Quick summary
While the chaos of moving day may be thrilling for a young couple buying their first place, your parents may feel sad or anxious as they say good-bye to the family home. For older people, relocation often represents a profound loss of control. That's why it's so important to make moving day as painless as possible.
Back to TopThe keys to a successful move
The key to a smooth move is to do as much as possible in advance -- to avoid chaos on the day itself -- and to be prepared to handle emotional baggage as well as the kind the movers will be hauling. Here's how:
Make a floor plan. Measure the new place and the furniture, suggests Nancy Loyd, vice president of the Washington, D.C.-based Busy Buddies, which has shepherded 3,000 seniors through moving day. Spend some time in advance sketching things out after consulting with your parents, so the couch and the dining table don't wind up competing for square footage.
Pare down beforehand. Take the time to go through clothes, books, and dishes well in advance. Getting rid of anything that isn't essential will prevent towers of boxes at the other end -- a safety hazard as well as a nuisance. Busy Buddies recommends shooting for a two-thirds reduction in belongings before the moving truck pulls up.
Consider hiring a senior move manager. This is a rapidly growing field, and many move managers have backgrounds in gerontology, psychology, or social work, so they can help with the emotional as well as the practical aspects of relocation. A good move manager can do everything from helping sort and downsize to setting up the new home. To find one in your area, contact the National Association of Senior Move Managers or check out moveseniors.com for a list of certified relocation and transition specialists across the country.
Find a senior-sensitive mover. "A lot of people think a good mover is one who shows up on time," says Loyd. Your parents deserve to have the bar set a bit higher. A senior-sensitive mover, says Loyd, knows to leave a couple of chairs behind so your parents have something to sit on even as the truck pulls out, to unpack two chairs first at the other end, and to be patient with older folks who may take their time answering questions and making decisions. If you don't have a move manager who can recommend someone, try calling the retirement community your parent is joining -- they should have a list of movers who are familiar with both the floor plan and the demographic.
Make your parents king and queen for a day. The hustle and bustle of moving day can intensify your parents' anxieties that moving will leave them at the mercy of others. Busy Buddies founder and CEO Mary Ann Brewer suggests picturing the chairs your parents are sitting in as thrones and giving them license to boss everyone around (yes, that includes you).
Ask permission. Talk to your parents about how you can help before stepping in -- and stepping on their toes. You may simply want to speed things along, but you can help your parents feel more in control by leaving the decisions, big and small, to them.
Make a memory book or video. Before you pack up, document the home your parents are leaving behind with photos or a video, then make a scrapbook or give them the CD. That way they can carry their memories of their home with them into the next stage of their life.
Let your parents talk. Try not to get impatient if "Where do you want the couch to go?" unleashes a flood of reminiscences about all the passages that sofa has seen. The house your parents are leaving may well be the one in which they raised their family and marked important milestones. Planning ahead means there's room on moving day for processing the emotions that empty rooms may unleash.
Plan a special lunch or outing. If you've given the movers detailed instructions on where to put things, you won't be needed at the other end right away. So after the moving truck pulls out is a good time to duck out for an hour. Give the movers the key and your cell phone number in case of questions, and make plans to meet up with one of your parents' friends at a favorite spot in the old neighborhood. Reminiscing and talking about the future might make the transition easier for your parents.
Or, if a sibling or friend is available to supervise and pay the movers, and your parents prefer to stay out of the fray a little longer, consider a trip to the beauty salon or the barbershop -- moving to a new community can be as nerve-racking as the first day of school, and looking their best may help your parents feel more confident, suggests Nan Hayes of Moveseniors.com.Consider a storage unit. If your parents are reluctant to part with precious belongings, don't let downsizing become a power struggle. Put the things they don't need but can't bear to part with in storage and deal with them later, once the dust has settled. The peace of mind will likely be worth the monthly fee.
Accept all gifts. Even if you've always hated that antique credenza, just say "Thanks, Mom" and put it in the basement. You're solving the space problem today without asking your parent to part with a personal treasure. You can deal with the unwanted furniture later, under less stressful circumstances.
Accept offers of help. If family members or neighbors offer assistance, take them up on it -- on or before moving day, advises Brewer. Tasks that can be delegated include supervising the movers, changing newspaper and magazine subscriptions, getting the mail forwarded, and "adopting" houseplants.
Make sure there's a working phone at the new home. Contact the phone company or retirement community to get phone service (and other utilities, if necessary) up and running in your parents' new place before they move in. If your parents don't have a cell phone, ask the retirement community manager whether it offers cell-phone loaners to new residents until a landline is set up. If not, consider a disposable cell phone. This is a safety issue -- being without a phone, even briefly, leaves older adults vulnerable in case of emergency. (It's best not to have a cell be the only phone on a long-term basis, however, because cell phones may not be able to get through in a widespread emergency such as an earthquake or a tornado.)
Stock the refrigerator. Even if your parents are moving to a place where their meals will be prepared for them, having familiar foods close at hand is comforting.
"Duplicate" the old house. Don't give in to the impulse to rush out and buy your parents a new mattress or sofa, even if you're embarrassed by the condition of the old one. "There's nothing worse than spending your first night in a bed that you're not used to," says Nan Hayes, "unless you've made that decision yourself." Keeping space limitations in mind, spend some time setting up at least a corner or two of the new place to resemble the one your parents left behind.
Do a test run with the stove and the shower. Making sure your parents know how to operate the essentials in their new home lessens the odds of panicked calls later on.
Leave a light on. Waking up in a new environment in the middle of the night can be unsettling and dangerous, especially if boxes are lying around. Encourage your parents to leave a kitchen or bathroom light on until they get used to the layout of the new place.
Make up the bed. Your parents will be exhausted by the end of the day, so make sure this is taken care of before you walk out the door.
Suggest changing the locks. Unless your parents are moving into an assisted-living situation, it's safest to change the locks in a new home. Ask your parents if you can have the locks rekeyed for them, and tell them you'd do the same if you were moving.
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