Martha Clark Scala

Caring.com Expert

About

Martha Clark Scala has been a psychotherapist in private practice since 1992, with offices in both Palo Alto and San Francisco, California. In addition to working with individuals and couples, she delivers workshops and regularly writes on topics including grief and loss, the necessity of self-care, and the challenges of substance abuse.

Her nonfiction and poetry can be found in We Need Not Walk Alone: After the Death of a Child (The Compassionate Friends), Porter Gulch Review 2008, and at her website. Scala also appears in The California Therapist, SCV-CAMFT News, and she publishes an e-newsletter, "Out on a Limb," which is available to subscribers through her website.

She has also mentored many professionals in both her writing and helping careers, launching the Mentoring Program for the San Francisco-Peninsula Branch of the California Writers Club in 2004.

Links

http://www.mcscala.com

Recently Published on Caring.com

Friday October 17, 2008
1. My father died. I want to know if he is still watching over...
  Answer - You have no idea how often this question is asked. Grieving is hard enough, but if we know that those who have died are able to watch over us, it sure does ease the pain. The problem, to some people, is that there is no way of proving, without a doubt, the presence of the deceased. For example, naysayers argue that it's all a figment of the imagination...
2. My father died. I want to know if he is still watching over...
  Question - While there is no sure way to prove life after death, the thought soothes and comforts many believers.
  1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer
Wednesday October 08, 2008
1. How can I help my father cope with the grief of my mother passing away?
  Answer - It must be tough to witness your dad's suffering at the same time that you are still grieving the loss of your mother. It's a lot to manage.It sounds as if your mom, in caring for your dad, was an emotional anchor for him. Now that his anchor is gone, it really is like he's a ship adrift in a vast ocean...
2. How can I help my father cope with the grief of my mother passing away?
  Question - When weighing some caretaking decisions for someone in assisted living, seek the advice of those who see the resident daily.
  1 Expert Answer
Thursday October 02, 2008
1. My family had a disagreement over my mom's final arrangements. How can I help ease this conflict?
  Answer - How unfortunate that in the aftermath of your Mom's death, you must face your son's wrath, too. It's not clear whether your Mom made her wishes for the disposition of her body clear before she died. If she explicitly asked to be cremated, and you and your sister carried out her wishes, they really should trump your son's preferences...
2. My family had a disagreement over my mom's final arrangements. How can I help ease this conflict?
  Question - You can't undo a cremation, but there are steps you can take to solve the family rift caused by the process.
  1 Expert Answer
Thursday September 25, 2008
1. How can I comfort my dying mother who is still holding on for dear life?
  Question - Help with dealing with feelings of helplessness while witnessing a death often come from those close at hand: hospice workers.
  1 Expert Answer
Tuesday September 09, 2008
1. How can I help my mother deal with the lumps in her breasts?
  Answer - It may be that all you really can do is nothing. You could respectfully express your unhappiness and concern about your mom's decision, but it may not change her mind. It is indeed unfortunate that without an MRI, you don't know if her breast lumps are benign or malignant, and if they are malignant, how aggressive the cancer is, or not...
2. How can I help my father, a paraplegic and alcoholic, who is refusing all assistance?
  Answer - It must be painful to witness your father's self-destruction. And your question underscores how utterly powerless loved ones can be in the face of alcohol addiction. It's not clear whether your father was an alcoholic before becoming a paraplegic, but it sounds as if his alcohol intake has worsened in the past six years...
3. How can I help my father, a paraplegic and alcoholic, who is refusing all assistance?
  Question - It may take a legal or psychological intervention to help an alcoholic parent who is on a self-destructive path.
  1 Expert Answer
4. How can I help my mother deal with the lumps in her breasts?
  Question - An able-minded mother is entitled to direct her own medical care –- even if an able-minded child disagrees with the decisions.
  1 Expert Answer
Tuesday September 02, 2008
1. What can I do help my brother, who has terminal lung cancer and refuses hospice services?
  Answer - This must be an incredibly difficult situation for you and yours. It sounds as if your brother is quite adamant about not wanting to be a burden to anyone in his final months of life. It also sounds like he has made these decisions based on how he feels, both physically and emotionally, at least right now... 1 Comment
2. What can I do help my brother, who has terminal lung cancer and refuses hospice services?
  Question - The decision about whether to use hospice care is ultimately up to the able patient; but there may be alternatives that are acceptable to all involved.
  1 Expert Answer
Monday August 25, 2008
1. How do I encourage my mom to continue to want to live?
  Question - When giving up is “all in the mind,” there may be clinical help, but you may also simply have to accept the process.
  1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer
Thursday August 21, 2008
1. How do we deal with my father-in-law's denial that his wife is dying?
  Question - Sometimes family members who are in denial about an impending death may listen more directly to a more objective person, such as a doctor.
  1 Expert Answer
Monday August 18, 2008
1. How do I encourage my mom to continue to want to live?
  Answer - The final years of life often present many, many losses--not just loss due to death of a spouse, peers, and other relatives. Most seniors must also navigate loss of physical mobility or other senses such as sight, taste, and hearing. And then there are losses in the realm of mental capacity, vitality...
Friday August 15, 2008
1. How do I talk to my elderly father about dying?
  Answer - You will need to tap into your own experience and instincts on this. Some people anticipating their death--either due to illness, injury, or age--want to talk about it. Some people really don't. Sometimes it's necessary to have these types of conversations whether the person wants to or not...
2. How do I talk to my elderly father about dying?
  Question - To get guidance about how to talk with a parent about dying, pay attention to what you learned about his or her comfort level during past conversations.
  1 Expert Answer
Friday August 01, 2008
1. Why am I taking my brother's death harder than the rest of the family?
  Answer - Every person's response to a loss is as unique as an individual thumbprint. For example, grief comes crashing down on some folks right after the person dies while for others, it might be two weeks, two months, two years later, or even never, before they have an acute reaction of grief...
2. Why am I taking my brother's death harder than the rest of the family?
  Question - Allow yourself to grieve in your own unique way – and turn to resources for help if you would find that soothing.
  1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers
Wednesday July 23, 2008
1. How do I deal with my grandfather's death two years ago?
  Answer - If you still cry when you think of your grandfather, it's probably because he was very dear to you, so his death hurts a lot. It?s not unusual for grieving to last quite a while, especially if there are unresolved feelings about the person who has died, or how they died, or the circumstances surrounding their deaths...
2. When is it expected for a living spouse to be come social again?
  Answer - Grief is so unique that it would be unfair and impossible to suggest a one-size-fits-all answer to your question. And many variables play into a living spouse?s readiness to interact socially. For example, if the living spouse is still working or has a regular stint as a volunteer, he or she may feel...
3. How do I get over the pain of unexpectedly losing my 30 year-old daughter?
  Answer - There are those who say that the loss of a child is the most difficult of all, so it makes sense that you are experiencing incredible pain. In fact, most grieving parents would probably say that you never completely get past a pain like this. The challenge is to learn to live with your pain, and trust that it will become less intense over time...
4. How do we deal with my father-in-law's denial that his wife is dying?
  Answer - Unless someone else has been authorized to make decisions for your mother-in-law's care in an advance directive or other legal document, doctors will look to your father-in-law for decisions about her care, and it sounds as if he is not ready to let her go.
5. How can I comfort my dying mother who is still holding on for dear life?
  Answer - Your predicament brings The Serenity Prayer to mind. Many people in powerless situations, whatever their view of religion or whether they embrace any religion at all, report that simply repeating this prayer to themselves offers some solace: ?
6. How do I deal with my grandfather's death two years ago?
  Question - Anger and sadness are natural feelings following the death of someone dear. But there are steps you can take to ease their sting.
  1 Expert Answer
7. How do I get over the pain of unexpectedly losing my 30 year-old daughter?
  Question - Enduring life after a death sometimes means actively living with the pain of grief rather than trying to get over it.
  1 Expert Answer