When she saw the ad for a “senior memory class” in the local paper, my friend doubted she could interest her mom. Her mother’s memory issues had become a tense, hot-button topic that inevitably sent her mom into a snit. “My memory is just fine!”

Never mind that her mom's landlady had called again to say the rent wasn’t paid. Or that her mom kept forgetting to use her inhaler and was wheezing like crazy. Or that she’d sometimes struggle to recognize old friends she passed on the street.

And so my friend was downright shocked when her mom said she’d noticed the very same ad and would “just maybe” consider checking it out. Delicately holding on to this thread, my friend encouraged her mom. Of course, she'd drive her and go to the mandatory caregiver group held simultaneously in a different room. Fingers crossed, she hoped the class might actually slow her mom’s escalating memory loss, while providing a new social outlet with peers...  Read more

My friend Jessie prided herself on living as independently as she possibly could as her body weakened in a kind of variety pack of aging. Of all her debilitating ailments (broken hip, weakening heart and kidneys), one of the hardest things for her to deal with was her arthritis. Her hands and fingers were stiff and painful.

Not quite a fashion queen but a woman who took pleasure in clothes, Jessie was particularly bugged by the difficulty she had dressing. She couldn’t do small buttons; same with bitsy zippers. Tying laces; forget about it. I remember watching her struggle with her favorite winter jacket. I offered to help, and she snorted (as she usually did): “No, I can do it myself.” The truth was, she couldn’t.

This isn't an unusal problem for older people, and it's one that really takes a hit on self-esteem. Arthritis isn’t the only condition affecting the ability to dress...  Read more

True confession: I’m not a big fan of proclamation days honoring this or that thing, event, or person. So it is with some skepticism that I greet National Grandparents Day, September 7. (Yet another way for greeting card, flower, and chocolate companies to make a few bucks.)

True confession: I’m sentimental and often fall for proclamation days honoring this or that thing, event, or person when it touches me in a genuine way. I won't be lifting a finger for National Meatloaf Day (October 18), National YoYo Day (June 6), or National Pickle Day (November 14).

But grandparents? Got me. Just last week I wrote in this space about my grandmother’s vision loss, stirring all kinds of memories of this sassy woman who died years ago. It's a special relationship to be a grandchild. Not nearly as loaded as being a child; kind of once-removed from parental rules and expectations. Yet still marked by an older-younger connection, kinship, the passing of generations...  Read more

I remember my grandma’s vision going. She’d bump and crash her way around her house; hold recipes, TV Guide, and the sports section brushed against her glasses. (She was perhaps the world's biggest Pittsburg Pirates' and Steelers' fan.) She didn’t like talking about her eyesight and was reluctant to accept help.

I’m pretty sure my grandmother had macular degeneration, a progressive, incurable blindness associated with aging. Family facts are hazy, and she died years ago. A number of eye problems are associated with aging, as described well by the University of Illinois eye clinic.

Today several of my friends are going through similar things with their parents. Vision loss brings a number of significant hardships, but losing the ability to read is one of the toughest for people to take. "A major turning point sending my mom into depression," one friend said.

It turns out, there's lots of help out there for people who can't see -- specifically help accessing the printed word...  Read more

A friend got a call a while ago that sent her over the edge. Yet another of her mother’s home caregivers had quit, claiming she couldn’t take the elderly woman’s insults -- the third time this had happened in less than two years. This friend lives across the country from her mother and has to handle all of her care long distance -- by phone, email, and periodic visits.

Talk about a major drag. This was one. For some seniors, the fact that they need care is so demeaning that they simply can’t get beyond lashing out at the caregiver. It’s almost as if they’re trying to force them away. Perfectly understandable, but still hard to deal with -- especially for a caregiver.

I collected information from a variety of sources about what might help in such a situation. Turns out this problem is so common there’s quite a bit of thinking on it. Here’s a start...  Read more

Need a home caregiver, senior transportation, respite care, adult day care, senior housing that won’t leave a massive hole in the wallet? Need it now? I’m going to let you in on what I think may be one of this country’s best secrets. And the thing is, it shouldn’t be a secret at all. So picture me screaming this from a rooftop.

Dial 2-1-1.

You’ve heard or 9-1-1 (emergencies) and 4-1-1 (directory assistance). Meet the newest member of the country’s phone assistance services. 2-1-1 is a free, nonprofit national phone service that connects you to real people who provide local referrals to all kindsof social services, from housing, meals, and transportation to home caregivers and emergency medical care. “Support for older people,” is one of 2-1-1’s primary target areas. (Others include parents, kids, people with disabilities, the low-income...  Read more

A friend e-mailed recently with a mini update on her mom, who has dementia. Her latest challenge, she said, was her mom being absolutely unable to sit still for a dentist. She’d fight the dentist off screaming. Fear of being touched is common with those who have dementia, including Alzheimer’s. What’s merely annoying for us -- teeth being poked and prodded -- can be hellish for them.

But my friend's e-mail wasn’t a total downer. Turns out there are special Alzheimer's dentists trained in treating people with dementia. My friend’s mom already had an appointment.

It’s not hard finding these dentists online, especially if you live in a larger town. Do an internet search with the terms dental care, Alzheimer’s, and your parents’ town. Also ask your parents’ current dentist for a referral. (This is how my friend got a name...  Read more

I’ve had a slew of questions lately from Caring.com readers asking what to do when their elderly loved ones refuse to bathe, shower, or clean their bodies in any way. Talk about a major stressor. This is one. And it’s all too common. To all those out there in this situation -- you aren’t alone. A few things really can make a difference.

Understanding helps. There are all kinds of sensible reasons why older people don’t want to bathe. These include:

• Fear of falling
• Lightheadedness or dizziness
• Not strong enough to get in or out of the tub on their own, but don’t want to admit it
• Water too cold or too hot; temperature never feels right
• Annoyed or scared by the sound or feel of water; common with people with Alzheimer’s or dementia
• Depression, a kind of passive giving up on life

Try to narrow down what’s going on with your parents...  Read more

Last week I brought up how the nose-diving economy is affecting senior care. Hardest hit are services that depend on gas, like Meals on Wheels, home caregivers (who drive to work), transportation, (like the van that takes your dad to the senior center), and any program using volunteers who drive.

Rough, yes, but certainly not impossible. I promised to get back to you with tips for navigating senior care in a bleak economy. Here goes:

• Use caregiver cooperatives. Essentially nonprofit employment agencies, Caregiver Cooperatives provide an easy way to share home caregivers, which can lower costs. They're a little tough to find. Do an on-line search with your parents' town and "caregiving cooperatives," or try the Eldercare Locator.
• Hire home caregivers independently, instead of through an agency. Hiring on your own is almost always less expensive than through an agency. The trade-off is that you have to do more work...  Read more

In recent weeks, I’ve written about how rising gas prices and food costs are affecting seniors. Now comes a report predicting even more far-reaching impacts on older folks from our rocky economy. I don’t like harping on bad news, but for anyone caring for a senior, these realities are important to be aware of. Better to be prepared than caught off guard when, say, an Alzheimer’s day-program closes or a hospice volunteer quits for a new placement that’s closer to her home (less gas $$).

A survey by the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (n4a) found that rising costs and reduced funding are forcing significant cuts in all kinds of senior services, including transportation, home caregivers, and meal-delivery. Low-income folks are hardest hit, but elders of all income levels can certainly be affected. What's more, the situation is expected to get worse...  Read more

Summer fruits and vegetables are filling markets, which is a gold mine for seniors who can only eat soft foods. (Conditions that can affect chewing and swallowing include stroke, spinal cord or brain injuries, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, and cancer.)

If you're caring for someone who's on a soft diet, summer brings an abundance of nutritious, mashable, blendable, juiceable, puréeable fresh produce -- at decent prices. Don't trust your ability to prepare soft meals? No worries. The other good news is that today’s soft diet experience is far from those culinary dark ages of applesauce, pudding, and blah mashed potatoes.

What about zucchini pesto quiche, lime-strawberry slush, poached coconut-ginger salmon, orange scented carrot soup, or sherried beef sirloin tips? Recipes for these and many more yummy-sounding recipes are found in the growing body of soft diet cookbooks that take bland entirely out of the picture...  Read more

I have a good friend whose mom hops on a plane every summer to visit her. Or did. For the first time my friend doesn’t want her 80-plus mom flying alone, feeling her health simply isn’t up to it. She still wants her mom to visit, and her mom wants to come -- and she probably can.

There are several ways to help frail seniors travel. Most aren't what I’d call super budget-friendly, but they’ll allow your parents to get up and go -- worth every penny, for some.

• With senior travel escort services, you pay a trained caregiver to fly (or go by rail) with your parents. The amount of help the escort provides during the rest of the trip can be negotiated. They're easy to find on-line using key words like, “senior travel escort," “senior check in and travel," and "senior travel companion." It may help to add the name of your parents’ town. Advantage...  Read more

Summer’s here. And with it come health risks for seniors. Older people are especially vulnerable to heat illnesses, as elaborated on by the Centers for Disease Control. The two biggest risks are heat stroke (extremely serious) and heat exhaustion (milder than heat stroke but still serious). Dehydration and heat cramps are in there, too.

There are several things you can do to help protect your parents from the dangers of baking-high temps.

Make sure they:

• Are drinking plenty of hydrating fluids, like water, and avoiding dehydrating fluids, like alcohol and caffeinated beverages
• Limit time in the direct sun and wear hats, sunglasses, and sunscreen
• Have working air conditioning or electric fans -- and know how to use them
• Talk to their doctors about the relationship between heat and their medical conditions and medicines -- some illnesses and meds affect how our bodies deal with heat...  Read more

If you’re struggling to get your parents to stop driving, record high gas prices could be your ally. Gas pump shock is converting plenty of people into diehard public transportation fans.

With gas at over $4 a gallon and no relief in sight, people in all economic classes are looking for alternatives to cars. Seniors on fixed incomes are especially motivated.

If you’re trying to nudge your parents away from driving, why not bring up the price of gas, followed by some quick suggestions on alternative ways of getting around. Or offer to try-out the bus or train together, a kind of orientation tour. High gas prices may give some older drivers a welcome out: “It’s not me, it’s pure economics.” Got any ideas for alternative transportation you can add to the list?

Even public transportation and paratransit operators are watching gas prices with fear, dread...  Read more

A few weeks ago I suggested buying your dad a home blood pressure monitor for a Father’s Day gift (if he has high blood pressure). A perfect present for some dads, but others would see it as an insult: “Get off my back already about my health -- jeez!”

Gift giving is tricky business, and is it just me, or is it particularly tough when you’re trying to find something for an older man? Images of unused ties, socks, wallets, and cuff links (does anyone wear these anymore?) stuffed deep into drawers.

But here it is almost Father’s Day, and even though it’s hard shopping for older dads, the urge to honor them -- just to honor them -- seems to grow with time.

I’ve decided the best approach is to “Know Thy Father.” Forget about all the advertisements. What really matters to your dad? What perks him up and touches his heart?

Dad types and...  Read more