If the person with Alzheimer's is unwilling to stop driving when it is apparent to others that it is necessary, then someone needs to step in and make the decision for him. It is generally more emotionally difficult for men to stop driving than for women. You can't talk the person out of his reactions, which are totally understandable from his perspective, even though they may be painful for you to tolerate. You need to listen with empathy and an open heart to the effect of this loss on this person.
You may feel guilty for having to take the steps necessary to assure that the person with dementia stops driving, but it may be a matter of life and death and the decision should not be avoided.
It may be easier for a respected professional, such as the doctor, or family friend to inform the person of the end of his driving career. This may feel more comfortable to the family who will be the receivers of the feelings of anger, loss, and even betrayal from the person with dementia. But if necessary you may have to hide the keys, disable or even sell the car to prevent the person from driving.
Some caregivers continue to let a person with dementia drive because they have never learned how and don't want to feel trapped at home. If there are no good alternatives you may have to learn to drive, which may feel frightening to you, especially if you have been reluctant to do so for many years. On the other hand, it may be empowering to acquire a new skill. It will be safer than relying on the person with dementia to drive you. You may not have been considering relocation, but if there are no reliable and convenient means of transportation available to you, you may need to take this step.
Buddy, I hear that. I'm seeing this coming at me soon. Personally, I'm depending on my faith in Christ to help me get through what I know is coming. I worked with a man whose wife had AD, who was struggling to keep her at home. On one bad day, I told him, "Remember that it's only her brain that's malfunctioning, not her mind. When you both stand in Heaven, she will be so glad, and so proud of you, that you stuck by her all the way." You're doing a hero's work, friend. That is no exaggeration.
I can see that this is going to be a big one. The thought of losing your driver's license is terrifying. Almost all social activities and events require driving to them. I won't hesitate, but I'm not happy about the prospect of having to cause this.
After 3 doctors in the past year told her it wasn't safe for her to drive and she refused to stop driving, I took the keys last month when I drove her up to stay with us temporarily. The same doctors also felt she should not live alone either after a couple of trips to the hospital and physical therapy. She sometimes waits by my bedroom door just argue with me. She drove the car last week after she found another set of keys and hit someting hard enough to put a hole in the sidewall of the front tire. She doesn't remember hitting anything, so she doesn't believe she did the damage. She says she has been independant all her life and give it a rest. Her arguments are affecting my wife and step-son, too. I am the only child so there is no one else to really help.