Comment on Sex for Life

JAIMEMclean — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 04:49:22 -0000

When you are in not good state and have no cash to move out from that point, you would require to take the loans. Just because it should help you unquestionably. I take commercial loan every time I need and feel myself OK because of this.

Comment on Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life

Anonymous — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:55:14 -0000

Fighting for breath has been a personal fear of mine and have asked my children to see that doesn't happen to me - not being able to breathe easily. My wife has Alz and I will watch out for that problem with her, if she dies before me. It was good to find out that morphine helps.

Comment on Final Messages

tryme111 — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 02:25:23 -0000

yes it was.

Comment on Caregiving: Does it Have to Be This Hard?

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Comment on Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life

marinparent — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 03:10:56 -0000

My mom died in December after contracting pneumonia after breaking some ribs in a fall. After about 2 days in the hospital with the pneumonia, she had enough. The doctor was amazing--she told him she wanted to stop treatment and be given morphine for comfort and to stop the coughing, and he respected her wishes. She was so happy that we all understood. They gave her a few doses of morphine starting in the morning and by ten that night she was gone. And yes, she could have "survived" the pneumonia, but she was almost 90 and in her own words, she was " beyond enduring." She said she didn't want us to have to watch her suffer and go through rehab for the next several months....so she considered it a gift, and we gave her back the gift of understanding and not begging her to stay. The doctor made all this possible, and I am forever grateful to him, as well as to my sweet mother for making such a brave choice.

Comment on Hospice: Comfort for Patient and Caregivers Alike

CA-Claire — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 22:10:05 -0000

Very well said. Thank you for bringing up that Hospice is more than just turning on a morphine drip and giving up. The Hospice staff help with just about everything!

Comment on Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life

CA-Claire — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 22:07:27 -0000

So Sorry to hear about the Dr. not wishing to give comfort care. This is where Hospice is a godsend. Without even asking, the NP prescribed the things we would need as Dad progressed. My Dad is stronger than Hospice knew - he will probably graduate from Hospice, as he is doing very well now, after 3 months.

Comment on Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life

oopsadaisy — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 02:03:12 -0000

Being an advocate for my Mom & Dad is the hardest thing I have ever done. The struggle I have had with there Doctor has been stressful. We have a shortage of Doctors in our area so it is really tough to find a great Doctor. I finally get my referrals but it takes a lot of research & stress to get what I need for them. My parents Doctor is definitely not empathetic nor a Geriatric Doctor. She hates to be questioned & my Mom is old school also. Thanks so much for the article. I have medical background but no degree. This article makes me realize even with degrees you still can have problems with a Doctor. One thing for sure, is my intuition has always been right. I need to follow that more often. Thanks again.

Comment on Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life

Anonymous — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 22:36:43 -0000

Very important article--relatives need to find out ahead of time what the doctor's policy is, and make it very clear what they want. There is no reason a dying person should be made to feel any more uncomfortable than they already are. That is just cruel. The author did the right thing.

Comment on Creating a Family Oral History: Asking the Right Questions

alley cat — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 15:40:57 -0000

You suggested sending in personal accounts of my starting my oral histories of relatives and friends. I interviewed my elderly school teacher on countless occasions without her even knowing it. She would forget that I was asking the same questions over and over and would gladly answer again and again. I loved it! I particularly loved hearing her tell about things that annoyed her about her neighbors, how her childhood home and neighborhood had changed, friends and students who had died, trips she took while teaching. Typical questions: how did she decide to go into teaching? Tell about her favorite Christmas tradition growing up. What were some of the names of family pets. If she could travel anywhere, where would she go? Why? For other relatives, I asked questions relating to their growing up years, where they went to school, how did they meet their spouse, did they have a sense of direction of what kind of occupation they went into, their favorite kind of music, favorite music artists. Many of these questions would lead to other stories or other topics. As far as I know, I'm the only one in my family who did this on a regular basis. Some of it is written and some are on video or cassette tape. I did not know I like to write until I started this venture 40 years!

Comment on Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life

dailyreader — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 16:06:50 -0000

My wife and I, on the advice of our family lawyer, have explicit instructions covering end of life pain, and other potential problems! This is in addition to our "living wills"! It instructs our daughter of our wishes, and relieves her of heart rendering decisions, about our final comfort levels and care...money well spent, in our opinions!

Comment on Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life

dailyreader — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 16:00:11 -0000

I am rapidly losing faith in a lot of doctors! In this case, why should a doctor forego a dying patients need for a pain relief medication? Why could not the family seek another more caring, less mentally screwed up doctor? I have never sued anybody, but I would him! My daughter is a Nurse Practitioner, my granddaughter is an OD, both abhore this doctors mental attitude! Between harmful religious beliefs, and some doctors pure greed for money, accompanied by God like egos, some of us are not getting the best care from these physicians, in my opinion!

Comment on The Mother's Day Gift That Keeps on Giving

patches76 — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 14:36:44 -0000

How I wish I had listened more intently when my Mother talked about her family and friends. She is gone now, so is my father, and I am trying to leave some information for my daughters and grandchildren on our familys past. Where they came from, who they married, where they lived while bringing up there families. My father died in 1079 and Mother in 1983 and how I miss both of them. I used to go and sit with my father who had heart problems and remember the things we did as I was growing up. Mother lived with me for 9 years and I miss her more everyday. Soon I will see both of them in heaven I hope, and have so much to tell them. Listen hard to what your folks have to say about thei past, it will mean a lot to you, when you explain where we came from as a family. Give them a kiss or hug when you leave for you will never know when they won't be around to love on.

Comment on Prescription Addiction: Are Your Parents at Risk?

Alabama Nana — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 05:19:53 -0000

I feel your pain! I too have the same problem, with my mom. I can't even get her to the rehab point. She says she doesn't have a problem that it's everybody else that has the problem. I tried power of attorney so that her Dr.'s would talk to me. One Dr. wrote her a letter (firing her) as you put it. Her therapist confirmed she is OCD and Bi-polar and he suggested hospitalization, especially after I showed him the printout from her pharmacy. It was unreal the number of Dr.s and the amount of meds she was on. Apparently he confronted her on her next appt. and told her of his conversation with me. She must have somehow voided the power of attorney because now he will not return my calls. She would blow my cell phone up everyday calling and leaving messages of 10-30 per day. I tried to have her committed through the probate judge in her county. He and the sheriff are very familiar with her case. She has had multiple car wrecks at least 4 her fault and she still has her license. One ins. co. has already cancelled her policy and I would think after this last wreck the company she's using now will cancel her policy too. Unfortunately, the Judge could not help me because of the fact she does have a long standing prescription drug problem in addition to being Bi-polar & OCD. He could have helped if it were only the mental illness. I think law enforcement have gone easy on her simply because they see this elderly woman missing a leg and is a widow. (If they only knew! I honestly think if they were to touch her purse that contains about thirty pill bottles she would harm them!) I worry about the innocent people that cross her path when she's driving but there is nothing I can do. I finally had to have her phone numbers blocked so she would stop calling. Until she is ready to change.....I can't help her. It's absolutely a horrible position to be in. You are all in my prayers!

Comment on Prescription Addiction: Are Your Parents at Risk?

Anonymous — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 02:45:14 -0000

If you are a mom and have even older children you just shouldn't be on pain meds that knock you out. At 59 my mom fell and had 2 seizures due to hitting her head and was in the ICU for 5 days, she has no health problems and was Rx'd all of the pain meds, she still says the same BS about don't judge chronic pain but she is on nothing but medicinal marijuana (which I begged her to start trying) and she has just had her year anniversary of no prescriptions but blood pressure meds. Does she still crave? YES. but we beg her to not go to a DOCTOR of all people so we don't see her eyes roll back and her not be able to be alone with her grand kids and live a great life again! We lost her for more than 3 years on pain-pills. If you think it is okay, your just giving your mind and body to the drug companies laughing all the way to the bank. Pain has been around forever and there are natural remedies.

Comment on Prescription Addiction: Are Your Parents at Risk?

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 23:42:49 -0000

If you have never experienced chronic, unrelenting pain, then don't judge people. so what if someone gets addicted to pain medicines if that is the only way they can have a emi-normal life.

Comment on Middle-Age, um, Moment

GALOWA — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 04:50:02 -0000

If, in fact, you are correct, THANK GOD... !

Comment on Prescription Addiction Part 2: (Grand)Mother's Little Helpers

chica60 — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 22:04:05 -0000

My mother was given Lortab after surgery for a broken hip, that was in May of 07 and by July 07 she was still on them per Dr's orders, why I don't know. The surgery was healed and all she had was back pain from scoliosis for which she had never taken pain medication. I went round and round with them about it, I wanted the dosage reduced to help get her off of them; her personality changed and she seemed to be in more pain when she was on them between her "fixes" On top of that she was on a laxative and 2 stool softeners and was so constipated she had to dig it out with her finger. She was losing weight and so they had her take Ensure and she had 2 seizures in a row. She had never been on any type of medication and hadn't even taken an aspirin in over 20 years so I started looking at the medications. One of the stool softeners can cause seizures in people prone to them. So using that as my leverage I told the Dr I wanted her off of the Lortab because it was causing the constipation and all the laxatives too. They told me she would get an obstructed bowel. I told them I knew what to do for the constipation. I went to the store and bought her prunes, cashew nuts and yogurt, she had a bowel movement the next day and no more seizures. She was in the hospital a year later for pain in her bladder which turned out to be too much calcium it was blocking her urethra from the Caltrate she was taking, I put her on liquid calcium and give her cranberry for UA health. They found out she needed a pacemaker and put her on Prolosec like the first time and wanted to give her Lortab and all the laxatives again and I told them no. I went out to the nurses desk and told everybody sitting there what I just typed here and when I came back to the hospital the next day she had 2 armbands on NO Opiates, No stool softeners or laxatives. We had no problems and she has been fine ever since. My husband was in the hospital and was taking the highest dose of Lortab and they wouldn't let him leave until he had a bowel movement, I went to the grocery store and bought a six pack of Texun Ruby Red Grapefruit juice and he drank a couple of cans of that and had a bowel movement and then worked to get off of the Lortab, he's not on any pain medication no. They were both so grouchy and hateful until they got off the meds all together and they are normally very kind and loving. I can't take Lortabs, I'm allergic to them. It just seems that organized medicine wants to put you on drugs and keep you on them. I believe our food is our medicine and if you eat well you won't need the drugs, that is the approach I use for my family.

Comment on Oral Histories: Preserving Your Family's Stories

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 20:43:22 -0000

My mother and I would sit outside (weather permitting), enjoying a cocktail and she would dictate her story while I keyboarded as fast as I could into my laptop. We didn't have enough time for all the stories, but important dates and times, courtship, early marriage, moving a lot has been preserved. My mother, age 85, died suddenly (isn't it always) in New Orleans 2005, we had just had my daughters wedding. We didn't get to share any last words but we had shared a lifetime over the five years she lived with me.

Comment on Oral Histories: Preserving Your Family's Stories

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:11:52 -0000

This is a great tip...one I used with my Mother before she died back in July 2000....Mom was in a nursing home and it was hard to visit because she complained about every pain she had. I came up with the idea of "Interviewing Mom" and she LOVED it...I would take her a McDonald's Happy meal(she loved them) or a pizza and her Diet Pepsi and she was in heaven...She was important...she had my complete attention...she loved it. I was able to visit with her and I was rewarded with stories of her life that I would never had heard.

Comment on Scenes From (Caregiving) Marriages

Wellspouse — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 18:47:26 -0000

Connie: Good article. I'm surprised you haven't had any comments. I'm the President of the Well Spouse Association http://wellspouse.org, and am actively helping spousal caregivers, of which I am one. We offer emotional peer support in particular. I would be happy to talk to you..

Comment on Help for Elderly Drivers -- On and Off the Road

wdfourt — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 00:59:33 -0000

John Locher says; "This doesn't mean that every senior is going to keep his license," he says. "But he is going to get a fair hearing." I know John Locher, if he says the senior driver will get a fair. That is exactly what they will get!!

Comment on The Secret Life of Parents

Connie Matthiessen — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 18:33:02 -0000

Thanks for your message. I agree with you that the direct approach is best -- and sometimes it's also effective, if we can help our elders understand that it's less frightening and upsetting to know the truth than to be kept in the dark. Stay in touch! Connie

Comment on The Secret Life of Parents

Anonymous — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 18:49:41 -0000

Your article, word for word, is just how I grew up. My parents were raised during the depression and didn't even know their own mothers were pregnant until a sibling arrived. However as an adult child of senior parents, I find I need to really communicate with my parents just how much harder it is to find out kept secrets than to face each issue and deal with it. I know that sounds simple but it is true. And if you can get even one parent to open up it is worth it, to give each one of you peace of mind. I just let them know I am trying to protect their welfare as they have done for me.

Comment on Final Messages

Fiona — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 23:59:10 -0000

My Dad told my Mom to call my brother and me, after about 6 weeks of hospice care following colon cancer(3 years, a few "procedures") and a stroke. We arrived to find him in good spirits...he had been "waiting for the grim reaper, leaving the door open" for weeks. He HATED being bed-ridden and wearing a diaper! We got there to visit with him, my Mom was there, and an uncle he was particularly fond of happened to stop by that day too, along with my oldest son. We chatted, listened to some of his favorite music, and let him lead the way to what to talk about. About 6pm, he started to "ramble", saying numbers, like "42-67", 65-32", etc. Later, I realized that since he had been a carpenter for 50 years (his gold union card was one of his treasured possessions), and had worked all over the city of Chicago after he arrived here from Glasgow in 1948, that he was giving me addresses of places he had worked on. My Father-in-Law just passed away a month ago, and he was an accountant for the IRS, and he was saying "sums and numbers" as his last coherent words! I guess our jobs really ARE that important to us! My Father spent the next 2 days "asleep" while I sat next to him, playing his music tapes for him, and talking to him, telling him I hoped he was with his relatives again, and that even though I would miss him, I understood that he had to leave me. The 4th day, his eyes were wide open(no blinking), and he was breathing irregularly. I played his tapes for him again, and the hospice nurse walked in, just as he stopped breathing...he had always told me the doctor told him he had the heart of an 18-year-old, and he would joke that he'd better "give it back to that kid, he must miss it!" She stoked his hand, and he took a few more breaths, then I turned to her and said, "Do you recognize that song?" It was Gershwin's "Someone to Watch Over Me"...I wasn't sure if he was "thanking me" for watching over his death, or if he was assuring me that he'd be watching over me from then on...but he took his last breath and was still. Yes, he knew when it was coming, and he knew he was loved by those closest to him. And despite the many times I have cried over missing him, yes, I am less frightened of death now.

Comment on Final Messages

Connie Matthiessen — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 21:49:12 -0000

Thanks so much for your letter. It's great that you could ease your mother's mind before she died. I'd love to hear from other readers who've had similar experiences.

Comment on Final Messages

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 16:00:21 -0000

My brother and I knew something was keeping my mom from letting go - it wasn't until I promised her that I would always be there for my brother (he'd always been a little less the responsible) that she finally let go. I made my promise to her around 1 o'clock in the afternoon and she passed at 7pm that evening. So I totally agree with what the article on the importance of last minute communication to ease the way.

Comment on It Takes a Neighborhood: Epilogue

Connie Matthiessen — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:38:37 -0000

Thanks so much for your comments. It's great to hear from readers and get the benefit of your insights and experiences.

Comment on It Takes a Neighborhood: Epilogue

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:26:15 -0000

My 89 year old mother died one year ago this week. She loved her friends especially her church friends who were so faithful to take her to play dominos even though my mother was blind. She went for the community she felt there. Friends of seniors must not be afraid of them. Our son, age 17, is a food server in a retirement community. One of his clients found out he plays the piano. Now they have piano night and he plays for the residents that "Hazel" invites. He beams with delight when it is piano night.

Comment on It Takes a Neighborhood: Epilogue

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 20:47:34 -0000

for all the children left after the parents die -- i loved them, cared for them, as did my siblings, and even now -years later, i wish i had done more stayed with them more. after the years, i still miss them, and wish for their wisdom. i never have admited that before and wanted the ones who still have the chance to give it your best.

Comment on Understanding What It Means to Be Old

Anonymous — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:34:17 -0000

The comments about these books were very helpful and Ilook forward to reading them.

Comment on Is It Time For Your Parents To Give Up The Car Keys?

ReneeLease — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:16:53 -0000

Glad to have this opportunity to voice my concerns. My husband seems to be forgetting, not knowing where he is at times and cannot remember a request to do something. I am a caregiver with some help, but find it very unsettling to have him to anything on his own. He is 85 years old and until recently, after heart valve replacement 1 year ago, he condition was normal. I do have a website in which I ask for suggestions to help me cope with my onset depression and his onsset of what I think is dementia. www.sowhataboutme.blog.com Renee Lease

Comment on Sandwich Generation: Dispatches Part 2

Anonymous — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:17:24 -0000

Great article. As part of the sandwich generation we all feel these pressures. Check out www.genwich.com, it's a great resource for dealing with these issues.

Comment on Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life

Connie Matthiessen — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 16:30:54 -0000

Thanks for you note. Like many caregivers, Laura Juel found herself in a crisis situation, and was responding to events as they arose. She didn't know that her mother's doctor didn't believe in comfort care until her mother was in distress. After a struggle, she was able to get help for her mother, and is particularly grateful for the support she received from hospice, which I'll describe in more detail next week.

Comment on Fighting for Breath: A Mother's Last Weeks of Life

msmaddog — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 15:45:32 -0000

I don't quite understand, a Doctor is NOT God. Could u not fire him, or put your're Mom in a more caring facility. Because of this man's beliefs you're Mom was allowed to suffer needlessly. I will make my children aware of the power that some people have over you're end time and see that it doesn't happen to me. What kind of "Doctor" doenn't believe in comfort care!!!

Comment on A Grandchild Steps In to Help Her Family

Connie Matthiessen — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:03:08 -0000

Thanks, Krista -- I appreciate the tip. Thanks, too, for all the interesting -- and useful -- information on your blog. Connie Matthiessen

Comment on A Grandchild Steps In to Help Her Family

Krista Renenger — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:03:29 -0000

Reading your post reminded me of another item I had read a few months ago from Sheryl Karas' . She offers some tips families should think about when making this type of arrangement that might be helpful to you and others. She recommends that everyone understands where the grandparent is medically, and where he/she might be headed, and also that families recognize the value of live-in services so that there is no resentment by any party. Krista Renenger Hospice and Caregiving Blog

Comment on Prescription Addiction Part 4: One Family's Story

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:00:07 -0000

Very helpful article. Something to watch out for as children and caretakers. Thanks!

Comment on Prescription Addiction: Are Your Parents at Risk?

Cathie — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:04:00 -0000

My mom is a prescription ADDICT. I fear for her. She takes alot of medications and is always looking for an illness or condition to go to the doctor for so that she can get new and improved medications. Anything/everything not just pain meds. I think she believes that there is a pill that will fix everything/anything. She's aware that she reaching the end of her life and I think she is just so very afraid, confussed, and not ready to be old enough to die. I think she is in so much pain physically, mentally, and emotionally and doesn't want to lose control of who she is/was and wants to remain, that she HOPES with all she is/has that it doesn't have to be this way she has turned to prescription drugs. I mean after all they do help her get through each day with some kind of pleasure God knows that life for her is painful and scary as hell. The ones that deal with her physical pain, the ones that keep her from getting so nervous when she gets confused going out to the doctors,dentist, or just out, the ones that help her not be so scared to be by herself, or the ones that just make her sit-watch t.v.-and not think about life at all, the ones that help her not remember where she's at or how many things are different than what she remembers or believes things are and the doctors aren't shy about giving strong medications to the elderly to ease suffering for them. The medications help our elderly ignore the fact that they are being pushed aside by this world because they are elderly. Seriously, think about it. I visited my natural father shortly before he passed away and the nurse at the nursing home brought him in the two cartons of cigarettes that his friend had dropped off for him and she says to him, "you know these are not good for your health? You shouldn't smoke." He said to her. "Shoot lady, You gotta die of something and old age just takes to damn long." His age brought him several illnesses that made his life so painful and uncomfortable that he just hated every single day, every day, no matter what, rain or shine he was in pain all day every day. If I could take some of mom's confussion, fear, and-or her pain so that she could enjoy her days better, I'd do it in a minute cause I rather go through the pain for her than see her go through it. Or feel like a real piece of work because I lose my patience, or get to busy to just be with her and make her feel safer or loved. I feel like such a horrid person for being so selfish and uncompassionate towards her sometimes. She probably feels exactly the same way about me sometimes. I need to stop and love my mom everything I have and remember every second of every day, that confussion, fear, pain, and death are horrid enough, I don't want to be just another horrid thing she has to deal with every day. I kinda got off base a little here, but to end this. So what if they are dependant on prescription drugs, it's probably the only thing left in their lives that they can depend on.

Comment on Parents' Driving Worries Baby Boomers, But No One Wants to Talk About It

Anonymous — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 23:03:29 -0000

One thing I do not understand is why any State would renew a driver's license for someone who is 90 years old via the mail !. My uncle who should not be driving renewed his license at 90 years old via the mail. He has a club foot he walks with a walker he recently developed gout in his right wrist and he thinks he can drive. The registry gave him a license for the next 5 years. So who am I to say he can't drive. My grandmother is 93 she drives and she is fine I am very confident in her driving. She does not drive at night and she does not go far. But, my uncle should not be driving. We can't get his doctor to do anything as we do not have medical proxy. He has been in 3 accidents in the last year and each time he talks his way out of it. In fact his insurance premiums have gone down ! Unbelievable.

Comment on Aging Artfully - Part II

Cindy57 — Thu, 29 May 2008 13:23:15 -0000

This is so true...My grandmother loved working with her hands..She was wheelchair bound but that didn't stop her from filling her days with activities.. She drew the pictures that would end up on the Christmas cards that would be sent to families, she was always involved in arts and crafts and loved it.. I supplied her with everything she needed to keep busy and she would make dolls, jewelry, quilts, all sorts of things.. She died last Sept. and I miss her everyday.. You knew she was happy if she had a project going..We have to always remember that just because they are old doesn't mean that they can't function, its amazing what they can do with a little encouragement.. Thanks for this article, it brought all sorts of memories back..

Comment on Aging Artfully, Part 1

Fri, 23 May 2008 12:11:18 -0000

Excellent article. Thank you!!!

Comment on Sex for Life

JoanPrice — Thu, 08 May 2008 21:47:42 -0000

Thank you for this thoughtful post acknowledging the existence -- and the benefits! -- of elder sexuality. You're right that it's a wonderful and vital part of life for many of us. Thank you also for mentioning my book and my blog, where we're talking about sex and aging. I'm grateful that you're letting your readers know about both! Joan Price author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty (http://www.joanprice.com/BetterThanExpected.htm) Join us -- we're talking about ageless sexuality at http://www.betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com

Comment on The Mother's Day Gift That Keeps on Giving

Connie Matthiessen — Sun, 04 May 2008 06:43:33 -0000

Thanks for your note, Yvonne -- and your reminder to make the most of the time with our mothers and other loved ones while we can...

Comment on The Mother's Day Gift That Keeps on Giving

Yvonne — Sat, 03 May 2008 05:07:03 -0000

Thank you for having this article! I lost my mom when I was 28 after she fought a 15 year battle with Parkinson's Disease. It's been nearly a decade now and only very recently has the pain lessened. I'm at an age and stage in my life now where I need my mom again. I need her advice, her wisdom, and I want to get to know her woman to woman, wife to wife, friend to friend rather than just mother to daughter. Sadly, that will never be. She will never know my kids and vice versa. She will never know who I am and how I turned out. I really encourage everyone, particularly young people, to stop your hurried life and self-focus for a day or two and for moms to stop your own focus as well so you can take time out with your adult children. You might learn a few things--and you may have fewer regrets before it's too late.

Comment on The Mother's Day Gift That Keeps on Giving

Connie Matthiessen — Fri, 02 May 2008 18:19:08 -0000

Thanks for your comments, littlebit, lissyrox and Anonymous. It's wonderful to hear from all of you!

Comment on The Mother's Day Gift That Keeps on Giving

Thu, 01 May 2008 22:51:50 -0000

I never forget how lucky I am to have my mother still with us. Thank you for your ideas on how we can show our mothers how much they mean to us!

Comment on The Mother's Day Gift That Keeps on Giving

lissyrox — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:57:16 -0000

I am the only child and my mother and I are extremly close. She is my best friend and she has supported me in all aspects of my life. She recently turned 62 and I am watching her age, gracefully I might add. It is something to watch this process and I find myself becoming more aware of the fact that I could loose my mother at any time. I make it a point to show special love to her. I am married now but we do lunch once a week and I go to her house to help her clean and hang out with her. We talk for hours on the phone and she loves that I still need her, which I always will. There is nothing like a mothers love.

Comment on The Mother's Day Gift That Keeps on Giving

littlebit — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:40:10 -0000

Thanks for thinking of moms that are gone. I miss my mom so much and she's been gone for 7 years now but it still feels just like yesterday. I think of her all the time and wish she was here. She only went through the 8th grade but she had so much wisdom and raised 7 children. She always did for her family and never thought about her own needs. I think Mothers Day is the hardest day of the year for me even though I have a child of my own and 2 grandchildren. She's buried in a cute little cemetery just down the street from me and I say hi everyday I go by. There's no oneelse in the world like a mother.

Comment on It Takes a Neighborhood (Part II)

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 22:00:50 -0000

I think the stories ahout Andy and his friends are very inspiring and encourage others to seek out lonely elders.

Comment on It Takes a Neighborhood (Part II)

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 20:20:40 -0000

As in so many cases, the people who reached out to help someone else ended up receiving perhaps more than they gave. Very inspirational!!

Comment on It Takes a Neighborhood (Pt. 1)

bernalmom — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:56:32 -0000

thank you, a great way a community can get involved nd become like family

Comment on It Takes a Neighborhood (Pt. 1)

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:44:25 -0000

A touching article!

Comment on It Takes a Neighborhood (Pt. 1)

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 21:31:57 -0000

interesting and informatiave thanks for sharing it

Comment on Caregiving Isn't for Sissies

Connie Matthiessen — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:26:49 -0000

Hi Pat -- I completely agree. You'll be a better caregiver if you take care of yourself, too. I'll talk more about this in a future blog... Thanks for writing. Connie Matthiessen

Comment on Caregiving Isn't for Sissies

Pat-1 — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 22:08:21 -0000

People MUST NOT be afraid to hire an agency for respite care. Maybe not all the time, but from time to time - for their own well being and health.

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