The Surprising Thing Caregivers Want Most From Long-Distance Relatives

I have been a caregiver for almost 5 years to my 84 year old aunt with mid stages of Alzheimer's. I need help, not a good word. All the good words do not replace someone saying "let me help or let me takeover for a few days" I have yet to see any of this from my family. Their 2 cents of help, hinders me more than helps.

Joyg -- I love that idea (including the transition to orient them) and how it works out to benefit everyone in your family. And the comment that "everyone CAN but doesn't" is a good distinction, thx!

Don't say "sub when you can", everyone can, the problem is they don't!!

A caregtiver needs to ASK for specific needs. I asked my sons who live far away to take turns and visit once a month. On the first day I orient them to the current routine. On the second day I leave for the whole day! Usually I sit in a beautiful hotel and read, write, and brouse the shops. This was so successful that now when the boys come they make me check into a hotel! Fabulous! The gift for them as been quality time with their day.

My wifes sister is going to Australia to look after her elderly other sister who has dementia,to give her sisters caring son a break for a month.last week she had an ergent phone call from a disabled friend when she got there it was her old dog needed the vet,so off to she went to get treatment.

This is great. I'm suddenly the long-distance relative of an everyday caregiver, and I'm grateful to know the ways I can truly help, without banking on my relative to ask me.

Acknowledgment doesn't replace the much needed support that a caregiver truly needs, but don't ever miss a chance to acknowledge a caregiver. So what is acknowledgment? Start by getting and recreating their world. You know what they are doing. Say it and take the time to speak to its depths. If they are giving their time not only appreciate them for doing that but touch on the many things you are sure they would otherwise be using their time for - this shows a deep appreciation for the gift of their time; you get it and they know you got it. Next, use acknowledgment as an act of creation, meaning, use it to create something for the person that speaks to a life worth living. Speak to the continued growth and depth of their compassion; talk about the leadership they are granting others just starting out; talk about the others who need care and by your example get renewed faith that it's on the way. Here you get to say anything - you make it up! The critical piece is that you speak to a big future. When they hear a future bigger than the one they imagined as a result of your words, they are inspired and know that their present actions are worth it even when it gets hard. Finally, go for the tears - you and them can be crying tears of love and joy at the end of a good acknowledgment. That's connection, that's us being deeply and profoundly human; and, it's delicious.

You have got to be KIDDING! I need relief! If not physical, but money to help relieve me so I can get away without having to go shopping for the love one. Not being selfish, but I really, really, need some me time, not a vist for the day from othe sibbilings that don't want to addmit that mom is NO longer mom!