How can I avoid offending the cancer doctor?

You may be concerned that the doctor will take your request for a second opinion as an expression of doubt or lack of confidence in her skills. Keep in mind that oncologists receive this request very frequently. While some oncologists do resist when patients ask for a second opinion, most are supportive of the idea.

No matter which way the oncologist reacts, all patients have the right to get a second opinion, and you may need to assume the role of advocate for the person in your care to make sure this happens. (For more information on this issue, see "What's the best way to ask for a second opinion on how to treat my mother's breast cancer?")

"Some doctors appreciate it when you want to bring in another expert because then the decision about treatment doesn't rest solely on their shoulders," says Bonnie Bajorek Daneker, author of The Compassionate Caregiver's Guide to Caring for Someone With Cancer. In cases where there's more than one treatment option to choose from, Daneker says, a doctor may welcome having another expert weigh in.

How do I find the right oncologist for a second opinion?

If a patient has been diagnosed with a rare cancer, what you really want is to find an expert in that particular type of cancer. If such an expert is available locally, you should probably switch to that doctor.

If you can only find an expert who is far away, which is likely, the local oncologist may be able to work with him via telephone or e-mail consultations. While this sounds awkward, it can deliver a big payoff.

A specialist may know of a promising treatment that a local oncologist, who hasn't seen many such cases, doesn't know about. And if it's a treatment that's only available in a particular location, it may well be worth traveling for. Bringing in a specialist might also help a patient gain access to a clinical trial if that's a viable option.