Experts agree that it's important to seek support -- both practical and emotional -- to ease the burden on your partner. O'Dell's elderly mother lived with her, her husband, and their three children during the last years of her life. "Don't let caregiving become the bone of contention in your marriage," she says, "and if you do have problems, seek help before it's too late."

What you can do:

• Ask siblings and other family members to take over the caregiving for your relative for a weekend, so you and your partner can get away.
• If a sibling lives far away and can't provide much daily assistance, find out if she can provide some financial help.
• Join a caregiver support group so you'll have regular support and fellowship from others in the same situation. If you can't find a support group in your area, Emel suggests, start your own at a local senior center or care facility.