David Solie

Caring.com Expert

About

David Solie is the author of How to Say It to Seniors and a member of the advisory board of Caring.com.

Recently Published on Caring.com

1. Monday July 14, 2008

   1. How do my sister and I come to an agreement about whether my parents should move to an assisted living facility?

      Answer - The struggle between siblings over their aging parents never comes down to right or wrong. It always involves a clash of agendas that quickly degenerates into a battle of wills. In most cases, both adult children have a valid point of view about how to deal with their aging parents. In my experience, the best place to start is by talking with your parents...

2. Wednesday June 11, 2008

   2. My mother needs help but is unwilling to accept it. What should I do?

      Answer - At some point, our loved ones' choices seem to go from bad to worse. We see our parents spinning out of control and we know we are the only thing that stands between them and a disaster. We do for them what they did for us when we were in their care. We move them decisively out of harm's way. Often it is not appreciated...

3. Monday April 07, 2008

   3. How can I help my demanding father -- without neglecting the rest of my life?

      Answer - When older adults give up their primary living environment, they feel out of control. Even if the new facilities and support staff are ideal, it may not ease the psychological discomfort that being in a new space can create. For most elderly adults, their primary living environment represents the last area of control they have in a world of mounting losses...

   4. My mom asked to be moved to assisted living, and now she is miserable. What can I do?

      Answer - Most of us are not prepared for the rapid deterioration that aging parents often experience when they leave their primary residence. Even if they pre-approve the move, there Is no guarantee that, once it happens, they won't have a powerful negative reaction...

4. Sunday November 18, 2007

   5. Why does my father refuse to sell his car after having his license pulled by the DMV?

      Answer - People face an unimaginable number of losses as they age -- including the loss of their closest friends and relatives, their physical vitality, and their independence. It's understandable that, confronted with so much loss, elderly people often try to hold tight to the areas of life where they still maintain some control...

5. Monday September 10, 2007

   6. Why does my mother talk about health issues -- in excruciating detail?

      Answer - It's common for elderly people to talk about health and illness -- and just as common for their children to be exasperated by these discussions.

6. Sunday September 09, 2007

   7. What's the best gift I can give my dying mother?

      Answer - If your mother is up to it, you should certainly celebrate her birthday, but that doesn't mean you need to shower her with gifts or goodies.

   8. How can I convince my dying mother to write a "goodbye" letter to her grandchildren?

      Answer - It would be wonderful for your children to have a letter from their grandmother. A simple, honest expression of her values, her reflections on her life, and her hopes for her grandchildren would be a gift they'd always treasure. But if you suggested the idea to your mother and she refused, there's probably little point in trying to persuade her...

   9. Now that my mom is in a nursing home, how can I make the most of my one-hour visits with her?

      Answer - It's often difficult for adult children to adjust to the changes in their relationship with an elderly parent, but it's especially difficult when the parent has dementia. As hard as it is to reconcile your mom today with the dynamic, take-charge person you once knew, she's still your mother, and she needs you now more than ever... 1 Comment