is mine and I don't want it and her dementia is so bad she won't argue about that. I still after 10 years have a room full of furniture that "that was mine when I was a child" (not true) that has been difficult to move out of the house. The clutter is out from under foot at least and makes it easier to manager taking care of her. I just ignore the "junk" room a lot since it becomes overwhelming dealing with her and the junk. I figure that if I wait longer, her dementia will be bad enough to where she won't pay attention any more. It is very difficult and the point of many arguements.

There are so many great ideas embedded in these comments, the power of group-think! Thanks for sharing them --

Whew, I just clicked on this site out of morbid curiousity since only the first line of the page title showed and said "The Junk Wars: 8 ways to get rid of aging parents" Guess you only need to push the comment button one time, eh?

In some circumstances, a good way to unburden everyone emotionally attached to, or burdened by, excess property, is choosing to sell at auction. (In fact, a probate court may order an auction if a will is lacking, debts are owed, or due to embattled or neglectful heirs). With an auction nothing is thrown away and unwanted property is converted to cash. Its easy to sell small lots at a consignment auction house, many even offer pick-up service. If you have a large amount of property, an on-site auction can avoid the cost and work of moving, and the auctioneers crews will do all of the work. Call each auctioneers listed in your area, then meet with least three, discuss all costs for ads, set-up, workers, commissions etc, and get an estimate in writing, ask for references and call them. Read the contract before signing. Auctions can also avoid or resolve battles between heirs for cherished items and the competitive bidding puts the money back into the estate. Expect to pay 10 to 40% of the sale value for auction services. If you have the fortitude, time and energy and need to maximize cash return you can combine a family reunion with a garage sale or estate sale. You can tag you items or take offers. If you haggle hard and promote your event well, you can sum out ahead of an auctions proceeds by doing it yourself, but you may still have a pile of leftovers for the recycling center and local charities. If your parents are going to help, make them promise not to give anything away once the item has been designated for the sale, not even to the grandkids. Ebay is another alternative for a few items, especially valuable collectibles. On line auctions involve a lot of work unless you contract someone to sell and ship the items. Be assured that for each and every discarded item there was a lamenting collector who would have gladly parted with good money to save that treasure from the ride to the landfill or the flames of the burn barrel.

In some circumstances, a good way to unburden everyone emotionally attached to, or burdened by, excess property, is choosing to sell at auction. (In fact, a probate court may order an auction if a will is lacking, debts are owed, or due to embattled or neglectful heirs). With an auction nothing is thrown away and unwanted property is converted to cash. Its easy to sell small lots at a consignment auction house, many even offer pick-up service. If you have a large amount of property, an on-site auction can avoid the cost and work of moving, and the auctioneers crews will do all of the work. Call each auctioneers listed in your area, then meet with least three, discuss all costs for ads, set-up, workers, commissions etc, and get an estimate in writing, ask for references and call them. Read the contract before signing. Auctions can also avoid or resolve battles between heirs for cherished items and the competitive bidding puts the money back into the estate. Expect to pay 10 to 40% of the sale value for auction services. If you have the fortitude, time and energy and need to maximize cash return you can combine a family reunion with a garage sale or estate sale. You can tag you items or take offers. If you haggle hard and promote your event well, you can sum out ahead of an auctions proceeds by doing it yourself, but you may still have a pile of leftovers for the recycling center and local charities. If your parents are going to help, make them promise not to give anything away once the item has been designated for the sale, not even to the grandkids. Ebay is another alternative for a few items, especially valuable collectibles. On line auctions involve a lot of work unless you contract someone to sell and ship the items. Be assured that for each and every discarded item there was a lamenting collector who would have gladly parted with good money to save that treasure from the ride to the landfill or the flames of the burn barrel.

In some circumstances, a good way to unburden everyone emotionally attached to, or burdened by, excess property, is choosing to sell at auction. (In fact, a probate court may order an auction if a will is lacking, debts are owed, or due to embattled or neglectful heirs). With an auction nothing is thrown away and unwanted property is converted to cash. Its easy to sell small lots at a consignment auction house, many even offer pick-up service. If you have a large amount of property, an on-site auction can avoid the cost and work of moving, and the auctioneers crews will do all of the work. Call each auctioneers listed in your area, then meet with least three, discuss all costs for ads, set-up, workers, commissions etc, and get an estimate in writing, ask for references and call them. Read the contract before signing. Auctions can also avoid or resolve battles between heirs for cherished items and the competitive bidding puts the money back into the estate. Expect to pay 10 to 40% of the sale value for auction services. If you have the fortitude, time and energy and need to maximize cash return you can combine a family reunion with a garage sale or estate sale. You can tag you items or take offers. If you haggle hard and promote your event well, you can sum out ahead of an auctions proceeds by doing it yourself, but you may still have a pile of leftovers for the recycling center and local charities. If your parents are going to help, make them promise not to give anything away once the item has been designated for the sale, not even to the grandkids. Ebay is another alternative for a few items, especially valuable collectibles. On line auctions involve a lot of work unless you contract someone to sell and ship the items. Be assured that for each and every discarded item there was a lamenting collector who would have gladly parted with good money to save that treasure from the ride to the landfill or the flames of the burn barrel.

In some circumstances, a good way to unburden everyone emotionally attached to, or burdened by, excess property, is choosing to sell at auction. (In fact, a probate court may order an auction if a will is lacking, debts are owed, or due to embattled or neglectful heirs). With an auction nothing is thrown away and unwanted property is converted to cash. Its easy to sell small lots at a consignment auction house, many even offer pick-up service. If you have a large amount of property, an on-site auction can avoid the cost and work of moving, and the auctioneers crews will do all of the work. Call each auctioneers listed in your area, then meet with least three, discuss all costs for ads, set-up, workers, commissions etc, and get an estimate in writing, ask for references and call them. Read the contract before signing. Auctions can also avoid or resolve battles between heirs for cherished items and the competitive bidding puts the money back into the estate. Expect to pay 10 to 40% of the sale value for auction services. If you have the fortitude, time and energy and need to maximize cash return you can combine a family reunion with a garage sale or estate sale. You can tag you items or take offers. If you haggle hard and promote your event well, you can sum out ahead of an auctions proceeds by doing it yourself, but you may still have a pile of leftovers for the recycling center and local charities. If your parents are going to help, make them promise not to give anything away once the item has been designated for the sale, not even to the grandkids. Ebay is another alternative for a few items, especially valuable collectibles. On line auctions involve a lot of work unless you contract someone to sell and ship the items. Be assured that for each and every discarded item there was a lamenting collector who would have gladly parted with good money to save that treasure from the ride to the landfill or the flames of the burn barrel.

Went I die I would like everything I own to disappear, like in O'Henry's poem "One Hoss Shay" where everything falls apart into molecules and atoms and the wind blows it away. But I would add to that, whereever my name appears on any registry, military records, social security, bank accounts, and etc. to also vanish into thin air and definitely no grave or any marker that I was alive.

I found a great book that helps you deal with Dealing With Your Parents Lifetime Accumulation Of Stuff it's called The Boomer Burden. It was written by a real Estate Lady. Great book, it was helpful when we needed!!! She is a really great person to be able to help so many others deal with this difficult topic.

This advice is wonderful, and not just for helping the elderly. I'm an archivist, and helping my mother clean out my grandmother's house after we moved grandma to a nursing home was...trying. Mom wanted to keep all the supposedly-valuable collectibles and toss all the "family papers", while I was focused on the unique family memories. The idea of taking photos of bulky items is great. I also use this idea for favorite items of my daughters' (clothing, toys) so that it is easier on me to pass these items onto the next owner rather than keeping them for sentimental reasons.

This summer I will be packing up/downsizing my Mom's home of 55 years, a home single-handedly built by my Dad, her husband of 51 years, for an out-of-area move to be closer to me. The idea of taking photos of their home is absolutely priceless! I am going to take photos of every aspect of their home and beautiful yard, as well as the surrounding neighborhood and neighbors. In addition I will add photos of special places we frequented as a family. All will go into a photo album which will be on her coffee table when she arrives at her new apartment at assisted living. I think initially it will help her feel her grief of what was and can no longer be, and hopeful that one day soon it will be a fond reflection for her of happy memories.

That's a great idea about taking pictures and creating an album of the items. When my late husband went into a nursing home at 33, he thankfully helped me sort through a list of items. While the process was frustrating, at the end of the day, he knew the new owners (relatives, friends and non-profits) could use the stuff better than either of us could in the throws of a healthcare crisis.

Another suggestion would be: learn about the options for disposal and recycling that are available in your area, and offer to help. I am caregiver to one person, and informally help two others as part of their support system. Giving usable things to charity, or putting it in a consignment shop is an easy fix compared to trying to throw things out in a somewhat responsible and "green" way. I have to drive 35 miles to a large recycling center to get rid of such things as old metal cookware, etc. And it's hard to know what to do with broken televisions and small appliances

I tried many of those same things. Dad passed away and Mom has dementia, She double checked anyone leaving the house. "They better not take my treasures". I finally started calling it my mess and kept appologizing. Mom finally told me to quit saying sorry and just clean it up. Unfortunatly Mom also told everyone else it was my mess and he can do it himself.

Thanks for your helpful and entertaining account of cleaning out. I need to get going.. I'm reminded of when I was cleaning out my Grandmother's things. I had sent my Grandfather out for the day. (She'd passed away several months before). I worked into the night, and slept in the spare room. The next morning, Grandfather came out and looked particularly grizzled. I'm sorry Grandfather, this must be very hard for you. "Actually," he said "I simply can't find a razor, comb or toothbrush in the entire house!"