http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents en-us 60 I agree with your perspective. I live 600 miles from my mother, so when I visit her, I need to make the most of our time. I come with checklist in hand. But, I've learned (when I first arrive)to just sit and listen to Mom. That initial conversation helps me shift gears, slow down and focus on her. It sets the tone for the rest of my visit. Dale (http://daleblogg.blogspot.com/ daccarte Wed, 26 Nov 2008 02:21:17 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/when-help-and-control-go-head-to-head http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/when-help-and-control-go-head-to-head/comments Good ideas. What to do about relationship tensions between the adult child and parent that have been in place all their lives? These built up tensions can make living together very difficult for both parties. Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:12:05 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/boomerang-seniors-more-and-more-aging-parents-moving-in-with-the-kids http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/boomerang-seniors-more-and-more-aging-parents-moving-in-with-the-kids/comments When I read stuff like this it makes me so sad. I wanted my mom so bad to be with me in her last years but my dad would not ever even let her spend the nite. She passed away 3 years ago and oh how I miss her! If only I could have my mother here it would be such a blessing. i don't understand at all why people don't want their moms living with them when they are easy to be around.Older folks have a hard time, I am a cna and i find it so difficult to work in the rest homes where most of the cna's treat them with so much disrespect and are just there for the money. I would never want my parents to go there or myself for that matter. We as children are supposed to take care of our parents. It says so in the Bible too. They raised us and give almost all their life for our benefit. That is how I see it . Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:52:15 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/boomerang-seniors-more-and-more-aging-parents-moving-in-with-the-kids http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/boomerang-seniors-more-and-more-aging-parents-moving-in-with-the-kids/comments Great article. From my experience, I would say-- before moving an elderly parent into your home, be sure to consider and address the down-side issues related to homecare. I wish that I understood more of the cons of extended home care before moving my mother in with me. I also wish that we had very specifically addressed what the plan would be if/when the day came that EITHER of us found that arrangement uncomfortable. We generally discussed that with the money she was saving by living with us, she would be able to afford in-home caregivers when the time came. Believe me, you will not agree on when that time is, or if it is the best option at all. In business I have always advised my clients getting involved in a partnership of any kind, to think through ahead of time what the exit strategy would be if things didn't go as planned. I failed to do that in my personal "partnership" with my mother. My 87 yr old mother has lived with us over 7 years. It started out wonderful, but at this point, I can see how in some ways we have harmed her. Mom likes her alone time, as do I, so it seemed normal for her to spend lots of time reading when alone and joining the family when we were home. However, after all this time, Mom has become a virtual recluse. She no longer wants to make the effort to interact with anyone other than my husband & I. I have become her only "friend" and outlet. She is not getting the stimulation she needs from having her own "community" of people to interact with. Spending so much time alone, allows her focus just on her aches & pains, rather than on others. At the same time, I am feeling very burned out. I want to be her daughter, not her nurse and sole friend. She does have a hired caregiver for about 12 hours per week to take care of her laundry & ironing, cleaning her suite, and helping with showers on occasion. While it seems superfluous and extremely expensive to her to have someone with her more hours, I find that I am resenting the hours I spend each day running her errands, dealing with medication and preparing special food for her because she no longer wants to eat the meat and salads my husband and I eat. As empty-nesters now, my husband and I want time alone in the evening, but mother is at the door waiting for me whenever I come home. We have discussed that she should stay in her suite a couple nights each week, but she "forgets". All this to say...have a contingency plan before you commit to caring for your elderly parent. Anonymous Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:16:34 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/boomerang-seniors-more-and-more-aging-parents-moving-in-with-the-kids http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/boomerang-seniors-more-and-more-aging-parents-moving-in-with-the-kids/comments Thank you Nell for your kind words regarding RainbowVision. Santa Fe has been open for 2 years and every day we see more and more inquiries from our LGBT population ready to seriously plan their future in terms of residence. We hope to break ground in Palm Springs, where we have a nice waiting list for Priority consideration, as the financial markets become more fluid. Again Thank you. Jane Steinberg National Director, Marketing and Sales RainbowVision Properties. Anonymous Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:38:46 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/gay-and-lesbian-seniors-find-their-housing-niche http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/gay-and-lesbian-seniors-find-their-housing-niche/comments from Konrad Kaletsch, October 28, 2008 http://www.universaldesignresource.com/ Universal Design: But I’ll Be Fine I go to sleep at night, not wondering if the sun will rise tomorrow. I don’t ponder if there will be a winter next January. I won’t check the night sky to see if the moon is still there. All those seem like certainties – they seem guaranteed. I also don’t wonder if I will be alive tomorrow. I don’t worry about how much time I have left. I don’t worry if the salt and sugar is hardening arteries and forming diabetes. I don’t even worry if I’ll have enough cash when I get old. So, how could I spend much mental energy on universal design when myself and my surroundings suggest, “don’t worry about it; you’ll be fine; you’ll figure it out.” How do I not become that parent who refuses change? Thinking about aging puts a knot in my stomach that I would rather not feel. I’m much happier pretending that I will be fine. I’m much happier worrying about the past day and the next one. To concern myself with the life I’ll be living 30 or 40 years from now just doesn’t hold my interest. Is there a technique that I can apply that would help me take actions today that would assure an independent, secure, comfortable and joyful future? How do I get excited and motivated? Remember the vacation you always said you would take and then finally took? The process began with a dream or maybe an impulse. A bit of research, a few conversations, some internet, and then one day, you hit CONFIRM and you had yourself a ticket, a hotel and a car. Did you just drift back into a ho-hum, everything-is-normal way of being, or did you have a spring in your step? Did you focus on the work at hand, or did you think about that cool cocktail being served to you as you glow in a setting sun. Once you had that ticket, you were not normal – you told the world; you cut out of work early and got a new outfit for the vacation. You were gone in a few weeks – you couldn’t wait! That’s the technique that gets you revved up about life 30, 40, 50 or maybe even 60 years from now. It won’t be a pretense either – you’ll be on a real track. Here’s how it goes: much like the dream vacation, start to imagine your dream lifestyle as an older person. Who are you? Who have you become (go ahead and say these things out loud, write them in a journal, or create a mental image)? Are you rich in cash, rich in spirit, rich in love? Do you live in the sun or the cold? Are you social or solo? Is the family big? What will make you happy? What would you like to be doing for others? Do you live in the city or country? This is your fantasy – if you catch yourself being reasonable, cut it out, go wild! Get everything in there that you want to be and have. With this vivid mental picture of yourself as an older person, imagine moving toward the present by ten years. Ask yourself this question: what would I have so that this dream is on track for being realized? Let’s say you pictured yourself at age 70 living on a beautiful ranch in Montana. Move forward ten years to age 60 –what have you done by 60 to be on track for that vision at 70; maybe you just moved to Montana. Once clear, move forward another ten years. Fill in that picture. In the example, you are now 50; what has to be complete by 50 so that the picture of 60 is a slam dunk? Maybe you have to sort out a new means of income so you can pack up and move to Montana. As we get closer to the present (let’s say that you are presently 40 years old), the time jumps are shorter. You would go from a picture of life at 50 to 45, then to one year from now, to 6 months from now, to 1 month, to one week, to now. What do you do right now so that next week will be a done deal (and then one month from now, 6 months, one year, age 45, then 50, them 60 and then 70)? Your right-now action might be to research Montana and begin planning a trip there – right now! And you are excited! If at the beginning of this comment, I asked, “what are you doing today so that being age 70 is gonna be just great,” your answer might be much less passionate, “uh, I have an IRA.” Now, many meaningful conversations are possible including one about universal design – in fact, it’s critical to your desired lifestyle at age 70, and, it also makes the years in between much more livable. Are you planning on living in your own home at age 70? Will you be mobile? Will you still be earning an income? Will you be social? Will others be able to visit you? What do you want to do for others? An environment with universal design will make that future much more possible than one without. Your next action, right now, is to click: Universal Design Resource Find out more, discover. Anonymous Wed, 29 Oct 2008 00:03:15 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/universal-design-part-2-breaking-the-ice http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/universal-design-part-2-breaking-the-ice/comments Thanks srains, this is really helpful information. Clearly universal design has lots to offer the large and growing number of seniors who are committed to aging in place. Tue, 28 Oct 2008 19:39:32 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/boomerang-seniors-more-and-more-aging-parents-moving-in-with-the-kids http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/boomerang-seniors-more-and-more-aging-parents-moving-in-with-the-kids/comments You mention that Universal Design is a set of principles but it might be helpful to point to and list them: The Seven Principles of Universal Design 1. Equitable Use: The design does not disadvantage or stigmatize any group of users. 2. Flexibility in Use: The design accommodates a wide range of individual preferences and abilities. 3. Simple, Intuitive Use: Use of the design is easy to understand, regardless of the user's experience, knowledge, language skills, or current concentration level. 4. Perceptible Information: The design communicates necessary information effectively to the user, regardless of ambient conditions or the user's sensory abilities. 5. Tolerance for Error: The design minimizes hazards and the adverse consequences of accidental or unintended actions. 6. Low Physical Effort: The design can be used efficiently and comfortably, and with a minimum of fatigue. 7. Size and Space for Approach & Use: Appropriate size and space is provided for approach, reach, manipulation, and use, regardless of the user's body size, posture, or mobility. Source: http://www.adaptenv.org/index.php?option=Content&Itemid=25 Scott Rains www.RollingRains.com srains Tue, 28 Oct 2008 14:59:04 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/boomerang-seniors-more-and-more-aging-parents-moving-in-with-the-kids http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/boomerang-seniors-more-and-more-aging-parents-moving-in-with-the-kids/comments I tour skilled cares and assisted living homes weekly and I have definitely noticed a few changes the past year. One had the warmest living room area with a fireplace and sofas and coffee and tea. another one had an amazing garden and they actually had residents helping with dividing and transplanting plants into pots - it was so peaceful. The more "homes" can steer away from the sterile medical model look the better - thanks for the warm article! cardsblossom Wed, 22 Oct 2008 01:15:08 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/new-nursing-homes-put-the-emphasis-on-home http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/new-nursing-homes-put-the-emphasis-on-home/comments It's great to hear some good news about nursing homes and elder care. Thanks for all the great information. Anonymous Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:26:24 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/new-nursing-homes-put-the-emphasis-on-home http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/new-nursing-homes-put-the-emphasis-on-home/comments As a fire safety professional, I appreciate it when someone takes the time to address fire safety issues. Older adults are at greatest risk of death and injury from a fire. Thank you. figrod Tue, 07 Oct 2008 22:07:21 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/helping-seniors-with-fire-safety-issues http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/helping-seniors-with-fire-safety-issues/comments I've been interested in non-intrusive sensors to put into our new backyard cottages. I agree with the comment that it isn't so much monitoring the "patient" but provides feedback to the care provider that can make their life easier. No information breeds fear, fear that my parent has fallen or had a health emergency in the night. Then the caregiver has no choice but to call or stop by to check-in on the parent, a possible intrusion into their privacy. Sidekick Homes Tue, 30 Sep 2008 15:01:20 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/home-monitors-watch-over-seniors-aging-in-place http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/home-monitors-watch-over-seniors-aging-in-place/comments I am an analyst looking at the aging in place market -- and I worry that GE Healthcare, which invested in the QuietCare technology, will emphasize the 'patient' aspect as opposed to the 'senior' aspect of home monitoring. Knowing that my parent was up and moving today is a 'wellness' and problem prevention dimension, not a monitoring of a 'patient' condition. See my blog on tech for aging in place: www.ageinplacetech.com. Laurie-O Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:00:19 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/home-monitors-watch-over-seniors-aging-in-place http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/home-monitors-watch-over-seniors-aging-in-place/comments The iShoe -- like much technology for seniors -- is part of an emerging and not well-formed marketplace of technologies. I hope to sort through these and help separate the new and interesting from the interesting and really useful. I hope all get a chance to take a peek at a new blog I've started that is focused on technology for Aging in Place. Take a look: and provide feedback at www.ageinplacetech.com. Laurie-O Wed, 17 Sep 2008 19:22:21 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/new-gadgets-to-help-the-old http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/new-gadgets-to-help-the-old/comments Make your home 'visit-able'. If we expect our parents to change their home to follow universal design, we should do the same in our homes. Not only will it make our homes accessible for our parents, it will also make it ready for the moment when we have an accident or injury and need things accessible for ourselves. Have you considered what it's like for your parents to visit your house? Is the bathroom fully accessible? How many steps are there to get into your home? Etc., etc. All of us will someday need these changes in our own homes - much as I did several years ago when I suddenly had medical problems and found myself living on the first floor of our two-story home. My husband had to build a ramp to our widest door - our patio door. Fortunately, most of the first floor was NOT carpeted, so I was able to move my wheelchair without difficulty in the areas I needed most - from my bed to the bathroom. So we'd all do good by implementing universal design in our own homes. Bell star Sat, 16 Aug 2008 21:41:17 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/universal-design-part-2-breaking-the-ice http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/universal-design-part-2-breaking-the-ice/comments Santa Cruz, California started a formal revival of the Granny Flat in 2002 with their new ADU (accessory dwelling Unit) zoning ordinance. Essentially they removed the barriers set up from a time when people were more worried about overcrowding than how to encourage people to move back into the close-in residential areas. Times have changed, and Santa Cruz saw this move as one way to help families come together to nourish their aging citizens, to provide affordable housing and to bring back the population lost to their city during the great flight to the suburbs. The entire state of California followed the path set by Santa Cruz and Oregon and Washington state is in the process. In my home state of Colorado we have a minimum of 12 cities that have adopted similar regulations and more join in each day. NORCS are one choice for aging parents, and the Granny Flat is another. My local Washington Park neighborhood in Denver is currently starting a program called, Washington Park Cares, which will give seniors access to services right in their own neighborhood. The program is modeled on the lead set by the Beacon Hill project in Boston. I believe we are just beginning to see the creation of a wide range of housing choices for aging seniors, many that have never existed before in history. Sidekick Homes Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:51:58 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/new-website-offers-toolkit-for-building-norcs http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/new-website-offers-toolkit-for-building-norcs/comments What a great idea. If anyone out there knows of a NORC or something similar that is just starting up please let me know -- I'd love to hear how it's going. Nell Nell Bernstein Fri, 11 Jul 2008 22:26:44 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/new-website-offers-toolkit-for-building-norcs http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/new-website-offers-toolkit-for-building-norcs/comments Nell, This is really exciting. I'd love to see this movement take off. It's one of my favorites uses of the web - to propagate good ideas. I'd love to hear from folks who might be trying to do this in their communities. Maybe you could find a neighborhood like this and help us track their progress? Thanks for the post. Anonymous Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:31:48 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/new-website-offers-toolkit-for-building-norcs http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/new-website-offers-toolkit-for-building-norcs/comments to anyamous. i took care of my grandparents, my mom and two sisters still at home with her, and my family. whiel going threw a ivf cycle ran a small bath store that i had to give up because the stress caused me toloose one of the twins. then the baby came 7 weeks early even tho we moved i closed the store and became a sahm... while at childrens hospital (this is no joke) i had to get my grandmother in atlantic to a hospital in desmoinse by ambulance and i couldnt get to her but i managed thanks to the help of my sister whos now 25 and then whiel talking to my best friend she got a beep on the phone and her brrother had hung himself that night. and things have just kept getting worse however the baby is home now and almost 6 months old! and finally healthy! and my breakdown came last monday after being scammed for our entire paycheck for the moth and anothor friend using a gun to commit sucide. i can relate to how hard it is and they didnt even all live with me.all women need to know that as she so very well put it at some point that cape HAS TO coe off so we can breathe. i have one friend that will tell me "girl no matter what everyone else thinks your not super woman your human " loll i dont think i beleaved her until just recently. so thanks for your story it made me think. Anonymous Fri, 06 Jun 2008 03:46:16 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/a-sandwiched-mom-reaches-out http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/a-sandwiched-mom-reaches-out/comments I am 44 and my five children need constant advise. I go to AA almost every day because I need advise. And Dad died last year and Mum had a cancer op. and she needs care and advise. I am glad for caring.com. It's still lonely talking to people on a computer but it's better than not! Anonymous Thu, 05 Jun 2008 04:39:59 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/leisureville-paints-seniors-as-24-hour-party-people http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/leisureville-paints-seniors-as-24-hour-party-people/comments I care for three children, work, and my aging parents. Two comments. One, you do need to set boundaries for your parents. My parents, who live next door, started coming over at all times unannounced, which they would never have done when they had all of their faculties. It was hard but I set boundaries on this, and after an adjustment period, it worked out well. Also, per the above comment, about being "care supervisors", I would caution readers that care givers usually are doing their best at a VERY difficult job. I have seen people very angry because their mom or dad fell or became ill; it isn't fair to get upset about something that could have happened no matter who is caring for them. If you have help, have high expectations but be respectful. nice1 Fri, 09 May 2008 00:40:47 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/a-sandwiched-mom-reaches-out http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/a-sandwiched-mom-reaches-out/comments alright Miss Thaaaaaaang! MollyManpussy Sat, 03 May 2008 16:49:52 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/a-sandwiched-mom-reaches-out http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/a-sandwiched-mom-reaches-out/comments Next week I'll post a list of other sanity-saving suggestions for those caring for their parents at home. Please send along your own -- I bet the reader above would love to hear what has worked for you and your family. All of us would -- care giving can be a lonely business, but with so many of us in the same boat, it really doesn't need to be. Correct. It doesn't need to be. Long-term care planning is important. How important? I don’t want you to ever find out personally but imagine being forced to care for someone….you really don’t want to, you aren’t prepared to, you don’t know how to, but some where along the line you said you would, now you MUST. Almost like signing up for a marathon and you haven't even gone for a jog. Caregiving is so much more than fluffing up the pillow and bringing in tea and cookies. That’s the sad story for so many families. At least with proper planning, which may include LTC insurance, you have more money to call in the professionals for assistance. Family members can be care supervisors, not care providers. SchaferLTC Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:49:20 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/a-sandwiched-mom-reaches-out http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/a-sandwiched-mom-reaches-out/comments When my parents moved in with us 5 years ago, I tied on my cape and proceeded to care for them, deliver my 5th child, work part-time at the church, and deliver my 6th child, while taking on another part-time job from home. Then it all came crashing down on one fateful Friday the 13th. After some good medication and months of therapy, I realized that no one can carry a burden like that alone. So, when my mother-in-law passed away in december and my father-in-law, 86 with early dementia, needed a place to live, he came here. Havine retired my cape before, I resisted the urge to dust it off and wear it again. Instead, I hired a caregiver to come and help me 4 days a week, and she has preserve my sanity. This way, I can enjoy both sides of the bun in the sandwich without feeling like the shrinking meat in the middle. Wed, 09 Apr 2008 16:38:30 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/sandwich-generation-massively-stressed http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/sandwich-generation-massively-stressed/comments This is so very true. When will society be a little more understanding that many have aging parents, children and grandchildren issues on a daily basis? What can we do help ourselves? As women we have been taught to juggle it all and when we can't people think we are weak. When we get crabby that is not good either. When will men have to juggle what we do? Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:11:38 -0000 http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/sandwich-generation-massively-stressed http://www.caring.com/blog_posts/sandwich-generation-massively-stressed/comments