10. "This book will help you lose weight."

Variations: "Have you tried Weight Watchers?" "I read about this new diet. . . ."

Why it's unhelpful: Even concrete weight-loss advice can sound like meddling and judging. "It's tricky,' Geneen Roth says. "You can't say 'Here, read these books,' because the person perceives it as you trying to control them. And here I'm an author saying this!"

Better: It's usually best not to discuss food and diet even indirectly. "It's never about the food," says Roth. "If you focus on the food, the person will have her antennae out. She'll think, 'What you're really saying is I shouldn't have so many mashed potatoes.'"

Instead, support a loved one's efforts to change her life for the better by helping her manage stress or loneliness, not tempting her, and by doing what you can to improve your own health. "People respond to love and caring, not judging and shame," Roth says.