Elizabeth Shean

Caring.com contributing editor

About

Elizabeth Shean is Registered Nurse and professional writer who won the 2010 Online Journalism Award for "Best Commentary/Blogging." In "Dad Has Dementia," she chronicled her all-too-brief journey of caring for her dad as he rapidly declined and died.

Recently Published on Caring.com

  1. Friday September 17, 2010

    1. Week 36: What Now? What Next?

      Blog Post - Five weeks after Dad died, Mom moved to New Mexico to be near me. Through serendipity and the kindness of a stranger, we were able to find her a patio home just four blocks from our house. I'm grateful for how things have worked out, because while Mom lives 'independently,' the truth is she needs help with everything but her activities of daily living... 36 Comments

  2. Friday September 10, 2010

    1. Week 35: Nothin's Gonna Change My World

      Blog Post - I'm normally off on Mondays, and so, every weekend after Dad died, I drove north to Mom's house on Saturday – packed, packed, packed her belongings – and then returned home on Monday. We had three weekends to dispose of 30 years' worth of accumulated tchotchkes, family heirlooms, photos, and everythrything else... 7 Comments

  3. Friday September 03, 2010

    1. Week 34: Is This Normal?

      Blog Post - About a week after the funeral, I lit a Caring Candle here at the Caring.com website in tribute to Dad. It felt good to see that little flame and know it would burn for him forever – at least, forever in my heart. 13 Comments

  4. Thursday August 26, 2010

    1. Week 33: What Does Grief Look Like?

      Blog Post - My car rolls down I-25, southbound, the freeway bending behind me like a long black ribbon in the rear-view mirror. I try to focus on the road, but having driven this route nearly 75 times in my life, it’s difficult to concentrate. I’m returning home after helping my mom pack up the family home, in in preparation for her move to my state... 14 Comments

  5. Friday August 20, 2010

    1. Week 32: Goodbye and Farewell

      Blog Post - My brother arrived the day after Dad died. We went down to the mortuary together to view the body. 12 Comments

  6. Friday August 13, 2010

    1. Week 31: Go Ahead and Grieve, but Make It Snappy

      Blog Post - My sister and I sat with Dad's body for quite a while after he passed away. We smoothed his hair and kissed his forehead. It bothered me that his nose hairs were sticking out, so the hospice nurse trimmed them for us. I rubbed his bad leg almost continuously, caressing it. My sister shared stories, humorous ones, about him... 12 Comments

  7. Friday August 06, 2010

    1. Week 30: Just Like That, It's Over

      Blog Post - I thought Dad would live for years with dementia and that our caregiving journey was just beginning. But suddenly, just 10 months after being diagnosed, my dad lies comatose on a hospital bed in my dining room, seemingly near death. 46 Comments

  8. Friday July 30, 2010

    1. Week 29: Hospice Showdown

      Blog Post - I'm so angry. 20 Comments

  9. Friday July 23, 2010

    1. Week 28: Is This the Way Hospice Is Supposed to Work?

      Blog Post - Many people think of hospice as a place. In fact, hospice is a mode of treatment that can be done anywhere. In the U.S., in accordance with Medicare guidelines, all initial hospice treatment is performed in the home. Only the 'actively dying' or those with uncontrolled symptoms qualify for in-patient hospice care at a facility... 25 Comments

  10. Friday July 16, 2010

    1. Week 27: Suddenly, Dad Is Dying

      Blog Post - It's going to be difficult to summarize this in 500 words or less, so bear with me. 34 Comments

  11. Friday July 09, 2010

    1. Week 26: Taking Stock

      Blog Post - This is week 26 of our odyssey in home care for my father. For six months, we (my husband, Lee, and I) have taken care of all of Dad's needs. I want to take a moment to reflect on how things are going. 29 Comments

  12. Monday July 05, 2010

    1. Today I Declare My Independence From...

      Community Discussion - ...caregiver guilt. On this 4th of July, 2010, I declare I will no longer feel guilty for: 1. Making Dad do things (like bathe!) that he doesn't necessarily want to do; 2. Occasionally letting things slip through the cracks (like clipping his fingernails); and 3. Taking time away from Dad in order to nurture my own needs...

  13. Friday July 02, 2010

    1. Week 25: Disinherited. Sort of.

      Blog Post - Last weekend, I drove six hours to the family home in order to help my mother clear out all the junk she won't be keeping after she sells the house and moves closer to me. I didn't exactly expect it to be a pleasant weekend, but the depths of the unpleasantness shocked even me. 16 Comments

  14. Friday June 25, 2010

    1. Week 24: What Do We Tell Dad?

      Blog Post - Tonight Dad shuffled into the kitchen for his nighttime cereal ritual. He was wearing an incontinence brief on top of his pajama bottoms. I didn't bother to say anything about this because it only would have caused him unneeded stress. And, besides, what difference does it make, really, if his brief is inside or outside of his pants... 12 Comments

  15. Friday June 18, 2010

    1. Week 23: The Self-Pity Edition

      Blog Post - Did I mention I never had children? 18 Comments

  16. Friday June 11, 2010

    1. Week 22: Dad Is Bad for My Waistline

      Blog Post - Things have been a bit heavy lately. Let's lighten up. 6 Comments

  17. Friday June 04, 2010

    1. Week 21: What About Mom?

      Blog Post - The Saturday before Memorial Day, Lee and Dad and I made a pilgrimage to the national cemetery, where both Lee's parents and his brother are buried. We laid flowers at their graves and spent some time mourning them and celebrating their lives. 15 Comments

  18. Friday May 28, 2010

    1. Week 20: Power Struggles

      Blog Post - As I look back over these past 20 weeks of blogging, one thing becomes clear: I'm having a lot of trouble finding the positives in taking care of Dad at home. So far, I've talked about the expense of taking him in, my worries and anxieties, my anger. And that's just the tip of the iceberg... 19 Comments

  19. Friday May 21, 2010

    1. Week 19: Pill Problems

      Blog Post - This caregiving gig is hard. No, it's beyond hard. It exacts a toll in ways too numerous to list. From the physical demands of caring for another person to the frequent blows to one's self-esteem, caregiving must top of the list of most challenging jobs. 21 Comments

  20. Friday May 14, 2010

    1. Week 18: First, We Make a Hole in the Dirt

      Blog Post - Today, Dad and I are planting flowers in containers. I've purchased more ceramic pots and annuals this year than ever before in my life because gardening has always been one of Dad's passions – and because container gardening is one of the few activities he can still do. 4 Comments

  21. Friday May 07, 2010

    1. Week 17: Cautiously Optimistic

      Blog Post - In the end, it wasn't so bad. 4 Comments

  22. Friday April 30, 2010

    1. Week 16: Time to Call in the Cavalry

      Blog Post - Since before Dad moved in with us, Lee and I have been certain of one thing: We wouldn't be able to care for him by ourselves forever. The question that has arisen frequently over the ensuing four months has been, "How will we know when it's time to hire a caregiver?" 11 Comments

  23. Friday April 23, 2010

    1. Week 15: Big Girls Do Cry

      Blog Post - There are so many times – and so many reasons – I feel like crying. 11 Comments

  24. Friday April 16, 2010

    1. Week 14: How Can Life in the Slow Lane Be So Hectic?

      Blog Post - The past Monday was a typical one. I had two morning appointments, plus I needed to get Dad to the lab for a blood draw, and I figured we'd have lunch out, as well. It doesn't sound like much, does it? Yet it kept us on the go from dawn until nearly 2:00 in the afternoon. Here's how. 10 Comments

  25. Friday April 09, 2010

    1. Week 13: To Remember Is to Understand

      Blog Post - A couple of weeks ago, my brother came to visit from out of state. Dad delighted in visiting with his only son, and we all were glad this could happen while Dad still remembers who Jerry is. One evening, Jerry suggested we all have dinner at a new Chinese restaurant in the neighborhood. 7 Comments