Help! My mom's in hospice and my sister and I are arguing about her funeral.

By Carol O'Dell, Caring.com Contributing Writer

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ID:

10556

First Published:

16-Mar-2008

Last updated on

Saturday March 15, 2008

Related Topics:

mother , care , emotions , family , heart disease , end of life , hair and scalp problems , life , finances , partner , daughter , wills , bathroom , sister , relationships , end of life issues , dealing with depression , funerals , memories , stress , cremation , house , depression

7 Comments

1. Posted by %span.user= comment.user ? link_to_user(comment.user) : "Anonymous" 2 months ago

   My mom asked to be cremated as well, and my sister and I would not have done anything except for what she wanted. There was a funeral and she was cremated after the service.

2. Posted by %span.user= comment.user ? link_to_user(comment.user) : "Anonymous" 2 months ago

   It's your mom who is dying, not you. You should be abiding by her dying wishes out of respect for her!!! Spend the time you are arguing about in a more productive way, like quality time with your mom and doing something to make her day a little brighter. She would, I'm sure, do that for you.

3. Posted by %span.user= comment.user ? link_to_user(comment.user) : "Anonymous" 3 months ago

   A compromise is very easy: have calling hours and then a cremation with a ceremony after that. Calling hours allow the friends to help family members begin the healing process. Limited calling hours, for example: one day from 4 to 8 pm is sufficient.

4. Posted by %span.user= comment.user ? link_to_user(comment.user) : "Anonymous" 3 months ago

   I agree with last two ladies - give us what we want or asked for, period.

5. Posted by %span.user= comment.user ? link_to_user(comment.user) : "Anonymous" 3 months ago

   Get a grip on yourself! If your mom didn't want to be covered up with dirt when she was capable of thinking....why would she change her mind now? My codicial to my will states not only that I shall be cremated, but allows $2,000 for a big party and not a funeral! That sounds like a far, far better time than standing around smelling flowers and hearing sad music! Give your mom a break here.

6. Posted by %span.user= comment.user ? link_to_user(comment.user) : "Anonymous" 3 months ago

   My mother and I talked many times about what she would like and I followed what she wanted no matter what anyone else thought. I think the final loving act you can do is do what your Mom wants done. I really felt that she would have been very happy and at peace with all of her requests done as she wanted.-The apple don't fall far from the tree.

7. Posted by %span.user= comment.user ? link_to_user(comment.user) : "Anonymous" 3 months ago

   My father and his brother went through this recently with my grandpa. The sibling who has the parent living with them feels like they have the most say - even if it contradicts what the parent might have said in the past.