Problem #3: The sandwich-generation blues
Taking care of the needs of both an aging parent and kids is a double-whammy for many mid-lifers. What gets squeezed out? You-time, me-time, us-time. When a woman doesn't have time to shave both legs at the same time or a man logs two jobs to make all the ends meet, it’s little wonder their sex life sizzles a lot less than it did in their early days together.
"No matter how devoted you are to all the generations counting on you," Robbins says, "you have to have some opportunities to have your own life."
Problem solvers:
Rely on respite. Respite care provides a set number of hours each day or week when an older person gets out of the house and exposed to professionals who are expert at providing stimulating, interesting activities, both mental and physical. It's also an opportunity to socialize with peers. Using respite care isn’t a bad thing; it's a win-win for everyone.
Reprioritize. Some couples find it helpful to take quarterly inventories of where they are as a team. Go out to dinner with an agenda, and make sure each shares candidly what's working and what's not, and then brainstorm strategies to get on track. The very act of making a commitment to yourselves can be transformative.
Go away together, by yourselves. It can seem hard to get away for a weekend if you can't even find an hour to have sex. But sometimes overstressed couples most need a complete time-out in order to remind themselves (and their bodies) what they're missing. Ask a relative to take over, or patch together on a combination of babysitters and respite.
Don't feel guilty about putting your marriage before others' needs. You have to have a healthy base before all the branches can flourish.
