A week ago today my mother, who will turn 80 in a couple of months, fell and broke her hip. Since she has fairly advanced osteoporosis, it was a bad break. When I spoke to her by phone the next day, she was waiting to go into surgery, and she hadn't eaten since the accident. She sounded weak but cheerful, and insisted that she wasn't in pain; she'd refused the painkillers she'd been offered. I had a hard time believing that a shattered hip wasn't painful, but both my parents are stoic and consider complaining -- particularly about the aches and maladies of old age -- a particularly tiresome form of human activity.

One of the first things my mother mentioned was that she was worried about my father. Dad just turned 80 this August and has been having his own health problems. As she lay in bed waiting for surgery, she was fretting about how he'd manage on his own, and how he'd care for their beloved, batty dog, which not long ago yanked my father so hard across a patch of ice that he slipped and broke several ribs...  Read more

Earlier this week I wrote about my friend Polly, a member of the so-called Sandwich Generation -- Baby Boomers caring for young children and aging parents at the same time. Add a career to the mix -- in Polly's case, a partnership in a busy law practice -- and the sandwich gets even more difficult to manage.

During her father's terminal illness, Polly would frequently finish a hectic week at work in the Bay Area and spend the weekend in San Diego at her parents' house. "One of my most vivid memories of that period was waiting in the security line at the airport, talking to my son on the phone and sobbing," she says.

Polly's story reflects the wear and tear that caring for elderly relatives takes on those in the Sandwich Generation -- and on their families and colleagues as well. During her father's illness, Polly missed her kids' school events, family outings, and the simple daily rituals that hold a family together...  Read more

"When people talk about the 'Sandwich Generation,' they always mention the practical problems," my friend Polly told me. "But it was the emotional issues that stopped me in my tracks."

Over the last couple of years, Polly has had her share of both. The practical issues became daunting last year after she learned that her father's prostate cancer had metastasized, and his body was riddled with disease. Her parents live in Southern California; she lives in the Bay Area with her husband and two children and is a partner in a busy law practice. Visiting her parents required an airplane flight, and it also meant time away from work and her family.

Polly's 90-year-old father died last fall, after six punishing months. He was in pain much of the time, and while painkillers brought some relief, they also caused him to hallucinate and to lash out at those around him.

Polly made numerous trips to her parents' home during her father's illness, and she's grateful she was able to spend so much time with him before he died...  Read more

After weeks of scorching summer weather, you may find that your elderly loved one doesn’t have much of an appetite – and that you don’t have any interest in toiling in the kitchen. The answer isn’t ice cream -- at least not for every meal.

Instead, slice up a watermelon. It turns out that watermelons aren’t just delicious, refreshing, and easy to consume when the temperature’s high, they're also packed with nutrients that can improve everything from your immune system to your love life.

Scientists at Texas A&M have been studying watermelons for years, and, says one, “We’ve always known that watermelon is good for you, but the list of its very important healthful benefits grows longer with each study.”

According to AgNews,Texas A&M’s website, watermelons contain phyto-nutrients, including lycopene, beta-carotene and the less well known phyto-nutrient, citruline...  Read more

My friend Stephanie describes the experience in the awed, stricken voice of someone relating a particularly chilling nightmare. Her mother, who she’d always been close to, began to act secretive and irrational. Her overall health was good, but she complained of insomnia, and said her sleeping medication was no longer working.

At the time, Stephanie wasn’t focused on her mother’s medications, however; she was worried that her mother had dementia or some kind of mental illness, and she wasn’t sure which was worse. She tried to persuade her mother to see a doctor, but found her increasingly hard to communicate with. She was spending more and more time alone, and was often muddled and quick to anger.

For Stephanie, the breaking point came when her mother accused her of stealing a piece of jewelry. She wouldn’t listen when Stephanie objected to the accusation, but it was after this incident that her mother finally agreed to see a doctor...  Read more

To help avoid prescription drug abuse and dependence by the elderly, there are simple steps you can take, according to psychologist Fredric Blow, an expert on seniors and addiction.

Blow, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan Medical School, says that prescriptions for painkillers and sedatives are on the rise -- and so are rates of addiction. Blow appreciates the value of these drugs to ease pain and help people sleep, among other things, but says that in most cases drugs should be used for short term relief -- not as a daily crutch.

Addiction isn’t the only risk. It’s easy to inadvertently misuse these powerful drugs, and it can take as little as a glass of wine with dinner or a dose of cold medication. “When you combine these agents with alcohol or other drugs, they are very, very dangerous,” according to Blow.

Painkillers and sedative labels warn against alcohol use, but an elderly person may forget about the warning, or figure that a small drink once in awhile can’t hurt...  Read more

If you're caring for seniors, they're likely to be taking a variety of prescription medications. Are there some medications that carry more risk for abuse and addiction than others?

All medications -- prescription and over-the-counter -- can be misused, but three particular classes of drugs have the highest potential for abuse, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). These include: Opiods, Central Nervous System depressants, and Stimulants.

Opiods are prescribed for pain relief, and include morphine and codeine, as well as drugs like Oxycontin, Darvon, and Vicodin.

Central Nervous System (CNS) depressants are used in the treatment of anxiety and sleep disorders, and include tranquilizers and sedatives. Two common CNS depressants are Valium and Xanex.

Stimulants boost energy and focus and include the drugs Ritalin and Dexedrine, among others...  Read more

If there's a senior driver in your family, it’s important to remember that even non-prescription medications can have powerful side effects.

I was reminded of this recently when I interviewed Laura Juel, an occupational therapist at the Duke Driving Program in Durham, North Carolina. Juel evaluates the driving skills of elderly people, and educates them on changes in their physical, thinking, and visual skills and recommends ways to compensate for these deficits to keep them safe on the road. In some cases, she has to tell an older person that it's time to give up driving for good.

Juel’s oldest client yet, a 98-year-old, came in for a driving assessment after he had two traffic accidents in a single week. Juel gave him a variety of driving tests, and found no significant problems: “He was sharp as a tack,” she says.

It turned out that the man had had a cold and was taking over-the-counter cold medication, and that the medication slowed his reaction time, resulting in the accidents...  Read more

Most seniors today take a dizzying number of prescription medications. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), although seniors represent just 13 percent of the U.S. population, they consume one-third of the prescription drugs.

In most cases, prescription medications improve the lives of elderly people by doing everything from lowering blood pressure to easing chronic pain. But the explosion in drug use by seniors has a potential dark side: drug dependence and addiction.

According to NIDA director Nora Volkow, prescription drug abuse is a serious and growing public health problem for people of all ages. To date, NIDA and other government agencies have focused most of their attention on prescription drug abuse by young people, but Volkow points out that the elderly are particularly vulnerable to this problem because they take far more medications than any other age group...  Read more

Several recent studies confirm the notion that age confers a certain measure of wisdom. For example, researchers at the University of Texas found that people 60 and older reported more feelings of peace and calm than did their younger counterparts. And a study in the journal Neurobiology of Aging concluded that older people are better able to control and regulate their emotions than younger people are.

If you're caring for an elderly parent or relative, you may be skeptical of these findings, especially if you're frustrated by loved ones' refusal to take steps that seem logical for their own health and safety.

For example, you may find your parents' refusal to leave their cluttered, unmanageble home for an assisted living facility unfathomable -- and extremely unwise. You're baffled by how stubbornly your parents resist your reasonable arguments (and the lure of the glossy brochures you bring by to tempt them)...  Read more

A tsunami of older drivers will be hitting the highways over the next few decades as Baby Boomers grow old -- by 2020, 1 in 5 drivers will be 65 or older.

If you've been dealing with elderly parents whose driving is shaky, the image of roadways teeming with senior motorists may strike you as an excellent plot for a horror film. But there are specialists out there gearing up for our aging future.

Japanese automaker Nissan, for one, is taking steps to design cars that are more senior–friendly. To that end, the company has developed a special suit that simulates the physical experience of the older driver. The suit isn't flattering: It includes dark glasses, bulky gloves, a neck brace, heavy casts on the limbs, and a thick belt around the waist. But it's not meant to be pretty -- it's purpose is to help engineers in their 20's and 30's understand what it feels like to drive a car when you're 75 years old...  Read more

With all the recent media attention on senior drivers, it's important to keep in mind that most elderly people drive cautiously -- and safely.

John Locher, director of the Senior Ombudsman Program at the California DMV, made this point in a recent interview: "As a general rule, most seniors are safe, mature, responsible drivers," he told me. "They tend to restrict themselves. A lot of seniors will tell you, 'I don't drive at night anymore.' "

Locher also points out that there is a lot of bias against senior drivers. "Look how traffic accidents are handled in the media," he says. "If little Johnny has a major car accident, there will be a single headline. But if an elderly person causes a car accident, it's in the paper for days."

He cites the example of the elderly man in Santa Monica who hit the gas instead of the brake and killed 10 people at the local Farmers Market. "It was a terrible tragedy, but that type of accident is actually quite rare," he says...  Read more

The Senior Ombudsman Program, an innovative new program at the California Department of Motor Vehicle's (DMV), helps the elderly and their families navigate the tricky terrain of senior driving.

In its first year, the program's small staff has given over 600 educational presentations to civic groups, senior centers, and other organizations. They also help individual seniors. For example, if a senior fails the license renewal exam, says John Locher, who heads the program, an ombudsman can review his case to see if remedial action can be taken. "This doesn't mean that every senior is going to keep his license," he says. "But he is going to get a fair hearing."

Often, according to Locher, an elderly driver may just need a few refresher driving lessons to enable him to pass the driving test. In other cases, some safety restrictions -- no driving at night, for example -- permit a senior to stay on the road...  Read more

The father of a friend was despondent when his license was taken away. Cars had always been a major part of his life: He'd owned a series of Cadillacs, and his last car was a Jaguar. He cherished and pampered his cars, washing and waxing them in his free time, or opening up the hood to tinker with the engine. He and his friends would even sit in the car when they got together; it was his refuge from the chaos of the household. Once, in the heat of an argument, his son blurted out, "You love your car more than you love the rest of us!" and my friend's father conceded, without particular shame, that this was true.

My father's friend lost his license at the age of 87 because he couldn't pass the written DMV test. He insisted on taking the test again. And then again. But he failed each time. His family wanted him to keep his Jaguar because they thought this might make the transition easier, but he refused, declaring that it would be too painful to see the car when he knew he would never drive it again...  Read more

It turns out that Baby Boomers would rather talk to their parents about almost anything except their driving. In fact, in a recent survey by Caring.com and the National Safety Council, adult children agreed that given the choice, they'd even prefer to talk to their parents about death over driving.

A Charged Issue The "Mature Drivers Survey" underscores the fact that seniors and driving safety is a deeply charged issue for contemporary families. More than a third of the adult children surveyed said they'd prefer to talk to their parents about selling their home, or even about their funeral wishes, than about giving up the car keys.

Safety Concerns Their reluctance to broach the subject doesn't mean adult children aren't concerned about their parents' driving. A quarter of survey respondents believed their parents should limit their driving, and one in ten felt their parents should be required to restrict their driving, or shouldn't be driving at all...  Read more