How to talk to someone about driving safety
By Connie Matthiessen, Caring.com senior editor
- Plan your discussion for a quiet time of day, when you and the driver you're concerned about is relaxed and rested and no one has any deadlines or commitments pending.
- When you introduce the subject, try to avoid coming on too strong, or you'll set the discussion off on the wrong foot. You may feel a keen sense of urgency, but if you jump right in with, "You have to stop driving! You're going to kill someone!" he'll probably either get angry or tune you out.
- Remember that if you've noticed that his driving has grown erratic and sloppy, he's probably aware of it, too. You can be most helpful at this point by helping him express and work through his own concerns.
- A good way to do this is to initiate the discussion with a question. For instance, if you know that he has received a traffic ticket, ask him about it, and then follow up with another question like, "How are you doing with your driving? Are you finding it a little difficult to manage?"
- At this point, he may respond by pointing out all the practical reasons he can't stop driving ("What about my weekly golf game?" or "My wife's physical therapy appointments are clear across town!"). Without directly answering your question about his driving ability, he's already making the case for why he can't stop. This is valuable information because it provides a glimpse of his own internal struggle: He knows that he's having trouble driving safely but can't fathom how he'll manage without a car.
- Encourage him to discuss his concerns without immediately jumping in with solutions ("I'm sure Jack or Stan will be happy to drive you to the golf course." "The bus goes right by the physical therapy office."). It's usually counterproductive to offer reassurances ("Don't worry, It will all work out fine."). Such responses may offer temporary comfort, but they won't help you or him explore the larger issues involved.
- Instead, you can help him express his fears by using "reflective listening," a technique Elizabeth Dugan recommends when talking about driving and other difficult issues with an elderly parent or other older adult. Reflective listening -- which essentially means rephrasing what the person has said -- conveys support and encouragement and helps the speaker gain insight about his experience.
- To use reflective listening in the example above, you could say something like, "Look, I know you're probably worried that giving up driving would mean you have to give up some of your usual activities." This type of response will encourage him to keep talking about his worries and reflect upon them, which is an important step in working through major problems and transitions.
Share:
Recommended for you
- Difficult Conversations: How to Approach Older Adults With Concerns About Their Driving
-
Sponsored Content
- How to Talk to the Elderly
- How to Communicate Better With Someone Who Has Early-Stage Alzheimer's
- What to Do About a Dangerous Senior Driver
- Pain Evaluation Checklist: 10 Ways to Help Your Parent Describe Pain
