Comment on Fire Safety Tips for Protecting Elders

figrod — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 22:07:21 -0000

As a fire safety professional, I appreciate it when someone takes the time to address fire safety issues. Older adults are at greatest risk of death and injury from a fire. Thank you.

Comment on Falling: A Deadly Problem Helped by Prevention

FrancesJane — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:25:51 -0000

I see you recommend PT as one way to prevent falls. I'm 66 and 5 years ago suffered from Ramsay Hunt Syndrome, a form of shingles that attacks the cranial nerves. I now have minimal input from my right side vestibular (inner ear balance) nerve. I benefited so much from vestibular therapy given by a specially trained PT therapist that I went from walking with a cane all the time to keep my balance to needing the cane only in the dark. If you have balance issues, I highly recommend seeking out a trained vestibular therapist if you can find one.

Comment on Elders Keep Falling a Secret for Fear of Losing Independence

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:13:03 -0000

I can attest to the notion that our parents fear losing their independence. I have a 94 year old father with frontal lobe dementia and TIA's ( mini strokes) who lives at home alone on 4 acres. He has fallen several times. This week he climbed a 12 foot ladder, climbed on the roof, in the rain to clean out the gutters. Last January he had a TIA while his care-giver was with him, and never said one word about how he was feeling. An hour after she left, I called him and he was quite upset. I drove to his home. He told me that he had numbness on his right side, blurred vision, dizziness and weakness in both legs. His care-giver asked him if he wanted to go to the lake and feed the ducks. He said, "Yes". They went to the lake and he had to navigate many cement steps and a very rocky trail to where the ducks were. He told me, "I don't know how I ever did it without falling, I was so scared." I asked him if he told his care-giver how he was feeling and he said, "No, it was none of her damn business!" I took my father to the E.R and we were there for 4 hours while the doctor did tests to see if he had suffered another TIA. He had. The doctor told him he needed to be in assisted living now, and to consult with his primary care physician about living some where else. We went to his primary care physician the next day and he told Dad that if he did not go to assisted living that he needed a roommate full time at his home. Dad refused. By the way he does have the right to refuse as long as he is not conserved. I have spoked to APS on several occasions and that is what I have learned. I have also consulted with attorney's that specialize in the legal rights of seniors. All of Dad's medical providers have told him he needs a long term health care plan that he is willing to implement. As his agent for his health care, I have applied with him on his behalf to the Veteran's Home in Yountville, California. It is on 500 acres, is the best kept secret in the USA for Veteran's to live. We have made several visits there and he leaves liking the food, the friendly residents and the beauty of the grounds that are surrounded by vineyards and a 9 hole golf course they can play on M-Th without charge. It is amazing. This notion of a possible move down the road to the Veteran's Home has frightened my father and sister, who lives out of state so much that he has hired a law firm to come after me, so he can remain at his home. I had to hire an attorney just to protect myself, and at this point, have two women how check on my dad each day and stay for 2 hours. Fear and loss of control over my father's life has made his behavior change drastically. APS has visited him and will visit him again and suggest that he stop writing checks to various fraudulent companies. We have removed all of the loaded guns from the house and they are locked up at our house. It has been suggested the we remove all of the ladders from his property. We have not done that yet because he will probably purchase more ladders. My father is a maverick. I just want to keep him safe and happy. He is alone and isolated. It does not matter how good our intentions are for our parents, if they fear change, they will dig in their heals and hang on for dear life to what is familiar to them. I need to keep my health. I still have many years of life left. There is a line between letting our parent finish their journey of life where they feel safe, even if they are not safe, the law, and our desire to see to it that they are safe by providing what seems reasonable given our parents health problems. I wish all of the care-givers out there in the world the strength to know what our limitations are, and be able to say, "I will have no attachment to the outcome of anything, everything in life happens for a reason, it is what it is and it is my journey, or it is their journey". After weighing all of the facts, making sure that I am acting within the confines of the law, providing dad's "law firm" with documentation from all of his medical providers what they believe is in his best interest, I am stepping back, taking slow deep breaths and letting him finish his journey where he wants to be. I need to do this for my health. Joan Nelson

Comment on Understanding What It Means to Be Old

Anonymous — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:34:17 -0000

The comments about these books were very helpful and Ilook forward to reading them.

Comment on Is Age Too Great an Alzheimer's Risk for the Presidency?

twinmindi — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 20:54:33 -0000

Is Alzheimer's a concern for the upcoming election? Well, I would be concerned about the effects of the past drug use of Obama. Good question to ask - early onset dementia and other cognitive impairments are frequently a result of past drug use. When you see McCain and his 96 year old mother, you see two sharp, clear thinking individuals. Perhaps Obama assure the public by undergoing tests to show his competence.

Comment on Home Monitors Watch Over Seniors Aging in Place

Sidekick Homes — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 15:01:20 -0000

I've been interested in non-intrusive sensors to put into our new backyard cottages. I agree with the comment that it isn't so much monitoring the "patient" but provides feedback to the care provider that can make their life easier. No information breeds fear, fear that my parent has fallen or had a health emergency in the night. Then the caregiver has no choice but to call or stop by to check-in on the parent, a possible intrusion into their privacy.

Comment on Home Monitors Watch Over Seniors Aging in Place

Laurie-O — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:00:19 -0000

I am an analyst looking at the aging in place market -- and I worry that GE Healthcare, which invested in the QuietCare technology, will emphasize the 'patient' aspect as opposed to the 'senior' aspect of home monitoring. Knowing that my parent was up and moving today is a 'wellness' and problem prevention dimension, not a monitoring of a 'patient' condition. See my blog on tech for aging in place: www.ageinplacetech.com.

Comment on Lack of Energy: Not a Normal Sign of Aging

Sarah Henry — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 05:24:00 -0000

Thanks for sharing your three interesting -- and very different -- examples of excessive tiredness masking an underlying problem.

Comment on When Dementia Is "Pleasant"

wonderwoman — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 06:29:35 -0000

I long for the day my mother is so far gone she forgets who I am and why she hates me. Unfortunately, in her situation, her life-long personality disorders are just becoming more pronounced.

Comment on Lack of Energy: Not a Normal Sign of Aging

Donnalee — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 04:58:42 -0000

My father who just turned 90 has been going through this for about a couple of years - about the time he told me he'd been told he had a high platelet level and had been put on hydroxurea; he thought he would be taken off when his levels went down but the doc said he was now on it for the rest of his life for risk of stroke; however, I found out the risk is not the great (I do realize the consequences could be though if he did have one; but do we want to have this kind of life?) but he listens to the doc (or did until he quit; now he doesn't have one so we're waiting; in the meantime he's still taking the meds)

Comment on Euthanasia for End-Stage Alzheimer's? How About Humanity Instead

kimapic — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 03:36:32 -0000

Good article. Some beautiful things can happen at the end of one's life here on earth, including forgiveness and restored relationships, and the joy of having helped. Beware of this mindset of choosing who is a burden and who gets to decide what "quality of life" is. Especially beware of universal healthcare, as in Canada and Holland, where the medical, healthcare or government industries can decide if your loved one isn't "worth it" anymore, and euthanizes (kills) them. May we be more involved than allowing that to ever happen. Thank you.

Comment on What the Financial Meltdown Means for You and Your Family

WrtingFrontier — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:53:12 -0000

Nice article. Thanks. When considering the impact on the average American family, your readers might also enjoy "The Europeanization of America" at Writing Frontier's http://writingfrontier.com/2008/07/27/the-europeanization-of-america/ Enjoy.

Comment on Lack of Energy: Not a Normal Sign of Aging

Anonymous — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 14:30:32 -0000

This is so important! My mom was uncharacteristically tired and napping a lot -- we didn't add it up. Figured, oh, getting old. By the time she collapsed from dehydration (and then got proper medical attention) it was too late. Inoperable cancer was diagnosed and she was gone within months.

Comment on Lack of Energy: Not a Normal Sign of Aging

BettyC — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 11:12:00 -0000

My husbands parents moved in with us in March of this year. We have the same problem of napping a lot but still too tired to do anything. I approached my mother-in-law, Dot, about it calling it disappointment rather than depression. She said that she is very disappointed at not feeling well and not being able to do very much. We talked about that zapping her energy and appetite and she agreed but whether or not there will be any change remains to be seen. She has not been willing to admit to depression but calling it disappointment worked. Now we just have to fix it.

Comment on Is It Time For Your Parents To Give Up The Car Keys?

ReneeLease — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:16:53 -0000

Glad to have this opportunity to voice my concerns. My husband seems to be forgetting, not knowing where he is at times and cannot remember a request to do something. I am a caregiver with some help, but find it very unsettling to have him to anything on his own. He is 85 years old and until recently, after heart valve replacement 1 year ago, he condition was normal. I do have a website in which I ask for suggestions to help me cope with my onset depression and his onsset of what I think is dementia. www.sowhataboutme.blog.com Renee Lease

Comment on When Dementia Is "Pleasant"

Paula Spencer — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:55:52 -0000

You give interesting examples, thanks. I have known three variations among people close to me: tightly controlled person turned "pleasant", jolly person turned pleasant, and jolly person turned dour and crotchety. What are the influences and mechanisms behind these different changes? A fascinating area of research!

Comment on When Dementia Is "Pleasant"

gollyboy — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 01:03:21 -0000

could it be that critical cantankerous folks stress themselves out more even than they weary those around them...leading to their own RELIEF and pleasantness when they can't be the ones in control anymore? at some level it MUST be a tremendous sigh of contentment not to feel like you have to be in charge and make everything come out as close to perfect as (super)humanly possible! Two examples from my own strict upbringing and now watching Mom having eased up on herself most of all: one of the very few talk-back times i can recall was not having finished a puzzle and having to put it away. My primary-school self flared and said "you wish it looked like nobody lives here." To which she replied, "Yes, but since we can't have that, we'll just have to do the best we can." NOW, it matters not where anything lands or stays or for how long ~ she's just sweetly oblivious to the clutter, the dust, the spills (even on herself). Keeps her nice and relaxed not to notice such trivia anymore! As her autistic daughter who never did care much about such things, SO glad i lived to share her pleasant dementia. Other "case" is, even though she made really fine meals day after day that seemed to me to bespeak caring, she never really liked to cook for us. Found that out a few decades ago, when she confessed it to me by way of saying, she was looking forward "someday" to moving into a house that had NO KITCHEN! Well, she didn't get her wish quite that way, but she now has a couple of home health aides who prepare all her scrumptuous meals for both my folks, and even clean up afterwards. What's not to be genuinely appreciative and pleasant about, i ask you?? So, i suspect there may be a correlation between this perfectionism and sense of duty that yields quite blissfully to being put out to pastures full of getting to take all the time in the world to stop and smell the flowers...at long last! at least, i could partake gladly in that kind(of) well earned pleasant dementia, and i do so hope that's where my Mom's happy detachment is continually being reFreshened since i can't add wonderful surprises to her dazey days anymore. tHIS is indeed my prayer for all our loved ones: the Blessing of Resting! Jesus'n'val (aka gollyboy@peoplepc.com ~ glad to hear your reactions!)

Comment on Adaptive Senior Clothing: A Welcome Solution to Dressing Challenges

TaliaGoldfarb — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 18:21:24 -0000

Hi there, My name is Talia Goldfarb, and I am the co-founder of Myself Belts - a one handed belt that promotes independence and assists with easy dressing. Our patented closure is an award winning design that allows people to fasten and unfasten their belt with only one hand. Perfect for individuals with hand dexterity difficulties, the Myself Belt helps to restore dignity and improve day to day life. The adult Myself Belts are available in a variety of sizes to fit 27-40 inch waists and are currently offered in brown leather. More styles should be along soon! Please visit our website at http://myselfbelts.com/larger_sized_adults_belts.cfm for more information. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me directly at talia@myselfbelts.com. Have a great day! -Talia

Comment on When Dementia Is "Pleasant"

donnajeanw — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 17:17:08 -0000

Very interesting! My husband of 25 years has always been difficult, antisocial, critical and volatile. I assumed he would only get worse as he aged, and was set for a long, bumpy ride. I have noticed some cognitive changes in him, most prominently a loss of his more abstract sense of humor - of the absurd, the ironic, the sardonic, etc. I also notice, though, that he has become much more pleasant, even tempered and patient. I thought maybe it was gratitude that I stuck around through all the miserable years (!) and possibly some cognitive changes as well. Whatever it is, I have kind of fallen in love with him all over again. Thanks for the article.

Comment on Doctors' Visits: Getting the Most Out of Appointments

Anonymous — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 00:27:20 -0000

Dear Ms. Henry, Thank you for your thoughtful article on this very important topic. As a physician, I wholeheartedly support your efforts to enable patients to get the most out of each healthcare appointment. By following the plan outlined in your article, patients and their adult children have an effective road map which will undoubtedly help them. Best regards, Amrita G. Sawhney, M.D. http://organized-health.com

Comment on Medicare Hotline Leaves Callers Cold

sunnysouth — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:11:20 -0000

Right on the mark. I've gotten erroneous information from several government resources and often their website ( and some private sites as well) have links that don't even work! IT's hard enough to deal with all of this stuff without having to wade through info that is not right or hard to even track down!

Comment on New Gadgets to Help the Old

Laurie-O — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 19:22:21 -0000

The iShoe -- like much technology for seniors -- is part of an emerging and not well-formed marketplace of technologies. I hope to sort through these and help separate the new and interesting from the interesting and really useful. I hope all get a chance to take a peek at a new blog I've started that is focused on technology for Aging in Place. Take a look: and provide feedback at www.ageinplacetech.com.

Comment on The Case For Geriatric Care

Gannie — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:35:00 -0000

Dear Caring, I don't know about the Geriatric care I went to see one and I thought this is the Doctor NOT So evertime I told him a problem he would say well your age I am 64. I have foot pain he told me his feet hurt and he had one xray and that my age I ask to be sent to a arthritis he refuse. So he saw me for the last time because I don't have a problem with my age it just that I have had a bad fall broke my ankle in three places and have a plate in my ankle almost lost my leg. No more Geriatic Doctors because I knnow who God is.

Comment on Sandwich Generation: Dispatches Part 2

Anonymous — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:17:24 -0000

Great article. As part of the sandwich generation we all feel these pressures. Check out www.genwich.com, it's a great resource for dealing with these issues.

Comment on Keeping Your Parents Safe From Scammers

Anonymous — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:38:59 -0000

Great Article! my research reveals the reason why we have so many scammer on the net is two fold, people lead a busy life & people just do not know what to do? So, I wrote a short hub with simple easy to follow step with links to do it with. It's called "Report Scammers!"http://hubpages.com/_12decfraud86/hub/Report-Scammers

Comment on Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life

Connie Matthiessen — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 16:30:54 -0000

Thanks for you note. Like many caregivers, Laura Juel found herself in a crisis situation, and was responding to events as they arose. She didn't know that her mother's doctor didn't believe in comfort care until her mother was in distress. After a struggle, she was able to get help for her mother, and is particularly grateful for the support she received from hospice, which I'll describe in more detail next week.

Comment on Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life

msmaddog — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 15:45:32 -0000

I don't quite understand, a Doctor is NOT God. Could u not fire him, or put your're Mom in a more caring facility. Because of this man's beliefs you're Mom was allowed to suffer needlessly. I will make my children aware of the power that some people have over you're end time and see that it doesn't happen to me. What kind of "Doctor" doenn't believe in comfort care!!!

Comment on Tough Times Can Turn Seniors into Bargain Hunters

santisam — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:36:49 -0000

Very well said that "The older the age group, the worse it got " specially those seniors who are on fixed income but its not an end ,one can utilize their income for senior housing.In order to get facilities of Senior Housing visit at www.snapforseniors.com

Comment on Tough Times Can Turn Seniors into Bargain Hunters

santisam — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:33:21 -0000

Comment on Would You Rather Your Parent Had Dementia or Alzheimer's or Frontotemporal Lobar Degeneration?

Krista — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 05:14:01 -0000

My dads mom had dementia and back then it was called "senile". The term that makes you sound like your crazy. My dad was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has the same habits that his mother did. He is not crazy. I guess she wasn't either. What a horrible disease. It strips away your identity whether you like it or not. I am now doing research for my blog which is all about my dad. www.alzheimersteam.com

Comment on Margaret Thatcher's Dementia and Her Daughter's Wise Reminder

Boblo — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 20:01:42 -0000

Dementia is a disease that knows no boundaries. It is blind to the categories in which we usually place our fellow human beings. It can occur at the age of 55 or 85. It can happen to Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, Asians, Jews, Christians, Muslims, males and females, rich and poor. It will not spare ex-presidents or ex-prime ministers. It did not spare my mother. Tears are shed by husbands and wives, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters—in fact anyone responsible for the care of a loved one with dementia. Carol Thatcher's book will help all such wonderworkers understand that they are not alone. Her mother would want it that way. Bob Tell, Author http://www.dementia-diary.com http://caregiverchronicle.blogspot.com/

Comment on A Grandchild Steps In to Help Her Family

Connie Matthiessen — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:03:08 -0000

Thanks, Krista -- I appreciate the tip. Thanks, too, for all the interesting -- and useful -- information on your blog. Connie Matthiessen

Comment on A Grandchild Steps In to Help Her Family

Krista Renenger — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:03:29 -0000

Reading your post reminded me of another item I had read a few months ago from Sheryl Karas' . She offers some tips families should think about when making this type of arrangement that might be helpful to you and others. She recommends that everyone understands where the grandparent is medically, and where he/she might be headed, and also that families recognize the value of live-in services so that there is no resentment by any party. Krista Renenger Hospice and Caregiving Blog

Comment on Diabetes A1c Test: New Use for an Old-Line Tool

Theresa Garnero — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:36:31 -0000

How refreshing to see we will use A1C for diagnostic screening. The main hesitation not to use it in the past was related to anemia ("hemoglobinopathies" as described in the panel link above). According to the research, that is rare and many more people would benefit by using the A1C as a screening tool. At the recent American Association of Diabetes Educator conference, the delightfully brilliant Dr. Lois Jovanovic outlined criteria for diagnosing type 2 diabetes in pregnant women including an A1C value of 5.3% or higher. (She also referred to the weapons of mass destruction being the fork and knife as it relates to our increasing waistlines and risk for diabetes.) Thank you for the link to David Cliff's Diabetes Investor. He is enjoyable to read and has many valid points, but I feel strongly about his catastropharian attitude that "industry... remain silent in the hopes that the 57 million consumers with "pre-diabetes" will develop full-blown diabetes, increasing the market for drugs and devices." From my practice standpoint in working in the largest diabetes center in California along with other diabetes educators and physicians who are doing everything they can to reduce a person's risk of the consequences of uncontrolled diabetes, I do not get the mentality that there is a man behind the curtain fiendishly wringing his hands thinking of ways to bilk money from those with or at risk for diabetes rather than find a cure. Without industry, we would not have many of the tools to make diabetes more manageable. It wasn't that long ago that we only had one oral medication for diabetes. Now we have many with others in development. Why is that same kind of logic not applied to other health conditions like heart disease or cancer? The health industry is a business, but I think we need to be careful before suggesting that industry is only out to make a buck. That myth is alive and well and deters those in need from seeking treatment as they feel they are being taken advantage of in some kind of warped conspiracy theory meanwhile putting themselves at risk for diabetes-related complications. The reality is, according to Dr. Ralph DeFronzo's Banting Lecture at the American Diabetes Association (he has hundreds of original research articles to his name), by the time a person gets diagnosed only 20% of beta cell function remain. Medications are often needed to preserve the rest and to control the disease. I totally agree with Clift's statement about "I don't have what you have syndrome" as many people with pre-diabetes still do not take action. I disagree with the concept that doctors are happily canvassing the prediabetes planet with medications and that industry "remains silent in hopes" folks will progress to diabetes. That's like saying the makers of chemotherapy eagerly await the next generation of first or secondhand smokers to develop cancer. Plus, physicians rarely prescribe medications for pre-diabetes as the "let's wait and see" approach remains prevalent. We are living longer, eating more, and moving less as a nation. Health issues are bound to arise. People often get their cholesterol checked annually but don't have a clue about glucose. Get your A1C test to screen for diabetes and have it checked regularly. You CAN take action and prevent needless complications. Theresa Garnero, APRN, BC-ADM, MSN, CDE

Comment on National Grandparents Day September 7: A Day to Reach Out to All Elderly

Kate Rauch — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 22:58:06 -0000

Thanks for your comments, Proudgrandpa, and I look forward to your blog. And yes, good luck and enjoy yourself.

Comment on Vision Problems: New Ways to "Read" When Older Eyes Fail

Proudgrandpa — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 20:27:45 -0000

Hello again, I am going to archive this article and ask your permission to reference it in one of my future blogs on Proudgrandpablog.com. The sadness of loss of function is not positive but people like you offering concrete "Caring" solution is. Thanks, NEIL

Comment on National Grandparents Day September 7: A Day to Reach Out to All Elderly

Proudgrandpa — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 20:21:02 -0000

Hello Kate, You may be able to tell from my screenname(also my Hub and Squidoo name) which side of this issue I will be coming in on. I was blessed to know 3 of my grandparents and my Mom shared stories of my paternal Grandpa so I got the benefit of all that wisdom. I will be launching my blog this week (how appropriate) and it is names Proudgrandpablog.com. My mission is to gather and share the positive stories about Grandparenting and give voice to the meaningful stories that many older folks would love to read and share. Wish me luck and thanks for your blog. I am off to read the other blog you wrote about your grandmother. I will be looking in on this blog. I love your title. NEIL

Comment on Vision Problems: New Ways to "Read" When Older Eyes Fail

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 00:47:16 -0000

Ask at your public library for a new product which many are carrying: Playaways. These are full books, individually on a unit the size of a credit card and can be worn around the neck and used with any earphones or earbugs. Easier for seniors to use as no individual CDs or tapes to change.

Comment on Better Sleep for Dementia Caregivers: Two Fresh Solutions

alzheimersideas — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 18:03:40 -0000

Two excellent suggestions by Susan Berg, author

Comment on Do Good Daughters Park Their Parents With Dementia in Respite Care Overnight?

Jemmie — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 06:26:10 -0000

Your wife is LUCKY! My hubby is the same though and it means so much I can tell you that. Taking time off is hard, but you have to give yourself permission to do it. Vacations are a great thing! Find help early. Even if it is just one day per week for a few hours! Then you can build up to more days/hours as you feel you need it and are comfy with it. Just have to watch the agencies out there! Some are g reat and some, well, let's just say then don't "deliver" on all that they will promise you when you interview them. You may have to try several before you find the right fit!

Comment on Do Good Daughters Park Their Parents With Dementia in Respite Care Overnight?

Bobr — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:34:11 -0000

I am the husband to the caregiver. My wife is an RN. I make sure to back her up, and cover her back..take some time for yourself! Warning: check to see if you have the only one story home in the families: If so, you will be getting all the elderly.

Comment on Depression and the Too-Secret Grief of the Dementia Caregiver

Cathie — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 07:38:55 -0000

Your article made sense and nailed how I am feeling. My mom has dementia along with they have her on some serious pain meds and the "anticipated grief" is more painful I think than if she actually died. To see her getting farther and farther out there in a world of her own and not being able to reach her totally. It feels like as if she were hamging over a cliff clutching my hand and I was slowly losing my grasp and she was slipping farther and farther and not being to hold on to her. The accusations of stealing her car cause she doesn't remember she asked me to go to the store or remembering giving me permission to use it to run errands. Or the accusations of stealing her money cause she forgot she told me to go to the bank or go buy her something. She gets very vindictive and down right evil-mean sometimes. Or gets up in the middle of the night and thinks she's cooking for someone and turns on the stove. It's scarey cause I am afraid I won't hear her if she falls, or leaves the stove on and starts a fire. There is no hope and joy in my life right now and I want so badly to be a pleasant thought to my mom. She is deeply depressed also cause she knows how bad she is getting and doesn't want to lose her mind, get old and die. She's scared too. But, because she thinks I am trying to take from her she doesn't trust me enough to confide in me about something so intimate. I truly feel totally lost most the time.

Comment on Universal Design Part 2 -- Breaking the Ice

Bell star — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 21:41:17 -0000

Make your home 'visit-able'. If we expect our parents to change their home to follow universal design, we should do the same in our homes. Not only will it make our homes accessible for our parents, it will also make it ready for the moment when we have an accident or injury and need things accessible for ourselves. Have you considered what it's like for your parents to visit your house? Is the bathroom fully accessible? How many steps are there to get into your home? Etc., etc. All of us will someday need these changes in our own homes - much as I did several years ago when I suddenly had medical problems and found myself living on the first floor of our two-story home. My husband had to build a ramp to our widest door - our patio door. Fortunately, most of the first floor was NOT carpeted, so I was able to move my wheelchair without difficulty in the areas I needed most - from my bed to the bathroom. So we'd all do good by implementing universal design in our own homes.

Comment on Cancer and the Single Patient: A Special Need for Help

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:04:26 -0000

As a single person, this situation has crossed my mind with some frequency. While I am healthy now at age 60, I am living 1500 miles from family. My mother lives with me - she's 81 and in excellent health, and her mother lived to 89 (died in her sleep), so apparently I have good genes, but I still try to plan for eventually needing outside care by purchasing long term care insurance in the next couple of years. Does anyone who is in a similar situation have other suggestions?

Comment on Decoding the Secret Language of Alzheimer's

Paula Spencer — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 00:37:25 -0000

Thanks! I agree that nonverbal communication is such a critical subject and each party has things to "say." "Stroke of Insight" is a great book and the next Caring newsletter has an interesting interview with her, fyi --

Comment on Depression Increases Risk of Stroke in Elderly

Stephanie Trelogan — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 04:23:29 -0000

Anonymous, you make some very excellent points. It's so important to keep the lines of communication open, to try to get your parent out and engaged in the world, and to give your parent as much love and support as you possibly can. I think it's also important to recognize that there's a huge difference between depression and "the blues." As you said, depression is a serious illness, and it may take a lot more than our best intentions to treat it. No doctor who's worth her salt will immediately prescribe antidepressants, although that may end up being a good option. Antidepressants may indeed be mind altering drugs, but depression is a mind-altering illness. We've all been down in the dumps, but depression is much, much more than that. A good doctor will be able to help you and your parent figure out the difference. At the very least, she'll be able to reassure you and your parent that it's just a temporary slump. I also loved what you wrote about this being an opportunity to reach out and connect with your parent. Thank you so much for that.

Comment on Prescription Addiction Part 4: One Family's Story

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:00:07 -0000

Very helpful article. Something to watch out for as children and caretakers. Thanks!

Comment on Decoding the Secret Language of Alzheimer's

Bodhi — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 14:51:43 -0000

First just wanted to say that i love reading your posts. You have such a great way of saying things. Of course! Why wouldn't people feel patronized and act out! I'm just reading "My Stroke of Insight", and the author makes this same point so clearly. I found it particularly interesting that the right brain - intuitive side became hyper sensitive to all the non-verbal cues when the language centers were struggling. She would just stop trying when a caregiver was insensitive or acting the part of the jerk. thanks

Comment on Depression Increases Risk of Stroke in Elderly

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 19:02:53 -0000

This is a very helpful overview of depression and its impact on stroke risk. I have a suggestion. Toward the end of the post you say: "...if your parent or loved one has several of these symptoms for more than two weeks, it's time to call the doctor." I would suggest the the first call should not be to the doctor, but to take the time to listen and discuss your parents concerns every day for a week, to get a real sense of where they are and what they need. The parent should be the first person we connect to ... not the "third person" after calling the doctor. "Iif you notice lethargy and withdrawal from friends, family and activities of daily living in your parent, you should first take some time to sit down and listen to their concerns. Depression symptom also ioften "piling on" ( often a litany of loss) . I would explore opportunities for increased socialization (senior center, friends, religious groups, etc). ...long before I would call the doctor. Depression is serious stuff. But the first line of relief is the opportunity to get what is inside - outside, in a safe nurturing and caring environment. As a family member, I'd try that first. After all, an early sign depression is not a sentence of virtual solitary confinement, for which a physician would prescribe mind altering drugs. It is an opportunity to reach out, and you can both connect in ways you never imagined.

Comment on Diabetes: Can't Get No Respect -- And Why It Should

Anonymous — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:48:49 -0000

I read Sara Pope Parker’s article, too, and more people need to be informed about how to treat diabetes through natural supplementation and lifestyle change. More important, those who are diagnosed as “at risk” of diabetes, or pre-disease states, should follow an all natural regimen to prevent full blown diabetes from occurring. I found a good read on a website called jonbarron.org, where the nutraceutical researcher and author of “Lessons from the Miracle Doctors” discusses diabetes at length. Check it out: http://www.jonbarron.org/diabetes-program/diabetes_program.php

Comment on The World Mourns Randy Pausch's Death From Pancreatic Cancer

one flower — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 23:46:20 -0000

on the day he died i started to cry, i thought that they would find the cure for pancreatic cncer. My husband passed away at the age of 58 from pancreatic cancer.

Comment on Shingles Vaccine Strongly Recommended for Seniors

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 23:09:34 -0000

I would like to point out, that Zostavax can cause shingles. I was a healthy 64 year old male who received the Zostavax vaccine on 2/5/08. Ten days later, my doctor diagnosed me with "classic shingles". He put me on Valtrex for 7 days and I was still (1 month later) suffering with red spots on my (right) chest, pain in my right arm and shoulder, and severe itching. I notified Merck and my doctor also did! I read Merck's "double blind" studies, and nowhere does it simply say: this vaccine can cause you to contract shingles. I have all the documentation as well as pictures. Please caution anyone who wants to gamble with their health.

Comment on Bathing Blocks: When an Elder Refuses to Bathe

Anonymous — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 16:11:51 -0000

My Grandmother has Alzheimer's and has gotten to the stage of needing help bathing. Luckily, my mother has a nice big shower, which makes it helpful. But, it is still a process, it takes a long time and is difficult. One thing we like to do for Grandma a few times a week is wash her hair. Even if we don't have time for a shower, having clean hair makes her feel better about herself. We have found a great product on an assistive technology website. It is called the Comfort Hair Wash Basin, and it works beautifully when doing my Grandmother's hair. On thing to remember, especially for a woman. Having your hair look good, will make you feel better all day long. I hope this helps a few families.

Comment on Cancer Patients Tell It Like It Is

Anonymous — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 00:03:08 -0000

I too am fighting cancer. I am 72 years young, white female. Was diagnosed in 1990 with Melanoma, again in 1996, then in 2005 with lung cancer. I refuse to give up, but I live with it everyday and try to be productive ans pleasant around family. I feel God has something for me to do yet. Thank you for reading. wbell19@comcast.net

Comment on How to Talk to Someone With Dementia: New Insights

alzheimersideas — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 13:19:51 -0000

These suggestions are right on. I interact with dementia folks daily using these strategies. Another concept that is extremely important is not to argue with the person who have Alzheimer's or a related dementia, no matter how tempted you are to do so because everyone loses. A better strategy is to refocus and redirect the dementia persons'attention by Susan Berg author of Adorable Photographs of Our Baby-Meaningful Mind Stimulating Activities and More for the Memory Challenged, Their Loved Ones and Involved Professionals a book for those with dementia and an excellent resource for caregivers and healthcare professionals http://www.alzheimersideas.com http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/dementiacare/ http://dementiaviews.blogspot.com http://activitiesdirector.blogspot.com http://dementiatips.blogspot.com

Comment on Vision-Impaired Can Enjoy Walking and Reading With New Tools

Samatha — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:45:11 -0000

Sorry folks...I tried to put a link to the product, but it didn't work. We bought it from Enablemart.com and it's called The Bright ID"er Caller ID.

Comment on Vision-Impaired Can Enjoy Walking and Reading With New Tools

Samatha — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:41:18 -0000

My Mother is in good health, but her eyes are definitely not as strong as they once were. She has a harder time reading labels, computer screens, price tags, etc... She walks around with this huge magnifier all the time. Her biggest gripe has been her phone. She has caller ID to avoid all the telemarketers. When the phone rings she couldn't see who was calling on the tiny display. We found a product called The Bright ID'er. It hooks up to her phone, and' has a large bright screen (about 8 inches across) that she can see across the room. Now she can quickly see if she wants to answer, I wonder if she is screening out my calls???? Seriously though, it's been a great tool for her. I would recommend it.

Comment on A Toolkit for Starting Aging in Place Communities

Sidekick Homes — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:51:58 -0000

Santa Cruz, California started a formal revival of the Granny Flat in 2002 with their new ADU (accessory dwelling Unit) zoning ordinance. Essentially they removed the barriers set up from a time when people were more worried about overcrowding than how to encourage people to move back into the close-in residential areas. Times have changed, and Santa Cruz saw this move as one way to help families come together to nourish their aging citizens, to provide affordable housing and to bring back the population lost to their city during the great flight to the suburbs. The entire state of California followed the path set by Santa Cruz and Oregon and Washington state is in the process. In my home state of Colorado we have a minimum of 12 cities that have adopted similar regulations and more join in each day. NORCS are one choice for aging parents, and the Granny Flat is another. My local Washington Park neighborhood in Denver is currently starting a program called, Washington Park Cares, which will give seniors access to services right in their own neighborhood. The program is modeled on the lead set by the Beacon Hill project in Boston. I believe we are just beginning to see the creation of a wide range of housing choices for aging seniors, many that have never existed before in history.

Comment on Weight Loss: Keeping a Food Diary Makes a Difference

food_logger — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:40:48 -0000

FitDay is good, but NutriMirror is my favorite online food diary ( http:www.nutrimirror.com ). It's free, easy to use, and does a great job counting calories and tracking nutrition.

Comment on Prescription Addiction: Are Your Parents at Risk?

Cathie — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:04:00 -0000

My mom is a prescription ADDICT. I fear for her. She takes alot of medications and is always looking for an illness or condition to go to the doctor for so that she can get new and improved medications. Anything/everything not just pain meds. I think she believes that there is a pill that will fix everything/anything. She's aware that she reaching the end of her life and I think she is just so very afraid, confussed, and not ready to be old enough to die. I think she is in so much pain physically, mentally, and emotionally and doesn't want to lose control of who she is/was and wants to remain, that she HOPES with all she is/has that it doesn't have to be this way she has turned to prescription drugs. I mean after all they do help her get through each day with some kind of pleasure God knows that life for her is painful and scary as hell. The ones that deal with her physical pain, the ones that keep her from getting so nervous when she gets confused going out to the doctors,dentist, or just out, the ones that help her not be so scared to be by herself, or the ones that just make her sit-watch t.v.-and not think about life at all, the ones that help her not remember where she's at or how many things are different than what she remembers or believes things are and the doctors aren't shy about giving strong medications to the elderly to ease suffering for them. The medications help our elderly ignore the fact that they are being pushed aside by this world because they are elderly. Seriously, think about it. I visited my natural father shortly before he passed away and the nurse at the nursing home brought him in the two cartons of cigarettes that his friend had dropped off for him and she says to him, "you know these are not good for your health? You shouldn't smoke." He said to her. "Shoot lady, You gotta die of something and old age just takes to damn long." His age brought him several illnesses that made his life so painful and uncomfortable that he just hated every single day, every day, no matter what, rain or shine he was in pain all day every day. If I could take some of mom's confussion, fear, and-or her pain so that she could enjoy her days better, I'd do it in a minute cause I rather go through the pain for her than see her go through it. Or feel like a real piece of work because I lose my patience, or get to busy to just be with her and make her feel safer or loved. I feel like such a horrid person for being so selfish and uncompassionate towards her sometimes. She probably feels exactly the same way about me sometimes. I need to stop and love my mom everything I have and remember every second of every day, that confussion, fear, pain, and death are horrid enough, I don't want to be just another horrid thing she has to deal with every day. I kinda got off base a little here, but to end this. So what if they are dependant on prescription drugs, it's probably the only thing left in their lives that they can depend on.

Comment on Navigating Senior Care in a Bleak Economy: Part 1

Kate Rauch — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:21:51 -0000

This is a great suggestion. I wonder is any meal services out there do this? It makes great sense, at least for people who can use a microwave and a have a little freezer space. Thanks so much.

Comment on Navigating Senior Care in a Bleak Economy: Part 1

mexilee — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 05:15:34 -0000

Hi, As I look back on the time when I was a beneficiary of the Meals on Wheels program, I feel that we can help each other in another way now. I realize not all participants have the facilities; however, many could easily get by with a weekly delivery of frozen meals, which might take some pressure off the high delivery costs. It might also reduce the need for the number of volunteers, whose time might be well used in another area of care. Thanks for listening.

Comment on Say What? Hearing Loss Common Among Adults with Diabetes

Samatha — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 17:50:11 -0000

Hello All - My father not only suffers from Diabetes, but also an inner ear injury as a result of concrete dust setting up in his inner ear. Needless to say, his hearing has been greatly affected by both. The biggest frustration for him has been talking on the phone. Face to face, he is able to at least "fake" hearing what others are saying through lip reading and inflection. On the phone, that's not going to work. We searched high and low for a phone that would amplify conversations to the point where he could communicate. Many of these devices are just too complicated and in his words "fancy" for older adults. We tried several models,and finally found one that we have/he has really worked. It's called ClearSounds A50 Expandable. http://www.enablemart.com/Catalog/Cordless-Amplified-Phones/ClearSounds-A50-Expandable-Cordless. It's cordless, has a smaller base, rings REALLY loudly, and even has attachments like a bed shaker that will work along side (hopefully, we won't need those for awhile). He likes that it's a simple to use product that works really well. This device has made a difference in his life. He can continue to work, talk to his out of town friends, etc..... I am thankful that technology is keeping up with our aging parents. What once was a struggle is becoming easier for them and us as caregivers.

Comment on Silent Stroke: Another Reason to Get Serious About Heart Health

Stephanie Trelogan — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 18:00:08 -0000

Thanks for your note, Anonymous. I'll definitely be keeping you posted on the latest news about cardiovascular health. You're right: there's a lot of conflicting information out there. Sometimes it seems like each new recommendation is contradicted by the next! Please let me know if there's anything in particular you'd like to know more about.

Comment on A Toolkit for Starting Aging in Place Communities

Nell Bernstein — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 22:26:44 -0000

What a great idea. If anyone out there knows of a NORC or something similar that is just starting up please let me know -- I'd love to hear how it's going. Nell

Comment on Diabetes: Can't Get No Respect -- And Why It Should

pamtime — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 23:55:37 -0000

HURRAY! Little know additional disease processes of Type II diabetes that I recently became aware of due to my mom's declining health> Diabetic Amyotrophy a muscle wasting disease related to diabetes, Vascular Dementia secondary to the effects of Type II Diabetes>>>> when I was diagnosed in 1977 I was told I had a touch of diabetes and to watch my weight and what I ate. Granted home testing was no availabe then. In 1999 I was diagnosed again... this time instructed to watch my weight and diet... I had the education then to ask my PCP for a test kit, diabetic education, and yes medication.....How can many patients take this disease seriously if the medical community does not. A recent physician I was speaking with mentinoned in passing that if it were not for diabetics the in patient status of patients would cause hospitals to go belly up.. why because diabetes affects every major organ in the human body. It is a silent killer. EDUCATE EDUCATE EDUCATE ......it is time to pull off the blinders... if I can't feel it, see it, or taste it, then I must be OK seems to be the mind set of a lot of diabetics that are playing with their disease. Diabetics die from the complications of diabetes affect on our entire body...Cardiovascular, kidney failure, muscle wasting, amputations related to decreased circulation and nerve damage (peripheral neuropathy), vascular dementia which could be preventable, diabetic retinopathy and macular degeneration (blindness)...the list goes on.... People it is time we educate ourselves and take care of our disease....the medical community is financially thriving and overloaded on our diabetic related ailments. I am so glad to see an article like this....here was the trump card, because i was diagnosed Tyhpe II before the age of 40 I am DENIED life insurance....

Comment on Medicare: Billing Hassles Ahead

Anonymous — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 11:56:34 -0000

Great information on medicare billing. I think Facility billing is insurance billing for hospitals, inpatient or outpatient clinics, and other offices such as ambulatory surgery centers. This insurance billing is not the same as billing for a regular doctor or specialist.

Comment on A Toolkit for Starting Aging in Place Communities

Anonymous — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:31:48 -0000

Nell, This is really exciting. I'd love to see this movement take off. It's one of my favorites uses of the web - to propagate good ideas. I'd love to hear from folks who might be trying to do this in their communities. Maybe you could find a neighborhood like this and help us track their progress? Thanks for the post.

Comment on How to Take a Vacation With Diabetes

Theresa Garnero — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 03:09:11 -0000

I didn't mean to be anonymous. That last comment was from Theresa Garnero! :)

Comment on How to Take a Vacation With Diabetes

Theresa Garnero — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 03:02:50 -0000

You can also split an entree' or share a dessert. Remember to stay hydrated during the hot days of summer-drink water, not juice or soda with meals. Dehydration will increase glucose. And you can ask for low sodium dishes. Enjoy!

Comment on Silent Stroke: Another Reason to Get Serious About Heart Health

Anonymous — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:42:48 -0000

Stephanie, important topic. I hope you'll be writing more about the latest thinking on improving heart health. There's so much new, conflicting information and I'd love help sorting through it all. thanks.

Comment on Seniors Hit Hard By Overdraft Charges

Anonymous — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 16:09:03 -0000

It's disgusting how banks have become addicted to overdraft fee income. They charge an arm and a let and then blame it on the account holder. There are so many ways that the banks manipulate the payment system to increase this revenue. http://www.odnsf.com

Comment on "Wings" For Frail Seniors Who Can't Travel On Their Own

Anonymous — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:21:29 -0000

Having a professional nurse assist with travel costs about the same as having an unlicensed domestic helper in your home - $20 to $35 per hour (plus the cost of travel such as tickets and lodging). It makes sense to have the assurance of a licensed, insured , educated professional nurse to solve health situations as well as other problems that come up when you travel.

Comment on Your Parents' Estate: Not a Windfall Anymore

LifeSpan Coach — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 23:33:32 -0000

Dear Stephanie, Thank you so much for what you do and write for all of us in the world of caregiving. My business partner, Debby Bitticks and I have created a solution for our parents - a fabulously educational DVD. Saving Our Parents is hosted and narrated by Emmy and Golden Globe winner Ed Asner, directed by Emmy winner Jeff MacIntyre and produced by intergenerational experts Debby Bitticks and myself, Dorothy Breininger of Delphi Health Products, Inc. Featuring LAPD Chief William Bratton, L.A. Public Health Director Dr. Jonathan Fielding, Art Linkletter, Michael Reagan, Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Dr. Marion Somers and a host of other experts, Saving Our Parents is a MUST SEE documentary that will help to protect and educate you and your loved ones about safe and health aging. Interviewees tell shocking stories of families decieved by predators and offer inspiring life-saving information from the country's most trust experts on the topic. Segments include: predatory caregivers and crooked conservators financial scam artists neglectful nursing homes generations living together harmoniously dangerous hoarding disorders that post health risks Michael Reagan's transformational experience with his father, former president Ronald Reagan and Alzheimer's Disease Tips from Marc Hankin, Elder Abuse Attorney Chicken Soup for the Soul Authors, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen and legendary icon Art Linkletter offer inspirational tips for safe and healthy aging 'People over age 60 make up only one-eighth of the U.S. population, yet they constitute one of every three scam victims,' writes Sid Kirchheimer, an advistor to AARP. Saving Our Parents offers solutions to keep the aging population of the country safe, and knowledge to help adult children care for their parents. Please visit www.savingourparents.com

Comment on Getting to the Heart of Recent Diabetes Findings

Theresa Garnero — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 02:56:40 -0000

Sarah is right on. We tend to focus on glucose, yet pay less attention to blood pressure and cholesterol control. In a few years time, we will see the cardiovascular benefits of the ADVANCE trial which now showed 21% reduction in kidney complications. If we are protecting the kidneys, we are protecting the heart. Much like the UKPDS (the United Kingdom Prospective Diabetes Study) showed the benefits to the hert many years after the initial reports were released, it is speculated that the ADVANCE will have similar end-point. Glucose control IS good for the heart. Don't ditch those glucose monitors!

Comment on Tired No More: New Drug Can Treat Cancer Fatigue

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:49:03 -0000

I JUST WANT TO SAY THANKS FOR THE CANCER INFORMATION GIVEN..I AM A 3RD STAGE OVARIAN CANCER SURVIVOR..NICE TO BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH ALL THE NEW DEVELOPS! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

Comment on You're Not Imagining It: More People Have Alzheimer's

measongs — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 15:34:31 -0000

Stroke alert..This is a very important message from the medical community reguarding the signs of a stroke. Please read these earky warning signs,as they may save someones life. 4th Stroke sign NEW - IMPORTANT Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, theTongue. I will continue to forward this every time it comes around! STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters.... S.T.R. Please read: STROKE IDENTIFICATION: A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke... totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough. RECOGNIZING A STROKE Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions: S * Ask the individual to SMILE. T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. It is sunny out today) R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS. If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 999/911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke.

Comment on Do Parents With Dementia Need a "Sexual Power of Attorney"?

Peggy — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 13:45:28 -0000

What does it hurt for elders in care homes to be sexually active? Is it someone elses feelings of moral judgement? There is not much in the homes that I have seen for old folks to have some pleasure. Might it not help them? Maybe they do not like bingo...

Comment on Parents' Driving Worries Baby Boomers, But No One Wants to Talk About It

Anonymous — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 23:03:29 -0000

One thing I do not understand is why any State would renew a driver's license for someone who is 90 years old via the mail !. My uncle who should not be driving renewed his license at 90 years old via the mail. He has a club foot he walks with a walker he recently developed gout in his right wrist and he thinks he can drive. The registry gave him a license for the next 5 years. So who am I to say he can't drive. My grandmother is 93 she drives and she is fine I am very confident in her driving. She does not drive at night and she does not go far. But, my uncle should not be driving. We can't get his doctor to do anything as we do not have medical proxy. He has been in 3 accidents in the last year and each time he talks his way out of it. In fact his insurance premiums have gone down ! Unbelievable.

Comment on With Alzheimer's, Wandering Is a Merry Name for a Scary Problem

Paula Spencer — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:16:41 -0000

Great idea along the same lines, playing on those cues that are so deeply ingrained. Thanks.

Comment on A New, Cool, and Easy Way to Support the Fight Against Alzheimer's

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 21:06:13 -0000

Amen to that.

Comment on A New, Cool, and Easy Way to Support the Fight Against Alzheimer's

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:26:37 -0000

God Bless People with Alzheimer's

Comment on Heart Attack! Do You Know the Warning Signs?

Stephanie Trelogan — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:53:31 -0000

You're so right, DKT. Women may not think they're having heart attacks -- or perhaps even worse, they aren't taken seriously when they seek help. That's why it's important to get the word out.

Comment on Heart Attack! Do You Know the Warning Signs?

DKT — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 22:48:55 -0000

The other BIG problem is denial. It's one thing to know and recognize the symptoms... quite another to act on them. This seems to be especially true for women... and the more a woman is in the role of caregiver (i.e., mom, wife) the more she is likely to put herself last. The stats for women are not encouraging: http://www.smart-heart-living.com/women_and_heart.html

Comment on A "Sandwiched" Daughter Says Enough is Enough

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 03:46:16 -0000

to anyamous. i took care of my grandparents, my mom and two sisters still at home with her, and my family. whiel going threw a ivf cycle ran a small bath store that i had to give up because the stress caused me toloose one of the twins. then the baby came 7 weeks early even tho we moved i closed the store and became a sahm... while at childrens hospital (this is no joke) i had to get my grandmother in atlantic to a hospital in desmoinse by ambulance and i couldnt get to her but i managed thanks to the help of my sister whos now 25 and then whiel talking to my best friend she got a beep on the phone and her brrother had hung himself that night. and things have just kept getting worse however the baby is home now and almost 6 months old! and finally healthy! and my breakdown came last monday after being scammed for our entire paycheck for the moth and anothor friend using a gun to commit sucide. i can relate to how hard it is and they didnt even all live with me.all women need to know that as she so very well put it at some point that cape HAS TO coe off so we can breathe. i have one friend that will tell me "girl no matter what everyone else thinks your not super woman your human " loll i dont think i beleaved her until just recently. so thanks for your story it made me think.

Comment on With Alzheimer's, Wandering Is a Merry Name for a Scary Problem

Anonymous — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:13:12 -0000

I am a retired geriatrician. We found posting large, red "STOP" signs at exits was a sufficient deterrent to our less determined residents. I really liked the false bus stop idea. vanphil@mac.com

Comment on "Leisureville" Paints Retirement Community Seniors as 24-Hour Party People

Anonymous — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 04:39:59 -0000

I am 44 and my five children need constant advise. I go to AA almost every day because I need advise. And Dad died last year and Mum had a cancer op. and she needs care and advise. I am glad for caring.com. It's still lonely talking to people on a computer but it's better than not!

Comment on Test Yourself: What You Don't Know About Alzheimer's Can Hurt You (or Your Loved One)

Paula Spencer — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 20:24:49 -0000

You're absolutely right, it's not that easy, and only children have a special burden. You need both hands-on help and emotional support so you can keep going. Your mother may be more comfortable at her home as you say but it doesn't sound very practical for you. Have you looked into having her move in with you, or nearer you? Would selling her home bring assets that might provide for some in-home help? Even a few hours a week of an elder companion can provide you with a break. Therapy (paid for by insurance) might be a stress outlet for you, too. I hope you've checked out your local Alzheimer's Association, and our Caring.com chat groups -- though you are an only child please know you're not alone.

Comment on Test Yourself: What You Don't Know About Alzheimer's Can Hurt You (or Your Loved One)

alzheimersideas — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 20:01:08 -0000

This is an informative article. Knowledge is power. The more you know,the more you can help you or a loved one with Alzheimer's disease or a related dementia. Something else all should be aware of when trying to stave off Alzheimer's disease or a related dementia is that eating right, not smoking and keeping mentally and physically active helps to keep these diseases at bay. by Susan Berg author of Adorable Photographs of Our Baby-Meaningful Mind Stimulating Activities and More for the Memory Challenged, Their Loved Ones and Involved Professionals a book for those with dementia and an excellent resource for caregivers and healthcare professionals. http://www.alzheimersideas.com http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/dementiacare/ http://dementiaviews.blogspot.com http://activitiesdirector.blogspot.com http://dementiabooks.blogspot.com

Comment on Test Yourself: What You Don't Know About Alzheimer's Can Hurt You (or Your Loved One)

jw812 — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 16:03:22 -0000

I understand the suggestions for forming a care-giving team and that it takes a whole family to care for someone with Alzheimer's. But what do you do if your team has only one primary member? I'm an only child and for 30 years have lived 45 minutes from my parents. My Mother was diagnosed about three years ago and was doing well, with my Dad's help. But Dad's health failed and for the past year until he died we had to focus on him. Not until after he died did I realize how poorly my mother was doing. I'm sure the stress of his illness and dying prompted a lot of the changes. In the past six months, I quit my job to take care of my mother because financially she couldn't continue to pay for in-home help. Fortunately, my children are more or less on their own. I spend the majority of my week at my Mother's home, where she is most comfortable, but not necessarily more cognizant . I get to my home for about two days and spend most of the time trying to do the things that my husband hasn't be able to get to during the week. We have a primary care physician and a neurologist and me. My husband is trying to work and care for his own 88- year-old mother. As for extended family in the area, there is little and most of my parents' friends are elderly themselves. A lot of the suggestions about joining a support group and finding outside help are great, but it's not that easy.

Comment on Shingles Vaccine Strongly Recommended for Seniors

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 15:41:17 -0000

The Immunization Action Coalition also has Q&A pieces about adult diseases/vaccines; e.g., zoster: http://www.immunize.org/catg.d/p4221.pdf Influenza: http://www.immunize.org/catg.d/p4208.pdf Pneumococcus: http://www.immunize.org/catg.d/p4213.pdf More are available at http://www.immunize.org/printmaterials/viewall.asp#quest

Comment on Dementia Caregiver? 4+ Ways You Can Take a Break

Boblo — Fri, 30 May 2008 21:13:13 -0000

I so agree with your recommendations about writing as a way for caregivers to handle their stress. It worked for me. I'm also glad you refer bloggers to Dr. Howard Butcher. His study results will provide a very important perspective on caregiving stress relief. I've been in regular touch with him and he is currently reading a copy of my book, "Dementia Diary, A Caregiver's Journal." I wrote this memoir at the request of many male caregivers present at a conference for caregivers at which I was invited to speak. They said there was a need for a book about caregiving written from a man's perspective since all other books like it were written by women. When I agreed to write it I thought it would just be a catharsis and would provide relief from the stress I felt. It did do this. However, the book has also become a kind of portable support group for caregivers of both genders. The email comments I receive from readers is very gratifying. My mother would have loved the idea that her illness has become a source of inspiration for other dementia stricken families. She died a year ago and with her death my caregiving responsibilities ended. As a friend said: I not only lost my mom, I lost my job! My memoir may be of interest to you or your bloggers. Anyone interested in learning more about this book, or about me, can check out my website: http://www.dementia-diary.com or feel free to write to me at: bobtell@mac.com

Comment on A Famous Mom Dies of Alzheimer's

Paula Spencer — Thu, 29 May 2008 15:47:58 -0000

It's true most people die of complications of this disease, such as an infection, but this was the wording of the obituary. According to the Alzheimer's Association, Alzheimer's is the seventh leading cause of death in the US.

Comment on Aging Artfully - Part II

Cindy57 — Thu, 29 May 2008 13:23:15 -0000

This is so true...My grandmother loved working with her hands..She was wheelchair bound but that didn't stop her from filling her days with activities.. She drew the pictures that would end up on the Christmas cards that would be sent to families, she was always involved in arts and crafts and loved it.. I supplied her with everything she needed to keep busy and she would make dolls, jewelry, quilts, all sorts of things.. She died last Sept. and I miss her everyday.. You knew she was happy if she had a project going..We have to always remember that just because they are old doesn't mean that they can't function, its amazing what they can do with a little encouragement.. Thanks for this article, it brought all sorts of memories back..

Comment on The Plot Thickens: Another Clue in the Alzheimer's-Diabetes Mystery

Sarah Henry — Thu, 29 May 2008 00:18:35 -0000

Have you tried talking with the caregivers at the assisted-living facility? They may have more luck negotiating with your dad than you do. Having a quiet word with the staff may also alert them to the fact that your parents may need some additional help in dealing with everyday matters.

Comment on A Famous Mom Dies of Alzheimer's

Anonymous — Wed, 28 May 2008 23:58:53 -0000

PEOPLE DO NOT DIE "OF" ALZHEIMER'S. THEY DIE 'WITH" ALZHEIMER'S.THEY USUALLY DIE BECAUSE OF OTHER ILLNESSES ASSOCIATED WITH THE DISEASE.

Comment on The Plot Thickens: Another Clue in the Alzheimer's-Diabetes Mystery

Anonymous — Tue, 27 May 2008 15:08:57 -0000

I was especially interested in this article's comment about people with altzheimers afraid of losing control. My mother not only has altzheimers but she cannot walk or take care of herself. She and her husband are in an assisted living facillity with memory care. She does not get along with her husband. They are both 86 years old. He is ambulatory and functioning pretty well mentally. However, he wants to help her with everything. Not only does she resent him telling her what to do, but I believe he is hurting her more than helping. He is not trained in getting her to the bathroom or in and out of the wheel chair. I have asked him several times to call the caregivers, but he refuses. He says that "she is my wife and she is my responsibility". Any suggestions???

Comment on Macular Degeneration: All Eyes Are on Hormone Therapy

Anonymous — Tue, 27 May 2008 11:02:25 -0000

My sister lives with me and she now has macular degeneration her eye sight is worsening daily and it is sad that last year when she had her eye exam they didn't catch it this year the same Dr found and sent her to a specialist. When he tried to put the dye in her arm she had a severe reaction and the treatment was stopped immidiatly. Now she does not want to go thru that again and her sight keeps getting worse No referrals and Dr doesn't wan't to see her for six weeks What to do anxiously waiting a come back

Comment on Cupboards Bare? Rising Food Prices Affect Seniors

Kate Rauch — Fri, 23 May 2008 21:31:03 -0000

Well said!

Comment on Cupboards Bare? Rising Food Prices Affect Seniors

Kate Rauch — Fri, 23 May 2008 21:30:57 -0000

Well said!

Comment on Cupboards Bare? Rising Food Prices Affect Seniors

Kate Rauch — Fri, 23 May 2008 21:30:53 -0000

Well said!

Comment on Cupboards Bare? Rising Food Prices Affect Seniors

Kate Rauch — Fri, 23 May 2008 21:30:48 -0000

Well said!

Comment on Cupboards Bare? Rising Food Prices Affect Seniors

MJB — Fri, 23 May 2008 19:44:25 -0000

Would like to see neighbors being more like neighbors. Looking after each other especially in these hard times. There are so many elderly people alone all the time. No one comes to visit. Just a little love goes a long way...

Comment on Aging Artfully, Part 1

Fri, 23 May 2008 12:11:18 -0000

Excellent article. Thank you!!!

Comment on Kennedy's Cancer Has Everyone Talking About Brain Tumors

Anonymous — Thu, 22 May 2008 08:07:26 -0000

could it be me? could it be you? can it be my parents?

Comment on Reverse Mortgages: Looking for Trouble?

SchaferLTC — Thu, 22 May 2008 06:06:59 -0000

Here's another idea: fix America's LTC system before it's too late. Give Medicaid back to the poor, put Medicaid planners out of business, and unleash the potential of private financing alternatives like insurance and reverse mortgages. The moral: save, invest and insure all you can, especially for long-term care. Because LTC is what you'll need as Medicare pays less and less for fewer and fewer acute care services just to stay in front of the grim fiscal reaper.

Comment on Would You Rather Your Parent Had Dementia or Alzheimer's or Frontotemporal Lobar Degeneration?

Anonymous — Wed, 21 May 2008 13:33:50 -0000

Dear, Dear Paula! thanx so much for tHIS! What a God-Send of a re-Viewing of our use of language. just recently i not so gently corrected my sister's thanking me for taking care of our Mom: "Nope! No, no, no! Hardly!" and then suggested "it's not care-taking or care-giving, it's care-SHARING" - Mom in her own sweet way(s) touched me back so so much. i have an Asperger's-like condition, and for the first time in our lives Mom and i were sort of the same size and could reach each other in ways that depended not nearly so much on words as deeds of TLC and just playing together-having FUN! and i enJOYed all the hands-on helping her get and stay ready for our days/daze Filled with such surprises and JOY in simple stuff like manicures and gliding on the porch and doing wheelies in her wheelchair, rolling a ball on the floor, getting to know fuzzy critters i'd brought with me to share because NOW she could appreciate my touchable world..all this after eating blueberry pancakes with orange marmalade in bed to wake UP^ more than our appetites, having stroked her face with a warm washcloth and freshened her mouth with just a taste of toothpaste, etc. etc. - being often rewarded with happy grins and words like "mmmm...that feels so good" and "you're my pancaker!" Then together we'd choose her outfits from the "Mama Department Store" and after powdering and/or lotioning her feet i'd slip socks and shoes on her, knowing that she must have done that for me thousands of times before i got the hang of it! Well...as i wrote my sister, even though neither of us will be able to recall the details at all well, we left each other happy and great-full hearted, with HIStory etched UP^on our hearts." My mom and me, WE were truly care-sharers. Thanx for the privilege of reNEWing these experiences just a tiny bit - hope-fully others will be enCOURAGEd and reSPIRITed by Jesus in your own way of care-sharing that's so much more Rewarding than care-taking or care-giving! if you'd like to converse, you can always find me home here eager to visist with you at gollyboy@peoplepc.com! Be always ALL Ways Blessed by the One Who daily Leads us thru...love to you all,Jesus'n'val (= Him in/and me!)Reaching toward ye...

Comment on Stroke Awareness Month: Stroke Heroes and Their Stories

Jeff — Mon, 19 May 2008 21:48:30 -0000

Thank you for sharing these resources and Web links. As a stroke survivor (10 years ago as of this month), I also have a blog: http://stroke-of-faith.blogspot.com. I am trying to post almost every day during the month of May.

Comment on Mindbenders: Memory-Boosting Brain Games

Paula Spencer — Mon, 19 May 2008 16:22:50 -0000

Thanks for sharing your experience, mexilee. You're right, and the science seems to bear you out, that you can get similar cognitive benefits without having to use a computer game, by doing the kinds of activities you describe. I think the mind games present another option for those who are inclined (some older users apparently enjoy them even though they never used a computer before). But they're not everybody's cup of tea.

Comment on Mindbenders: Memory-Boosting Brain Games

mexilee — Sat, 17 May 2008 20:06:38 -0000

There are many things I would love to comment on; however, for now I just hope my jumping in like I did will encourage other seniors to share their thoughts.

Comment on Mindbenders: Memory-Boosting Brain Games

mexilee — Sat, 17 May 2008 20:04:48 -0000

This does not relate to Alzheimer's, but the only place I could find to comment on the article "Mindbenders: Memory boosting Games." Software can be marvelous, but not all elderly people use the computer. I am 72 years old, and I would like to offer some suggestions that I have used successfully. In my 50's a surgery damaged a facial nerve - so I found a safe place (then Toastmistress, Int'l) to practice speaking, without worrying about the drool. At 60, a head injury caused serious aphasia. I began to sing (remember Mel Tillis, the stutterer?), attempted to say words or phrases I heard on the TV, and wrote down every one when I succeeded at it. I always wondered why I couldn't say "Larry King," but I could say "Larry King Live in Washington" if I went really fast. Within 6 months my speech was close enough to normal that nobody noticed any problem. That injury also did severe damage to memory, especially shorty-term. I was attending college at the time, and kept right on, as well as spending a lot of time doing crossword puzzles and taking part in on-line trivia games. I considered only myself as competition. It helped immensely and I had a lot of fun. There are a lot of trivia type board games out there, also. I pick them up mostly at rummage sales and thrift stores. I hope your readers find that this site is as helpful to those being cared for as it is for the caregivers. I thank you for prov iding this service.

Comment on Questions I Wish I'd Asked Mom

sm — Fri, 16 May 2008 00:46:48 -0000

I lost my mom on September 17 to non-alcoholic cirrhosis. I was afraid to ask her how she was feeling about dying, but I do wish I had. In part, I didn't want to dwell on it with her, because she was so full of life and wanted to live what life she had left to the fullest. We just didn't realize that when she went into the hospital with a minor infection (which they managed to clear up!) that she was going to die. I still can't believe that it's true. And I miss her so. I never realized how hard this would be.

Comment on Too Much and Too Little Shut-Eye May Be Bad for Health

Sarah Henry — Thu, 15 May 2008 17:50:17 -0000

Thanks for sharing your mother's dilemma. Her early-morning waking is a very common concern of older adults. There are many tips you can try to help your mom get more rest. First, have you considered her sleep environment? Is her room dark, quiet, and a little cool? Does she have rituals that help her relax before bedtime, things like a warm bath, a light snack of warm milk and toast, or a few minutes of reading? There are things to avoid because they interfere with sleep. The big three are alcohol, caffeine, and daytime naps. What you describe your mother experiencing may a form of insomnia (she can fall asleep but wakes too early.) If that's the case, you may want to look for patterns to see if you can pinpoint what could be causing her early waking. This checklist: http://www.caring.com/checklists/questions-about-insomnia-before-going-to-doctor may help you do that. All the best helping your mother get a good night's rest.

Comment on Too Much and Too Little Shut-Eye May Be Bad for Health

Anonymous — Thu, 15 May 2008 14:00:18 -0000

It never occurred to me that not enough sleep might be part of the problem to my mother's not feeling well. I'd LOVE some practical advice on how to improve it - short of talking to her doctor. My mother goes to bed around 11 and for the life of her cant' sleep past 4 am.

Comment on New Test Can Spare Breast Cancer Patients from Chemo

Becky — Tue, 13 May 2008 16:55:35 -0000

i havwe had the hormone induced cancer and just completed my chemo a few weeks ago.....i feel worse now than i did during chemo i am asuming it is thw steroids ...coming off of them.....i had 2 different kinds of chemo....one was every 2 weeks for 2 months and the other was every thursday for 6 weeks....start radiation in 4 days...fyi mione was in the chential lymph gland...but had stopped there.... what can i do to help the swelling in my face and legs....looks like fluid retension??? any suggestions would help. Becky

Comment on Too Skinny? Too Fat? Both Raise Your Risk of Dementia

john b — Tue, 13 May 2008 04:59:18 -0000

The exact causal relationship between size and dementia isn't clear in either the obese or the scrawny. This pull quote says it pretty well. This report is irresponsible, plain and simple.

Comment on Yelling and Nagging: Not the Way to Keep Someone With Diabetes on Track

Theresa Garnero — Tue, 13 May 2008 03:52:27 -0000

Weight gain from glipizide may be around 5 pounds (not inches on the belly). Weight gain can happen from overtreating lows with extra carbohydrates. The initial weight gain can occur when the glucose returns to normal levels. With high glucose levels, the cells burn fat for energy, a process that is dangerous in and of itself as that is hard on the kidneys. As the glucose lowers, metabolism returns to normal, so some folks gain back the weight they should have never lost in the first place. A little weight gain is better than all the potential negative consequences of high blood glucose. So, before you ditch your pills in fear they may cause wieght gain, have a conversation with your doctor or diabetes educator.

Comment on A Big Butt May Keep Diabetes at Bay

Anonymous — Mon, 12 May 2008 22:04:40 -0000

Great post. Finally, an advantage to having a large...er, derriere. Now *that's* research I can get behind.

Comment on Weighty Matters: Diabetes Drugs Can Pack on the Pounds

Anonymous — Mon, 12 May 2008 22:01:36 -0000

I hear you, akatrina. I've taken various SSRIs for depression, too, and every single one of them resulted in weight gain. It's so...well, depressing! But for me, the benefits of not being depressed outweigh the frustrations of not being as svelte as I'd like to be. On the requirement that commercials for drugs list side effects: I have to say I think this is a good thing. That way consumers can weigh the risks and benefits for themselves. Although I personally feel that ads for medications should be banned...but that's another story entirely.

Comment on Stroke Awareness Month: Stroke Heroes and Their Stories

Jean — Mon, 12 May 2008 17:24:08 -0000

I've just discovered Caring.com and I'm truly impressed! What a wonderful resource.

Comment on Questions I Wish I'd Asked Mom

Rebecca — Fri, 09 May 2008 15:10:34 -0000

Thanks so much for sharing a photo with your mom! That's beautiful. My mom passed away right before Mother's day last year. I just hated all the cards and completely identified with you. This year I don't really know how it will be. Feelings are like the weather, they keep coming up and then blowing over - I never know what's next regardless of the forecast. Thanks again for your post!

Comment on Questions I Wish I'd Asked Mom

Bea — Fri, 09 May 2008 03:01:49 -0000

My Mother died of ovarian cancer in 1994. WE spend many years rasinign young children anc caring in home for elders. I too, dislike the display of Mothers Day cards. I graciously recieve them from my own children, but they bring me to tears in stores and I avoid them like the plague. You don't really appreciate your Mother until she is gone. Before my mother died, I had the opportunity to have those frank discsssions with her about pain and her end of life wishes. She was a strong snd determined woman and died as she wished. I wish I could have learned more about her as a young woman,: what her life was before she married - who she first fell in love with I also wish I could just talk to her about my own trocky road - good and bad - as a Mom to two teenage girls. As we approach this Mothers Day we are once again battling cancer; my oldest sister is at this moment determining if she wants to discontinue chemo. My next task is determining how we can juggle out of town care and hospice....... So Happy Mothers Day to us all - life just keeps on coming.... and we can just do our best to carry on as our Mom's taught us.

Comment on Questions I Wish I'd Asked Mom

Lori — Fri, 09 May 2008 01:58:06 -0000

This will be the second Mother's Day without my mother, and I can't even look at cards for my mother-in-law. It still fills like an open seeping wound. She had stage 4C ovarian cancer, we only had one long dificult year before she passsed away. My mother and I were VERY close. I was able to ask some questions and she was happy to share with me but I did dance around some of the really hard questions because I didn't want her upset and selfishly I didn't want to upset myself. I too get upset when I hear about other people fighting with their mother because time Is indeed short. I so wish that I had this website 3 years ago......

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