Understand the prognosis.

The diagnosis tells you the type of cancer your parent has, while the prognosis tells you how far advanced the cancer is (the stage) and how likely it is to respond to treatment. This can be a difficult subject, but getting the doctor to tell you exactly what he expects to happen (as much as he can anticipate) will help you choose a plan of treatment and decide whether it's working or whether it's time to consider other options. As a caregiver, you’ll find yourself with many questions about prognosis as treatment progresses, especially when it comes to what milestones to look for and how to know whether the treatment is effective.

Get a second opinion.

No matter how much you respect your parent's doctors, there will be times when it's important to get another perspective. But how do you find the right expert to ask? And, since this can be a tricky subject to bring up with your parent's doctor, how do you discuss it without causing tension or problems in your relationship with him? Even more important, you'll want to know how to work the system to get a second opinion quickly, cutting through the red tape.

Understand your parent's health coverage.

Almost immediately, questions about insurance coverage will come up as you research treatment. How do you find out what's covered and what's not? You may need to know, for example, which doctors, labs, and facilities your parent's insurance company considers "in network," particularly if it's an HMO or PPO system. You'll probably also need to understand your parent's prescription drug coverage. If your parent is still employed, his company's human resources manager may be able to help you with these questions. If it's a private policy, an agent can help. And most HMOs have a business office that can pull up your parent's policy on the computer and tell you what it covers and what it doesn't. Finally, the government's Medicare website may be able to answer some questions, though it can be difficult to navigate.

Get access to the information you need.

You'll want your parent's doctor to talk to both your parent and you about the diagnosis, recommended treatment, and prognosis. But hospital and insurance rules and regulations, as well as doctor-patient privilege, can sometimes get in the way. For full access, you'll need several legal documents. Start with a medical power of attorney and a document called a HIPAA authorization. This will enable your parent's doctor to release test results and other information to you when your parent is not available, and will let you easily obtain copies of medical records you may wish to look at or share with other providers.

Get a signed advanced healthcare directive.

You'll be making key decisions about your parent's care, and in order to do so you need to know what she wants. This can involve asking some difficult questions about lifesaving measures, such as whether your parent wishes to be resuscitated with electrical stimulation or kept alive with artificial respirators or feeding tubes. That's why you need an advanced healthcare directive, which allows your parent to spell out the level of medical intervention she's comfortable with.

Ask for help.

Taking care of a parent with cancer is a big job, and you can't do it all alone and shouldn't be expected to. It's a good thing, then, that family members, friends, neighbors, and other members of your community or church can help. It's just a question of turning their concern and desire to participate into concrete action. The more specific your requests, the more helpful the responses will be.