Researchers -- and the rest of us -- know a couple of things about older folks: They need community, and they fiercely want to hold on to a sense of control.

The problem is, many seniors see these two values as on a collision course. By moving to a retirement community, they fear they'll give up control over basic decisions about where and how they live.

One innovative solution is elder co-housing. Communities such Boulder's Silver Sage Village or Virginia's ElderSpirit are conceived, planned, and run by the seniors who live in them, offering all the community -- and many of the amenities -- of traditional retirement communities but with a greater sense of dignity and control.

These communities are one part '60s commune flashback (Silver Sage has a meditation room) and two parts future-forward. Wildflower Village, still on the drawing board in Texas, is being designed 100 percent eco-friendly, because the group of retirees planning the community value growing old with a light carbon footprint...  Read more

The majority of seniors want to live in their own homes as long as possible -- which, as a caregiver, can cause you a great deal of anxiety.

Are your parents taking their medication regularly? What if they fall down the stairs? Are they really able to take care of themselves in their own homes, or would they be better off in a retirement community?

If worries such as these are keeping you up at night -- and especially if you and your parents don't see eye to eye on the matter -- try this short (and entirely unscientific) quiz to help assess your parents' situation, and maybe alleviate some of your worries along the way:

1. Is their house clean and well-cared for, and are basic home-maintenance tasks getting done? yes/no
2. Can someone check in on your parents on a regular (preferably daily) basis? If not, are they willing to consider a Personal Emergency Response System or daily calling service...  Read more

If helping your parents (or yourself ) explore retirement options feels more like a chore than an adventure, check out Nextville: Amazing Places to Live the Rest of Your Life by real estate guru and Today Show contributor Barbara Corcoran.

Her whimsical yet practical tour of some 100 retirement hot spots offers an assortment of handy tools and checklists that can help make having "the conversation" about retirement both easier and more enjoyable.

Corcoran enlisted real estate brokers across the country to help research up-and-coming retirement hot spots as diverse as Austin, Texas, and the African nation of Malawi.

To help readers figure out who should land where, she sorted retirees into eight cleverly-coined types, such as ruppies (retired urban persons), huddlers (those who seek community), and zoomers (those who retire in far-flung corners of the globe).

The book lit up the blogosphere, with...  Read more

Last week we talked about an innovative retirement community that uses cutting-edge technology to monitor frail residents. Turns out similar technology is available to support -- and spy on -- seniors in their own homes, and even more futuristic blueprints are in the works.

Available now are an array of high-tech monitoring systems that allow you to keep watch over your parents from across the street or across the country. Quiet Care Plus combines the traditional medical-alert button with a motion-detection system that keeps track of your parents' movements and transmits data to a password-protected website where you can monitor them from the comfort of your own home.

Other options include AttentiveCare, which uses videoconferencing software to monitor frail elders, and GrandCare, which features a combination of sensors, call-buttons, and a dedicated TV channel.

Most Jetson-esque of all is...  Read more

A new breed of high-tech assisted living community is taking a "more is less" approach to retirement living. By using cutting-edge technology to monitor residents' every move -- even as they sleep -- a place like Oregon's Oatfield Estates actually offers elders more freedom to roam than a traditional, lower-tech facility.

About half of the one million Americans currently in assisted living suffer from some form of dementia, and communities often limit residents' movements -- sometimes to the point of locked wards -- for fear they'll wander off and endanger themselves.

At Oatfield, sensors in the walls, infrared radio tracking badges, and transponders residents wear on a chain or pin mean they can amble the campus-like grounds at will. If they stray too far, staff are alerted via computer and rush to assist them.

Oatfield even offers adult children the capacity to monitor their parents (with the parents' permission) from their home computers...  Read more

Last week we heard from a sandwich generation reader who nearly lost it trying to be "Superwoman" -- caring for six children and three aging parents -- before finally reaching out for help.

Happily, help is available for those of you caring for elderly parents in your homes, if you know where to look and -- most importantly -- aren't afraid to acknowledge that no one can climb this hill alone.

Here, as promised, are a few ideas for securing help with multi-generational care giving:

• Call Superman. Forget about gender roles -- care giving is a family responsibility, and sharing it lessens the weight for all involved. There's no shame in asking your spouse for help.
• Hire a part-time caregiver. If you're not familiar with agencies in your area, try the National Private Duty Association. Depending on your parents' income, they may even be eligible for publicly funded supports, such as the Cash...  Read more

Last week I wrote about the sandwich generation -- women caring for both children and elderly parents -- and a new study showing that, despite massive stresses, many suffer from "superwoman syndrome" and don't reach out for help.

That's why I was glad to hear back from a reader who had learned, the hard way, that everyone benefits when sandwiched women learn they have limits too:

When my parents moved in with us 5 years ago, I tied on my cape and proceeded to care for them, deliver my 5th child, work part-time at the church, and deliver my 6th child, while taking on another part-time job from home. Then it all came crashing down on one fateful Friday the 13th. After some good medication and months of therapy, I realized that no one can carry a burden like that alone.

So, when my mother-in-law passed away in December and my father-in-law, 86 with early dementia, needed a place to live, he came here...  Read more

The National Association of Social Workers had released a study finding that the 42 million "sandwich generation" women in America are "massively stressed" by the pressures of caring for children and aging parents. Three-quarters of those surveyed said they were ill-prepared to deal with the financial cost of elder care, and two-thirds had underestimated the financial, emotional and physical toll of providing care.Nearly half had delayed getting help because of superwoman syndrome -- the feeling we should be able to handle things on our own, no matter how hard it gets. Researchers asked some of the caregivers to keep journals, and the entries on asking for help -- or not -- were among the most poignant:“This is a hard area for me. Usually I do it myself and then get angry. I am trying to learn to ask for help before the boiling point.”The study struck a chord in the blogosphere...  Read more

Caring for Your Parents, a documentary portrait of five families that have taken on the role of caregiver to aging parents, premieres April 2 on selected PBS stations across the country. On the eve of the premiere, I spoke with writer and producer Michael Kirk. Kirk said that while he was working on the film, a lot of people told him how difficult they found it to talk with their parents about how they hoped to spend their final years. He said his own hope is that his film will help jump-start that conversation in living rooms across the nation. If your family watches, and it gets you talking, send us a note -- we'd love to listen in.Meanwhile, here's an excerpt from my conversation with Kirk that really got me thinking. Read the full interview with Michael Kirk here.There's been a lot of attention paid recently to the pressures faced by the "sandwich generation," and the burdens of caregiving, but your film captures moments of real joy between parents and the children who have chosen to care for them...  Read more

Helping your parents sort through their retirement housing optionsmay seem like an arduous task. But with 6.1 million Americans expected to pass age 85 by 2010, those options are becoming more varied -- and lavish -- than you might imagine.

For several years now, luxury hotel chains have been getting into the retirement business, offering amenities traditionally associated with high-end hotels--fine dining, maid and concierge service, fresh linens -- plus "wellness clinics" and even skilled nursing.

Now, a handful of cruise lines have upped the ante by marketing themselves as floating retirement destinations -- selling or leasing cabins to retirees who want to cruise full-time instead of going into a landlocked retirement community.

And why not? A cruise ship offers many of the same amenities as does a retirement community -- meal service, laundry, recreation, ship's doctor -- plus a lot more varied scenery...  Read more

Technology-in-aging guru Susan Ayers Walker's website, The SmartSilvers Alliance, highlights all kinds of gadgets aimed at the “aging in place” generation -- that’s the vast majority of our parents, those who’ve decided to tough it out in their own homes rather than move into retirement communities.

It’s a whole new world out there, full of robots that will clean your parents’ houses and sensors that send warnings to your computer if they slip and fall, leave the stove on, or even just vary from their usual routine. Many of the new gadgets aimed at seniors have the word "dignity" somewhere in the title or product description.

And there’s the rub -- manufacturers promise that these devices will help our parents hold on to their independence and dignity as long as possible, but when I think about my own 87-old-father, I know his own sense of personal dignity, or pride, is what keeps him from using just about anything that has the word "senior" associated with it...  Read more