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A new study published this week in the journal Cancer has doctors, patients, and families talking -- and asking hard questions -- about what happens in a couple when it's the wife, rather than the husband, who becomes ill.

Here's what researchers found when they followed 515 patients with cancer or multiple sclerosis over a period of five years.

• A woman is six times more likely to end up separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or MS than a man who becomes ill with the same disease.

• In couples in which the woman fell ill, the divorce rate was more than 20 percent.

• In couples in which the man got sick, the divorce rate was just 2.9 percent.

• The older a woman was at the time she got sick, the more likely she was to end up alone.

• However, the longer a couple had been married, the less likely they were to end up divorced.

The researchers at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance, Huntsman Medical Center, and Stanford University were studying a phenomenon that has already been documented in numerous other studies...  Read more

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As if next week's national day of giving thanks (Thanksgiving! Thursday!) weren't reason enough to express gratitude to those who care for relatives in need, it's also National Family Caregivers Month.

I know I'm preaching to the choir -- of course you realize you deserve a pat on the back! -- but maybe if you express gratitude to a fellow caregiver, it'll come back around to you. (And maybe your relatives or friends will read this with you in mind.)

Some ideas:

Thanking a family member…

Mention caregivers by name in the Thanksgiving counting of the blessings. Many families, before they feast, take inventory of all they have to be grateful for. Be sure that those who are caregivers aren't left off the list.

Give the gift of a day off. But don't just offer vaguely and wait for the caregiver to take you up on it. ("If you ever need help with Mom, Dad...") The person may feel uncomfortable reminding you of the offer later...  Read more

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This week a decision was made that could affect many lives. Currently mammograms are recommended as a yearly screening technique for women starting at age 40. If you have health insurance, it tends to happen pretty much automatically; your doctor sends you a reminder, and off you go to the radiology lab. Now all that might change.

The preventive services task force issued a recommendation that women under 50 shouldn't have routine screening mammograms unless individually recommended. And after age 50, mammograms should only be performed every two years instead of annually, the panel said.

What that means is that women between ages 40 and 50 won't be offered mammograms as a routine part of their wellness health care. And after age 50, they'll be offered mammograms only every two years, which is a long time for a tumor to grow.

As with so many health care decisions, this could come down to money...  Read more

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Looking for a holiday activity someone with dementia can enjoy with the whole family, including kids, during the upcoming holidays? An intergenerational movie is a stress-free way to share time and togetherness.

Here are 12 family movies to consider, organized into three categories: newish movies, old movies, and something different.

New(ish) Movies

• Enchanted

Wholesome, cute, and clever, it starts as a classic Disney princess cartoon, then the drawn characters turn into real actors, including Amy Adams and Patrick Dempsey (who look and sound exactly like their cartoon counterparts). It's especially well-suited for grandmas and granddaughters.

• Up

A 78-year-old homebody flies away with an 8-year-old; the perfect plot for an intergenerational showing.

• Miss Potter

Renee Zellweger stars as children's author Beatrix Potter, and Peter Rabbit (in cartoon form) makes surprise appearances...  Read more

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Thanks to H1N1, cold and flu season has hit early this year, so it's time for one of the most important warnings of the year. Beware of accidentally overdosing on acetominophen (Tylenol) or ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin) by taking both the painkiller and an over-the-counter cold and flu remedy that also contains it.

According to doctors and pharmacists, this is the most common -- and one of the most dangerous -- medication errors people can make, and yet it happens every day.

To help make this clear, I've put together a list of common OTC cold and flu remedies that contain either acetominophen or ibuprofen as one of the main ingredients. These include:

• Comtrex (325 mg acetominophen)

• Nyquil (500 mg acetominophenl)

• Dayquil (325 mg acetominophen)

• Dristan cold (325 acetominophen)

• Nurofen (200 mg ibuprofen) • Contac (500 mg acetominophen)

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What do you do when your beloved father dies and your mother, who was his primary caregiver, won't honor his memory the way you feel she should? That's what Joanie W. is facing. It's a common family dilemma, yet no one seems to talks about it. Final arrangements and how we deal with them bring up such strong feelings, and the public aspect of a funeral or memorial service -- or lack thereof -- can trigger feelings of shame, embarrassment, sadness and -- yes, it's true -- rage. Here's Joanie's story.

"My dad died recently after a long battle with heart disease and diabetes. His last years were really tough as his health went downhill, and he became really difficult to deal with. He was sour and bad-tempered and complained all the time, and my mom took the brunt of it. In his last days, once he went to the hospital, it was like she washed her hands of him. I flew out and stayed with him and basically ended up making all the final decisions...  Read more

Even though my father just died, I'm not going to repeat the relationship-building advice that caregivers hear so often: to tell your sick or aging mother, father, husband, wife, grandparent, other relative, or friend, now, while you can, and at every opportunity --- hurry, hurry, hurry! --- how much you love them.

Because if you're a caregiver, they know. Say the words because you can't help saying them, not because you feel you're supposed to.

Full disclosure: This is coming from someone infamous in her family for loathing to say, "I love you." I'm not averse to the sentiment –- far from it! –- only to the thinning of its meaning when the words are tossed off too casually, too robotically, too often, as has become the modern norm. (Pet peeve: The perfunctory "Byebyeloveyou!" at the end of every phone call.)

When I hear, or say, "I love you," I want the words to be fully intentional...  Read more

"I just don't feel as sharp as I used to; it's like my brain is moving in slow motion." My close friend Amy, who recently finished treatment for breast cancer, was speaking to me and two other friends who are also cancer survivors. It was as if her admission yanked open a door; suddenly all three began talking about how emotionally devastating it's been to feel that cancer has changed their ability to concentrate, create, remember.

Sam, who's in his 60s and has had surgery for colon cancer, told everyone that his doctor had just told him about some research done at UCLA that demonstrated what cancer patients have been arguing for years: that "chemo brain," as the memory and concentration problems resulting from cancer treatment are known, can be very serious and doesn't necessarily go away after treatment is finished, as doctors had previously thought.

Everyone was so excited that we...  Read more

Image courtesy of Paula Spencer.

Neither of my parents died the way I expected they would. My mom went so quickly, just three weeks after a shocker cancer diagnosis, that I'm still absorbing the loss. Now, less than two years later, my dad has also died.

Like Mom, he had cancer (hers bladder, his renal), but also mid-stage dementia, and he'd been recovering from a stroke – so his passing is something I have to say I've been anticipating. Just not last week.

Then again, you never fully expect the death of someone close to you. Parents, having been around your entire life, seem like they'll always be around. They're fixtures -- even when, intellectually, you know better.

Dad's death, for example, snuck up on me despite the fact that he was in hospice. My siblings and I had enrolled him last month because he'd begun having pain at night that interfered with sleep. Given that his cancer was incurable, we wanted to involve good palliative care early so that, above all, he'd be comfortable...  Read more

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It's time to talk once again about the importance of vitamin D, aka the sunlight vitamin. I've written about vitamin D before, but good advice bears repeating. For one thing, a lot of Caring.com visitors have been mentioning it on some of my cancer and health posts. (Thanks for helping to spread the word!) For another, more and more compelling news about the benefits of vitamin D keeps coming out -- yet the message doesn't seem to be reaching people.

My step mom, who's in her mid-60s, was recently telling me and my sisters about some health problems she's having, including thinning bones. Yet when I asked if she was taking vitamin D, she said her doctor hadn't mentioned it. Surprised, I asked my sisters, all in their 40s, if they were taking vitamin D, and none were, even though they suffer from a variety of health problems that vitamin D provides important protection against. So here's a roundup of the latest reasons to add a vitamin D supplement to your daily regimen...  Read more