Common Behaviors and Problems Questions

1. Is it common for someone with dementia to wear several layers of clothes?

   It is not at all uncommon for people with dementia to be confused about clothes. Some will add layers on top of layers, skirts on top of slacks, brassieres over sweaters, or several shirts on top of each other. Some will wear the same clothes for days or weeks, unless someone intervenes...
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2. Is my aunt with Alzheimer's forgetting how to breathe?

   It is quite logical to feel that someone with Alzheimer's (AD) might eventually forget how to breathe as each bodily system slowly begins to shut down. The important thing is that you have done what is necessary to clarify the cause of your aunt's shortness of breath - you have sought professional medical advice...
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3. How can I handle my mother when she has hallucinations while saying she wants to "go home"?

   Hallucinations and wanting to go home are common symptoms experienced by people with dementia. You don’t mention if your mother was diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer’s.
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4. How can we tell if my father in law has Alzheimer's or if he's just lonely?

   Telling the difference between Alzheimer's (AD) and loneliness can be a tough task for families. It does seem like a guessing game especially if his behavior varies from day to day. Although signs of depression can certainly mimic some of the hallmarks of AD, there are major differences...
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5. What's the Best Way to Handle My Mother's Accusations That My Father Is Having an Affair, When He's Been Faithful to Her for the Forty Years They've Been Married?

   1. Never argue. Arguing with a person with dementia is always fruitless and will only result in increasing everyone’s stress.
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6. Why do people with Alzheimer's rummage and what activities can help curb this behavior?

   Alzheimer's and rummaging is often seen. There could be a few reasons for this. First, the person may have started to look for something, then forgot what they were looking for. They may continue look, hoping to trigger what it was they were looking for. Second, they may have an old memory being triggered that they feel they should act on...
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7. How can I get my mother to remember that my sister and I are visitng her home, not the other way around?

   WOW! First of all, I want to complement you on the heroic effort you and your family are putting into your parents' care. Please don't be so hard on yourself Debbie but try instead to focus on the monumental task of caring that you have been successfully managing for a very long time...
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8. Would a person with Alzheimer's Disease ever hurt their own pet?

   I think your worries are warranted. It sounds as though your client is no longer able to care for her dog. On behalf of the dog, my concerns are twofold: your client may no longer be aware of its needs, i.e. when it needs to go out or what, when and how much to feed it...
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9. How can I get my mother to accept her Alzheimer's diagnosis?

   I responded to an almost identical query in this column last month and am 'borrowing' some of that answer in reponse to your very familiar question. You sound like a wonderful daughter trying to do all the right things to make this experience as positive as possible. The problem is - it is not always possible...
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10. Why is my mother with dementia acting so strangely?

    My heart goes out to you. Sadly, I know what you're going through because like you, I'm providing care and oversight for my 90-year old mother who has mid-to-late stage Alzheimer's.
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11. How do you cope with time confusion in dementia patients?

    Alzheimer patients often become disoriented to time. Despite being able to read the clock, they may ask repeatedly what time it is and, as you said, misperceive the 'passing' of time. When they leave the house, they may immediately want to return or when waiting just a few minutes at a doctor's appointment, they may complain they have been waiting for hours...
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12. How can I help my father with Alzheimer's disease be less aggressive with my husband?

    It sounds like you and your husband are in a difficult situation. However, Alzheimer's aggression with a loved one can be analyzed to look for triggers and there are strategies that can be tried.
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13. How should I handle my mom with Alzheimer's when she is acting rudely towards me?

    In trying to be the best caregivers, many of us don’t realize when we’re overdoing it. It can be very stressful always to be on the receiving end of kindness. Most of us need purpose; we need something to do.
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14. How can I get sleep when my husband is up all night?

    I’m sorry to hear that your husband’s symptoms of nighttime activity have increased and are now impacting your health as his caregiver. I will assume that your husband has dementia, since you indicated your awareness that other dementia patients show similar behavior.
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15. How can you keep someone with Alzheimer's from sleeping all day?

    Hearing that an Alzheimer (AD) person is sleeping most of the day is quite common. This 'sleepiness' most likely stems from one of two major sources: 1. Boredom - Keeping an AD person busy doing meaningful activities, tasks, and chores helps maintain a more wakeful state during the day...
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16. How do I deal with my husband's difficult behavior around his incontinence?

    This must be so upsetting and exhausting for you. It certainly sounds as if you have done everything possible to make dealing with the incontinent issue as practical and simple as possible. While some medical-supply companies are now making 'male' incontinent briefs with a fly in the front to help eliminate...
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17. How can I get my husbands old friends to visit him?

    Maintaining relationships with friends, and even at times with ones family support system, can be a challenge for Alzheimer caregivers. If the disease has progressed beyond an early stage and the person's communication is impaired, others may withdraw because they feel helpless...
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18. Should we tell my mother-in-law with Alzheimer's that we are taking her on a trip?

    You sound very perceptive when you say "every time she is asked to go somewhere she refuses". Often, when you tell an Alzheimer patient about a future event or ask if they would like to go somewhere, they usually answer that way....or they suffer such anxiety that they keep asking, "Where are we going...
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19. Is my mother's Alzheimer's causing her to have trouble swallowing and eating?

    Unfortunately, with Alzheimer's disease, people slowly decline in all the normal mental functions, like talking, walking and eating. This is the progressive nature of the disease. Your mother has developed dysphagia, otherwise known as difficulty swallowing. Swallowing is actually a very complex multi-step process...
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20. Who do I talk to at Mom's nursing home about concerns regarding her care?

    The middle stages of dementia, where it sounds to me your mother may be, are among the most challenging. Behaviors like the ones you are describing are the norm and can be very concerning and upsetting to family who see such a stark contrast to the person they knew before the disease...
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