Good ideas. What to do about relationship tensions between the adult child and parent that have been in place all their lives? These built up tensions can make living together very difficult for both parties.

When I read stuff like this it makes me so sad. I wanted my mom so bad to be with me in her last years but my dad would not ever even let her spend the nite. She passed away 3 years ago and oh how I miss her! If only I could have my mother here it would be such a blessing. i don't understand at all why people don't want their moms living with them when they are easy to be around.Older folks have a hard time, I am a cna and i find it so difficult to work in the rest homes where most of the cna's treat them with so much disrespect and are just there for the money. I would never want my parents to go there or myself for that matter. We as children are supposed to take care of our parents. It says so in the Bible too. They raised us and give almost all their life for our benefit. That is how I see it .

Great article. From my experience, I would say-- before moving an elderly parent into your home, be sure to consider and address the down-side issues related to homecare. I wish that I understood more of the cons of extended home care before moving my mother in with me. I also wish that we had very specifically addressed what the plan would be if/when the day came that EITHER of us found that arrangement uncomfortable. We generally discussed that with the money she was saving by living with us, she would be able to afford in-home caregivers when the time came. Believe me, you will not agree on when that time is, or if it is the best option at all. In business I have always advised my clients getting involved in a partnership of any kind, to think through ahead of time what the exit strategy would be if things didn't go as planned. I failed to do that in my personal "partnership" with my mother. My 87 yr old mother has lived with us over 7 years. It started out wonderful, but at this point, I can see how in some ways we have harmed her. Mom likes her alone time, as do I, so it seemed normal for her to spend lots of time reading when alone and joining the family when we were home. However, after all this time, Mom has become a virtual recluse. She no longer wants to make the effort to interact with anyone other than my husband & I. I have become her only "friend" and outlet. She is not getting the stimulation she needs from having her own "community" of people to interact with. Spending so much time alone, allows her focus just on her aches & pains, rather than on others. At the same time, I am feeling very burned out. I want to be her daughter, not her nurse and sole friend. She does have a hired caregiver for about 12 hours per week to take care of her laundry & ironing, cleaning her suite, and helping with showers on occasion. While it seems superfluous and extremely expensive to her to have someone with her more hours, I find that I am resenting the hours I spend each day running her errands, dealing with medication and preparing special food for her because she no longer wants to eat the meat and salads my husband and I eat. As empty-nesters now, my husband and I want time alone in the evening, but mother is at the door waiting for me whenever I come home. We have discussed that she should stay in her suite a couple nights each week, but she "forgets". All this to say...have a contingency plan before you commit to caring for your elderly parent.

Thanks srains, this is really helpful information. Clearly universal design has lots to offer the large and growing number of seniors who are committed to aging in place.

srains

about 1 year ago

You mention that Universal Design is a set of principles but it might be helpful to point to and list them: The Seven Principles of Universal Design 1. Equitable Use: The design does not disadvantage or stigmatize any group of users. 2. Flexibility in Use: The design accommodates a wide range of individual preferences and abilities. 3. Simple, Intuitive Use: Use of the design is easy to understand, regardless of the user's experience, knowledge, language skills, or current concentration level. 4. Perceptible Information: The design communicates necessary information effectively to the user, regardless of ambient conditions or the user's sensory abilities. 5. Tolerance for Error: The design minimizes hazards and the adverse consequences of accidental or unintended actions. 6. Low Physical Effort: The design can be used efficiently and comfortably, and with a minimum of fatigue. 7. Size and Space for Approach & Use: Appropriate size and space is provided for approach, reach, manipulation, and use, regardless of the user's body size, posture, or mobility. Source: http://www.adaptenv.org/index.php?option=Content&Itemid=25 Scott Rains www.RollingRains.com