Comment on Family Financial Feud: After My Father Died, My Mother and I Fought Over Funeral Costs

liu_fengxi — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 21:33:46 -0000

I am sorry for the loss of your father, and I'm glad your experience with him in his last years didn't taint your good memories of him. However, this sounds like an argument about money, which is imho always the hardest thing to discuss in a family---more than sex, death or marital discord. If I were in your place, I would back off for awhile and not bring up the checks your mother received or the costs you had to take on with your father's funeral, especially with the holidays coming up and your own family to worry about. Your mother was under a lot of stress while she was the primary caregiver for your dad, and the funeral was probably the last thing she wanted to deal with when he died. (A hug for you for taking that task on!) It is unfair that you had to bear the brunt of the expenses, and you might not ever be repaid for your grief. But your mother may be hanging onto the money out of fear that she'll end up homeless and with no one to look out for her, a common feeling among recent widows. If you can overcome your anger towards her, try reassuring her that she won't be alone and she can still rely on you for support and help. I should add that if the checks were made out to your mother, then perhaps they were meant for her to use towards whatever expenses remained after your father's death. In East Asian cultures, it's traditional for people to give money at a funeral to help pay for the costs. That's probably of no comfort to you since your mother didn't help you with the bills, and a memorial fund dedicated to your father would be more in keeping with your father's wishes than your mother just depositing the money in her savings account. But remember she's grieving for a husband as you are grieving for your father. She has her own way of dealing with her feelings, and as a widow myself, I know it's important to respect that.

Comment on Men, Women, Illness, and Caregiving: A Recipe for Divorce?

Karenmom — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:53:56 -0000

In 2007 I was diagnosed with tongue cancer (NEVER SMOKED!). Naturally at first my husband of 26 years was devastated but I told him I was not about to give up and die. I had too much to live for(him and our two teenagers) and he needed to help me thru it and did he ever! I had several surgeries,including the removal of most of my tongue, chemo,& radiation. My husband was extremely supportive and was with me through everything-driving to the cancer center(150 miles away), bringing me to every radiation treatment, stopping along the way so I could be sick to my stomach-everything. He took over bill paying, fielding phone calls, total kid duty(school, practices, meals). The cancer now thank God is gone but there are so many left over effects(cant eat, cant speak right, chemo affected hearing....) but my husband is still here and still makes me smile when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I couldn't have made it without his love and support.

Comment on Breast Cancer Controversy: No More Routine Mammograms for Women Ages 40 to 49?!

Melanie Haiken — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:38:21 -0000

Thank you for this wonderful comment; you present an important perspective, that of the caregiver and husband.

Comment on Breast Cancer Controversy: No More Routine Mammograms for Women Ages 40 to 49?!

Husband of Survivor — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:43:44 -0000

My wife was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at the age of 48 through a mammogram. Prior to this, she had gone through two biopsies spanning about 6 or 7 years, which isn't a trivial procedure, as those that have gone through it well know. If my wife had not actually been diagnosed with cancer, I may have agreed with the findings. Now that's she's had cancer, surgury, Chemo, radiation, etc. and is in recovery, we are hoping for a long, enjoyable life ahead. Without the mammogram, I'm certain things would have been much different based on how aggressive the cancer was (which I understand is common in younger women). I strongly encourage all women to disregard the new recommendations and get checked regularly. Your life may depend on it.

Comment on When Chemo-Brain Won't Go Away

beatbreastcancer — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:52:49 -0000

I'm a 1+ year breast cancer survivor, and I still have chemo brain problems, all mentioned earlier. I'm really worried, though; my mom has Alzheimer's and is about in the middle of its progression. I'm afraid that, since Mom has Alzheimer's, maybe I have the possibility lurking in my brain as well, and something about the chemo or the cancer (hormone positive) has kick-started or sped up the development of Alz. in me. I'm going to go to my doctor and discuss it with him, see if I can get checked by a neurologist or something. All of you with chemo brain, remember; there are lots of us and you are most definitely not alone. We are praying for all of us. God bless us all. Lisa

Comment on When Chemo-Brain Won't Go Away

Anonymous — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:52:52 -0000

My husband has chemo brain also. I've had to take over lots of things he used to do. His doctor does not seem concerned. He is better when he has more sleep and rest. Its a difficult situation, good luck all!

Comment on The #1 Medication Mistake People Make in Cold/Flu Season

not myself — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:58:10 -0000

This is "must have" information. I am fairly well versed in a good bit of pharmacology, but had never given much thought to the ramifications of the effects of the "PM" versions of multi-symptom treating OTCs. Thank you!

Comment on Family Financial Feud: After My Father Died, My Mother and I Fought Over Funeral Costs

Anonymous — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:29:03 -0000

This is such a tough situation. It's hard enough to grieve the loss of your dad without having to deal with less-than-pleasant family dynamics. It's too late for advice about designating with the funeral director how the expenses will be paid, but I, too, hope like the above respondent, that your mother will offer some recompense for your sacrificial giving. One thing that seemed a little amiss to me though, was the part about the contributions. Usually those checks are made out to whatever charity(ies) was designated in the obituary, in which case your mother would not be able to cash them. Perhaps if you "confided" to one family member or friend what has happened, that person could spread the word to any others interested, that if they were planning to make a donation, it should be sent to you. It would also help to let the funeral director know that, as he/she frequently gets calls from people asking for the wife's address for that reason. In this case, the funeral director already knows that you paid some of the costs and wouldn't have a problem giving your address. I hope this works out for you and maybe in time, you can change your mother's focus by asking her to tell you about the GOOD times she had with your father.

Comment on Family Financial Feud: After My Father Died, My Mother and I Fought Over Funeral Costs

Anonymous — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:37:43 -0000

I am sorry for your losses, both of your father and for your previously close relationship with your mother. It sounds as though your mother was exhausted to the point where she was no longer herself, and it is no wonder, considering that she had to give and give and give for so long, while bearing your dad's constant complaining. And considering what your father had to bear, health-wise, it is no wonder he complained. Perhaps in time your mother will be able to reconcile those stressful last few years with your dad, and remember the better times as well. Maybe she needed something for herself after so long. Maybe she was more worried about money or about being alone or about resenting having to be a saintly nurse than she has shared with anyone. Maybe she could not bear your father's death, after she had been his spouse, and then worked so hard for so long to guard his health. Hospitals and funerals have different effects on different people, but for some, these places make the unthinkable too real. No one can change what happened in the past, but I hope you can forgive your mother for her unseemly behavior. She may be embarrassed about what happened by now, and may be avoiding you for that reason. She may even be avoiding you because she cannot bear more conflict, especially considering that her actions have proven to be so unpopular. It is never too late to start that memorial fund for your father, or for both of your parents, for that matter. In time, if you have the resources, you may wish to do that. You may even recoup your share of the funeral expenses, eventually. My husband's mother recently repaid him for his father's funeral, which took place in 1995. She had insurance money to pay for the funeral, which was expensive, because he, too, was the most popular guy in town, and they had to accommodate lots of people. However, she was exhausted and feeling financially insecure, so my husband was stuck paying for all of the arrangements. It has taken years before she felt secure enough to repay him. But she did it! Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Comment on How to Celebrate the New Year -- with Cancer

SandwichINK — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:31:52 -0000

Hi, I read this article last year and really enjoyed it. So much so that I bookmarked it to share with my readers at SandwichINK this year. Thank you for some great points to think about and talk about to your family if you are dealing with cancer or even with other debilitating issues that come with the territory of senior home care. Have a blessed Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's! :)

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: When An Out-of-Touch Sibling Resurfaces, Is It for Love or Money?

cmacp — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 05:30:31 -0000

Galowa; Your comment about watching the life and vitality drain out of the person you love explains the pain of caregiving in a nutshell.

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: When An Out-of-Touch Sibling Resurfaces, Is It for Love or Money?

GALOWA — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 02:30:00 -0000

This is NOT a HARD SITUATION. Do your DUTY to your mother. TELL your mother about Betsy's reference to MONEY. Your mother may be dying, but she's NOT DEAD, and she DOESN'T have Alzheimer's disease. Your mother is NOT a fool. TELL your mother you know she loves Betsy, and that YOU love Betsy, too. But TELL her Betsy is not JUST back for a family reunion to make your mother happy, but that she has ulterior motives. REMIND your mother of all the heartache Betsy caused in the past, the funeral she missed, the money she took, repeatedly, AND the money she now hopes to get. REMIND your mother that ALTHOUGH BETSY IS BACK, SHE HAS NOT CHANGED... TELL your mother that you are worried about Betsy taking advantage of your mother at a time when she is emotionally and financially vulnerable. Talk to her about the need for SOMEONE to have Power of Attorney, ESPECIALLY now that Betsy is on the scene, AND tell your mother that you are worried that Betsy may try to take advantage of your mother financially, because she has already made an effort to get money from YOU, and also because, as everyone knows, that's what Betsy DOES! Arrange for an older female estate attorney to visit your mother at home to discuss her final healthcare wishes, her designation of a Power of Attorney for Finances and Healthcare, and any special arrangements she may wish to make in her will - including an extra bequeathal for the daughter who cared for her, and a managed TRUST ACCOUNT for the daughter who cannot seem to manage her own affairs. In situations such as these, the responsible sibling is often made trustee for the inheritance of the unstable one. THEN - TELL your mother that Betsy has shown up at a time when YOU too are emotionally vulnerable, having cared for your mother and having been there for her - STILL being there for her - for so long, it hurts you to think that Betsy can simply SHOW UP expecting everyone to simply include her and trust her "LIKE SHE NEVER LEFT." REMIND your mother of all the sacrifices you have made OUT OF LOVE, how CAREWORN and TIRED you are, and how resentful you feel toward Betsy when she shows up near the end of a long and painful road you and your mother have traveled TOGETHER, without anyone else's help. And TELL her how it has felt for you, her DEVOTED daughter, to daily watch her mom's health slowly deteriorated, robbing her of her vitality - stealing the very life which YOU have shared with her at its happiest and mourned with her while it slowly and painfully ebbed. MAKE SURE YOU TELL HER that Betsy HAS NO RIGHT to pretend she cares as much, that she loves as much, or even that she deserves as much - to be called "daughter." Been there, done that. My heart goes out to you... Galowa

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: When An Out-of-Touch Sibling Resurfaces, Is It for Love or Money?

cmacp — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:37:49 -0000

Sometimes it seems a crime that relative inherit by law even though they don't act like family. Simply by an accident of birth, a wayward sibling or step child who never paid a visit while Dad was ill, can now surface and have 'rights'. Oh well.

Comment on The Best Way to Protect Your Health: Take Vitamin D

tornado — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:38:32 -0000

I totally agree with this article, but you left one thing out. Recent research shows that it also helps with S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) aka Winter Depression, so I increased my daily intake to 2000mg last year....I figured it couldn't hurt. Prior to this I was taking 1000mg for my bones.

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: When An Out-of-Touch Sibling Resurfaces, Is It for Love or Money?

Melanie Haiken — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:08:51 -0000

Wow everyone, thanks for the great comments and advice. I can tell you've been there! I will have another "family financial feud" this week and would love your input on that one, too.

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: When An Out-of-Touch Sibling Resurfaces, Is It for Love or Money?

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:08:56 -0000

Is there a way that you could tell your sister that all of your mother's money is going toward her care and you don't expect there to be anything left of her estate? I would get her lawyer how to protect her assets. I feel for you. My ex went through something similar with his aunt. She just swooped in, forced his g'mother to sign a POA, took everything out of the bank, sold her house, put her in a home and walked away. He found out when he tried to pay one of her utility bills and the check bounced.

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: When An Out-of-Touch Sibling Resurfaces, Is It for Love or Money?

chere — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:47:16 -0000

A really hard situation. I had a sister like yours. she only called or came by when she needed or wanted money or something material, didn;t call/write/visit for the holidays, missed birthdays ect. My sister died this year at the age of 45 from a heart attack. As aggrivated as I got with her, I wish that I could still talk to her when she felt the need to contact us. It is so sad. I have step sisters and brothers that ignore my step dad, I am responsible in taking care of their belongings and the such when they die, my step siblings will be greatly surprised to learn that they have nothing to gain from the parents, talk to your mom, work out with her what she wishes to have done with what ever is left when she is gone. for my parents after all the bills are paid for and they are buried, their property will be sold and the money givne to charaties. Works great for me as this is what THEY want.

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: When An Out-of-Touch Sibling Resurfaces, Is It for Love or Money?

beatbreastcancer — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 00:26:01 -0000

Wow, what a rough situation! Family conflicts are the most distressing for the people involved, so much love/anger/sadness/desperate hope. All the answers I've seen have been good and cover everything I thought of, so Patricia, just know we are here for you, and I hope and pray things will be worked out with the minimum of distress for your dear mother and you. God bless and keep you all.

Comment on When Chemo-Brain Won't Go Away

Lola — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:03:45 -0000

My mum had chemo a year ago and is still having memory loss, poor concentration and other such difficulties. Even though this article doesn't offer a solution, it's reassuring to know that she is not alone in this. Particularly as she is 70 this year and has been fearful that her problems could be due to the onset of alzheimers as opposed to linked to her treatment. Lola

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: When An Out-of-Touch Sibling Resurfaces, Is It for Love or Money?

suzannemcneely — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:53:48 -0000

To the extent possible, it would be best that your mother not be in the position that your sister can benefit from trying to influence her or create tension in order to benefit herself. You might want to have a conversation with her about allowing whoever she most trusted to pay her bills or take over as her financial agent if she has powers of attorney or a trust in place that provide for a successor to herself. Putting a wall between the money and your mother's vulnerability at this time in her life is for her sake. Should she really want to make estate changes or gifts at least she would have an advocate who could talk to her and ascertain the validity and independence of her decisions. it might be best that person be someone else other than you if it would make everyone more comfortable but that is your mother's choice obviously. It is not unusual for older women to have confidence in men managing their finances due to age old beliefs. Is there a son-in-law who might be a good neutral? You might consider contacting her counsel and involving them in discussing options for "protections" with her so there is no appearance of your influencing her. Good luck. I see this every day in my work as a geriatric care manger.

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: When An Out-of-Touch Sibling Resurfaces, Is It for Love or Money?

CA-Claire — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:45:26 -0000

Wow. What a tough situation. I believe that I would be very careful in speaking with Mom about Betsy. If finances come up, I would gently remind Mom that Betsy's past contacts have been about money rather than family. Mentioning the reference to an inheritance, hopefully Patricia knows the details of Mom's estate and the distribution of assets plan. Remember Patricia, that you have the memories and the knowledge that you put family first. I hate to say it, but it's only money. There's a similar situation for me. My husband passed away 10 weeks ago. There was almost no money - just a small 401(k). His oldest son has been out of contact for over 10 years (disappeared out of state), but recently showed up unannounced in May this year, and started texting and emailing his Father (I am second wife). His children are unaware that his Father's will left everything to me, and if I predeceased him - everything went to his grandchildren - rather than his kids. One of his 3 kids and his family keep in contact with me and see me frequently, even though they live an hours drive from me. Just got a text from prodigal son last night - makes me wonder if he's just wanting to see what his Dad's estate is.... We'll see. Best of everything to Patricia and her Mother. I'll be Mom knows more about Betsy than she lets on.

Comment on The Best Way to Protect Your Health: Take Vitamin D

Kristarr — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:49:50 -0000

I started taking Vitamin D over a year ago for bone softening issues related to RSD. It has helped that in addition to helping my immune system. I go to the tanning bed in the winter to help my body synthesize the calcium. My health has improved just from one vitamin

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: When Mom or Dad Is Gambling Away Financial Security

Anonymous — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 15:13:51 -0000

Good for you. I am glad that you were able to handle it on your own. While I agree that people should be open minded and believe that it CAN be done on their own, I also believe that it is equally as important to be open minded enough to understand that there may be people in the world that aren't like you and can't just do it on their own. Everyone is different. People who can stop on their own DO and those who can't (or think they can't) either continue with their addiction and allow it to destory their life or they get help. By the way, if you can "handle" going only a few times a year and only spend "$20" when you do go - maybe your 'problem' was less of a 'problem' than you think. If it only got out of control and you were able to pull control back in -- it is less likely that you are an addict and more just someone who got out of control who pulled it back in. Addiction is a real disease. If it weren't - insurance wouldn't cover it.

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: When Mom or Dad Is Gambling Away Financial Security

msmaddog — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 15:48:38 -0000

I understand that gambling can be a huge problem (I was a casual( bingo, keno) gambler for years, caused me many problems. I decided to quit on my own (it is possible)and have never regretted it. I do occasionally go to a local hall, $20 only. When it's gone so am I.I go about 3 times a year. My real reason for writing is why should kids expect something from their parents, that the PARENTS worked hard for, I have seen so many close friends families torn up over what they were entitled to?? after Mom or Dad pass on. Who r these people? Who raised them? Some are real monsters could care less about parent just what's in it for me!

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: The Case of the "Borrowing" Sibling

Zada — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 22:34:50 -0000

Mother is 87 in good health. Spends 3 to 4 months a year in each of here (3 out of 8) children. She accumulated some wealth through the years, saving them by-the-penny. All three brothers are very kind to her, but two out of the three are spenders of their own money and not penny-savers... the 3rd one (myself) is a good money manager and she realize I appreciate the value of the money... she decided to write in her will all of her money to me... All 3 good brothers are financially comfortable and love our mother, but her choice to be biased to only one child (myself) caused lots of trouble... pressuring her to be fare to at least the three of us, whom she spends part of the year their houses, makes her very mad and says " I spent my life saving my money very carefully, and now they will spend most of it in few months..." should I ignore her will and (god give her long life) when she completes her life... just distribute the money evenly on 3,,, or even on all 8..... dilemma... None of the three need her money... especially me... we are all doing ok..... as a joke you probably saying in your head.. well send the money to me... several "sheakhs" already suggested that....thanks for your advice joe_zada@yahoo.com

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: The Case of the "Borrowing" Sibling

Carolyn L. Rosenblatt — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:03:02 -0000

There may be more to the legal picture than has been discussed so far. In some states, the use of one's position ("loving" relative, trusted son, etc.) to gain influence over how an elder uses money for the benefit of the relative may be a crime, too. "Undue influence" is part of financial elder abuse. Sadly, it does happen at the hands of family more often than anyone outside the family. If the level of "borrowing" or taking or persuading an elder who can't say no has reached the point of financial harm to the elder, it's time to consider reporting this to Adult Protective Services, or equivalent in your community. This can tear families apart, but the elder's financial welfare has to take priority over any concern about the freeloader's embarrassment or consequences. Some freeloaders bankrupt their elders. Take the "borrowing" and helping one's self to Mom's funds seriously. It can be a violation of the law and financial elder abuse. See an elder law attorney for advice if this is what is happening in your family. Carolyn Rosenblatt, R.N., Attorney, AgingParents.com

Comment on Family Financial Feuds: The Case of the "Borrowing" Sibling

Anonymous — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 23:54:43 -0000

This blog answered a lot of questions for me. You totally described my freeloading sibling. Now I understand his condition I won't stress myself so much. I know what to do now. Thank You..

Comment on Beware Red Meat, the New Cancer Risk

Kym — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:19:32 -0000

How about Venison? (deer meet hunted in nature). At our home, we rarely eat beef, but instead use venison that we are able to hunt successfully in Michigan. Is it the way the beef is produced or processed with hormones and chemicals? Or is it just the (red) of the meat. Venison is browner than red when we process it.

Comment on Swine Flu Deaths: Keeping Sane and Safe

Anonymous — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:52:27 -0000

Melanie, I really appreciate your coverage of the H1N1 vaccine. Truly, the knowledge your spreading here did make me worry less. It's so rare to find reporting on H1N1 that doesn't deal in hysteria or a desire to grab readers. I really thank you for clearly stating the high-risk categories and what to do about getting access to the vaccine.

Comment on How Family Caregiving Can Save You Money on Your Taxes

JoyceT — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:33:43 -0000

That would be good to know. I'm caring for my husband, age 53 (early onset) and I am 52. Hope all is well with you :)

Comment on How Family Caregiving Can Save You Money on Your Taxes

houcyn — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:22:28 -0000

Would this tax break help me if I am caring for my husband with Alzheimers. He is 75 and I am 63?

Comment on So Your Parent Wants to Move In With You -- Can You Afford It?

ann54 — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:40:02 -0000

I am lucky to have a 94 year old father with all of his facilities. Having him live with us for the last ten years has taught my children the importance of family, tolerance and kindness. It hasn't been easy, the bulk of the care and time is on me. My sibs do not share the weight and it is causing some stress in my marriage. Make sure the the primary care giver is appreciated! do something extra to support that person. Realize that the sib needs a break even if it is not convenient for you.

Comment on Top 10 Breast Cancer Prevention Tips

58744152005 — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 21:55:49 -0000

Here's a fascinating podcast on the very subject... http://www.democracynow.org/2009/10/13/author_barbara_ehrenreich_on_bright_sided

Comment on Top 10 Breast Cancer Prevention Tips

rbt — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 20:36:12 -0000

i want to take issue with your point 3. your accuracy data on mammography is incorrect (it is much more reliable than indicated), and mri and/or sonograms are only indicated when a mammogram is inclusive. virtually no insurers will pay for a mri or sonogram unless specifically indicated by family history or an inconclusive mammography report.

Comment on Prevent Diabetes By Treating It Before It Starts

Sue K — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 04:57:59 -0000

Thank you for the great information in your article. I really enjoyed reading it. I like to learn what I can about diabetes, I recently found a site that has great information just like yours at www.defeatdiabetesnow.com. Thank you once again.

Comment on So Your Parent Wants to Move In With You -- Can You Afford It?

An Hour 4 Me — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 19:42:14 -0000

Sue, Take the time now to locate appropriate care facilities including independent living. You are sooo right if mom is already becomming demanding it will worsen when she has unlimited access. This could also damage your new marrage. First talk to your husband. Be sure that you have his unwavering support. Remind the siblings that you too are now married and in the same boat they are. You are not being selfish you're being sensible. You might consider asking how their respective spouses would have felt newly into a marrage to be facing this. Since she has some financial independence, it makes sense to look now into good continuing care for when the time comes.

Comment on So Your Parent Wants to Move In With You -- Can You Afford It?

CA-Claire — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:40:37 -0000

Wow - I have been so blessed with a wonderful family. Last March when we moved our parents to the city that I live in (pretty much against their will), I had not really thought about any of the things talked about in this article and these comments. We moved them to a VERY nice Independent Living facility, which also has an Assisted Living area that they can move to if needed. My siblings all pulled together, and we each helped in the way that best suited our talents and our individual relationship with our parents. I, the youngest of 4, took care of the medical care and collecting medical records, choosing the facility, chose new medical providers, and assisted with the packing/moving of their home of 34 years - my speciality with that was keeping track of what was sentimental, and what was just 'stuff'; My sister (oldest) coordinated the movers, and assisted with hospital 'sitting' when Dad was in for a week and had hospital psychosis (I took the owl shift (10pm - 7am and made sure I was present when Dr or Nurse Practitioners were there), and kept track of the moving expenses, plus coordinated what we needed our two brothers to help with. The brothers helped with keeping Mom and Dad up at their 'new' place while the old place was packed up and moved, and provided some support during the move as well. Now, one brother that lives 40 miles away comes once a week to have dinner with them (even after a full days work), I see them frequently during the week, and my sister and other brother visit approximately quarterly and for special occaisions. When my husband passed away recently (I had been his caregiver, and worked full time), my siblings all pulled together and helped with Mom and Dad for the first week, so that I could have time to take care of those things that have to be done post unexpected death. My siblings helped me enormously with Mom/Dad care and with helping me around my home to make sure that I was OK. We have talked about the amount of time I have to spend taking care of Mom/Dad, and they are working out a plan to have me paid a monthly stipend from them for the things I do. It's wonderful to be so well watched out for, when for most of my life, I felt that I was the annoying little sister. Thanks for listening.

Comment on So Your Parent Wants to Move In With You -- Can You Afford It?

RightatHome — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:38:49 -0000

Great post Melanie, That is kind of a sad situation that your friend is in. Sorry to hear it. I have to agree with you though, that defining better ways to fund eldercare is the way it has to be. I agree with #6 get some outside care help because everyone needs days off of caring to just relax. I work on an eldercare blog that discusses these issues and we are currently writing a series of "paying for eldercare" stories. Check them out at http://www.rightathome.net/seniorhomecare. Best of luck to your friend, Bill

Comment on So Your Parent Wants to Move In With You -- Can You Afford It?

SueD — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 14:33:13 -0000

Oh, boy. This is a volatile topic for me. I am trying to plan ahead; My elderly mother wants to move in with my new husband and me because she is widowed and lonely. Her personality has slowly changed to be whiny and demanding. She wants to be waited on, either because of her heart (pacemaker) or her diabetes (Type 2). Her health is not so bad that she needs assistance but hints that will be the case soon. She can afford to pay her own way but my new husband is aghast and appalled. This was not what he was expecting. I can't really blame him but this puts me in a bad position, and to be truthful I am dreading the possibility. We don't have a separate living area so she would be right in the middle of everything. My siblings think I am the logical choice because neither of them have room in their houses, and before I married, I took care of Dad who was a stroke victim. (And, years ago, my former husband, who was a cancer victim.) When I go back and review what I've just written, it sounds selfish and not so bad but I know this will escalate soon and I will have a crisis on my hands. Any advice?

Comment on So Your Parent Wants to Move In With You -- Can You Afford It?

Anonymous — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 14:20:10 -0000

How about sending the absentee siblings a bill? Use the above system to determine where things are at and when the siblings refuse to participate, send them a bill. Firstly will raise ire in a hurry then while you have their attention secure commitments real ones with actual working drop dead dates failur on their part means thy have nothing to say about her care. NOTHING. If needed you arrange to deal with financial matters yes all of them and make judgements with her doctors/attorneys to get her the best possible care without it killing you. I know this sounds harsh and it is.But Frankly, too many absentee siblings cause caregivers outragous guilt and pain. most of it unnecessary if caregivers push back a litle. the sooner the better.

Comment on Top 10 Breast Cancer Prevention Tips

tobylee02 — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 02:26:37 -0000

Two years ago the Canadian Cancer Society recommended that everyone take vitamin D3 to prevent cancer. The data on vitamin D preventing cancer is now as extensive as that on smoking causing cancer. Take a look at www.vitaminD3world.com for some good summaries of the data. How is it that folk still dont know about this and it gets no coverage

Comment on Senior Fraud Alert: Beware Financial Planners With Shady Credentials

Melanie Haiken — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 16:29:31 -0000

This was just one short post, and I plan to address more of these issues in future. I realize that some of these credentials, if added to the deep background of being a certified financial planner. However, my information, which was accurate, came from lawsuits filed around the country by people who have been defrauded by people with just the aforementioned credentials, so I believe this can stand as an important warning. The same goes with the insurance companies listed; yes they sell valuable policies and are represented by reliable agents. But they are also the companies turning up again and again around the country in class action lawsuits, and that's a red flag. Several of these lawsuits single out these companies for their pushy tactics in presenting products to seniors who may not need them or benefit from them. Again, I believe knowing this is useful to people as a warning to be cautious and investigate thoroughly before purchasing.

Comment on Flu Alert: 10 Warning Signs That It's Time to Call the Doctor

calalillie — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 22:39:59 -0000

This is so superficial! Speak with MD offices and you get a total line of this...they have stock answers for everyone while having files available. Your once over lightly here attests to a flippant attitude with nurses, care givers...and then MDs. The medical system is in distress, and if confronted with the care & concern put out like this article, it would be long time dead.

Comment on Senior Fraud Alert: Beware Financial Planners With Shady Credentials

RightatHome — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 19:19:24 -0000

Great post, I work on a blog that discusses senior aging in place ideas and in-home care. We are writing a series on scams that focus on the elderly. If you are reading this and want to learn more, check out that series at: http://www.rightathome.net/seniorhomecare/?p=297 Keep up the great posts, Bill

Comment on Heart Health Alert: Higher Stroke Risk for Women With Atrial Fibrillation

Brate Smith — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 11:31:53 -0000

Although many people think of heart disease as a man's problem, women can and do get heart disease. I was in the same misconception regarding the heart disease, but was made aware by a medical checkup campaign. In fact, heart disease is the number one killer of women in the United States. It is also a leading cause of disability among women. The most common cause of heart disease is narrowing or blockage of the coronary arteries, the blood vessels that supply blood to the heart itself. This is called coronary artery disease and happens slowly over time. It's the major reason people have heart attacks. Prevention is important: two-thirds of women who have a heart attack fail to make a full recovery. The older a woman gets, the more likely she is to get heart disease. But women of all ages should be concerned about heart disease. All women can take steps to prevent it by practicing healthy lifestyle habits. Actually, right now I am suffering from a blockage in the coronary artery and was once blocked up to 85%. I got the stent implantation which is a mesh like spring which is used to broaden the artery and hence restoring back the blood flow. You can see further information regarding stent operation from www.heartsite.com/html/stent.html. I got to know everything regarding my stent operation from this site. I was really unaware of such a blockage. I sometimes feel dizzy, restless, lazy , but thought that to be something related to mental ability, and hence never worried about it. Once I got my basic medical checkup at Elite health medical office in Los Angeles. The ECG report went to be something suspicious. So, they advised me to have further advance diagnosis to determine and assure regarding the problem in the heart. After my MRI , CT scan and other such scans it came to me as a shock that I was facing a problem of blockage. It was quite surprising to me, and as I was not aware of anything regarding this, I was really frightened. The doctors explained me every information regarding my health and its treatment, and suggested me to have stent operation. That was some dreadful days of my life, which I faced only because I was careless about my health. It was my luck that I somehow went for a basic checkup at elite health, but every woman out there may not be so lucky.

Comment on Flu Alert: 10 Warning Signs That It's Time to Call the Doctor

daccarte — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:47:32 -0000

Thanks for the post. One thing I've not seen covered is how long is a person contagious to others ... prior to and also after symptoms?

Comment on Senior Fraud Alert: Beware Financial Planners With Shady Credentials

P Frederick deNapoli — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:38:46 -0000

Dear Ms. Haiken Thank you for your recent article, Senior Fraud Alert. We as an industry need to keep a constant vigil in this area. However, your details were a bit off the mark in several important areas. For example, the broad stroke with which you condemn six entire designations as “fraud” was just that, very broad and generalized. I can only speak about the CRFA, Certified Retirement Financial Advisor, designation, but I can assure you that the curriculum involved in this program is of great value to senior clients across the country. I’ve been a CFP (Certified Financial Planner), a designation you apparently highly approve of, since 1991. However, when I took the CRFA course it was quite a revelation. The amount of overlap with the CFP material was perhaps 10%. The time I spent in Dallas taking the classes, and studying the very thorough written materials that accompanied that training, was time very well spent. I am confident that my clients have benefited greatly from its additional knowledge and insight. The specific areas that were not exactly accurate in your report include: 1. Many, if not most, CRFA candidates take the classes in person, not just via correspondence. However, even those who choose to only receive the materials and self study still have to pass the same exam. The exact same thing is true for CFP candidates. 2. Yes, the exam is multiple choice, but so is the CFP exam. 3. A simple exam? Maybe not so much. While not as comprehensive as the CFP exam it is in far greater detail and requires far greater expertise in the retirement planning area than the CFP. And true enough, “if it sounds too good to be true….” is a reasonable rule of thumb. However, lambasting an entire sector of the financial service industry with such broad strokes, based upon what was obviously limited research, is hardly a rule of thumb our collective parents would have endorsed. P. Frederick deNapoli, CFP, CRFA Peabody MA

Comment on Senior Fraud Alert: Beware Financial Planners With Shady Credentials

pwood — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 19:48:33 -0000

I too am very concerned about frauduless representation among financial advisors, and as such have done my homework on the issue. In doing so I recognized some errors in Miss Haiken's treatise. First, the Certified Senior Advisor is a genuine certified credential, not a fraudulent one. However, if this is the only professional or advanced credential utilized by a person dispensing financial advice,then I would go somewhere else. The credential CSA can be earned by professions from many walks of life that work with seniors, such as medical counselors, spiritual counselors,attorneys,and financial specialists. It's not a bad credential but it does not confer expertise in financial matters unique to seniors, and if a financial advisor has this credential in addition to other financial specialized training and credentials such as CFP, CLU, ChFC, etc., then it is a definate plus. The same goes with the Certified Retirement Financial Advisor. This organization is currently becoming certified by the same organization that certified CFP and CSA. You can learn more about what these credentials mean and the advisors that obtain them can offer at their web sites; www.csa.com and www.crfa.com. Pertaining to the insurance companies listed, Miss Haiken suggested that they endorse fraudulent credentials and by association support financial advisors holding fraudulent credentials and are involved in scams. She is way off base on this. All insurance companies have lists of approved credentials that their agents or financial advisors can use when representing their products to the public, or when holding public forums. The companies specifically say that advisors cannot use any credentials not on the approved list. Most companies have their approved lists on their web sites. I have found that the best financial advisors are those who are independent and not affiliated with or paid by a financial investment, insurance, or brokerage companies, that have been in business for at least 15 -20 years, and that have an understanding of the differences in the unique financial requirements and outlooks of senior versus folks who are still working. A good advisor will not only know about sensible investments, but also about taxes and estate matters, and be willing to conduct meetings that include the seniors children present.

Comment on Heart Health Alert: Higher Stroke Risk for Women With Atrial Fibrillation

Rita.Rupert — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 14:34:45 -0000

I have had atrial fib for approx 10 years - In June 2008, I had a small blood clot in my brain, thank God my husband was home and got me to the hospital quickly and I got the tpa drug, which worked, and I am so lucky to not have any side effects. I am on blood thinners now. I have been on atenolol and rythmol for several years and it still did not totally control my atrial fib. After I had the stroke, I requested a sleep study and was diagnosed with severe obstructive sleep apnea. Since April (5 months ago), I have been sleeping with a CPAP machine and I have not had one atrial fib since I've been using the CPAP. I went on the internet and looked up Atrial Fib & Sleep Apnea and was surprised to see how these two things can go together. When I told my heart doctor, all he said was that yes, sometimes AF is caused by sleep apnea. I asked, why didn't he tell me that instead of pushing meds and ablation. I just wanted all of those 22 million people who have AF to know about this and to get a sleep study to see if they have apnea and need a CPAP machine. Amazing what the drs. don't tell you! It took me about 3 weeks to get used to the CPAP machine, but now I sleep better and feel better and would not be without it.

Comment on Why You Should Worry When Your Parents Mention the Word Annuity

Anonymous — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 05:41:52 -0000

Saying that Annuities are in all cases bad for seniors is absolutely wrong. the above article, pitching class action attorneys at the end, sounds highly suspect to me. We all know that someone nets about $6 from any class action case! The big winners are the attorneys! Back to the annuities -- if you thing that 3-8% is a HUGE commission, you know little about the insurance field. there are other products, such as wrap accounts that pay upwards of 18% for the first year and additional commissions thereafter! Are annuities right for someone with lower incomes, probably not. But to classify that they are wrong for ALL seniors fails to consider their individual position and goals. And while they do, often, carry a guaranteed death benefit, they are NOT the same as life insurance. Absolutely, take your time, and know the product you buy, that is the buyers responsibility, after all you are signing a contract. KNOW what you are signing, but for heavens sake, don't lump all seniors' and their needs into one category.

Comment on Why You Should Worry When Your Parents Mention the Word Annuity

HandiAnn — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 13:06:11 -0000

I unfortunately helped my parents sign up for a fixed annuity when we went in to buy some CDs at our local bank. I didn't understand what we were buying and couldn't reach my brother, who might have known more. I STILL feel guilty about it. I will NEVER forgive the bank for talking us into that. We were able to get our money out after six years, but the trust I had with the bank is gone forever. Annuities are INSURANCE policies, and pay a BIG commission to the salesperson. SHAME on the sellers for taking advantage of seniors. My big lesson is TAKE YOUR TIME to research something if you don't understand it. Don't give in to high pressure sales.

Comment on Coenzyme Q10 Supplement Shows Promise In Preventing or Halting Parkinson's

arizonababydoll2 — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:15:09 -0000

My father is 71 yrs old and was diagnosed with Parkinsons a year ago. I try to get information ont he dieases and try to keep him imformed

Comment on Coenzyme Q10 Supplement Shows Promise In Preventing or Halting Parkinson's

arizonababydoll2 — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:13:46 -0000

Comment on Are There Early Symptoms of Pancreatic Cancer? Yes!

dkp2654 — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 11:23:27 -0000

This article was so informative for me. To my surprise, I do have a couple of these symtoms and I am going to see to it that my doctor have me tested for this type of cancer. Thank you!

Comment on Are There Early Symptoms of Pancreatic Cancer? Yes!

one flower — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 09:45:31 -0000

My husband died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 58. Some of the symptoms that were mention, my husband had, at stage 4. He did not have early symptoms. He had gone to the doctor in November of 05, they found the tumor on the head of pancreas in December. He was given a year and a half, he died a year and a half later. He did not have early symptoms.

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

one flower — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 18:45:23 -0000

My prayers to his family. My husband was 56 when he was told he had pancreatic cancer. He passed away after 18 months of the disease. This is a terrible cancer, I wish that a cure will be found soon.

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

betsy ross — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 08:15:59 -0000

As on who was married to someone who lost a father to lung cancer at 36, I can identify with the loss that those who question God at moments such as this in taking a life so young really in comparison as he was. And by the way smoking was not what his family members blamed for the death, although he was a smoker - but five other members of his immediate family also died of cancer in one form or another, and many very young so genetics too played a part. I just hope they can find the gene eventually and maybe that will lead to the cures, rather than always blaming either lifestyle, or the luck of the draw. Because if it is genetic, than that luck and gene just might be changed.

Comment on Financial Crises for Caregivers: The Time vs. Money Dilemma

msann13 — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 08:14:18 -0000

Well if this was a perfect world than maybe we as caregiver would have help with taking care of your love ones but it is not. I am the oldest of six and I have been caring for my dad for almost seven years. Not even a vacation. You can not make grown people do anything so I have told myself it i what it is and i take care of my dad because I am all he has.

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

countrygirl94_lookin — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 03:00:37 -0000

First my deepest sympathys go to his family and friends..I would like to say that he was a very kind man from what i seen and to have someone pass on after making so many people happy is a shame. Some times i ask God why all the good ones have to be taken..such as my dad..He may have battled cancer and lost but he will forever remain in our hearts and minds..God Bless Him and his family and may the lord give you all strength to keep going.

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

Heathergrey — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 01:05:44 -0000

Patrick's valor against this dreaded disease was strong and as vibrant an steadfast as the marvelous artistry as a dancer. He'll be missed, though never forgotten.

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

JOHN PAYNE — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 00:58:35 -0000

BEYOND, THE USUAL ACCODALES FOR PATRICK, I BRIEFLY READ HIS BATTLE ALSO WITH THE ONLY TOO PRESENT TERM OF ALCOHOL ABUSE WHICH IS NOT A CONDENMATION BUT AN UNDERSTANDING OF LIFE'S PRESSURES, AS AN ACTIVE MEMBER OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, I SALUTE PATRICK AND SOBERLY PLAYED "GHOST" TWO NIGHTS AGO" AS A TRIBUTE TO A TREMENDOUS HUMAN BEING BEYOND THE USUAL GALLERY OF SELFISH AND UNSTABLE ACTORS/ACTRESSES OF THIS PERIOD ,MARIO

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

Judy and Dayna — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 23:50:43 -0000

My thought and prayers go out to Lisa and her family. I can't believe the most wonderful people have to leave this world before what seems to be way before their time. I personally know exactly what it's like, as this same loss has happened to our daughter and me. Stay close to those you are most spiritually connected to.

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

Tim — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 22:31:01 -0000

Julie Michaels -- who was in some movies with Patrick Swayze -- created a tribute page for him on caring.com: http://www.caring.com/caring-candles/cancer-candle/in-honor-of-patrick-swayze-6/thejewels

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

Chuck Kershner — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 22:22:06 -0000

I have a life-threatening cancer. I am also a journalist who chooses words carefully. I 'deal' with a chronic illness, I do not 'fight' or 'battle' it, terms the writer repeatedly used. Do we use the same terms used in war for other chronic diseases, such as heart, diabetes, MS etc? And if we do, we shouldn't. I believe people who understand the birth-life-death cycle deal with illnesses as they go about living and ultimately dying. We don't battle life and unless we're egotistical and vai, generally do not fight against the inevitable. One might say life is a battle, and for some, it is even if they do not have cancer. It is unfortunate Swayze and many others die from cancer; it may eventually kill me. But I don't want my obituary to read that 'he put up a valiant battle' or 'put up the good fight' against an illness I did not ask for cancer, I did not do anything to get it, and I am resolved to deal with it - and get to on with life. And I keep a close eye for the inattentive drunk driver or one who is texting or talking on their cell phone and crosses the center line into my lane of traffic. I find these greater threats to my life than dying from cancer or any complications.

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

Chuck Kershner — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 22:20:38 -0000

I have a life-threatening cancer. I am also a journalist who chooses words carefully. I 'deal' with a chronic illness, I do not 'fight' or 'battle' it, terms the writer repeatedly used. Do we use the same terms used in war for other chronic diseases, such as heart, diabetes, MS etc? And if we do, we shouldn't. I believe people who understand the birth-life-death cycle deal with illnesses as they go about living and ultimately dying. We don't battle life and unless were egotistical and vai, generally do not fight against the inevitable. One might say life is a battle, and for some, it is even if they do not have cancer. It is unfortunate Swayze and many others die from cancer; it may eventually kill me. But I don't want my obituary to read that 'he put up a valiant battle' or 'put up the good fight' against an illness I did not ask for cancer, I did not do anything to get it, and I am resolved to deal with it - and get to on with life. And I keep a close eye for the inattentive drunk driver or one who is texting or talking on their cell phone and crosses the center line into my lane of traffic. I find these greater threats to my life thn dying from cancer or any complications.

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

angeleyes Blue — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 21:16:40 -0000

Lisa I am soooo sorry about Patrick :( Stay Strong and keep the faith! Pamela Tucker

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 21:03:38 -0000

My sympathies to you, Lesa, your husband was a beyond words actor and dancer. In listening to reports of his health, I believe firmly that his stamina and state of healthy mind, and diet had alot to do with his living 20 months past diagnosis. What people do not realize, is that the norm is 6 months or LESS. Patrick was born a fighter and he never gave up. I heard about the cookout with friends just shortly ago and wish I had been able to express my gratitude in person. Thank you Patrick for being an inspiration to all of us and I am grateful for God placing you in this world. And, for others who have cancer, take your inspiration from Patrick, work towards getting Congress to give funding and work your fight, never give up, never surrender.

Comment on Health Risks from Drinking Soda, Especially for Women

Melanie Haiken — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 23:26:26 -0000

This is complicated stuff, and researchers have not been able to conclusively say exactly how cola drinking is causing bone loss. Caffeine is partly reponsible, but studies have found problems with non-caffeinated colas as well. Some researchers believe the phosphoric acid interacts in a way that leaches calcium. See this medical article for more information. http://www.medpagetoday.com/Endocrinology/Osteoporosis/4247

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

greendeere40 — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 21:15:57 -0000

I agree with the comment above, I to had cancer, which at this stage has been told by my doctor that it was taking out and I would not need chemo or radiation. I am very glad about that. With prayers from family, friends and even strangers, I feel this has helped. I have continued to feel stronger and more more like my old self. We need to make the government more aware of natural ways of dealing with this horrendous disease. My God bless those with this serious sickness. My Prayers.

Comment on Patrick Swayze's Last Wish

Anonymous — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 17:45:12 -0000

Many prayers to his family. what an awesome attitude to maintain during his struggle...I can relate and know too well that a positive attitude is extremely important. My doctors, radiation team, etc. encourage just that...so as he sais "Keep Up the Fight", and believe in the guardian angels (soldiers) or whatever works for you. God Bless everyone with any form of cancer and also help the family, friends, and loved ones because I believe they too suffer and quite possibly more so emotionally etc. just watching this disease work its' horrors on their loved one. Prayers to all!

Comment on Health Risks from Drinking Soda, Especially for Women

ERP — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 21:41:49 -0000

What does Octoman mean by "heath an great compection" when referring to what Joan Collins said? Also Is it Carbonic acid or Phosphoroc acid. It's unconscionable not to clarify this.

Comment on Free Caregiving Help -- From Your Job?!

Anonymous — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:22:59 -0000

WHat is an HR rep?

Comment on Health Risks from Drinking Soda, Especially for Women

octoman — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:00:43 -0000

Here I am poking my nose in again. Joan Collins.said she put her good heath an great compection partly down to not drinking fizzy type drinks.

Comment on Health Risks from Drinking Soda, Especially for Women

pollytnjc — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 13:40:12 -0000

Hi I discovered that my habit of drinking large amounts of colas may have been contributing to bladder problems. Essentially, if I sneezed I had to stop walking or moving and pray that I didn't sneeze again because my bladder would seem to "let go". Well, my doctor said that a number of her other female patients who complained of the same issue seemed to have a similar habit....drinking lots of colas. She said it seemed to provide significant relief when they cut back dramatically or ceased drinking colas. So I gave it a shot and completely cut out the cola drinks for one week. And guess what? My whole problem ceased immediately (this had been going on for years!). I started back drinking colas and tried to note about how much I was drinking per day when the problem started up again. So I sorta figured out how much I could drink and not have this problem. I can always tell when I overdo the cola's. It is a hard habit to break. I also noticed that if you leave a cola drink in a paper cup over night, that it essentially eats the paper up - just destroys it! I can only imagine what it must do to sensitive tissues in the human body. In spite of this, I still drink too much. But I have cut back considerably thanks to my doctor noting this pattern with her patients.

Comment on Health Risks from Drinking Soda, Especially for Women

MercTech — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 04:36:16 -0000

Carbonated beverages contain carbonic acid, not phosphoric acid to create the fizz. Some have extremely minute amounts of phosphoric acid in them to stabilize color. Carbonic acid breaks down to carbon dioxide and water when the pressure is released to create the fizz so it cannot get into the blood stream. Tooth hazard yes, bone hazard, no. I fudmongering.

Comment on Financial Crises for Caregivers: The Time vs. Money Dilemma

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 03:56:42 -0000

OMG!!! This didn't even answer the question!!! The question is, how do I keep my job, health insurance, income, house, sanity!!! Clip coupons and get utility discounts. Honestly. This is a serious question, not one that deserves half-brained suggestions like these. My husband was the one that was ill, so I am the only income. What I had to do was just work as much and as hard as I could when I was able and pray that my boss didn't get tired of it and let me go. I was lucky in that I have teenagers that could stay with him several hours a day while I worked. There really isn't much help for us, I have found, so even having gone through it, I have no suggestion other than hard work, and prayer.

Comment on Financial Crises for Caregivers: The Time vs. Money Dilemma

Anonymous — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 19:18:35 -0000

give them the phone number to the nursing home and place your # on the do not call list.

Comment on Financial Crises for Caregivers: The Time vs. Money Dilemma

Anonymous — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 19:17:23 -0000

This article was not helpful - and worse, implies that it contains some information that caregivers can use. Especially irksome was the line about a reply to Meigsters question being a helpful answer....drum roll please! After going to that link the "helpful" info was to check with your state because *some states let you be PCA*. DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH!!! WHen will editors and writers realize that most caregivers have spent so much time looking for info, unless it is something real please don't pull our chains and get our hopes up. Saving receipts and asking grandma to help with the bills is not helpful..,....recognizing that care for an elder family member is costly, takes time, and impacts your finances is helpful. No more articles like this please. We deserve better as caregivers, please respect our time when writing do nothing articles like this

Comment on Tips to Help Family Caregivers Save Both Time and Money

1care — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 17:03:57 -0000

My husband has Alzheimers and can't travel alone. It would be so helpful if the bus service that comes to the house did not charge for the assistance, but when you have to pay 2.50 for each of you going and then 2.50 each coming home, that is $10.00 for transportation to the doctor (or wherever).The service would be great, but it is just too expensive for us.

Comment on Free Caregiving Help -- From Your Job?!

Dino — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 13:45:46 -0000

I am one of the fortunate that has an eldercare benefit. My mother is 89 years of age and even though she is in assisted living, this benefit has certainly paid off for me. Frequent hospitalizations means that she goes back to assisted living with the need for a lot more assistance that is provided. We get 20 days per year of eldercare and pay a co-pay of $40 per day of one on one care (during our scheduled working day(s). You can't beat that. I would recommend that you contact your HR representative to look into this.

Comment on An Aspirin a Day Keeps Colon Cancer at Bay

octoman — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 05:43:50 -0000

On reading blog again 61% improvement is deceptive it does mean 60 patients in every 100 survived. If only one person in a hundred without aspirin survived it means just over two people more people,survived with aspirin. 50% would mean exactly two people survived. The magic of maths,it could also mean at 79 I have gone Ga Ga and my maths have followed me.

Comment on An Aspirin a Day Keeps Colon Cancer at Bay

octoman — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 05:26:26 -0000

I used to take a aspirin a day until I was diagnosed with stomach cancer. It did help,it caused my cancer to bleed more so that I became acutely anemic.and they found my cancer earlier. So aspirin may help but it can also harm.

Comment on RIP, Ted Kennedy--and Thank You

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 19:01:49 -0000

Thank you for this fine tribute. He is loved.

Comment on Are You About to Have A Heart Attack? 7 Heart Attack Signs Women -- And Doctors -- Often Miss

Dakota — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:47:06 -0000

I am 51, heart disease runs in my family. My dad died age 44. My brothers and I have all been on Cholestrol meds for a long time. I have had years of constant tightness in my chest. I had every heart test done and they tell me my heart is fine. They gave me Zanax to relieve my stress. I have had episodes of nausea, sweating, my arms tingle and my chest feels like someone is squeezing it but still they say it is all stress. I carry asprin with me and when this happens I chew a tablet. I have the constant fear I am going to have a heart attack and there is nothing I can do. Since losing my husband I am under a lot more stress but these symptoms have been going on for years. I am concered because my husband was not diagnosed early enough and when he was they told him you are going to die soon, he lasted 5 months and his life was over. Who can we trust?

Comment on Financial Crises for Caregivers: The Time vs. Money Dilemma

Anonymous — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:02:22 -0000

Ihave taken care of our mother(3 other siblings--no financial help and very little otherwise) for 10 yrs. She had credit card debt when Itook over. I had been paying minimum until I recently had to put her in assisted living which they take all of her income. My name is not on her cards. Ido have power of attorney but am having trouble paying my own expenses. What needs to be done? I tell the creditors she is in a nursing home but they keep calling. Any suggestions?

Comment on Tips to Help Family Caregivers Save Both Time and Money

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 20:46:25 -0000

As a longtime caregiver I am disappointed that these typse of articles are still running. The realities of caregiving are complex and are not one size fits all - to suggest that the senior "take the bus" or call a foodbank is ridiculous - Maybe they can take the bus to the foodbank and carry it all back with them. I expected better. Public transportation in most cities and suburban areas is subpar to unacceptable - in rural areas it does not exist. Nutritional needs in seniors is pitted against food insecurity as prices rise and income falls - including the planned increase in Medicare Part B premiums at the same time that COLA (Cost of Living Increase) is not going to happen. Please Caring.com ..... consider jettisoning the experts if this is the best they can do and ask real *at home* caregiving family members to contribute instead. I look forward to learning new information, not looking at articles purporting to 'help' and hitting the delete key. It is finally time for caregivers to speak up and ask for respect - not pie-in-the-sky articles like this. No offense to the author, but I doubt that they have considered what I have written - I hope they take my and others comments to heart.

Comment on Tips to Help Family Caregivers Save Both Time and Money

Melanie Haiken — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:16:09 -0000

I do understand your point, and you're right, some of these would be impossible with dementia. But my mom was actually suffering from severe mental impairment and I was still able to set up some transportation solutions, including a public bus. But yes, she was stubborn, she did refuse, and I had to insist and explain patiently how impossible a burden it was for me to provide all transportation. Then she was willing to try. I should have mentioned that in any caregiving situation, a lot of back and forth has to go on to come up with a solution that works for everyone.

Comment on Tips to Help Family Caregivers Save Both Time and Money

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 17:34:07 -0000

So many of these suggestions are not doable. If the caregiver is aiding someone with dementia, early stage Alzheimers or just plain stubborn, giving them maps, cell phones and access to undependable senior transportation is useless. My mother was unable to use these as well as refused help from outsiders or spend money on services she was not familiar with. These tips may help those who have physical challenges but not mental ones.

Comment on Are You About to Have A Heart Attack? 7 Heart Attack Signs Women -- And Doctors -- Often Miss

ellkay — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 12:55:00 -0000

I have to say this scared the daylights out of me. I am a 31 year old female. I suffer from anxiety so I have every symptom that was mentioned. I am a health conscience person. I eat good, exersize and keep my weight down. If I have everyone of those symptoms, have been checked by a cardiologist and suffer from anxiety should I be rechecked????

Comment on RIP, Ted Kennedy--and Thank You

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 21:33:44 -0000

Yes, there IS a question that he was an eloquent champion that would bring quality healthcare for all! A very serious question! The ramifications of his thinking on healthcare reform are tremendously frightening! Everyone would not receive the quality care we now know, nor would the best available care be given in a timely &/or equitable way. I have relatives who are medical professionals in Canada and I have friends undergoing cancer treatment in Great Britain. I'm very well aware of how things are done in those countries and Americans do not want to go that route. The Ted Kennedy's of this world would have a certain quality of care for themselves, but would then determine what degree of "quality" care the rest of us could/should have and when we should have it. Don't assume we all agree about what Ted Kennedy stood for. There is, after all, the "controversy and legislative wrangling" going on for a reason - people do not want this type of plan imposed on them. They know a disaster when they see it.

Comment on Are You About to Have A Heart Attack? 7 Heart Attack Signs Women -- And Doctors -- Often Miss

Pattycakes — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 01:16:56 -0000

women, please listen to your body! I am a registered nurse and had everyone of these symptoms but blew them off as change fo life till one day I hooked myself up to the monitor and saw I was having irregular rythms called PVC's. I went to the cardiologist and had a stress test. The next day he came up on my unit sent me home said I was in heart failure!!!!!!I now have a pacemaker and defibrilator. I no longer allowed to work... so DONT ignor your symptoms or blow them off.

Comment on Are You About to Have A Heart Attack? 7 Heart Attack Signs Women -- And Doctors -- Often Miss

Melanie Haiken — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 23:21:49 -0000

I'm so happy to hear you found this post helpful. Yes, please do go see a doctor, and make sure she runs all possible tests. I was very shocked to see the statistics of how many women have heart attacks and don't get to the doctor until days later.

Comment on Are You About to Have A Heart Attack? 7 Heart Attack Signs Women -- And Doctors -- Often Miss

luckybabygirl — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 18:13:32 -0000

Last Friday, I was at my neighbor's house for dinner, after dinner, I suddenly felt extrememly weak, dizzy, and couldn't walk. I asked my neighbor to walk me home and since I have a history of panic disorder, we thought it was another panic attack. But this felt different, I was not panicky, just kept feeling worse, weaker, pressure in the middle of my chest, shortness of breath, and unable to walk. My friend called 911 and the ambulance took me to the hospital. A couple of days before this, I had extreme intestinal cramping, the kind that makes you want to lay on the floor and scream, the pain was so bad. For several months previous, I have had insomnia. I also had the sensation at the time of the incident of feeling my blood pounding through my head and body; and a curious sensation of tingles along the top of my head. I stayed overnight at the hospital because I am high risk, I am 53, smoke (yes, I know I need to stop), about 65 lbs overweight, have a family history of strokes/heart attacks, and have chronic pain due to an accident. That same week, I was very upset due to the fact that a longtime friend of mine for 30 years (male) did not want to be my friend any longer. This upset me greatly. At the hospital, they ran blood enzyme test to determine if I had had a heart attack, the results were negative. I believe that this incident might have been a precursor to a heart attack/stroke. I am scheduled for a stress test. I have been taking my health for granted, but will change my habits for better health.

Comment on Are You About to Have A Heart Attack? 7 Heart Attack Signs Women -- And Doctors -- Often Miss

marlan98b — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 23:33:07 -0000

thanks a lot. Great post. I am experiencing it right now. I have to make a doctors appointment as soon as possible.

Comment on Five Debt Triggers -- One Simple Solution

rchrdle — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 04:58:20 -0000

Debt settlement helps when you are not able to repay your debt amount. I was struggling to repay my my debts and I took help of Freedom Debt Relief to settle my debts.

Comment on How to Choose the Best Nursing Home: Look for a Nonprofit

Melanie Haiken — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:44:37 -0000

You're right, I neglected to mention that a home run by an individual or family is in a different situation than one owned by a public company (usually part of a chain) with shareholders who focus mainly on profit/loss. I should have made this distinction. Of course it all comes down to the quality of management and every home is going to be different, so readers, use our guidelines to choose the best home, making an evaluation based on our list of factors to consider.

Comment on How to Choose the Best Nursing Home: Look for a Nonprofit

tabidean — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 02:25:38 -0000

This article is not necessarily true. I have worked in a for-profit nursing home for almost three years. We do not have share holders, we are owned by one person. If I did not believe the residents were getting the best care, I would not work for the facility. The only pressure ulcers (bed sores) we have in our facility(and there are very few), the residents have gotten while at the hospital, which we usually get healed up fairly quickly. We are fairly well staffed. There are usually about 7 residents per nurses aid on average. We are also a skilled care facility (which means we have people there for therapy). I see a lot of these people want to stay permanently, and sometimes they do. Our facility is very old, so it is not that pretty and fancy, but we take very good care of them and try to make sure they have fun. So, if your looking for a nursing home dont rule one out just because it is for profit, you could be doing your loved one a great disservice. FYI we are located in New Carlisle Ohio.

Comment on Bad News for Those with Spinal Compression Fractures; Popular Treatment May Not Work After All

octoman — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 19:30:03 -0000

Oh! I saw the send a hug.I thought why not.so I pressed it .low and behold I got a hug. Lucky me.

Comment on Bad News for Those with Spinal Compression Fractures; Popular Treatment May Not Work After All

octoman — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 19:25:52 -0000

My wife has osteoporosis.She has two replacement knee's but her back now troubles her.living in England all these treatments are free,but of course there are long queues.But the fact that doctors are looking into their proceedures in great news,they are usually so blinkered.

Comment on A "Perfect Mom," a Bottle of Vodka, and 8 Dead: Why We Must Learn to Recognize Alcoholism in Women

sunnywho — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 14:15:51 -0000

I grew up in a very abusive household & my father was also an alcoholic. I am the youngest of three I myself have suffered with a long term alcohol addiction, I thought there was no way out, it was just one big cycle. I have now overcome my addiction and I am no longer an alcoholic, if anyone is reading this and needs help and support I seriously recommend this site Healthwise Global www.healthwise-global.com which is fantastic for helping manage stress, the site does have a special program to help overcome alcohol addiction ( which I used), the man who started the site was himself and alcoholic. I hope it helps any one who is reading this article.

Comment on Anti-Cancer Superfoods: Do They Really Work?

sandstone — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 16:58:54 -0000

I have tried to access the link to get the 10 anti-cancer superfoods. My screen is only showing the first 5. How can I access the other 5. I greatly appreciate this article. Thanks for any and all assistance.

Comment on A "Perfect Mom," a Bottle of Vodka, and 8 Dead: Why We Must Learn to Recognize Alcoholism in Women

Anonymous — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 05:30:28 -0000

I am a daughter of a father alcoholic but I read this post with great interest and sadness. I can really see how, insidiously, women alcoholics *could* be more likely to hurt others. Very sad. Thank you for being unafraid to confront this.

Comment on A "Perfect Mom," a Bottle of Vodka, and 8 Dead: Why We Must Learn to Recognize Alcoholism in Women

marfagirl — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 00:03:26 -0000

this is an excellent post. I am a recovering alcoholic, my mother is an alcoholic. Anyone who thinks their mother, sister, friend may have a drinking problem should read this post.

Comment on A "Perfect Mom," a Bottle of Vodka, and 8 Dead: Why We Must Learn to Recognize Alcoholism in Women

Anonymous — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:12:33 -0000

Powerful blog. I appreciated reading this.

Comment on How to Cope With Cancer Fear

Anonymous — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 19:39:09 -0000

My prayers are with the person who posted the first comment. Sometimes we do everything we are supposed to do, and we still don't find health issues in the earliest stages. Cancer is never "fair" and is has affected too many of my own friends and relatives. One of my healthiest friends has stage IV lymphoma (going on 7 years). I have two friends who were diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer, 9 and 8 years ago respectively. Both are still alive. And a friend who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 1993--still alive and going strong.

Comment on How to Cope With Cancer Fear

moi49moi — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 04:44:09 -0000

I ama a female and just turned 60, and have always gone in for my annual physicals, or any other time I was not feeling well. Two years ago I got my first colonoscopy and was told no polps all was clear. Last year I noticed my energy level droping and a feeling like there was something in my lower abdomen. I thought it was my female organs having a problem. I had no pain. My doctor said I was a little anemic and could not feel or see anything with the exam. Around February I started having pain in my lower right side. I thought it was my ovary. I was still feeling tired a lot. In March I went to the doctor again complaining of pain when I bent ove to put my shoes on. I had a pelvic ultrasound and nothing howed up. However, my blood test showed that I was iron deficient. My doctor sent me for a CT scan, which showed I had a mass in my colon! On June 1 I had a surgery to remove 12" inches of my colon. The mass was cancer, stage 3. The only reason why I had pain was because the cancer started in my appendix then went through to the colon. The doctor took 24 of my lymph nodes out and 4 were positive for cancer. My margins were clear. The surgeon said they got all the cancer, but I would need six months of chemotherapy as a preventative measure. When I say the oncologist he ordered a PET scan, which unfortunately for me, showed 3 cancer spots on my liver, one just outside my liver and some small spots near my stomach which they were not sure of. So now I am on a chemotherapy schedule, just finished my second session. So even though I did was I was supposd to do, annual exams, my colonoscopy, somehow this cancer was missed. How upsetting this has been for me and my family. Two years ago if the doctor had found it during the colonoscopy, maybe it would have been a stage 1 or 2 and not spread to my other organs. My prognosis? I don't know. I will be starting a 3rd medication with my 3rd chemo session. The medication is Avstin, which I hear is a very good life saving drug.

Comment on Bad News for Menopausal Women: Hormone Therapy Boosts Ovarian and Breast Cancer Risk

Rebecca — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 21:43:57 -0000

I am always impressed by the information from the Women-to_women Clinic. Here's an article about this... http://www.womentowomen.com/bioidentical-hrt/perspectiveonrisks.aspx

Comment on Bad News for Menopausal Women: Hormone Therapy Boosts Ovarian and Breast Cancer Risk

Melanie Haiken — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 19:46:20 -0000

This is a really good question. I will need to look into it, as the issues related to taking hormones post-hysterectomy are different. I'll cover this in a future post!

Comment on Bad News for Menopausal Women: Hormone Therapy Boosts Ovarian and Breast Cancer Risk

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 13:13:14 -0000

I guess I need some clarification. First of all, if I am on estrogen only, and the reason I am on hormones is because I had my ovaries removed, is there still a risk? Secondly, as I read the article on breast cancer, it was referring to women who take estrogen with progestins. Therefore, if I take estrogen only, what is the increased risk of breast cancer? This is all so confusing. I had a total hysterectomy three weeks before the original study came out. I had done lots of homework on the available information at the time and met for two hours with a consulting nurse in order to make an informed decision. And then three weeks into my recovery all the information I had learned was discounted. I have tried to go off the hormones, but in addition to debilitating hot flashes (every 20 minutes around the clock that not only make me sweat, but begin with an intense surge of nausea), I also get severe migraines, the kind that make me throw up and require that I lay motionless in a dark room for hours. Fun huh! Right now the only thing that keeps me functioning is the estrogen! So, based on the fact that I have no ovaries and take estrogen only, what is the actual risk of ovarian and breast cancer in my situation?

Comment on Health Alert: 7 Vaccines Few Adults Have Had -- But Need

jorie13 — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 16:42:22 -0000

You don't mention that 40% of vaccines today come from China, a country with a terrible inspection record. It has the highest rejection rate of imports and its factory inspection rate shows that it cannot be depended on to follow safety requirements. (*The FDA only checks these vaccine factories once every 13 years!!). Also, sadly, many deaths from flu and pneumonia are caused by hospital errors/weakness from bad nutrition. *The info on vaccines came from Dr. Russell Blaylock.

Comment on Safe Sleep Tips to Prevent Stroke

Mcki777 — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 04:44:53 -0000

I HAVE SLEEP APNEA AND IT'S TERRIBLE. I AM CONSTANTLY TIRED AND RARELY HAVE ENERGY TO PERFORM EVEN THE MOST SIMPLE DAILY TASKS. I HAVE STARTED USING A C-PAP MACHINE AND IT SEEMS TO HELP,ALTHOUGH I HAVEN'T BEEN USING IT VERY LONG. I WAS TOLD THAT AFTER A FEW MONTHS OF USING IT,I WILL BE ABLE TO TELL A TOTAL DIFFERENCE. I CAN HARDLY WAIT. SLEEP APNEA CAN CAUSE SO MANY PROBLEMS, LIKE DEPRESSION,FORGETFULNESS,ANXIETY AND IRRITABILITY TO NAME A FEW. I WAS TOLD THAT I WAS LUCKY THAT I DIDN'T DIE IN MY SLEEP,ALREADY!! THIS IS VERY SERIOUS AND NOTHING TO PLAY WITH. IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE SLEEP APNEA OR HAVE ANY OF THE PROBLEMS LISTED, YOU SHOULD AT LEAST BE TESTED. IT CAN'T HURT AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE,BUT SLEEP!! THAT'S ENOUGH! I'M SO GLAD THAT I WAS TESTED. I HOPE ANYONE WHO EVEN THINKS THEY HAVE IT WILL BE TESTED A.S.A.P. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU! MCKI777

Comment on Which Painkillers Are Safe for Seniors?

Melanie Haiken — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:30:22 -0000

I did not mean the comment below to be anonymous. It was from the author, Melanie Haiken.

Comment on Which Painkillers Are Safe for Seniors?

Anonymous — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:29:38 -0000

The panel said they primarily focused on those age 75 or older. However, I bought an NSAID myself yesterday and noticed that the new "black box" warning on the box applies to age 60 and up. This is a good question and I'll address it more in a future post.

Comment on Which Painkillers Are Safe for Seniors?

Tater — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 01:42:12 -0000

How does the author or the Society define a "senior" and/or an "older adult"? Also for those of us who belong to large HMOs, who like to use NSAIDs and are extremely hesitant to prescribe narcotics, what can a patient to do to help change the formulary policies?

Comment on Prostate Cancer Therapy May Do More Harm Than Good

gffoye — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 00:06:31 -0000

Re: prostate hormonal therapy (lupron): a decade back I dealt with prostate cancer. I survived by getting out from under a urologist at a local medical facility & finding another out of town. I did try alternatives with minor success combined with orthodox therapy. Orthodox at the time being lupron and my urologist (at the time) a money hungry doc had me coming one to two times a months for: 1- 2 office visits often charging a 'double' office visit, or a scan or imaging or his favorite form of torture prostate biopsy ( several times even though he already established I had prostate cancer). I took lupron several months (about $1,000 /month lupron alone). Side effects were nasty. In my opinion lupron should be outlawed. One nasty side effect was fibromyalgia (although medical establishment disagrees). Finally found an answer for that on my own about 9 months later. But today, I have what may be residual problems with muscle tissue - that is constant pain, misery & discomfort although, admittedly, i can't prove it. (Fibromyalgia comes in several different forms.) There were other miserable effects like taking on a new personality: anger, fits of hyperactivity, wanting to smash cars on the freeway (wonder how many have done that). It caused lot other nasty side effects but not one good came out of it. By the way - I finally got out from under that doc and found a real doctor. Fortunately, all doctors are not alike and that applies to medical facilities as well. It pays to 'shop around'. And if you encounter a urologist surgeon that insists on blood transfusions - don't hesitate - leave promptly. That is old fashioned, no longer necessary. It does indicate that surgeon should be working in a meat shop, not operating on humans. GF San Diego, CA

Comment on Prostate Cancer Therapy May Do More Harm Than Good

gffoye — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 00:06:30 -0000

Comment on Prostate Cancer Therapy May Do More Harm Than Good

gffoye — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 00:06:29 -0000

Comment on 10 Early Signs of Prostate Cancer That Often Go Unnoticed

marm — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:11:20 -0000

my best friend and husband of 36 years goes to the VA hospital friday july17 for biopsey of the postate and he is terrified, because his brother is just now getting over the kemo, etc. for his cancer of the postate. any thing i can get to help me deal with this is so very helpful. out youngest son 28years old just went in a mental ward for sucide attempt the second time since mothers day and my aunt (mama for 55years since the death of my mother at birth) has started kemo for cancer in the limpnods of her back. out family is smothered in sickness of one time or other. thank you marm

Comment on How to Prevent Family Money Conflicts by Reconciling Money Styles

JeanC — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 02:58:01 -0000

I see some of the styles you describe in various people, but most people don't seem to exclusively fall into one category or another. Rather they tend to have characteristics of 2 or 3 with one being dominant. For example, my mother was probably a hoarder until she was about 50 or so. By that time her family was nearly raised and they were quite comfortable. She had always had a bit of the binger in her, but she really went into high gear on the binging at that point in her life and has remained there. She is very critical of anyone else spending money on anything, but she can go out and spend several thousand dollars (that she supposedly didn't have a week earlier) on new furniture, diamond rings, or whatever she has decided she needs to maintain her status at the moment. My Dad is pretty much a miser and as long as he has some money in his pocket, he doesn't care what she does most of the time. This is pretty difficult for me because I'm not money motivated, but I take care of it the best I can. One of my brother's is just a spender (so is his wife) and mother has bailed them out over & over. My other brother is a miser like Dad with a little of the spender characteristics, and his wife is a hoarder with spender characteristics. I believe that if it is necessary to spend some money for health care or something like that, then do it. They won't. If two items are nearly the same, but the prices are widely apart, go for the cheaper one (Mom, their wives, & both brothers would buy the brand name if it was for themselves, but a cheaper model for someone else.)They will cheat if they get the chance, but profess to be honest. I will tell the clerk if they undercharged me or gave me too much change. They say I'm too honest. I get totally frustrated with the money wars and try to point out to all of them that you can't take it with you and family is more important than money, so I end up the bad guy most of the time. I'm tired of all of them. To make matters worse, I'm the POA and executor of our parents' estate. They are both elderly and ill. I figure it's going to get real ugly and I don't know how to stop it.

Comment on Beware Red Meat, the New Cancer Risk

Melanie Haiken — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 22:39:10 -0000

Here's a link to the abstract: http://glycob.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/cwn072. But this is just one study focusing on the mechanism; there have been numerous studies on red meat, processed meat, colon cancer, and pancreatic cancer and my point was to try to pull it all together as a health alert.

Comment on Beware Red Meat, the New Cancer Risk

thevanman — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 18:18:13 -0000

What ball park do you go to? Here you cannot bring in any food or beverage. Something about safety?

Comment on Beware Red Meat, the New Cancer Risk

Anonymous — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:15:03 -0000

To put 'consumption of red meat and processed meat' in the same sentence, on equal footing, is not correct science. Do you happen to have a citation for the actual study (you only link to Science Daily's interpretations of the study.) As a scientist, I'd like to read the original report. Could you publish the link, so that all could follow it?

Comment on 5 Money Styles and How Differences Cause Family Conflicts

Melanie Haiken — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 00:46:22 -0000

Hi Claire, I think you're right, there is a Depression-era combination of worrier and hoarder that is particularly challenging, and many of our parents fall into this demographic. My mother was similar; I had to redo her budget over and over to try to prove to her that she had enough money to pay a caregiver a few hours a week and give my sisters and me some respite. Good luck with your situation!

Comment on 5 Money Styles and How Differences Cause Family Conflicts

CA-Claire — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 14:37:59 -0000

There is one category missing. My parents are children of the depression (b. 1921). The are a very difficult combination of Worrier and Hoarder. They have plenty of money (enough to live in the facility they are in for 25+ years, and it is a land-locked cruise ship-type), yet they wear shoes until they have holes in the soles. They purchase clothes only once every 5 years or so, and the clothes they purchase are Walmart or 'dollar' store clothing. Very frustrating to us kids. When we moved them, we had to give to junk stores and throw out a very large amount of 'precious' items. They are still asking where something is (cost in 1960 $5.00, worn out and dirty).

Comment on Don't Have Health Insurance? Here's How to Get Health Care Anyway

sdhIndy — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 18:59:00 -0000

This is great for low income, but what about a person whose company discountinued coverage one week and the employee was rushed to the hospital the next week with an unknowned brain tumor? This person is now uninsurable with a pre-existing condition. That was 4 years ago and still has not had the needed surgery.

Comment on RIP Farrah Fawcett, Who Wanted Us to Take Her -- And Cancer -- Seriously

octoman — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:04:25 -0000

I hear fighting cancer so many times,Big John Wayne Beautiful Farrah Plucy Wendy Ricards and Jade,it is so stressful,stress and cancer seem to go together I have had cancer for 7 years I have never fought it,I am too big a coward I just to relax as much as possible and give my imune system a chance to do its job,it has had a million years of experience.of course I could be just an old fool,but I have avoided all pain and trauma that fighting cancer brings.I remain a live coward.I admire the fighters,but I cannot follow them.

Comment on What Michael Jackson's Early Death Can Teach Us About Heart Health

debbie darville — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 17:47:15 -0000

i have a history of high blood pressure,and is on meds to control it,but sometimes i forget to take them.since M.J. death its a wake up call for me to take my meds every single day.

Comment on What Michael Jackson's Early Death Can Teach Us About Heart Health

Anonymous — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 12:59:23 -0000

Michael is not the youngest of the Jackson's brothers. Info was helpful

Comment on 3 Key Steps to Protect Against Falls -- and Prevent a "Cascade" of Health Problems

Anonymous — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 21:40:59 -0000

I am a physical therapist with over 20 years in long term care. The bulk of my case load deals with fall prevention. Here are some basic environmental tips-- 1. get rid of throw rugs 2. get rid of clutter--as we age, "less is more" 3. use night lights 4. consider a bedside commode for urgency during the night--people who hurry tend to fall 5. many older folks use 25 watt bulbs to save money--they already have compromised vision--low light can contribute to confusion about shadows/shapes on the floor, leading to falls 6. check shoes/slippers--if they fit poorly, they can contribute to a fall 7. avoid "lift chairs" and other aids that make life "easier"--they also make muscles weaker, eventually leading to a fall. All adaptive equipment should be evaluated for the individual person, not just used because it's available--consult a PT with experience in long term care 8. Strengthening the trunk and lower extremities is key--maintaining good range of motion is important--avoid sleeping with pillows under the knees--it leads to stiff knees and ankles. If anything, pillows are used under the calves, to keep pressure off the heels. For people who move freely, I'd stick to no pillows. I love working on fall prevention. Hope some of these tips are helpful! Sunshine

Comment on 3 Key Steps to Protect Against Falls -- and Prevent a "Cascade" of Health Problems

Melanie Haiken — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:39:37 -0000

These are wonderful ideas! Thanks so much and i'll be sure to write about them in future posts. Really appreciate your feedback.

Comment on 3 Key Steps to Protect Against Falls -- and Prevent a "Cascade" of Health Problems

Martha — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 13:23:01 -0000

My mother has vascular dementia and possibly Alzheimer's disease, and when she fell and fractured her pelvis two years ago, the physical therapist at her rehab center suggested HipSavers--a girdle-like garment you wear under your pants, with three soft disc pads built in, one pad in the back over the tailbone and one on each hip. Mom has been wearing them since she recovered from her fracture, and though she's been found on the floor of her memory care facility a few times (she forgets to use her walker), she has had no more injuries. Some people object to wearing them, but in my mother's case she does not, as she forgets she has them on. If falling is a concern, and you want to avoid your loved one having to spend weeks or months in the hospital and rehab, I highly recommend HipSavers. They're fairly new, but you can find them online.

Comment on 3 Key Steps to Protect Against Falls -- and Prevent a "Cascade" of Health Problems

Patrece Banks — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:25:07 -0000

There are many missing pieces in fall prevention efforts. For example: A recent study published in the Journal of Clinical Nursing showed that 1 in 6 older people who lived at home were under-nourished and at risk of malnutrition. Low levels of certain minerals can cause dizziness and balance problems. Another report showed vitamin D helped reduce falls. It’s hard to get strength or balance if you lack the nutrients that help improve either problem. Another issue is how drugs deplete certain nutrients. This is an area that gets too little attention. A research report in the January 2009 Journal of American Geriatrics Society showed a lack of effect of Tai Chi had on preventing falls. Then there is another that says exercise is good. No doubt exercise is beneficial but it seems everyone needs to be properly assessed to make sure the benefits out weigh the risks. The CDC focuses on exercise and overlooks bed falls while statistics show it is an issue. The statistic below is from the CDC: Difficulty performing activities of daily living among Medicare beneficiaries, ages 65+: US, 2006 figures: Non-institutionalized Getting In/Out of Bed/Chair 11.9% Using Toilet 4.8% We have big gaps in getting important information out about falls causes. Too many programs rely on those who are not well informed about leading causes of falls and fall deaths or how to prevent them. According to the National Safety Council (nsc.org) falls from bed are the second leading cause of fall death after stairs and steps. Here is the web address for the quiz: http://nsc.org/resources/issues/falquiz.aspx Device safety in fall prevention programs are another area of concern where the focus is on cheap cost not safety or effectiveness. Too many devices are not used as intended while the recommenders don't know the intended use. We have a long way to go in fall prevention this includes educating the educators.

Comment on How to Care for Someone Who Has Cancer - AND a Negative Attitude

James Ballard — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 13:31:38 -0000

...9:15 AM EST...yeah right..."beckiecann"...you need to identify yourself if you're going to play "pretend doctor"...while you're telling cancer patients and/or their relations you have "something far worse than cancer" to justify your rambling. As you say, you "don't have cancer", so you need to get off this blog and a see a "Gulf War" shrink, because I suspect you're enjoying your "Gulf War Illness" a little too much...J.B. 6/20/09

Comment on How to Care for Someone Who Has Cancer - AND a Negative Attitude

beckiecann — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 06:51:53 -0000

I shuddered as I read this blog. I don't have cancer. I have something far worse - Gulf War Illness. The "depression" is an effect of the destruction taking place at the cellular level by both chemo and cancer. Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds will absolutely aggravate symptoms of fatigue and irritability. Anti-depressants depress the immune system so much by making the cancer patient more prone to opportunistic infections, fungal overgrowth, and bacterial infections of the intestine. And if a chemo patient is suffering insomnia, it means their adrenals are bad shape. They are not producing sufficient levels of cortisol, which is produced only during deep sleep. Most sleep medications do not sedate sick people long enough to provide deep, refreshing sleep, much less produce sufficient cortisol. Exhaustion sleep or debilitating chronic fatigue that chemo triggers is hardly ever refreshing. For Gulf War Illness, I rely on several adrenal hormones - bio-identical or nutriceuticals - to pick me up off the bottom of the well, face-down in the mud. As far as I can tell, I have never been clinically depressed. The biomarkers for depressed people is over-production of cortisol. They usually have belly fat from being stressed, producing too much cortisol. You don't see that on cancer patients. Also, a much better way to beat cancer is by IV infusion therapy of Vit C or extremely diluted H2O2 (pharmaceutical grade hydrogen peroxide) in a small bag of dextrose. Anyone whose system is being depleted by disease should always consider the Myer's Cocktail IV infusion therapy. It replenishes minerals and nutrients at the cellular level, where chemo strips the system at a cellular level. Irritability may also be hormone imbalance, especially if losing weight and losing hair. A very, very good adrenal-pituitary supplement is Pregnenalone. You can not take so much of it that it is dangerous. The best kind is sublingual tablets you can find a natural foods market or pharmacy. The tablets dissolve under the tongue, by-pass blood-brain barrier and provide instant relief. Grumpiness is instantly gone. For me, Pregnenalone relieves mid-back pain of adrenal inflammation. www.prohealth.com has a product called Adrenal Support, extremely helpful when diet is running straight through or coming back up quite often. I encourage everyone to understand how important educating yourself about chemo-therapy and how devastating it is to the entire system. Some forms of chemo actually cause rapid-growing cancer. So learn how to rebuild nutritionally at the cellular level before you start rolling out prescription mind-numbing, mood-altering drugs that enhance the devastation.

Comment on Don't Have Health Insurance? Here's How to Get Health Care Anyway

dihi — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 18:08:01 -0000

These are great suggestions. They can work for young and old.

Comment on How to Care for Someone Who Has Cancer - AND a Negative Attitude

James Ballard — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:24:12 -0000

10:00 AM CST...Melanie, this blog is a little confusing; the "comments" read as though written by a child. What type of cancer? How Long has he/she had it? Is the family not telling you anything ? If the cancer is terminal your friend has the right to know. I would approach your friend's doctor and put the question(s) directly to him/her. If the doctor blinks too many times/stares at the floor/chews on his pencil or tells you "talk to the family" or avoids you in any way, I'd say your friend doesn't have much time in this Vale of Tears. These are all reasonable adult-type questions. If they are your "comments" I sympathize with your pain, but you need to can the "mantras" and forget this line of "discussion" and spend as much "quality" time with your friend as possible. He/she may appreciate that more than you depending on divine intervention or playing on the Blog machine. Luck to you and your friend. J.B.

Comment on How to Care for Someone Who Has Cancer - AND a Negative Attitude

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 03:55:36 -0000

nothing can help you cancer , but nothing can separate your presumed victims from the over powering love of the Supreme God.His love triumps over your cell destroying methods. we have your number,your sorry loser.

Comment on How to Care for Someone Who Has Cancer - AND a Negative Attitude

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 03:52:26 -0000

you , mr. cancer, are just like your name. you are a creep and we know your motive, but we will destroy your cells.

Comment on How to Care for Someone Who Has Cancer - AND a Negative Attitude

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 03:50:46 -0000

My sister inlaw will kill your efforts,mr.cancer. we together will whip your arse.

Comment on How to Care for Someone Who Has Cancer - AND a Negative Attitude

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 03:49:12 -0000

you are not welcome here. you are just a vagabon.

Comment on How to Care for Someone Who Has Cancer - AND a Negative Attitude

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 03:47:55 -0000

Cancer is such a theif. but we can win against it. it has no conscience but we do. so screw you mr.cancer you are a loser. we know your thieving ways and we can defend ourselves against you.you are a loser and we are winners.

Comment on The #1 Reason You're So Tired (It's Not What You Think)

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 05:04:25 -0000

I got diagnosed with apnea but I fit this description EXACTLY. Somehow I need to rid myself of the clogged ( restricted ) feeling and then all should be well. Maybe Steven N. knows the answer. Bandaids aren't perfect but they sometimes help until the fix comes around. Newborns seldom have the problerms of 67 year olds. They haven't had sufficient time to damage themselves. Names aside, it ain't fun to not sleep well and drag around all day !

Comment on The #1 Reason You're So Tired (It's Not What You Think)

retiredgranny — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 04:38:12 -0000

Stated a few things I wasn't aware of and a few I knew.

Comment on The #1 Reason You're So Tired (It's Not What You Think)

Steven N. — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:06:47 -0000

Sadly, we think an external cure will cure our internal disruptions. No, changing how we think won't change how we feel, either. Just ask a new born, who, like the rest of us is born sentient, but without the neurological "wiring" for cognitive reasoning. (Still, via our adult capacities for deduction, reflecting upon our culture of narcissism may be worthwhile.) It seems we Americans suffer from maladies somewhat unique to the rest of the world(?), thus leading us into deeper dependency upon external sources to address symptoms, yet in the process avoid non-mechanistic, root causes. That said, if you want to support the economy and buy the "band- aids," well, maybe the resulting good-nights sleep will be nourishing enough to encourage one to go beyond the symptom based remedy. Love Always, Steven N.

Comment on The #1 Reason You're So Tired (It's Not What You Think)

Anonymous — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 17:38:07 -0000

Another reason I'm so tired is that my Mom, who has Dementia, is getting her days and nights mixed up. Last night she was up and moving every 1-2 hrs. This in turn wakes me up. I took her to daycare and then collapsed back into bed for 2 hrs of *uninterrupted* sleep!!!!! Betty J

Comment on Wish Your Time Spent Caring for Older Family Members Could Be Paid? Maybe It Can

krod — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 21:36:09 -0000

I am in the position to be paid for my mother out of her funds right now, but can this be applied to her "spending down of her assets" when in a couple of years, she will have none and may qualify for Medical (California)?

Comment on Wish Your Time Spent Caring for Older Family Members Could Be Paid? Maybe It Can

bleueyez — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 18:05:37 -0000

unfortunately I live in California where programs that pay family members for caring for family members is not available. If anyone out there knows of any that are available in California, please let me know by dropping me a line at bleueyez10@yahoo.com. It would be greatly appreciated.

Comment on How to Get Siblings to Help Pay for a Parent's Care

Betsy Evatt, CMC — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:54:48 -0000

When convening a family meeting to discuss distribution of responsibilities to care for a parent, a Geriatric Care Manager can be very helpful to provide objectivity, mediation, and insight into available resources. If you are looking for a Care Manager, members of the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers can be found by name and by zip code at www.caremanager.org.

Comment on The #1 Reason You're So Tired (It's Not What You Think)

beckiecann — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 17:58:48 -0000

Gulf War vets and PWCs Persons With Chronic Illnesses have this problem, continuously. I have found that sleeping on my side, head elevated with minium of 2 pillows, plus pillow between my knees, work for all-time. If allergies, congestion, fungal overgrowth of the nasopharyngeal tract (nose, throat and esophogus) or viruses are a problem, a cool mist humidifier with distilled water and a small bottle of hydrogen peroxide do the job. I have been tested repeatedly for sleep apnea, to no avail. Chronic viruses related to military vaccines are the basic cause of my breathing and heart problems.

Comment on How to Get Siblings to Help Pay for a Parent's Care

Rev_Kerry — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 12:03:47 -0000

We moved here almost 10 years ago to help my wifes mom take care of her sister. Her sister died almost 6 years ago and Mom quickly went downhill until now she care barely get out of bed to transfer to her potty chair. My wife suddenly became a 24/7 care provider for her mom while the rest of her family won't even visit because they know we will ask them to help out with mom. I have no relationship with my wife and I took a meaningless job just so I would be close in case Mom fell or ...worse. I hope I can find suggestions on getting through this but I'm not sure.

Comment on How to Get Siblings to Help Pay for a Parent's Care

Blue Topaz — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 14:07:29 -0000

oops. I mean "these articles" are definitely useful. My bad on grammar.

Comment on How to Get Siblings to Help Pay for a Parent's Care

Blue Topaz — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 14:06:44 -0000

Thanks. This are definitely useful.

Comment on How to Get Siblings to Help Pay for a Parent's Care

Angel A — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 16:07:35 -0000

All of the suggestions here can be discussed and implimented with the use of a FREE service offered on www.Lotsahelpinghands.com You can create a free-of-charge, private, web-based community to organize family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues – a family’s ‘circles of community’ — during times of need. This site makes it easy to coordinate activities and manage volunteers with their intuitive group calendar. Communicate and share information using announcements, messages boards, and photos too! Using this type of 'service' makes everyone in your circle aware of "what" is needed and "when" and reduces the amount of followup required to make sure all events are covered. I am not affliated with this service, but I have created a website/center for my mother to eliminate misunderstandings, or 'dates' of events for our mother!

Comment on Depression, Women, and Menopause -- a Hot Topic We Need to Talk About

Anonymous — Fri, 22 May 2009 16:13:06 -0000

When my late wife was going through menopause in her late 30's the doctor prescribed birth control pills to suppliment her hormones. I don't advise doing that. By the time she was in her early 40's she was a wreck. She was constantly turning the termostat in the house up and down, and the poor gal was miserable all the time. She died at 46 due to a blood clot from a foot surgery that traveled to her fragile lungs. I miss her terribly.

Comment on Depression, Women, and Menopause -- a Hot Topic We Need to Talk About

Fri, 22 May 2009 15:22:19 -0000

There is no question that depression, mood swings, sadness, anxiety, lack of sleep, aches and pains have all started affecting me at 50. I have never been a 'depressed' type and exercise vigorously almost daily. So its NOT 'in my head' and thanks to the individuals below I am making an appointment with a recommended FEMALE gynecologist of similar age and getting some form of treatment!!!

Comment on Depression, Women, and Menopause -- a Hot Topic We Need to Talk About

Anonymous — Fri, 22 May 2009 14:40:47 -0000

When I was going through menopause (and peri-menopause), I became terribly anxious and my depression became much worse. I have never felt right for the last 10 or so years, with each year getting progressively worse. Not one OBGYN would help me, always indicating basically that it was no "big deal." I finally most recently went to an osteopathic family doctor who does hormone testing by saliva testing. Sure enough my progesterone and DHEA were low. I am now taking bio-identical hormones which I just started, and I am beginning to feel much less anxiety and depression. I believe that this is something that any woman suffering from a similar experience should definitely consider. It's really going the alternative route as opposed to the traditional, standard route which has a totally different approach to the problems.

Comment on A New Gel That Treats Esophageal Cancer: A Welcome Hope

octoman — Thu, 21 May 2009 09:53:04 -0000

I have a tape of Nigella Lawson's late husband John Diamond's book C in which he discribes the treatment he received for esophageal cancer. a harrowing experience I couldn't blame him for contemplating suicide.I could not have even contemplated the treatment he undertook,I am lucky to be born a coward.

Comment on Depression, Women, and Menopause -- a Hot Topic We Need to Talk About

Anonymous — Thu, 21 May 2009 03:11:07 -0000

I am about to turn 50 and have been getting waves of horrible depression like clockwork. It is very dark and deep but thankfully lasts only a few days - for now. Thanks for the heads up on this. I thought it was just me.

Comment on Depression, Women, and Menopause -- a Hot Topic We Need to Talk About

Anonymous — Wed, 20 May 2009 15:27:14 -0000

I have been in menopause for 12yrs.I'm 52, with a 82yr. old back,and need a hip replacement.I have a long time to go, and who would want to live like that??? And the golden years?? Forget it unless of course you have insurance.Not on a fixed income, not in this life...

Comment on The In-Home Care Dilemma: Realizing You Need It, Figuring Out How to Afford It

Dianak2 — Tue, 19 May 2009 21:02:44 -0000

This article was very helpful. Thank you. I am in a similar situtation.

Comment on The In-Home Care Dilemma: Realizing You Need It, Figuring Out How to Afford It

Snickersmom — Tue, 19 May 2009 17:56:30 -0000

this article is a rehash of every take care of mom article I have ever read. "stay tuned" for how to pay for it????? Time to be real - get to the heart of the matter and leave the heroic daughters making casseroles stories for another blog.

Comment on The In-Home Care Dilemma: Realizing You Need It, Figuring Out How to Afford It

Snickersmom — Tue, 19 May 2009 17:56:29 -0000

Comment on The In-Home Care Dilemma: Realizing You Need It, Figuring Out How to Afford It

arielkford — Tue, 19 May 2009 17:53:25 -0000

Great article, and thanks for pointing out the differences between hiring an independent caregiver vs. one from an agency. Agencies are great, but are also expensive. www.Caresquare.com is a good alternative to agencies, as it equips families directly with the ability to run their own background checks and check references themselves right on the site. Hope this helps!

Comment on The In-Home Care Dilemma: Realizing You Need It, Figuring Out How to Afford It

MattJohnson — Fri, 15 May 2009 22:08:54 -0000

Terrific article. Thanks for the real-life insight into your decision process.

Comment on When Mother's Day Means Grief, Not Joy

Melanie Haiken — Wed, 13 May 2009 03:04:18 -0000

Thanks everyone for your lovely comments. It means a lot to hear that my story has resonance for others.

Comment on When Mother's Day Means Grief, Not Joy

Anonymous — Tue, 12 May 2009 22:19:52 -0000

Thank you for telling your story. Not enough is written when it comes to the very troubled relationships some of us have with parents. So many painful feelings when parents become elderly because the rage is there and yet we have to show respect and compassion for them in this stage of their life. How to reconcile all of this, I do not know. Thanks again for sharing your pain.

Comment on When Mother's Day Means Grief, Not Joy

Tue, 12 May 2009 16:21:59 -0000

Thank you for giving an eloquent, authentic voice to something so complicated and overwhelming. And I hope you had a fabulous Mother's Day with your daughters.

Comment on Breaking Through Isolation: Is it Fatigue, Depression, or Loneliness?

kevinh — Tue, 12 May 2009 13:43:41 -0000

More good facts and symptoms on depression in the elderly at http://www.seniorcare-stl.com/index.php/did-you-know-depression-in-seniors/

Comment on When Mother's Day Means Grief, Not Joy

Sarah Henry — Tue, 12 May 2009 03:34:37 -0000

Very brave, Melanie, and moving. I'm sure many others can relate to how you feel. I, too, hope your day with the girls was all you wished for.

Comment on When Mother's Day Means Grief, Not Joy

Anonymous — Mon, 11 May 2009 05:48:23 -0000

Probably the most moving Mother's Day piece I've ever read. I hope your day with your daughters was good both for you and for them.

Comment on When Mother's Day Means Grief, Not Joy

cynthia greenberg — Sat, 09 May 2009 05:43:45 -0000

Hi Melanie, My mom died of the same thing and I'm pretty sure I know how you feel. This is my 3rd mother's day without having to buy some useless gift she won't even remember I gave her. It is a relief but not a celebration. I know you are doing a great job of being an awesome mother, so it's your turn to just be celebrated. Enjoy the day.

Comment on 5 Bills You Can Lower With a Phone Call

Anonymous — Tue, 05 May 2009 21:22:31 -0000

And when all else fails, write to the CEO. Seriously, almost every company has a department, often called the "executive office," which handles escalated complaints. Letters to CEOs or other senior executives are automatically routed there. You'll be amazed at how important you suddenly are, and how flexible the company you complained to can be! -Beth

Comment on Swine Flu: 10 Things You Need to Know to Protect Seniors

octoman — Tue, 05 May 2009 14:28:09 -0000

I remember the french flue panic this seems to be a repeat performanceto me,the number of people dying from pig flue in Mexico is small compared with the none pig flue,the Mexicans have shot themselves in the foot.the loss of all the holidaymakers the beaches are empty as are the hotels.headless chickens comes to mind.I hope I am right!I was the last time.the only time my wife and I had flue during the past 15 years,was when we both had the flue jab?Remember 1916 they keep saying.

Comment on Anti-Cancer Superfoods: Do They Really Work?

octoman — Sun, 03 May 2009 16:43:08 -0000

anti-cancer super foods?I think I missed my column some where.but I do also have untreated cancer and I do follow a strict superfood diet 'see my comment 14 days back.

Comment on Anti-Cancer Superfoods: Do They Really Work?

octoman — Sun, 03 May 2009 16:34:42 -0000

No comments?well my wife had medical treatment she is in a wheelchair now,but her sister has arthiritis now,she is going to follow the treatment I followed.It was recommended by a doctor,if nobodies interested I wont put details but will say how my sister in law fare's with the treatment.

Comment on Swine Flu: 10 Things You Need to Know to Protect Seniors

ESuze Anderson — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 21:30:21 -0000

Both my parents are in their late 70's and information on this flu is very helpful... at this time of life they don't really need to get Seriously ill

Comment on Swine Flu: 10 Things You Need to Know to Protect Seniors

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 17:49:17 -0000

very helpful even though we are already health contious we still need to be reminded .

Comment on Swine Flu: 10 Things You Need to Know to Protect Seniors

cherryrain — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:37:46 -0000

this helped me so much not to fear this diese so much and how to protect my family i also know not to worry about face masks ect thank you

Comment on Anti-Cancer Superfoods: Do They Really Work?

octoman — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 16:51:05 -0000

I had rhumatoid arthiritis 30 years ogo and rejected medical attention,changed my diet no uric acid in my diet and recovered a relative accepted all they could provide gold injections,steroids etc he died a cripple six years ago,he believed the treatment caused is disability.

Comment on New Hope for Liver Cancer

Anonymous — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 16:42:06 -0000

Hi, I am a mother of five. My oldest son, Michael (now 28) was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, Neurofibrosarcoma, on March 19th, 2008 I am praying for a cure for all cancer patients. As of right now, my son continues to battle this aggressive cancer. Could you please write something on this website in regards to his type of cancer? Many thanks! Patti~

Comment on Anti-Cancer Superfoods: Do They Really Work?

octoman — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 11:13:31 -0000

I looked at my comment about Wendy Richards.I have watched the TV program of her last months of life,many times.She was a greatlady she died as she lived,a true brit,campared with herI am a wimp!None of my naby-pamby,dark chocolate and ginger for her.I admire her strength of character.

Comment on Anti-Cancer Superfoods: Do They Really Work?

octoman — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 20:15:19 -0000

I had a thought,we are all different,so,green tea,may work for one person,cannabis hemp for another.Wendy Richards believed in chemotherapy as did Jade,I did not,anything that harms the immune system ,cannot be right.I find the bible very profound,I see it as symbolic not literal truth,I mean Noah's Ark is nonsense but symbolicly it has meaning,the garden of Eden the same thing I can pray to a symbolic God,it may only be talking to myself but my subconcious mind loves it,I get great comfort from it even praying for other people benefits me your are not helpless when you can pray.I know to some people I am talking rubbish,but there is so much rubbish,my little bit will not be noticed.

Comment on Anti-Cancer Superfoods: Do They Really Work?

octoman — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:05:37 -0000

well I have had stomach cancer for six years,rather than have my stomach removed(only option)I went for the build up the immune system bluberries every day no red meat get to the gym relax no stress.develope a sense of humour,I call it the laughing cure,in fact everything I read that helps the immune system.ginger,dark chocolate etc.now I feel glad I have cancer!I have never felt so good, if I die tomorrow it was worth it, but it was hard work getting here.

Comment on 5 Myths About Cancer Prevention: Beware the Hype!

Caring Chiropractor — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:53:49 -0000

I'm not and oncologist, but in my opinion, cancer of any type cannot be "cured" by chemotherapy, radiation or any of the conventional methods now used.These methods only buy you time. I believe cancer is due to a depressed immune system (chemo makes the immume system weaker), acid body chemistry, low Vit D levels,low Omega3 levels and very likely parasites in the tissues.Read books like "Once-Censored Cancer Cures",by Dr. Michael Cutler,MD and many others available through the internet.Use Google:"natural cures to cancer". You will find much info on how to turn a cancerous body into a healthy body.I believe drugs,radiation and chemo are not the answer.

Comment on Getting Out from Under Debt: Today's Family Challenge

Mars — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 22:54:21 -0000

I have been paying about 500.00 a month to pay a bill it has gone down some...but now they sent me a change of interest...I called to opt out...are they going to ruin my credit? by my doing this...they wanted to double my percentage...

Comment on One Cheap, All-In-One Pill Could Cut Heart Disease Risk in Half

Anonymous — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:27:26 -0000

This sounds like a wonderful chance to help people get all the benefits of these medications without having to take each one seperately. If you have ever tried to get an elderly person to take more than one pill at a time, you know what I mean.

Comment on Anti-Cancer Superfoods: Do They Really Work?

Anonymous — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 22:58:07 -0000

RUN FROM THE CURE: A Film By Christian Laurette Watch The Movie Free Online At www.phoenixtearsmovie.com/ RUN FROM THE CURE: A Film By Christian Laurette Cannabis sativa hemp, the miracle plant, contains the cure for cancer and other ailments My name is Rick Simpson. I have been providing people with Hemp Oil medicines, at no cost, for about three years. The results have been nothing short of amazing. Throughout man's history hemp has always been known as the most medicinal plant in the world. Even with this knowledge, hemp has always been used as a political and religious football. I want this knowledge out there for everyone to learn! Watch the documentary Run From The Cure to understand more about using cannabis as a cure for cancer and other medical problems! The current restrictions against hemp were put in place and maintained, not because hemp is evil or harmful, but for big money to make more big money, while we suffer and die needlessly. Look at a proposal such as this; if we were allowed to grow hemp in our back yards and cure our own illnesses, what do you think the reaction of the pharmaceutical industry would be to such a plan? Many large pharmaceutical companies that still exist today sold hemp based medicines in the 1800's and early 1900's. They knew then what I have recently found out. Hemp oil if produced properly is a cure-all that the pharmaceutical industry can't patent. To learn more about my and hemp oil, visit www.PhoenixTears.ca and watch the documentary Run From The Cure.

Comment on One Cheap, All-In-One Pill Could Cut Heart Disease Risk in Half

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 11:59:22 -0000

They would have a heck of a time making me take this cocktail! I don't plan to ever take a statin, unless I've already had a heart attack, and my blood pressure is fine, as is my blood sugar. I do not trust big pharma, and don't plan to take their noxious "cocktails". I'm 67 and I approve this message.

Comment on Urgent Call to Catch Breast Cancer Early: Here's How

Anonymous — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:19:06 -0000

I am unemployed and cannot afford health insurance so for anyone like me it is impossible to be healthy and get checkups let alone have yearly physicals. I have signed up for cervical and breast exams that are paid for back in November and called on it and they told me that I probably would get in for the exams in May. If I have cancer it would spread I am sure before they would detect it. So being in my situation it is totally impossible to get any health care because no one really cares!! But that is the way of this world..you can't afford to live and you can't afford to die!

Comment on Anti-Cancer Superfoods: Do They Really Work?

JenniferJuniper — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 03:11:19 -0000

While most of this information is not new, I find its presentation here somewhat alarming. Are you really saying that green tea twice a day is "all it takes" to prevent a recurrence of breast cancer??? This seems misleading at best and irresponsible if not downright dangerous at worst. I've had a healthy diet all my life -- lots of fresh fruits and veg, low meat intake, multivitamins, exercise, etc. etc. and at 49, I've been diagnosed with breast cancer. So it's not just the couch potatoes who get hit and a jugful of green tea is not a miracle cure. Please be careful about your claims!

Comment on Urgent Call to Catch Breast Cancer Early: Here's How

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 00:14:28 -0000

Great list but i'd like to add, many health professionals will tell you cancer does not hurt That is incorrect information and prob going to cost me my life right now. Inflamatory breast cancer does have symptoms of pain and also severe itchyness (sp) especialy people who have been treated for cancer in the past need to bone up on inflamatory breast cancer so they catch it early. its difficult to find balance between being paranoid and whats real, but please read about it.

Comment on Anti-Cancer Superfoods: Do They Really Work?

akothari50 — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:07:18 -0000

With so much information on the plus points of fruit and vegetables,why is the American public so naive and continues their adiction to a carnivorous diet ?They see friends and family die of cancer and related diseases and yet they opt to eat highly carcinigenic non vegetarian food.

Comment on Anti-Cancer Superfoods: Do They Really Work?

epiclife — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:37:47 -0000

Great information. Thanks for writing this article. Have you heard of the health benefits of dark unprocessed natural chocolate. I have been studing it and am amazed to find the cocoa is the #1 antioxidant food. I now distribute a chocolate the is health promoting and looking for people interested in Health and wealth. Call this toll free number to find out more. 1-888-225-3008 code 1321

Comment on Families Could Save Hundreds of $$$ By Choosing the Right Medicare Drug Plan

mamoros — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:22:58 -0000

While Ms. Haiken's article is relevant and valuable, there is one glaring error. She correctly states that the Open Enrollment Period ends on 03/31. However, Medicare rules state that a Medicare beneficiary can NOT move from one standalone PDP (Part D Prescription Drug Plan) to another during this period. That can be done ONLY during AEP (Annual Election Period) or during a SEP (Special Enrollment Period). The OEP allows the Medicare beneficiary to make a one-time change to a "like plan". There are specific rules for this switch, and the presence of creditable drug coverage as of January 1 is a key to determining an allowable switch. On another note, there is a feature in www.Medicare.gov which provides a facility to create a list of the Medicare beneficiary's prescription drugs and then to compare the annual drug cost on different Part D plans. Keep in mind that MAPDs (Medicare Advantage plans with Prescription Drugs)can be a great value to combine both medical benefits with Part D benefits in one plan.

Comment on What If 120,000 People Didn't Have to Get Cancer? Prevention Strategies Guaranteed to Work

Anonymous — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 17:58:14 -0000

I HAVE HAD CANCER FOR SIX YEARS I DECIDED NOT TO HAVE SURGERY AND USE DIET AND EXERCISE TO FIGHT THE CANCER YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS ARE JUST LIKE THE PATH I FOLLOWED

Comment on Aggressive Cancer Treatments Are Buying More Time

Skip — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 11:59:42 -0000

June 2006 diagnosed w/esophageal cancer (stage 3) (age 56) October 2006 completed radiation an chemotherapy (aggressive) therapy. March 2009 Still "enjoying" LIFE...w/no signs of cancer!(age 59)

Comment on Saving Money With Coupons -- Everybody's Doing It

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 20:12:43 -0000

There's a site I love called Daily Deals. (www.dailydealscom) They have current coupons for a lot of major stores and for the online ones, you click straight through and the coupon applies to your shopping cart. They give real expiration dates and only list deals that are current, unlike some sites. Today you can save $5 at Target! Every little bit counts!

Comment on 5 Thrifty Tips From Our Mothers and Grandmothers

bbk — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:11:13 -0000

My mom who would have been ninety-five this June, always told us as children, "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without!" Really good advice if I could get my husband to go along with that! :-)

Comment on 5 Thrifty Tips From Our Mothers and Grandmothers

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 22:44:19 -0000

In the 60's when money was tight, I cut my 3 boys' & husband's hair, made my own lined short drapes, darned socks & jeans, and never bought TV dinners or pizza. I cooked as much as possible from scratch except for cake or pudding mixes, etc. We cut coupons and changed our own oil for the car, and rented a rug shampooer instead of hiring someone. Anything we could do ourselves to save money like painting, etc., we did.

Comment on 5 Thrifty Tips From Our Mothers and Grandmothers

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 21:30:16 -0000

Why didn't the woman just glue the knob back together instead of wasting time & $17 for a new one?!?

Comment on What If 120,000 People Didn't Have to Get Cancer? Prevention Strategies Guaranteed to Work

Missy — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:14:02 -0000

What a great, simple and easy-to-read list that makes me think about seriously overhauling my family's diet. Thank you, Melanie!

Comment on When It Takes a Village to Care for a "Sandwich Generation" Family

Missy — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:18:02 -0000

Thanks for the great advice, Melanie!

Comment on 5 Thrifty Tips From Our Mothers and Grandmothers

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 01:25:43 -0000

Great article! I agree with everything it says, and there are great tips here, except one: if you can get a high-efficiency washing machine, it REALLY saves money! I purchased one recently which supposedly pays for itself in 18 months and I believe it. My January water bill was half of what it was from before I switched from my old machine (at least as old as the one in the article and it was irreparable), and my electric use went way down. Also, the clothes are so dry after it finishes, that I did stop using the dryer (further lowering my electric bill) and since the clothes are spun so well, they dry more quickly now when I hang them up (I bought a drying rack from Bed & Bath with my coupon!). I am told that the new energy-star labeled refrigerators and air conditioners (and some of the new cars) are also so much more efficient that it can pay off to switch to them next time an appliance breaks.

Comment on 5 Thrifty Tips From Our Mothers and Grandmothers

Anonymous — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:26:05 -0000

I keep thinking that the 35 and under crownd REALLY need to hear of some of this stuff....

Comment on 5 Thrifty Tips From Our Mothers and Grandmothers

Missy — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 20:13:04 -0000

What great tips! Thank you for sharing them! They definitely provided food for thought.

Comment on Possible Ban of Darvon is Good News for Seniors -- Even Those Who Take It!

Anonymous — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:06:31 -0000

I didn't know Darvon could be responsible for my mom's bouts of disorientation and dizziness until a hospice nurse told me -- I wish more people talked about this!

Comment on The First Money Conversation: How to Make Sure It Goes Right

CherryPie — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 19:04:05 -0000

A good solution is to set up a joint checking account with your parent. Then all you need is a neighbor to forward the bills when parent is in the hospital. Have a Durable Power of Attorney, Living Will and "Comfort Care only" documents.

Comment on Fighting the Stigma of Lung Cancer

rnbarg — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:15:37 -0000

My name is Richard Barg and I am the "acquaintance" referred to in the article. My partner Nadine, a non-smoker, died of lung cancer at age 45. She carried the stigma of being a smoker nevertheless and her friends often said, â€œNadine, I didnâ€™t know you smokedâ€*. She was initially given a poor prognosis, but persevered and was able to undergo surgery. That in turn made the clinical trials possible that added two years to her life. I was very moved by Melanie's essay on Paul Newman, an earlier blog post, which has an embedded link above. I found it to be thoughtful and incisive and gave a measure of dignity to Paul Newmanâ€™s death that had been undercut by all the rumor mongering about whether he did or did not have lung cancer. It is all too common for famous people diagnosed with lung cancer to refuse to publicly acknowledge their illness. There is clearly an historical stigma associated with lung cancer based on the idea that it is a self-inflicted disease, i.e. smoking, the cause of 87% of lung cancers. Lung cancer is in reality a addiction, a habit often taken up as a result of pernicious tobacco advertising aimed at youth (Joe Camel etc) and peer pressure. The air of â€œgeneralityâ€* with which Paul Newman's death was announced, that he died of "cancer", is too often the way patients and families hide from the disease, even after death. But I think we need to take Paul Newman at his word. He had a right to privacy and he accomplished great things during his life as Melanie pointed out. Not everything in life is knowable nor should it be. Itâ€™s enough people understand the general issue of stigma surrounding lung cancer and leave Paul Newman rest in peace.

Comment on Aggressive Cancer Treatments Are Buying More Time

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:13:43 -0000

how can we cut through the length of time it takes when dealing with a place like MD Anderson?

Comment on Aggressive Cancer Treatments Are Buying More Time

Anonymous — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 23:15:26 -0000

Very interesting. But what ages/health condition were the people in these studies who did so well...and what about quality of life in this equation? Can't say I'd really have wanted the extra few weeks or even months with my ailing parent that aggressive treatments would promise given that she would still be in pain, in hospital, and still terminal; and in fact we reached a point where we decided against them. curious what others think.

Comment on Facing the Fear: How Do We Talk About It When Cancer Spreads?

Anonymous — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 08:36:37 -0000

Hi Melanie, Thanks for mentioning our Metastatic Liver Cancer self-help group. Please explain what you mean by "difficult to read" as all feedback is most welcome.

Comment on Cancer and the Single Patient: A Special Need for Help

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:04:26 -0000

As a single person, this situation has crossed my mind with some frequency. While I am healthy now at age 60, I am living 1500 miles from family. My mother lives with me - she's 81 and in excellent health, and her mother lived to 89 (died in her sleep), so apparently I have good genes, but I still try to plan for eventually needing outside care by purchasing long term care insurance in the next couple of years. Does anyone who is in a similar situation have other suggestions?

Comment on The World Mourns Randy Pausch's Death From Pancreatic Cancer

one flower — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 23:46:20 -0000

on the day he died i started to cry, i thought that they would find the cure for pancreatic cncer. My husband passed away at the age of 58 from pancreatic cancer.

Comment on Cancer Patients Tell It Like It Is

Anonymous — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 00:03:08 -0000

I too am fighting cancer. I am 72 years young, white female. Was diagnosed in 1990 with Melanoma, again in 1996, then in 2005 with lung cancer. I refuse to give up, but I live with it everyday and try to be productive ans pleasant around family. I feel God has something for me to do yet. Thank you for reading. wbell19@comcast.net

Comment on Vision-Impaired Can Enjoy Walking and Reading With New Tools

Samatha — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:45:11 -0000

Sorry folks...I tried to put a link to the product, but it didn't work. We bought it from Enablemart.com and it's called The Bright ID"er Caller ID.

Comment on Vision-Impaired Can Enjoy Walking and Reading With New Tools

Samatha — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:41:18 -0000

My Mother is in good health, but her eyes are definitely not as strong as they once were. She has a harder time reading labels, computer screens, price tags, etc... She walks around with this huge magnifier all the time. Her biggest gripe has been her phone. She has caller ID to avoid all the telemarketers. When the phone rings she couldn't see who was calling on the tiny display. We found a product called The Bright ID'er. It hooks up to her phone, and' has a large bright screen (about 8 inches across) that she can see across the room. Now she can quickly see if she wants to answer, I wonder if she is screening out my calls???? Seriously though, it's been a great tool for her. I would recommend it.

Comment on Tired No More: New Drug Can Treat Cancer Fatigue

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:49:03 -0000

I JUST WANT TO SAY THANKS FOR THE CANCER INFORMATION GIVEN..I AM A 3RD STAGE OVARIAN CANCER SURVIVOR..NICE TO BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH ALL THE NEW DEVELOPS! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

Comment on Macular Degeneration: All Eyes Are on Hormone Therapy

Anonymous — Tue, 27 May 2008 11:02:25 -0000

My sister lives with me and she now has macular degeneration her eye sight is worsening daily and it is sad that last year when she had her eye exam they didn't catch it this year the same Dr found and sent her to a specialist. When he tried to put the dye in her arm she had a severe reaction and the treatment was stopped immidiatly. Now she does not want to go thru that again and her sight keeps getting worse No referrals and Dr doesn't wan't to see her for six weeks What to do anxiously waiting a come back

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Anonymous — Thu, 22 May 2008 08:07:26 -0000

could it be me? could it be you? can it be my parents?

Comment on New Test Can Spare Breast Cancer Patients from Chemo

Becky — Tue, 13 May 2008 16:55:35 -0000

i havwe had the hormone induced cancer and just completed my chemo a few weeks ago.....i feel worse now than i did during chemo i am asuming it is thw steroids ...coming off of them.....i had 2 different kinds of chemo....one was every 2 weeks for 2 months and the other was every thursday for 6 weeks....start radiation in 4 days...fyi mione was in the chential lymph gland...but had stopped there.... what can i do to help the swelling in my face and legs....looks like fluid retension??? any suggestions would help. Becky

Comment on Telling Our Stories: The Importance of Personal Cancer Blogs

Virtuality — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 23:49:52 -0000

I created a blog for my wife (folicular lymphoma) and wonder how to draw more readers to the site. www.itsjoansjourney.blogspot.com If anyone knows anything that might help.

Comment on Telling Our Stories: The Importance of Personal Cancer Blogs

Melanie Haiken — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 21:38:25 -0000

Wonderful blogger and cancer expert Jeanne Sather, author of the Assertive Cancer Patient blog mentioned above, forwarded me a recommendation for another great cancer blog: http://cheekylibrarian.blogspot.com/ This is written by witty Teresa Hartman, who details her battle with adenoid cystic carcinoma (discovered in her cheek, hence the clever name). Enjoy and share more links, please!

Comment on Telling Our Stories: The Importance of Personal Cancer Blogs

DocSwill — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 05:37:05 -0000

I have found that blogging helps me through my illness and has given me the opportunity to help others along the way. Oral Cancer is not easy. No caner is, but when you have others to listen and help, those who have been through it, some how it just makes it easier. I read Leroy's Blog all the time. He is one who inspires me. I'm finding so many of us online that just need to connect. Thank you for helping. Come visit my blog if you have time. It's not all about cancer, I try to keep it real and not a medicinal. There is an entire section dedicated to my journey, "The Cancer Chronicles." Cancer is only a small part of my life. My goal is to show that life can be pretty normal if you don't let the cancer control you! Peace Brian Blog: http://beyondtheglassdoor.blogspot.com/

Comment on Aging Smokers: Who's Going to Get Lung Cancer?

poison ivy — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 15:30:46 -0000

How do we avail of this genetic testing for lung cancer risk? I have a dear friend who have been smoking for more than 20 years and is having a hard time quitting. He admits that he is already a nicotine addict. I'd like to thank you for posting this topic.

Comment on Alcohol Abuse Among Seniors -- the Last Taboo Subject

Cathie — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 20:02:55 -0000

It's not an easy topic to bring up to a mother from her daughter. Especially when the daughter is a recovering/sober alcoholic herself. That would be me, my mom drinks ALOT. Plus, she is on some serious medication like; morphine patches, flexiril, Norco, Klonipin, anti depressant, to mention a few. I know she falls because she drinks too much. She knows she drinks too much. But, try to talk to her about it, look out.... I tried talking to her former doctor once, confidentially of course. I no sooner left his office and he called my mother. Bu the time I got home all my stuff was outside and the police were on their way to escort me from her home. I can't watch her 24/7. I don't know if she has dementia, drunk, drugged up, or all three. All I know is that I CANNOT say anything to her about it. She is addicted to the morphine and pain killers too. I worry all the time. All the time......I never know who she is going to be when she wakes from her nap.

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