Once your dad is seated, soap and rinse one section of the body at time with a washcloth. Save the privates, or perineal areas, for last. Start with the neck and shoulders, then wash the arms and hands, moving down the body to the hips, legs, and feet. Clean between any folds of skin where bacteria tend to bloom, a particular issue if your dad is overweight.

Explain what you're doing. Be quick, be matter-of-fact, and explain as you go. "Just the fact that he can't do it for himself can be very degrading and humiliating. If you explain and tell him what's happening, it gives him a sense of control. You try to take the fear level down," says Balestreri.

Supply pleasant distractions. Does your dad have a favorite singer, type of music, talk radio host, or television show? Try putting one of these on in the background. Friendly conversation or just hearing you talk can also help. Chat about sports, the weather, or the goings-on of relatives. Distractions are especially helpful when you're washing private areas or tickly spots. There's no getting around the fact that bathing is an extremely intimate experience. But you can downplay the intimacy, which in turn can make you more relaxed.

Make cleaning his bottom easier. The rear end can be tricky because you'll need to reach under. Have your dad lean forward as much as he can. You'll want to give his rectal area a thorough soap and rinse, since, as much as you may not like thinking about these things, elderly people aren't always efficient at wiping after using the toilet. Do this as fast as you can, chatting about sports or the stock market as a distraction.

Wash the genitals last, and respect his modesty. The modesty issue can be ultrasensitive for you and your dad, and even more so if you're a daughter. A few ways to ease this awkwardness: place a towel over your dad's lap in the bath seat, or, if he's standing, keep a wrapped towel around his waist. Lift it only when you're washing underneath. Avert your eyes as much as you can. Do the front crotch area first. Wash under his penis and testicles. A quick one-two will do the trick; you don't need to scrub.

Don't be alarmed if he has an erection. Speaking of things you may not like to think about when bathing your dad, it's possible he'll get an erection. This happens more with Alzheimer's or dementia patients who are simply responding to being touched and have no sense of the context. It's less common among family members. Keep in mind, though, that if it happens, that's life, and it's nothing you or your dad did wrong. Keep the towel over his lap and move to a different body area. If your dad is drawing attention to it, tell him sternly it isn't appropriate. Skip the genitals this day or, if the erection goes away, return to the area for a quick wash.

If being bathed continues to upset your dad, talk to his doctor. Some people with Alzheimer's and dementia are terrified of water and of being naked, adding up to a nightmarish bathing situation. They violently resist bathing. If you're at your wits' end, talk to your dad's doctor. He might recommend antianxiety medications, which can reduce your dad's stress.