To get started, you'll need to decide what bathing method your mom needs. The three main options are the shower, the tub, or a bed bath.

What works best for your mom will depend on her health, mobility, mental state, and strength. Consult with her medical team to come up with a plan. Get all the input you can to make your job easier. It can be very helpful to hire a home health nurse for a onetime bathing crash course.

Consider her balance and ability to stand; any joint stiffness and pain she experiences when bending, sitting, or reaching; whether she has sufficient fine motor skills to use soap or a washcloth; her sensitivity to water temperature, which can decrease with age; the presence of sores or wounds; and her mental state. People with Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia can experience severe anxiety around taking their clothes off or getting wet. Alzheimer's can also affect depth perception, making people fear the bathtub, thinking it's a void.

"In every situation, you need to evaluate before you do anything. It's really pretty easy to do," says Balestreri. "Sometimes it's a day-by-day thing, and by the end of the week you have all the body parts clean. You never want to force it."

If your mom's in pretty good shape, she may be able to shower largely by herself with you there as a kind of spotter. Stay on the sidelines to allow her privacy and independence, but within easy reach in case of an emergency. Bring a newspaper or book, but be on the alert. If she protests, explain that it's better to be safe than sorry, and you're there "just in case." Don't let her talk you out of staying. Bathing accidents are all too common for elderly people, and most are preventable.

If your mother is extremely frail, she may need to be bathed in bed, a process called a bed or sponge bath. There are different techniques, but the basics involve washing and rinsing with washcloths.

For other weak elders, sitting in the tub or on a shower seat is the most comfortable and practical way to bathe. The shower is preferable, as it's much easier to get in and out of than a tub.