Once your mom is seated, soap and rinse one section of the body at time with a washcloth. Save the privates, or perineal areas, for last. Start with the neck and shoulders, then wash the arms and hands, moving down the body to the hips, legs, and feet. Clean between any folds of skin where bacteria tend to bloom, a particular issue if your mom is overweight. Lift her breasts to wash under them.

The last section to wash is the privates. The modesty issue can be ultrasensitive for you and your mom, and even more so if you're a son. A few ways to ease this awkwardness: place a towel over your mom's lap in the bath seat, or, if she's standing, keep a wrapped towel around her waist. Lift it only when you're washing underneath. Avert your eyes as much as you can. Do the front crotch area first. A quick one-two of the outer vagina will do the trick; you don't need to scrub.

The rear end can be tricky because you'll need to reach under. Have your mom lean forward as much as she can. You'll want to give her rectal area a thorough soap and rinse, since, as much as you may not like thinking about these things, elderly people aren't always efficient at wiping after using the toilet. Do this as fast as you can, chatting about relatives or world news as a distraction.

Be quick, be matter-of-fact, and explain as you go. "Just the fact that she can't do it for herself can be very degrading and humiliating. If you explain and tell her what's happening, it gives her a sense of control. You try to take the fear level down," says Balestreri.

A few other things enhance the bathing experience. Call these pleasurable distractions. Does your mom have a favorite singer, type of music, talk radio host, or television show? Try putting one of these on in the background. Friendly conversation or just hearing you talk can also help. Chat about the weather or the goings-on of relatives. Distractions are especially helpful when you're washing private areas or tickly spots. There's no getting around the fact that bathing is an extremely intimate experience. But you can downplay the intimacy, which in turn can make you more relaxed.

Finally, some people with Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia are terrified of water and of being naked, adding up to a nightmarish bathing situation. They violently resist bathing. If you're at your wits' end, talk to your mom's doctor. He might recommend antianxiety medications, which can reduce her stress.