Common Family Conflicts Questions

1. What rights do I have to see my father?

   Practically speaking, your best chance to visit with your father will be to try to smooth things over with your sister. It sounds as if the two of you are on a rocky path—and in truth, may never see eye to eye or become buddies. But she may be able to be convinced that you have your father’s best int...
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2. Can I cash a small check made out to my parents, who are both deceased?

   Unfortunately, you can’t cash the check made out to your parents now that they are deceased—even if you were named as the agent in their powers of attorney, and even if those powers went into effect during their lifetimes.
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3. Who is responsible for my ex's care?

   There are filial responsibility laws in just over half the states that specify that adult children are legally responsible for providing necessities such as food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention if their parents are indigent, which may or may not apply in your situation.
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4. if my mother and father are legally married but separated, do they still remain legally obligated to each other?

   These possibilities do not depend on your parents’ marital status.
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5. How do I cope living with an aging parent?

   You're in a difficult situation, but don't wait until you develop an ulcer to do something about it. Your mother has no right to make you unhappy in your own home, and you need to let her know that her behavior is unacceptable. In a quiet moment, sit down with your mother and in a nonconfrontational way, tell her how you feel...
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6. How can I deal with my increasingly embarrassing mother in public?

   Let's start by addressing your mother's health. Anytime you notice a striking shift in someone's behavior, particularly an elderly person's, you should rule out medical issues. It's easy to forget about medical issues, because they're often invisible. If your mother has not had a full medical exam recently, see if you can arrange for one...
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7. Do you have any suggestions for helping my 13 year old deal with his grandmother's dementia?

   Make sure your son understands what Alzheimer’s disease is. Kids often fear they can catch it like you can catch a cold. One way to help him understand memory loss: Tell him that his grandmother's brain is experiencing what happens when he forgets to click on "save" when he's working on a document o...
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8. What can I do if my family decides not to notify me of my loved one's hospitalization?

   It depends. What has happened among you and your family members so that they don't want you to know about your loved one's hospitalization?
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9. Are brain aneurysms hereditary?

   The likelihood of you having a brain aneurysm if one of your family members has one is rare, unless the aneurysm is caused by a hereditary disorder like polycystic kidney disease. Current recommendations state that if two or more family members (first degree relatives) have a aneurysm, then other family members should get screened with an MRI...
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10. How do we deal with an angry FIL?

    I only have part of the story, so I am going to have to make a couple of assumptions. The first is that his concerns are not accurate; your husband is not doing any of the things your father in law is suggesting. If that is the case, your father in law is struggling with delusions, a form of psychosis in which someone has fixed, false beliefs...
    1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

11. Can paid family caregivers be fired?

    It is not unusual for families to differ about how to provide optimal caregiving for older family members. An important first step in resolving such differences it to fully understand each person’s opinion. In this instance it could mean completely understanding the executer’s concerns and doing wha...
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12. How do I best handle being paid as a caregiver for my grandparents with regard to Medicaid lookback and taxes?

    When deciding someone's eligibility for nursing home care, Medicaid looks at large or regular payments the Medicaid applicant has made during the previous five years. The point of this is to prevent people from giving away or hiding assets in order to qualify for Medicaid...
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13. Do we have to pay taxes on the money Mom pays me to take care of her?

    If your mother pays you money to act as her caretaker, this is taxable income and should be reported as income on your income tax return. It is not necessary for your mother to report anything to the IRS or do any income tax withholding if you are considered an independent contractor...
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14. If my father pays me to care for him, does Medicaid consider that sheltering money?

    In general, the answer is yes, Medicaid look-back rules allow your father to pay a family member for caregiving, as long as you or your sister actually do the caregiving and the amount your father pays is reasonable for the work you do. (By the way, although you didn't mention it, it seems that you're...
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15. Are there any classes I can take to become a better family caregiver?

    Because you are in a situation with such specific disease and disability needs, classes for family caregivers means for you tackling these from a variety of sources. I’ll get to those in a minute, but it seems to me that you really ought to get a geriatric assessment as well, so someone in your commmmunity...
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16. As an only child, do I have a legal responsibility to take care of my father?

    NO! Fortunately, none of us have a legal responsibility to provide care for our parents. We must provide for our children but not our parents.
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17. Can I get my house back after deeding it to my children?

    There is no legal or financial answer for the worst of what you’re feeling now: anger and frustration and hurt over what feels like your sons’ mean-spirited refusal to give you the help you need. This perception may extend to more than their refusal to deed back the house to you, so you would be wel...
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18. Is it necessary for my parents' name to be on all accounts that handle their finances?

    It sounds as if you are in the lucky and somewhat rare position of being in a family in which the members are able to work together well and with understanding. So there is a chance that you could mange the condo rental and banking without a question and without a hitch.
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19. Financially I can't care for Mom. So what happens if I refuse to accept her from nursing home discharge?

    There are several places you can turn to for help in resolving the difficult dilemma of finding a place that can provide the care your mother needs. But the search may require some time, effort, and patience.
    1 Expert Answer, 15 Community Answers

20. Is my family avoid Mom because she has Alzheimer's disease?

    It's very hard for your family to feel so isolated because of Alzheimer's. Sadly, people who used to be your mother’s friends, as well as her own siblings, are ignoring her. Unfortunately Alzheimer’s disease is still greatly misunderstood. Many people are uneasy around someone with deme...
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