5 Ways to Avoid Getting Pushed to the Brink by Alzheimer's Care

These are terrific insightful comments; thanks -- my post only skimmed the surface. There's no shame in saying "I can't do this all alone." Even with some help, you may also *need* more help/more networking/medications for the person/outplacement in a facility...as the first Anonymous noted, it's a situation of constant change (and sadly, mostly in one direction).

The ALzheimer's Associations offer training for care givers in the form of workshops, community programs and conferences. Check out the web site at alz.org and then go to the link, find your chapter. They may not be able to provide financial assistance but they do provide training. You can also call 800-272-3900 during business hours to be connected to your local chapter.

I have just been caring for my Mother who has alzheimers for over a month and I already feel as if I am losing my mind. I am an only child and have not lived with my mother for over 40 years. We lived 500 miles apart until she made some very bad decisions and I had to take her in to live with me. I currently have her in a day care program 3 days a week for several hours but there are still way too many hours in the day where I need to be with her constantly. To make matters worse, she believes that she is just "visiting" so therefore does not feel she needs to help in any way, refuses to let .. me do her laundry and puts off taking a shower until the smell drives us all away! I honestly don't know how much longer I can do this....I feel like my marriage is falling apart, like my life is certainly not my own and that there is nothing to look forward to. I've talked to counselors who tell me to take it "one day at a time" but each day gets more difficult! .

Being a caregiver is no different than being a parent, not all people were intended for this role. There are no classes, little help in most communities. I know all the recommendations about respite,adult day care, etc., but try and get help. Communities have waiting lists and paid help is very expensive. The majority of my help has been online, and believe it or not from friends who raised children. The local Alzheimer's support groups in my community are during the day and filled with elderly caregivers who bring their husband/wife patient, and who are stuggling with financial as well as caregiver issues. The support groups spend time listening to complaints with little practical help. We really need an organization that can train caregivers. I doubt we will ever get there. It is sad situation.

One of the saddest case I have ever heard was due to an Alzheimr's patient we could not help. When her daughter brought her in to be cared for, she insisted there would be no drugs except her cardio and BP meds. Within 40 minutes, this woman bit me, kicked a 6 inch bruise on my thigh, grabbed my hair on both sides of my heads (needed 2 others to disentangle from her), spit, peed in her waste basket, and last but not least...attacked her roommate causing numerous injuries requiring hospitalization. Since the daughter would not allow medications to calm her, she had to take her home. Within two weeks at home she had broken a picture window, injured a dog, and badly hurt her youngest grandchild with fire.Family services stepped in and the party got bigger and uglier.The daughter was charged with abuse for not giving her the meds to keep her calm just because she didn;t like the idea. She lost custody of all three children. One of the issues people seem to just gloss over with Alzhiemer's patients, is that they will become combative and many violent. Some may not remain that way but they all get there. If your loved one is showing signs of combativness, call the doctor. There are drugs that can help. The biggest problem with this phase of Alzhiemer's is that patients are confused, frightened, and do not understand things you think they should. Hence arguments they cannot win but neighter can you. The medications help and allow them to adjust to new surroundings or circumstances with less fear and confusion. Don't forget that Alzhiemer's all by its little nasty self changes the brain function and personality constantly.